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Female To Androgyne


Guest Hilary

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My name is Hilary, and I am 21 years old, and I am almost exactly between the gender binaries, but I consider myself slightly more masculine then feminine. I don't mind female or male pronouns or clothing, and I'm okay with my female body other then my breasts, which I am looking to get removed since I have wanted them to vanish pretty much since I was a kid; they're not part of who I am as a gender.

I don't plan on getting bottom surgery, but I have considered getting a low dose of testosterone, nothing like the injections FtM transgendered people undergo, but just enough to balance my hormones more towards the level I wish for myself; not enough to grow facial hair or anything, but just enough that my testosterone would be fairly equal with my estrogen. I'm not male, but I am definitely masculine.

It's hard to explain, but I've just started considering myself transgendered, though instead of being FtM, I'm FtA (Androgynous). I do not want to be male, but I'm not female either. I am an androgyne. For all my life I have been labeled things like 'tomboy' or a 'man's mind in a woman's body' or similar things, but they never accurately described how I felt inside. Androgyny does.

I've only recently come out, and so far my girlfriend has been amazingly understanding. I could not possibly hope for a better partner in my life. But she doesn't truly understand this gender stuff as she's cisgendered and always will be, so I've been looking online for ages to try and find like-gendered people to talk too. She was actually the one to link me to this site.

I guess I'm just getting discouraged by the seeming lack of androgynous people, or maybe I'm just not looking hard enough? Well, I'll keep posting to sites like this and hope that someone will relate and offer to talk :)

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Guest Elizabeth K

Hey - sounds great! You are what you are and that works!

Actually there are FTA here - I just had not heard it called that. See if some show up - if not, keep posting until you get noticed.

WECOME

Lizzy

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Guest stranger

I've always been different-normal womanhood didn't sit on me well at all. I found boys made easier friends, until hormones struck...then I went all hormonal.

I figured out I liked both sexes(thought I was lesbian, then realized, nah, I like them both)

When I started dating a transwoman-who is now my wife-I questioned my own gender-and decided I was not a man. This initiated my hippie-skirt and long-hair phase, which gradually went away.

This year I decided to assume male "drag" on a news discussion forum...and found it very occupying, to be this male version of myself...then found myself wanting ambiguous genitals very much.

If it was something I could easily have, without hormones or surgery I would like to take hormones because I want bigger muscles and ambiguous genitalia... but sufficient hormones to grow a micropenis would cost me my head hair,surgical methods would cost me my orgasms in all likelihood, and both would cost me lots of $$$.

My boobs are okay-if they shrink due to me getting buff, right on, but my boobs don't bother me physically or mentally... If I start making more-get a better job, I may get some high-impact bras that will hold them in tighter, but other than that...they're small.

I'm actually lucky as biofemale A/G's go all over; my features really are pretty androgyne, save for my enormous hips.

Do you have all sorts of weird obsessions and impulses, or feel like you're going to explode sometimes? or is that just me? I don't quite know what to do about being androgyne. I live in a redneck area of the world, so getting really A/G in appearance is going to make it really hard for me to get a job.

I like how I look now: new, short but female-enough haircut, no makeup, men's clothes, sports bra that keeps 'em down, slacker slouch, eyebrows only minorly kept under control, arms getting bigger.

I definitely don't think like a woman...and not like a man...but I think I think more like a man than a woman...and identify more female than male...right now...but this has all surfaced since June or so.

I'm restraining myself from coming out to more people in my life than my wife before I've given it time...but the more time I give it, the more right I seem to be about it.

I think if I still feel the same way in January, it'll be time to start telling people.

I mean, I've even got a new first name I'm mulling! (had a new last name I've meant to get around to getting for years...but hated my given name too...now glad I waited to do that name change.)

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Guest sarah f

Welcome to Laura's Hilary. I am glad you found the site and decided to join.

When you get a chance take a look at the terms and conditions located at the top of the page. We are a moderated site and keep it pg-13.

I think what you describe is perfectly normal if that is what makes you happy. I don't know about a low dose of T and what side effects it will have on you. You should ask your doctor if they think it will start hair growth. Even if it does start growth you could always get it removed like us MTF.

