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Guest Cynthia Of Creation

Transgender And You

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Guest Cynthia Of Creation

hi i was wondering with our vets did when you joined/served did you 1 know you were tg befor 2 know but join to get out and make sure, 3 found out during your time serving 4 you discovered what you were after you served or 5 other?

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Guest ~Brenda~

Hi hon :)

I never had the opportunity to serve, so I cannot explain my awareness in terms of the military. I noticed that you have not had a reply for about a half an hour so I thought I would at least explain my awareness.

Throughout my life I have had periods of time where I was expressing as I wanted to. Other times, I was expressing as I thought I should.

Ultimately, I found that being myself and expressing myself with balance in the world that I exist was best for me.

I know this does not address your specific question, but I wanted to share with you that my transgendered awareness evolved over time in terms of maturity.

I have been crossdressing since I was a teenager. Now middle-aged, I finally understand why.

Love

Brenda

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Guest JaniceW

When I served I was in denial. In my deepest heart I knew I was TS but I had myself convinced that I ws not and only crossdressed on rare occasions. It wsan't until many years after my service that I finally came to terms with the truth.

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Guest Donna Jean

hi i was wondering with our vets did when you joined/served did you 1 know you were tg befor 2 know but join to get out and make sure, 3 found out during your time serving 4 you discovered what you were after you served or 5 other?

Cynthia.....

Sorry that I got to you so late...

I was 19 when I served and I was in Vietnam...the war..

I had been cross dressing for years by then and I even wore womens things under my flight suit...(hoping to not get shot down and captured...that would be pretty hard to explain...)

I didn't realize at the time that I was Trans...But, I did know that I needed to be a woman....

It was difficult times....

Donna Jean

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Guest Michele H

I didn't have a name for my distress other than 'pervert' until I was in my 60's but yes I wore woman's clothing whenever I could since I was 8 or 9.

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Guest Emily Ray

Cynthia,

I was in complete denial. Although I had crossdressed on numerous occasions since 7th grade. I joined the Marines to prove I was a man to myself. All I succeeded in doing was proving I am worthy of being a Marine and nothing more. Nearly 20 years later I have come to terms with me being trans and the benefits I now have as a result of my service have allowed me the ability to begin to transition. Up to a point at least. I'm not sure I would yet be alive if I didn't have the help that I have been given. My hat's off to those who make the transition without the help of countless hours of therapy. I am having a he!! of a time even with the therapy.

Huggs

Emily

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Guest ChloëC

Well, let's see, basic training (in 1967) consisted of 50 guys in a very large double room, 25 to a side, all on single cots, two rows facing each other on each side. I was at one end, but I was still surrounded. Not much chance there to even think about anything.

Tech school was only slightly better. Still open rooms, but we put our lockers between (upper and lower) bunks to give a semblance of privacy, but still, your 49 other best friends were within 30 feet of you. Not much chance there, tho a few minutes to dream and let my imagination go.

Duty station barracks was two to a room (with a door! I had to relearn what that was for), on single beds. My bed was against the wall, far corner, my room mate the other side of a night stand. I had an (very subtle) anti-war poster on the wall, a mobile dangling from the ceiling, and I painted the room blue. But, I remember one night I moved the sheets and blanket around to increase 'the imagination' and fell asleep in bliss. I suspect my roommate might have done a slight double take either when he came in late, or the next morning, but he said nothing. He wound up marrying a single mother with a very ugly baby from an unwanted pregnancy (very close to rape), and I moved to an empty room, and then got married and left the barracks.

And started a little cross-dressing.

So, as you can deduce, I didn't join the military to change my desire, it didn't change it, and I came out just as I went in. I was pretty quick and had realized by that time, that it was just a part of me, and it wasn't going to go away. Tho, I suspect it was sort of a hope when I got married - that didn't do it either.

btw, I was always curious about the airmen in the Section 8 dorms, tho.

Hugs

Chloë

ps from a distance the poster looked like sort of a travel/airline poster, but it said - Visit Beautiful VietNam Fly Far Fareastern Airlines - with a jet streaking across the top, and the backdrop was a jungle being napalmed. People did a real double take with that one.

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Guest Cynthia Of Creation

wow truley great responses.

each was special and unique, like us

michele,

yes i believe that is the scientific name my mom called it, lol.

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Guest Gina9223

Well, I knew I was Trans when I was 12. That was when I discovered what 'Transgender'/'Transexual' meant.

