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Guest Hilary

Female To Androgyne

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Guest Hilary

My name is Hilary, and I am 21 years old, and I am almost exactly between the gender binaries, but I consider myself slightly more masculine then feminine. I don't mind female or male pronouns or clothing, and I'm okay with my female body other then my breasts, which I am looking to get removed since I have wanted them to vanish pretty much since I was a kid; they're not part of who I am as a gender.

I don't plan on getting bottom surgery, but I have considered getting a low dose of testosterone, nothing like the injections FtM transgendered people undergo, but just enough to balance my hormones more towards the level I wish for myself; not enough to grow facial hair or anything, but just enough that my testosterone would be fairly equal with my estrogen. I'm not male, but I am definitely masculine.

It's hard to explain, but I've just started considering myself transgendered, though instead of being FtM, I'm FtA (Androgynous). I do not want to be male, but I'm not female either. I am an androgyne. For all my life I have been labeled things like 'tomboy' or a 'man's mind in a woman's body' or similar things, but they never accurately described how I felt inside. Androgyny does.

I've only recently come out, and so far my girlfriend has been amazingly understanding. I could not possibly hope for a better partner in my life. But she doesn't truly understand this gender stuff as she's cisgendered and always will be, so I've been looking online for ages to try and find like-gendered people to talk too. She was actually the one to link me to this site.

I guess I'm just getting discouraged by the seeming lack of androgynous people, or maybe I'm just not looking hard enough? Well, I'll keep posting to sites like this and hope that someone will relate and offer to talk :)

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Guest Elizabeth K

Hey - sounds great! You are what you are and that works!

Actually there are FTA here - I just had not heard it called that. See if some show up - if not, keep posting until you get noticed.

WECOME

Lizzy

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Guest stranger

I've always been different-normal womanhood didn't sit on me well at all. I found boys made easier friends, until hormones struck...then I went all hormonal.

I figured out I liked both sexes(thought I was lesbian, then realized, nah, I like them both)

When I started dating a transwoman-who is now my wife-I questioned my own gender-and decided I was not a man. This initiated my hippie-skirt and long-hair phase, which gradually went away.

This year I decided to assume male "drag" on a news discussion forum...and found it very occupying, to be this male version of myself...then found myself wanting ambiguous genitals very much.

If it was something I could easily have, without hormones or surgery I would like to take hormones because I want bigger muscles and ambiguous genitalia... but sufficient hormones to grow a micropenis would cost me my head hair,surgical methods would cost me my orgasms in all likelihood, and both would cost me lots of $$$.

My boobs are okay-if they shrink due to me getting buff, right on, but my boobs don't bother me physically or mentally... If I start making more-get a better job, I may get some high-impact bras that will hold them in tighter, but other than that...they're small.

I'm actually lucky as biofemale A/G's go all over; my features really are pretty androgyne, save for my enormous hips.

Do you have all sorts of weird obsessions and impulses, or feel like you're going to explode sometimes? or is that just me? I don't quite know what to do about being androgyne. I live in a redneck area of the world, so getting really A/G in appearance is going to make it really hard for me to get a job.

I like how I look now: new, short but female-enough haircut, no makeup, men's clothes, sports bra that keeps 'em down, slacker slouch, eyebrows only minorly kept under control, arms getting bigger.

I definitely don't think like a woman...and not like a man...but I think I think more like a man than a woman...and identify more female than male...right now...but this has all surfaced since June or so.

I'm restraining myself from coming out to more people in my life than my wife before I've given it time...but the more time I give it, the more right I seem to be about it.

I think if I still feel the same way in January, it'll be time to start telling people.

I mean, I've even got a new first name I'm mulling! (had a new last name I've meant to get around to getting for years...but hated my given name too...now glad I waited to do that name change.)

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Guest sarah f

Welcome to Laura's Hilary. I am glad you found the site and decided to join.

When you get a chance take a look at the terms and conditions located at the top of the page. We are a moderated site and keep it pg-13.

I think what you describe is perfectly normal if that is what makes you happy. I don't know about a low dose of T and what side effects it will have on you. You should ask your doctor if they think it will start hair growth. Even if it does start growth you could always get it removed like us MTF.