If you have any questions for us just ask and we will try to help. I look forward to seeing more from you.

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  • Forum Moderator

Welcome to Laura's Hilary!

This is a great place to be yourself and find other people to communicate with who understand your feelings. I believe we have quite a few members who identify as androgynous.

Please post as much as you like and share your questions, experiences and opinions. After 5 posts you'll be able to use the PM system.

Nice to meet you.

John

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I guess I'm just getting discouraged by the seeming lack of androgynous people, or maybe I'm just not looking hard enough? Well, I'll keep posting to sites like this and hope that someone will relate and offer to talk :)

I know how disheartening that can get. Identity is important, being able to relate parts of that identity helps to understand it better. But when no one knows where you're coming from, it feels like a stalemate or a deserted highway. So I'm glad you're here and I do hope you post a lot. ^_^

I identify as androgynous, and I don't want surgery or hormones. It's mostly psychological for me. I'd love to look androgynous, or even more feminine, but that's not gonna happen anytime soon.

Feels like I had a lot more to say, but I can't seem to focus. Welcome!

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Guest Dakota.P

Welcome to the site. Yeah, there aren't very many androgynous people around, but we do exist and you are not alone. If you need someone to talk to, just let me know.

~D

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Hey - sounds great! You are what you are and that works!

Actually there are FTA here - I just had not heard it called that. See if some show up - if not, keep posting until you get noticed.

WECOME

Lizzy

Thank you very much. Yeah, the FtA works for me, so it's what I use.

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I've always been different-normal womanhood didn't sit on me well at all. I found boys made easier friends, until hormones struck...then I went all hormonal.

I figured out I liked both sexes(thought I was lesbian, then realized, nah, I like them both)

When I started dating a transwoman-who is now my wife-I questioned my own gender-and decided I was not a man. This initiated my hippie-skirt and long-hair phase, which gradually went away.

This year I decided to assume male "drag" on a news discussion forum...and found it very occupying, to be this male version of myself...then found myself wanting ambiguous genitals very much.

If it was something I could easily have, without hormones or surgery I would like to take hormones because I want bigger muscles and ambiguous genitalia... but sufficient hormones to grow a micropenis would cost me my head hair,surgical methods would cost me my orgasms in all likelihood, and both would cost me lots of $$$.

My boobs are okay-if they shrink due to me getting buff, right on, but my boobs don't bother me physically or mentally... If I start making more-get a better job, I may get some high-impact bras that will hold them in tighter, but other than that...they're small.

I'm actually lucky as biofemale A/G's go all over; my features really are pretty androgyne, save for my enormous hips.

Do you have all sorts of weird obsessions and impulses, or feel like you're going to explode sometimes? or is that just me? I don't quite know what to do about being androgyne. I live in a redneck area of the world, so getting really A/G in appearance is going to make it really hard for me to get a job.

I like how I look now: new, short but female-enough haircut, no makeup, men's clothes, sports bra that keeps 'em down, slacker slouch, eyebrows only minorly kept under control, arms getting bigger.

I definitely don't think like a woman...and not like a man...but I think I think more like a man than a woman...and identify more female than male...right now...but this has all surfaced since June or so.

I'm restraining myself from coming out to more people in my life than my wife before I've given it time...but the more time I give it, the more right I seem to be about it.

I think if I still feel the same way in January, it'll be time to start telling people.

I mean, I've even got a new first name I'm mulling! (had a new last name I've meant to get around to getting for years...but hated my given name too...now glad I waited to do that name change.)

I get major anxiety over my gender, and I've become passionate about studying gender identity and sexuality. I'm like someone possessed, and it's sort of taken over a large part of my life. I've always been androgynous in appearance and how I dress. I cross dressed in high school, both because I wasn't comfortable with my breasts and because I thought it would help me be more attractive to women. I've grown and matured since then, but that was probably when some part of me first realized that I wasn't your average female teenager.

Your physical appearance sounds a lot like how I am. Short hair, men's clothing and shoes, sports bra's. But I also dress effeminately on occasion, in women's clothing and makeup, sometimes even a dress and heels. But it always feels like I'm dressing in drag, as it makes me really uncomfortable and like I'm trying to be someone I'm not.