I joined the military at 22. I joined for all the wrong reasons. At my first real physical (the one they give you at MEPS is just to make sure you have a pulse and don't drool exceissivly) they discovered that I was Intersexed.

meh.

The military is a job, no one is allowed to be themselves. It was something to do.

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Guest ShannonA23

I joined the Marines at 18 right out of High School, put everything on the backburner, tried to find the man I would become, instead only found the man I wasn't. Denial and if being yourself is enough for society then in the military it is exponentially so. Joining I think acted as a catalyst.

Reflecting on days past

Shannon

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Guest Cynthia Of Creation

reading up i would conclude that military (already said it served as) is a catalyst that will break you out of your shell and not only define you as a american soldier but also help you define yourself,

thank you everyone for your contribution to this thread

ps: what no sailors in here?

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Guest Gina9223

1. I'm a Sailor!

2. In my experiance, it's not joining the military, it's when the word comes down that they are deploying to a hot war zone that acctually accelerates the self realization process that someone is Transgender and there is in fact a better life out there.

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Guest Shelley

I was a CD before I joined the Army. While I was in, there wasn't much of an opportunity to explore, although the need never went away. Later, when I got my own place, I was able to express myself a little more. Like others in here, I hoped I wouldn't get caught. Back then, getting caught meant getting the boot. Now I'm out and free to enjoy the freedom I helped fight for.

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Guest Kristi Lyn

Joined the Army in 1986 and went Infantry. Had a very brilliant career of 22.5 years and made E-8 as a First Sergeant in my Nat'l Guard Infantry Company. I pretty much used that persona and career to squash my true self. Many times though I thought about the stark contrast of my personal life and the Army which caused a lot of inner conflict. But, one thing recently I have discovered and taken from my military experience is the courage to do what we think is impossible whether in the military or in transition. So I now use my past experiences with the military and civilian career to push forward with transition despite some scary things to get past. Just like in Bayonet training all moves are designed to make you move forward and never to the rear.

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Guest Donna Jean

Now I'm out and free to enjoy the freedom I helped fight for.

That's exactly how I feel!

YAY!

Donna Jean

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Guest Guest_SL

Hi,

I had my first inkling when I was 11 and suppressed the idea as I felt I was going insane. It surfaced again when I was 16 and again I fought it down.

I joined the military in 1967 and served until 2003 and sort of just kept my feelings hidden.

It was only after I dated a super great gal in 2003 that the feeling surfaced once more. I think she knew or had an idea but we had a great relationship and so I just moved my true self closer to the surface.

In short sums, the military didn't impact my identity one way or another.

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Guest DawnK

For me, I considered myself simply as a Cross Dresser when I was in 5th or 6th grade but I enjoyed playing with the girls and their dolls. Then my Freshmen year of High School, I decided I was going into the Air Force and never thought about the two being in conflict. I also never considered the fact that I might end up in Vietnam. Fortunate for me thought, we were pulling out of Vietnam about the time I was graduating from Tech school, But it was also during my freshman year that I began to think about being a woman and wanting to know how it felt to be female during sex.

Once I joined, I didn't feel the need to dress for a couple of years, but often thought about the bikini that I had left stashed underneath a draw in the bathroom of my parents home. For all I know, it's still there. It wasn't until 78 or so that I actually purchased female articles for myself. I'd met and moved in with my wife by then and I'm sure she didn't know what to think, but she didn't run away or tell anyone about as far as I know.

So the length of my career, I still considered myself as simply a CD. Then it was about 98 that I began to wear underwear or nylons under my clothes. I even wore toenail polish. I'd been out since 94 and the internet was just coming into my life in my life and it showed me that I wasn't alone in my 'perversions.'

About 2001, I finally told my wife about wanting to dress and wear makeup. She hadn't see me do anything since 79 and thought I'd outgrown it. She tried to help me and understand, but in the end, I think it and some others things convinced her that she'd be better off on her own. She didn't want a divorce and told me that she didn't have a problem with me seeing other women. But that isn't something I wanted to do. Today, we are still married, but all intimacy is gone. Right now, it's to our financial advantage to remain married, but when the bills are paid off, we'll split.

It was just recently that I found Laura's and had started to consider myself as a MtF. But now I'm on the fence again. I don't see myself as ever becoming female because I do enjoy some of the perks of being male. But now that I live alone, when I get home from work, I break out the clothing and sometimes make-up. And a funny thing that I noticed is that my facial expressions seem to have taken on some feminine features. Or maybe, I've just been wearing all the articles so long now that it no longer seems strange to me.

dk

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Guest Guest_SL

For me, I considered myself simply as a Cross Dresser when I was in 5th or 6th grade but I enjoyed playing with the girls and their dolls.

