Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

If Your Interested In The Recovery(Aa/na) Chat Room


Michelle 2010

Recommended Posts

So... yes, Melissa. Drinking, dressing, and purging? I'm sure there are a few others here who can relate even if it doesn't sound good in the light of day, lol! Ah, the best of intentions... dump the clothes and the problem disappears? No so much...

For me there was no way to get a healthy attitude about this most perplexing part of my life until quit drinking. Since I was dependent on alcohol there was no way it could be sorted out. For you, if the desire only occurs when you drink, the solution would be to stop drinking if you don't want to think about it. Of course, if you are like me you think about it either way. If thats the case, alcohol may make it harder to figure it all out. Incidently, we talk about this kind of stuff in the Sunday night 9:30 chat sessions 52 weeks a year.

Michelle

Link to comment
  • Replies 72
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Charlize

    27

  • Michelle 2010

    9

  • VickySGV

    6

  • Timber Wolf

    3

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

Yeah, it had pretty much gotten in the way of everything by the time I was done. Clarity of mind on important stuff was a scarce commodity, lol!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I'm on my way to the Sunday meeting here but must mention that after I started working the aa program 5 hers ago i realized that while my gender problems weren't all gone my drinking problem is. Now i'm working to better understand myself.

I'm enjoying the ride now.

Hugs, Charlie

Link to comment
Guest karen_nicole

Hi Michelle,

I think my epiphany came when I was able to accept who/what I am and stop fighting a battle I was never meant to win. Alcohol was the vehicle I used to stop the pain until it stopped working. Only when I became Honest, Open, and Willing with myself and others, was I able to lose my obsession to drink. By regularly attending meetings, getting involved, and working the steps, am I able to maintain my sobriety.

Link to comment

Hi karen nicole, I see you made it over from the chat side! welcome.

If you look around here you will see alot exists here that isn't in chat, although admittedly it moves at a more leisurely pace.. :)

Members here are always interested in meeting new people, so if you post a paragraph or two in the introductions section you will be welcomed. just like in an AA meeting, lol!

Once you make five posts you can real time personal message in the forum, with it appearring only between you and the recipient. . I'd like to follow up on our chat last sunday night. please do the one time read of rules and regs too ok?

Michelle

Link to comment
  • 2 years later...
Guest Gunner

Having read some of the posts I agree with the fact that it makes it hard to open up for help when I have to hide my identity, i.e crossdressing. I feel little anziety when dressed as a lady but still have an addiction to alcohol. Working on it and being here is helping, thankyou.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome to Laura's, You might want to post as well in the introduction forum but i'm glad you posted here.

Please do join us at the Sunday substance abuse chatroom at 9:00 eastern. Chat takes a separate registration but you will find it easy. There are also Skype meetings that welcome all of the trans* spectrum. In the course of finding sobriety i found much more. Being able to discuss my gender issues and any other of the many other aspects of my life that i was either ashamed or embarrassed by has opened a world beyond my wildest dreams. If you have a substance problem please after you have 5 posts contact any of us who you see here. We will do our best to help.

Hugs,

Charlize

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...
  • 4 months later...
Guest denise_w

I know it preoccupation with self, and self pity, that cloud my recovery and thwart true inner peace and serenity...or as a very wise woman recently advised me: to accept my own role in making my own misery in the events of my life that I perceive as bad...

2 1/2 years sober and I still feel like a beginner...

Hell, I can't even get the facial hair under control :(

Too many tears...to fill an ocean of pain.

Denise

Link to comment

I know it preoccupation with self, and self pity, that cloud my recovery and thwart true inner peace and serenity...or as a very wise woman recently advised me: to accept my own role in making my own misery in the events of my life that I perceive as bad...

2 1/2 years sober and I still feel like a beginner...

Hell, I can't even get the facial hair under control :(

Too many tears...to fill an ocean of pain.

Denise

I can sure relate. I'm almost 15 months sober and fighting wanting a drink at times. It's like I just stopped drinking.