Before I realized that what I was had a term, my friends referred to me having a 'man's mind in a woman's body' and physically looking like a 'boy with boobs'. I'm thinking about coming out to my mom this Saturday, see if I can get some family support on top of my girlfriends. This isn't really something new to me, I just have a name for it now, and others like me to talk too :)

Link to comment

Welcome to Laura's Hilary. I am glad you found the site and decided to join.

When you get a chance take a look at the terms and conditions located at the top of the page. We are a moderated site and keep it pg-13.

I think what you describe is perfectly normal if that is what makes you happy. I don't know about a low dose of T and what side effects it will have on you. You should ask your doctor if they think it will start hair growth. Even if it does start growth you could always get it removed like us MTF.

If you have any questions for us just ask and we will try to help. I look forward to seeing more from you.

Thank you very much.

I have, thank you.

I have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday to ask all sorts of questions concerning a mastectomy, hormones, binding, etc. Hopefully he'll be able to give me some answers.

You're very kind, thanks.

Link to comment

Welcome to Laura's Hilary!

This is a great place to be yourself and find other people to communicate with who understand your feelings. I believe we have quite a few members who identify as androgynous.

Please post as much as you like and share your questions, experiences and opinions. After 5 posts you'll be able to use the PM system.

Nice to meet you.

John

Thank you!

I've been lurking a lot, reading other peoples posts. I'm not very social, so it might take me a while to reply, but I generally get around to it eventually.

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I know how disheartening that can get. Identity is important, being able to relate parts of that identity helps to understand it better. But when no one knows where you're coming from, it feels like a stalemate or a deserted highway. So I'm glad you're here and I do hope you post a lot. ^_^

I identify as androgynous, and I don't want surgery or hormones. It's mostly psychological for me. I'd love to look androgynous, or even more feminine, but that's not gonna happen anytime soon.

Feels like I had a lot more to say, but I can't seem to focus. Welcome!

It's so nice to find others that can relate, even if it's only in small ways. Finding sites like this where several people relate completely is so relieving. Lifts a huge weight from me, y'know?

Thank you!

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Welcome to the site. Yeah, there aren't very many androgynous people around, but we do exist and you are not alone. If you need someone to talk to, just let me know.

~D

Thank you very much, I appreciate it. It's so nice to find like-gendered people. I might take you up on your offer whenever I can finally use the PM system. I'm not very social and tend to lurk, so even getting five posts in is turning out to be difficult.

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Guest ~Brenda~

Hi Hilary :)

Welcome to Laura's. Hmmmmm interesting avatar. What is it that you are trying to express with that avatar?

As you can see... we are a transgendered support site. All transgendered people throughout the spectrum are welcome here.

Love

Brenda

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I get major anxiety over my gender, and I've become passionate about studying gender identity and sexuality. I'm like someone possessed, and it's sort of taken over a large part of my life. I've always been androgynous in appearance and how I dress. I cross dressed in high school, both because I wasn't comfortable with my breasts and because I thought it would help me be more attractive to women. I've grown and matured since then, but that was probably when some part of me first realized that I wasn't your average female teenager.

Your physical appearance sounds a lot like how I am. Short hair, men's clothing and shoes, sports bra's. But I also dress effeminately on occasion, in women's clothing and makeup, sometimes even a dress and heels. But it always feels like I'm dressing in drag, as it makes me really uncomfortable and like I'm trying to be someone I'm not.

Before I realized that what I was had a term, my friends referred to me having a 'man's mind in a woman's body' and physically looking like a 'boy with boobs'. I'm thinking about coming out to my mom this Saturday, see if I can get some family support on top of my girlfriends. This isn't really something new to me, I just have a name for it now, and others like me to talk too :)

I can very much relate ^.^ I just started "researching" into transgender things myself and I'm like a dog gnawing at a bone it's become the main focus of my life right now to find out more of who I am then as it's been put "a gay man trapped in a chicks body". Short hair since I was 6, can't be bothered with make up usually unless I'm feeling playful(then it's usually just eyeliner and mascara) mostly a male wardrobe since I could start getting my own. Though at times I have to indulge in a pretty flowy skirt from time to time(at least for an hour)

I have to say, it's nice to meet people who you /know/ understand how you feel on some degree or another ^>^

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Hi Hilary :)

Welcome to Laura's. Hmmmmm interesting avatar. What is it that you are trying to express with that avatar?