If you have any questions for us just ask and we will try to help. I look forward to seeing more from you.

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JJ

Welcome to Laura's Hilary!

This is a great place to be yourself and find other people to communicate with who understand your feelings. I believe we have quite a few members who identify as androgynous.

Please post as much as you like and share your questions, experiences and opinions. After 5 posts you'll be able to use the PM system.

Nice to meet you.

John

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Guest Micha

I guess I'm just getting discouraged by the seeming lack of androgynous people, or maybe I'm just not looking hard enough? Well, I'll keep posting to sites like this and hope that someone will relate and offer to talk :)

I know how disheartening that can get. Identity is important, being able to relate parts of that identity helps to understand it better. But when no one knows where you're coming from, it feels like a stalemate or a deserted highway. So I'm glad you're here and I do hope you post a lot. ^_^

I identify as androgynous, and I don't want surgery or hormones. It's mostly psychological for me. I'd love to look androgynous, or even more feminine, but that's not gonna happen anytime soon.

Feels like I had a lot more to say, but I can't seem to focus. Welcome!

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Guest Dakota.P

Welcome to the site. Yeah, there aren't very many androgynous people around, but we do exist and you are not alone. If you need someone to talk to, just let me know.

~D

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Guest Hilary

Hey - sounds great! You are what you are and that works!

Actually there are FTA here - I just had not heard it called that. See if some show up - if not, keep posting until you get noticed.

WECOME

Lizzy

Thank you very much. Yeah, the FtA works for me, so it's what I use.

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Guest Hilary

I've always been different-normal womanhood didn't sit on me well at all. I found boys made easier friends, until hormones struck...then I went all hormonal.

I figured out I liked both sexes(thought I was lesbian, then realized, nah, I like them both)

When I started dating a transwoman-who is now my wife-I questioned my own gender-and decided I was not a man. This initiated my hippie-skirt and long-hair phase, which gradually went away.

This year I decided to assume male "drag" on a news discussion forum...and found it very occupying, to be this male version of myself...then found myself wanting ambiguous genitals very much.

If it was something I could easily have, without hormones or surgery I would like to take hormones because I want bigger muscles and ambiguous genitalia... but sufficient hormones to grow a micropenis would cost me my head hair,surgical methods would cost me my orgasms in all likelihood, and both would cost me lots of $$$.

My boobs are okay-if they shrink due to me getting buff, right on, but my boobs don't bother me physically or mentally... If I start making more-get a better job, I may get some high-impact bras that will hold them in tighter, but other than that...they're small.

I'm actually lucky as biofemale A/G's go all over; my features really are pretty androgyne, save for my enormous hips.

Do you have all sorts of weird obsessions and impulses, or feel like you're going to explode sometimes? or is that just me? I don't quite know what to do about being androgyne. I live in a redneck area of the world, so getting really A/G in appearance is going to make it really hard for me to get a job.

I like how I look now: new, short but female-enough haircut, no makeup, men's clothes, sports bra that keeps 'em down, slacker slouch, eyebrows only minorly kept under control, arms getting bigger.

I definitely don't think like a woman...and not like a man...but I think I think more like a man than a woman...and identify more female than male...right now...but this has all surfaced since June or so.

I'm restraining myself from coming out to more people in my life than my wife before I've given it time...but the more time I give it, the more right I seem to be about it.

I think if I still feel the same way in January, it'll be time to start telling people.

I mean, I've even got a new first name I'm mulling! (had a new last name I've meant to get around to getting for years...but hated my given name too...now glad I waited to do that name change.)

I get major anxiety over my gender, and I've become passionate about studying gender identity and sexuality. I'm like someone possessed, and it's sort of taken over a large part of my life. I've always been androgynous in appearance and how I dress. I cross dressed in high school, both because I wasn't comfortable with my breasts and because I thought it would help me be more attractive to women. I've grown and matured since then, but that was probably when some part of me first realized that I wasn't your average female teenager.