Jenny

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I think we are all at the point of being newcomers. I'll have 8 years in 11 days. I am still one drink away from drinking myself back into hell and death. Each day i try to use the 10th 11th and 12th step to maintain and perhaps to make a bit of spiritual progress. That is important to my continued sobriety.

At this point in my life i can look at problems that surround me. If i concentrate on them they grow until they fill my mind challenged only by the next larger "disaster". I can turn a slow motorist in front of me into a disaster if i see it that way. I also have the choice to see that motorist as an opportunity to find acceptance. How i allow the world and my circumstances to affect me is mine to control.

One of the first things my first sponsor had me do was a gratitude list. All i could see was the pain i felt and the disasters life pushed on me. Here was a man in a wheelchair with years of sobriety trying to teach me to look at the bright side of life.

Trying to live in that bright side is for me a spiritual pursuit. Just like that first drink i can begin to focus on the negative and loose myself and all the joy that life can bring.

Resentment means to re think, to dwell upon a slight or difficulty with both another human and with our own lives. Recognizing that i have the chance to try to live elsewhere. Of course i must react and deal with problems with myself, my body, my circumstances and my relations with others but i do not have to dwell on the negative aspects. Act with the next right action as i can and move on physically and mentally.

If i can do that i have a chance of getting another 11 days of not drinking and if i'm persistent i may make some progress towards a perception of serenity in my daily life.

Hugs,

Charlize

I want to add a copy of a post by Johnny here at Laura's in the general forum as a part of the" a place to say something " topic.

"Wish I had learned decades ago that my life and my happiness are in my own hands. That nothing and no one else can make me happy but I CAN. It is as simple and hard as making up my mind to do my best and then doing it without giving in to fears and excuses.

And knowing that makes me so much less afraid to live my life and face my world.

Funny thing is I had to learn to be happy too. It was-and sometimes still is - really scary. Like the world must be setting me up sometimes. But then I remember that I got through so much in my life and ultimately through transition and I know I can handle what comes. Not to mention I finally got it through my head that 99% of what I fear never happens, yet I have paid for it as if it did. And the 1% isn't the way I thought it would be, nor does the worry and fear help me deal with it. So much time and energy and happiness thrown away.

But that is water under the bridge. I thank my Creator every day I have learned and that I have another day to live. Too many people never find this peace - all in all in spite of everything I'd say now I'm a lucky guy"
Link to comment
Guest denise_w

Thank you Charlize for such an in-depth post...

A powerful message indeed you share: "Wish I had learned decades ago that my life and my happiness are in [MY] own hands..."

an extension to this could also be that I wish I'd have know how much I contribute to making my own misery, that I usually am my own judge, jury, and executioner...that drowning day-to-day in oceans of pain and self pity, IS DOING ME NO GOOD! And even though I am 2 1/2 years sober, I am not living the life promised by the "promises"...because I still know of no other life (I think this is what is routinely referred to as a "dry drunk"...it is what it is). Its not helping my transition at all.

My role in my miseries.

Picking up? Oh yeah...the temptations are CONSTANTLY with me. My old friends Sam Adams, Jim Beam, and Johnny Walker haven't gone anywhere. But in the final analysis, of this post at least, here I go rambling on about MYSELF again...my constant obsessive preoccupation with the EGO constitutes a great divide between my-SELF and true SERENITY. I wish I could just let go and let god (THATS a whole other topic).

(so do the Tibetan monks in the Himalayas have room for one more neophyte? :) )

Denise (sad)

Link to comment
  • Admin

Two words, Fellowship, and Service!! Both of those ideas point to slightly different ways out of the prison of habit, both of the doable and even at the same time.