As you can see... we are a transgendered support site. All transgendered people throughout the spectrum are welcome here.

Love

Brenda

Hello!

And a friend made it for me in about 5 seconds in SAI because I'm addicted to zombies, mostly Left 4 Dead, though it runs to everything haha. It's the only icon of myself that I actually halfway like, that's not of one of my many persona's and is actually of me. An undead me, but me nonetheless.

Yes, I can't say how wonderful it is to be somewhere that I know I will be heard and accepted as being normal.

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I can very much relate ^.^ I just started "researching" into transgender things myself and I'm like a dog gnawing at a bone it's become the main focus of my life right now to find out more of who I am then as it's been put "a gay man trapped in a chicks body". Short hair since I was 6, can't be bothered with make up usually unless I'm feeling playful(then it's usually just eyeliner and mascara) mostly a male wardrobe since I could start getting my own. Though at times I have to indulge in a pretty flowy skirt from time to time(at least for an hour)

I have to say, it's nice to meet people who you /know/ understand how you feel on some degree or another ^>^

Oh man that's very much how it feels, like gnawing at a big juicy bone and never finding the middle. Gender topics are just so vast and varied! It's amazing.

And yes, definitely! I felt so... lost, before I found this forum.

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Cool Topic

I am learning some things from this exhange. FTA - wow! I feel so 'average' being just your typical MTF... grin!

Lizzy

Aw man, it's not like I'm trying to be 'special snowflake'... It's just a new-ish term for an old idea haha.

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Great term too, I like it. Sometimes it feels like I don't belong because transitioning for me doesn't involve what it does for a transexual. Your term however makes it clear that transitioning is still apart of being transgender, regardless of how far it goes physically.

Don't worry though, Lizzy's awesome and no one can deny it with a straight face.

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  • 1 month later...
  • 1 month later...
Guest Doodlen

Hm. FtA. I never really thought about that. But that describes me pretty good.

I don't feel female, never really have. But while I have a lot of days where I feel like a man, a lot of times I just feel like neither.

You have given me a lot to think about. Thank you. :)

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest JesseY

I can understand the 'man's mind in a woman's body' feeling. I'm a female-bodied androgyne as well, who is more mentally masculine than feminine. I've found I can physically present myself as feminine when I need to (for job-related stuff), but it's just like my mind never seems to align with my appearance, and being feminine becomes like an exercise in passing.

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Guest someone or other

I totally identify with this idea. I feel like the term FtA has a lot of advantages as opposed to just androgyne.

However, I feel like I read something somewhere recently that the term "androgyny" reifies the gender binary in that it is a combination of man and woman? I feel like that doesn't fully encompass the "both and neither" way I like to conceptualize non-binary gender identities.

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  • 4 months later...
Guest Sandy Fisk

Hi all! This is my first post. I am definitely an F to A. Salutations to my fellow Canadian F to As! Manitoba has just started funding SRS AND they are including everyone on the binary spectrum. So as a female bodied androgyne, I can get top surgery, a hysterectomy and hormones to suit my needs.

I never felt comfortable with F to M or androgyne, but F to A fits me to a T. I hope other people who have felt lost in the gender soup can find a home and comfortable identifier in this new term :)