Your physical appearance sounds a lot like how I am. Short hair, men's clothing and shoes, sports bra's. But I also dress effeminately on occasion, in women's clothing and makeup, sometimes even a dress and heels. But it always feels like I'm dressing in drag, as it makes me really uncomfortable and like I'm trying to be someone I'm not.

Before I realized that what I was had a term, my friends referred to me having a 'man's mind in a woman's body' and physically looking like a 'boy with boobs'. I'm thinking about coming out to my mom this Saturday, see if I can get some family support on top of my girlfriends. This isn't really something new to me, I just have a name for it now, and others like me to talk too :)

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Guest Hilary

Welcome to Laura's Hilary. I am glad you found the site and decided to join.

When you get a chance take a look at the terms and conditions located at the top of the page. We are a moderated site and keep it pg-13.

I think what you describe is perfectly normal if that is what makes you happy. I don't know about a low dose of T and what side effects it will have on you. You should ask your doctor if they think it will start hair growth. Even if it does start growth you could always get it removed like us MTF.

If you have any questions for us just ask and we will try to help. I look forward to seeing more from you.

Thank you very much.

I have, thank you.

I have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday to ask all sorts of questions concerning a mastectomy, hormones, binding, etc. Hopefully he'll be able to give me some answers.

You're very kind, thanks.

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Guest Hilary

Welcome to Laura's Hilary!

This is a great place to be yourself and find other people to communicate with who understand your feelings. I believe we have quite a few members who identify as androgynous.

Please post as much as you like and share your questions, experiences and opinions. After 5 posts you'll be able to use the PM system.

Nice to meet you.

John

Thank you!

I've been lurking a lot, reading other peoples posts. I'm not very social, so it might take me a while to reply, but I generally get around to it eventually.

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Guest Hilary

I know how disheartening that can get. Identity is important, being able to relate parts of that identity helps to understand it better. But when no one knows where you're coming from, it feels like a stalemate or a deserted highway. So I'm glad you're here and I do hope you post a lot. ^_^

I identify as androgynous, and I don't want surgery or hormones. It's mostly psychological for me. I'd love to look androgynous, or even more feminine, but that's not gonna happen anytime soon.

Feels like I had a lot more to say, but I can't seem to focus. Welcome!

It's so nice to find others that can relate, even if it's only in small ways. Finding sites like this where several people relate completely is so relieving. Lifts a huge weight from me, y'know?

Thank you!

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Guest Hilary

Welcome to the site. Yeah, there aren't very many androgynous people around, but we do exist and you are not alone. If you need someone to talk to, just let me know.

~D

Thank you very much, I appreciate it. It's so nice to find like-gendered people. I might take you up on your offer whenever I can finally use the PM system. I'm not very social and tend to lurk, so even getting five posts in is turning out to be difficult.

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Guest ~Brenda~

Hi Hilary :)

Welcome to Laura's. Hmmmmm interesting avatar. What is it that you are trying to express with that avatar?

As you can see... we are a transgendered support site. All transgendered people throughout the spectrum are welcome here.

Love

Brenda

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Guest Alder

I get major anxiety over my gender, and I've become passionate about studying gender identity and sexuality. I'm like someone possessed, and it's sort of taken over a large part of my life. I've always been androgynous in appearance and how I dress. I cross dressed in high school, both because I wasn't comfortable with my breasts and because I thought it would help me be more attractive to women. I've grown and matured since then, but that was probably when some part of me first realized that I wasn't your average female teenager.

Your physical appearance sounds a lot like how I am. Short hair, men's clothing and shoes, sports bra's. But I also dress effeminately on occasion, in women's clothing and makeup, sometimes even a dress and heels. But it always feels like I'm dressing in drag, as it makes me really uncomfortable and like I'm trying to be someone I'm not.