It was just recently that I found Laura's and had started to consider myself as a MtF. But now I'm on the fence again. I don't see myself as ever becoming female because I do enjoy some of the perks of being male. But now that I live alone, when I get home from work, I break out the clothing and sometimes make-up. And a funny thing that I noticed is that my facial expressions seem to have taken on some feminine features. Or maybe, I've just been wearing all the articles so long now that it no longer seems strange to me.

dk

Hi,

You and I are at about the same place and seems we arrived here in much the same manner. I was eleven when I had my first girlfriend and just stopped hanging out with my pals. She was soft, quiet very pretty and she also smelled nice.

She was a German girl whose mother had married a GI. (We lived in an Army town and most every kid around was an Army brat.) She had started school in the winter and her mother dressed her from head to toe in woolen clothes as was the German style but in the spring she started wearing shorts and summer tops. Still a young girl, she was also taller and curvier than the other girls our age who were still thin and looked like boys but with longer hair.

Her mother wouldn't let her cross a busy street to get to our block so I played over at her house. (I may have written this before when I was on the site the first time.)

Like you, we played together all day, every day and my friends didn't know where I had gone and my parents didn't care (Alcoholics.) She was this amazing girl and to this day, I'm still in love with her. Okay, her memory.

She was the first girl I ever kissed and that was all it took. I wanted to be with her and I wanted to be like her as well.

This is a long story and I'll post the rest somewhere else.

Like you, after I found Laura's I could finally embrace what I had repressed for 51 years but I like the guy perks as well.

Had I the means years ago, I'd have switched in a heartbeat. So, inside I'm a female. I'm also girl crazy as I have been all my life. Kind of like the old Gallagher joke.

The first person I outed to face to face is a girl friend (This has been while I was away from Laura's) and I was scared to death. She seemed to think I was making a big deal out of something that wasn't and became my first supporter. She told me ways I could dress and still be in public and the little things that make you feel so good about being yourself, finally.

I don't do make up but there's a ton of clothing items that work even in public and that's fun.

I had kind let my physical appearence go after I retired but now, I want to get back in shape as there are some kick a** women's jeans I want.

Kind of cool to read someone else is at the same spot.

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Guest Smitty

I enlisted at 21 in the guard and really didn't start thinking I had "serious" feelings until about 3 years into my enlistment. While my feelings were always there, they were just more under the surface not to mention that being in the military was the first time I focused on myself and not familial issues. It wasn't until I got my computer and the Internet that I was able to learn about my concerns and issues but also know how to guard myself while still learning about gender and myself.

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Guest 1947

I think I have known my entire life. Apparently when I was 2 I told my mom that I was really a boy and that the hospital had made a mistake. She laughed it off because kids say plenty of random things. I've always known that I was different and I've always been really resistant to being called a lesbian. Until the last few years I didn't have a word to describe what I was feeling. Gender studies classes in college, friends and life experiences have made me recognize who am I then push it far far away. I've come around again but in 6 months I'll be in Officer Training School for the Air Force (sorry, not a veteran yet but still a valid responder in my personal opinion). I've wanted to fly longer than I've wanted to transition. It in perfect world I would get both but we all know how perfect this world is. I'm a Combat Systems Officer select (af version of a Naval Flight Officer for you Marines and Sailors). I can't pass up the opportunity that my country has given me and when it is offered to me I will take my commission without reservation. I hope to do 20 years but that unfortunately means 20 more years of fighting my gender disphoria. I am very fortunate that my body is very androgynous and with my hair short I frequently pass as male until I am forced to speak (though sometimes then I get pegged as a 15 year old boy and the check out lady at walmart won't let me buy cold medicine or markers). To sum everything up and actually answer the question, I know 100% and I'm joining anyway. I look forward to the day I can transition and hopefully I can do it and stay active duty. I would regret not serving my country so its just something that I have to do first

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Bulldog1948

Gina 9223,

After the they discoverd that you were intersexed what happened? Did they allow you to serve or discharge?

I am also intersexed.

Mike

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Guest Hlali

hi i was wondering with our vets did when you joined/served did you 1 know you were tg befor 2 know but join to get out and make sure, 3 found out during your time serving 4 you discovered what you were after you served or 5 other?