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      So many things become easier when you finally turn that corner and see "you" in the mirror. Shedding the guilt, the fear, the questioning becomes possible - as does self-love - when that person looking back at you, irrespective of what you're wearing, is the real you.   I am so happy for you!! Enjoy the journey and where it leads you.
    • MaeBe
      I'm sure even the most transphobic parents would, too. What does it hurt if a child socializes outside of their family in a way that allows them to understand themselves better? I have encountered a handful of kids do the binary, non-binary, back to binary route and they got to learn about themselves. In the end, there may have been some social self-harm but kids are so darned accepting these days. And really, schools aren't policing pronouns, but the laws that are coming out are making them do so--and in turn requiring a report to a parent that may cause some form of harm to the child.   If the kid wants to lie to, or keep secrets from, their parents about their gender expressions, what does it say about the parents? Perhaps a little socialization of their thoughts will give them the personal information to have those conversations with them? So when they do want to have that conversation they can do so with some self-awareness. This isn't a parent's rights issue, it's about forcing a "moral code" onto schools that they must now enforce--in a way that doesn't appreciably assist parents or provide benefit to children.   So, a child that transitioned at 5 and now in middle/high school that is by all rights female must now go into a bathroom full of dudes? What about trans men, how will the be treated in the girl's restroom? I see a lot of fantasy predator fearmongering in this kind of comment. All a trans kid wants to do in a bathroom is to handle their bodily functions in peace. Ideally there would be no gendered restrooms or, at least, a valid option for people to choose a non-gendered restroom. However, where is the actual harm happening? A trans girl in a boy's room is going experience more harm than a girl being uncomfortable about a trans girl going into and out of a stall.   How about we teach our children that trans people aren't predators who are trying to game the system to eek out some sexual deviancy via loophole? How about we treat gender in a way that doesn't enforce the idea that girls are prey and boys are  predators? How about we teach them trans kids are just kids who want to get on with their day like everyone else?
    • Adrianna Danielle
      I hope so and glad he loves and accepts me for who I am
    • EasyE
      It is sad that we can't have more open and honest dialogue on these types of topics because there is worthy debate for sure. But instead we have become a country where the only goal is to seize political power and then legislate our particular agenda and views of morality.   Remember as you read my thoughts below, that I am transgender. OK? I am pro-trans. I am trans.   But my middle school aged daughter would be extremely uncomfortable using a school bathroom also used by a biological male, as would nearly all of her friends. That side has to be considered. It's not invalidating to a trans youth's experience to take that into account and hash out what is for the common good of as many people as possible. This is reality - one person's gender expression makes others uncomfortable, in all directions. And there is disagreement on the best way to handle these types of things.   Why can't we talk about these things openly, without the inevitable name-calling that follows, and let all sides have their input and work up suitable solutions? (I bet the kids, if left alone, would work up the best solutions)... Instead, we go straight to trying to pass laws, as if we need more of those!   And why wouldn't we want parents to know if their child has decided to change their pronouns? That's a big deal and parents are right to raise that as a concern. I certainly would want to know. Not that we need to legislate this, but I would have a hard time with school administrators who try to hide this from me. They are out of line. This is my child. Whether you like my viewpoints or not, I am the parent. Not the school.    Again, I am pro-trans. I am trans. At the same point, I recognize that validating a transgender individual's gender identity doesn't trump everything else in society. And sometimes I see that creeping into these discussions. Plus, we fight a losing battle if we have to have others' validation. We are never going to get it from everybody. Ever. Not even Jesus got it and He is God himself!   This country can be very beautiful as we each exercise our freedom to be who we are and let others do the same. But my freedom ends where yours begins and vice-versa. That requires self-sacrifice. Sometimes we have to fall back out of respect for others. Sometimes we have to let the parent be the parent even if we disagree with their politics.   My cry in the wilderness is just can we please have more open, honest dialogue where both sides try take the other's views into consideration and quit automatically going the legislative route to criminalize the other side's viewpoints.   Sorry for the rant but sometimes all of this wears me out... deep sigh... 
    • RaineOnYourParade
      Bite by bite, acrobatics in abdomen
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Yesterday when I put that shirt on I saw a woman looking back out of the mirror at me.  Usually I have looked and been very frustrated because I see a man where there should be a woman.  I was expecting to see a man wearing a woman's shirt, but it was a woman wearing a woman's shirt.   On the spectrum between intersex and trans, I am more thinking I am a lot more intersex than trans, and it is only a matter of time before my wife says "you need a bra" and then "you look like a woman!" She told me whatever I want to do is fine with her, she loves me no matter what, and I am thinking that there may be a lot more for her in this than she could possibly expect. I'm not pushing it with her.
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