Before I realized that what I was had a term, my friends referred to me having a 'man's mind in a woman's body' and physically looking like a 'boy with boobs'. I'm thinking about coming out to my mom this Saturday, see if I can get some family support on top of my girlfriends. This isn't really something new to me, I just have a name for it now, and others like me to talk too :)

I can very much relate ^.^ I just started "researching" into transgender things myself and I'm like a dog gnawing at a bone it's become the main focus of my life right now to find out more of who I am then as it's been put "a gay man trapped in a chicks body". Short hair since I was 6, can't be bothered with make up usually unless I'm feeling playful(then it's usually just eyeliner and mascara) mostly a male wardrobe since I could start getting my own. Though at times I have to indulge in a pretty flowy skirt from time to time(at least for an hour)

I have to say, it's nice to meet people who you /know/ understand how you feel on some degree or another ^>^

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Guest Elizabeth K

Cool Topic

I am learning some things from this exhange. FTA - wow! I feel so 'average' being just your typical MTF... grin!

Lizzy

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Guest Hilary

Hi Hilary :)

Welcome to Laura's. Hmmmmm interesting avatar. What is it that you are trying to express with that avatar?

As you can see... we are a transgendered support site. All transgendered people throughout the spectrum are welcome here.

Love

Brenda

Hello!

And a friend made it for me in about 5 seconds in SAI because I'm addicted to zombies, mostly Left 4 Dead, though it runs to everything haha. It's the only icon of myself that I actually halfway like, that's not of one of my many persona's and is actually of me. An undead me, but me nonetheless.

Yes, I can't say how wonderful it is to be somewhere that I know I will be heard and accepted as being normal.

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Guest Hilary

I can very much relate ^.^ I just started "researching" into transgender things myself and I'm like a dog gnawing at a bone it's become the main focus of my life right now to find out more of who I am then as it's been put "a gay man trapped in a chicks body". Short hair since I was 6, can't be bothered with make up usually unless I'm feeling playful(then it's usually just eyeliner and mascara) mostly a male wardrobe since I could start getting my own. Though at times I have to indulge in a pretty flowy skirt from time to time(at least for an hour)

I have to say, it's nice to meet people who you /know/ understand how you feel on some degree or another ^>^

Oh man that's very much how it feels, like gnawing at a big juicy bone and never finding the middle. Gender topics are just so vast and varied! It's amazing.

And yes, definitely! I felt so... lost, before I found this forum.

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Guest Hilary

Cool Topic

I am learning some things from this exhange. FTA - wow! I feel so 'average' being just your typical MTF... grin!

Lizzy

Aw man, it's not like I'm trying to be 'special snowflake'... It's just a new-ish term for an old idea haha.

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Guest Micha

Great term too, I like it. Sometimes it feels like I don't belong because transitioning for me doesn't involve what it does for a transexual. Your term however makes it clear that transitioning is still apart of being transgender, regardless of how far it goes physically.

Don't worry though, Lizzy's awesome and no one can deny it with a straight face.

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Guest Riam

Wow. I'm basically exactly like you, from everything you described.

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Guest Doodlen

Hm. FtA. I never really thought about that. But that describes me pretty good.

I don't feel female, never really have. But while I have a lot of days where I feel like a man, a lot of times I just feel like neither.

You have given me a lot to think about. Thank you. :)

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Guest JesseY

I can understand the 'man's mind in a woman's body' feeling. I'm a female-bodied androgyne as well, who is more mentally masculine than feminine. I've found I can physically present myself as feminine when I need to (for job-related stuff), but it's just like my mind never seems to align with my appearance, and being feminine becomes like an exercise in passing.

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Guest someone or other

I totally identify with this idea. I feel like the term FtA has a lot of advantages as opposed to just androgyne.

However, I feel like I read something somewhere recently that the term "androgyny" reifies the gender binary in that it is a combination of man and woman? I feel like that doesn't fully encompass the "both and neither" way I like to conceptualize non-binary gender identities.

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Guest Sandy Fisk

Hi all! This is my first post. I am definitely an F to A. Salutations to my fellow Canadian F to As! Manitoba has just started funding SRS AND they are including everyone on the binary spectrum. So as a female bodied androgyne, I can get top surgery, a hysterectomy and hormones to suit my needs.

I never felt comfortable with F to M or androgyne, but F to A fits me to a T. I hope other people who have felt lost in the gender soup can find a home and comfortable identifier in this new term :)

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