I found out while I was serving. I'd been dressing as a girl since I was younger (secretly, after I got caught) and hated my body (genitals, primarily) ever since I became aware of it at puberty, but I just sorta suffered in silence because I was too afraid to tell anyone. When I went into the military, I had a lot of free time and freedom to research things online as well as exploring myself, and that's when I discovered that I was trans.

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Bulldog1948

Well, I knew I was Trans when I was 12. That was when I discovered what 'Transgender'/'Transexual' meant.

I joined the military at 22. I joined for all the wrong reasons. At my first real physical (the one they give you at MEPS is just to make sure you have a pulse and don't drool exceissivly) they discovered that I was Intersexed.

meh.

The military is a job, no one is allowed to be themselves. It was something to do.

Hi Gina,

Just curious what did the military say to you, when they discovered that you were intersexed? Did they ask you if you still wanted to serve or did they offer a medical discharge to you?

Mike

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Guest Bailey

Like many said I was in denial. I enjoyed the military but felt that it would toughen me up and maybe get rid of the thoughts that I wanted to be a woman. It was a very confusing time for me. Lots of depression.

Aislinn

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Guest cassie51

Cynthia,

I enlisted because I was trying desperately to "measure up" to what I thought was expected of me as someone born a male, and I thought it would "cure" me of my issues. Unfortunately at that point in my life I didn't completely understand what was going on with my internal conflicts. Am I sorry I enlisted? Absolutely not. The military taught me many things that I have carried with me since. Things like honor, discipline, friendship, etc. Even though it turned out not to be for me past my initial enlistment, I will always be glad I did it.

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      a picture is worth a 1000 words they say. Here's a picture of me (I have white pants that you don't see). Maybe you'll see what I mean by style... I'm building my own trying to completely ignore people around me and only focus on making myself feel good. It's not extreme, it's just a mindset
    • MaryMary
      well that's interesting. I'm also a member of the B cup club. The feeling you describe is exaclty the same feeling I feel. I had the bottom surgery because to me it was necessary. But What I can tell you is that dysphoria will still be there even after GRS. 99% of people in my life call me "madam" and I still see myself like I have the same face I had before HRT. I still see the man in my traits. Some days, it drives me completely crazy and I would do every surgery until it's gone. Facial feminization? Trachea shave? Braking my bones so they can heal in the correct position, hips augmentation... name it, I would do it all.   TO ME (important precision here) gender dysphoria is akin to anorexia. I know, on a rational level, that I don't look the same as before but in my heart I still look the same and I feel that no amount of surgery or anything will ever fix that. To me gender dysphoria is just another mental illness. Even If I do, let's say, facial feminization I feel that my mind will fix itself to another detail and I will still feel just as much dysphoria. For me it's a real problem.   The only way I'm able to deal (and to really respond to your question) is to extract myself from a direct comparision with cis female. I'm trying to really integrate in my day to day "trans is beautifull". What I mean by that is to forget female beauty standards. To look at myself and position myself in a "trans woman" beauty standard. Yeah, I'm more ... bulky... then a cis woman but in a way I look tougher and if I dress myself properly (more rock and roll and develop my very own style as opposed to dress with flowery delicate dresses and stuff) I can reach a equilibrium where I kind of forge a third path that I call "Mary beautifull". You know, black skater dress with velvet purple lipstick, sunglasses, a necklace made with hermatite stones... I  think I look awesome. Not in a cis gender female, delicate, kind of way but in my own kind of way. The best way for me to deal is mainly to avoid comparison in my own mind (emphasis on that part). I place myself in a state of mind where I realize that I've lived many experience in my life playing the role of the 2 binary genders. I've dated as the two gender, made love with both genitals, I had a whole cliché cisgender male friend circle and a whole new friend circle that's more feminine (+ my past friend circle which is not gone). To me it kind of give me a new perspective on life and a certain kind of wisdom. I've lived with the fact that I'm transgender since puberty because I had physical manifestation that meant I was out even before knowing the word transgender, lol I think it's awesome. Our society see  trans as "less then" sometimes I feel but I'm trying to actually see this in a "more then" kind of way. Allll of this puts me in a more confident kind of mindset where I can be proud of who I am and where I am now.   I say all of this and I want to specify that yes, I'm humble. I don't say all of this to brag but to explain how I construct my self esteem and how I built around the dyshporia to give it less importance.   Very interesting topic, I feel I could go on and on
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