For me, the reality has been that people who have sober fun, sober laughter, and sober endeavors automatically train me in new ways to live my life that do not lead back to "the drink". It is an effort and some times a real screaming fit to clean out my closet of dear and familiar habits (sorta like a favorite old pair of slippers) and it is even more traumatic than surgery (I know for sure) for some time, but when its over and the wound healed, it is a new beginning. The point is that it took a team in fellowship to get me to do that in much of my life. I have that fellowship today in many places, not just to keep me sober, but to make other parts of my life a little more full and away from the trash heap I put the old stuff. ( No fair sneaking out to the town dump to find 'em though.

Service, in so many ways is the most wonderful outcome of the Fellowship, not just in AA or a couple more places my addictions took me, but also in seeing myself in a greater change that has come at cost, but fully worth that cost. When I listen to new people still lost in their past, I do have to remember my past, but now that past points to what life can become and for me has become.

Fellowship, and Service!!

Link to comment
Guest denise_w

Thank you Vicky for your insightful words...I couldn't agree more: fellowship and service are critical to finding one's way out of that gloomy morass of self pity and self preoccupation and into the light of inner peace and serenity. Regrettably, for me, and yes...its the self pity that continues to drag me down...its the long suffering chronic fatigue, depression, insomnia; and an entire host of other physical problems that seriously inhibit my ability to be social, to openly fellowship, to share candidly in-meetings, hell...even to speak and think coherently (such is the gloom I often find myself in). Never mind the physical chronic pain that tends to keep me alienated and isolated from other human beings.

So the drink is still very attractive sometimes...like an old friend I don't even have to socialize with...hell, I don't even have to worry about being accepted! They're there waiting for me in their respective bottles...to renew a dysfunctional relationship of perceived relief from the pain and suffering of a self centered pain-based life.

If only I could feel good physically...get a decent night's sleep for a change...wake up feeling rested for a change...see the sunlight appearing and welcome the new day instead of dreading it. Exhausted all the time. Poor health is such a challenging factor.

Seeing the tortuous pain my transition is inflicting on my spouse...watching her transition as well...into a woman I don't know...friends, family, divisions, boundaries, prejudices, judgments...yes, 2 1/2 years sober and I feel like a newcomer!

Fellowship and service...cornerstones for getting outta' one's own head! I should heed such advice.

Thank you Vick for your helpful words.

Denise

Link to comment

Thank you Charlize for such an in-depth post...

A powerful message indeed you share: "Wish I had learned decades ago that my life and my happiness are in [MY] own hands..."

an extension to this could also be that I wish I'd have know how much I contribute to making my own misery, that I usually am my own judge, jury, and executioner...that drowning day-to-day in oceans of pain and self pity, IS DOING ME NO GOOD! And even though I am 2 1/2 years sober, I am not living the life promised by the "promises"...because I still know of no other life (I think this is what is routinely referred to as a "dry drunk"...it is what it is). Its not helping my transition at all.

My role in my miseries.

Picking up? Oh yeah...the temptations are CONSTANTLY with me. My old friends Sam Adams, Jim Beam, and Johnny Walker haven't gone anywhere. But in the final analysis, of this post at least, here I go rambling on about MYSELF again...my constant obsessive preoccupation with the EGO constitutes a great divide between my-SELF and true SERENITY. I wish I could just let go and let god (THATS a whole other topic).

(so do the Tibetan monks in the Himalayas have room for one more neophyte? :) )

Denise (sad)

Glad you revived the thread Denise. A lot of posts here with people getting real about their situation.

One of the things I noticed was your "dry drunk" reference. Several gifts of sobriety came early for me. One was that I got a sponsor that helped me work the steps. It took me a while to come clean on my gender issues but, ultimately, it occurred. Working the steps and having a sponsor were the big life changers for me. Also, I learned that we tend to make healthier decisions in recovery. I know a guy who died because he delayed on getting an infection treated. MRSA... He had it at the same time I did. I got treated.. It seems to me there should be rewards to sobriety so I'm sorry you are suffering so. Are there medical options for you debilitating conditions? Not trying to intrude in private medical issues, just thinking that you deserve the feel better when not drinking than you did when using and self medicating.

A girl I was chatting with this morning said she fell off her pink cloud last week. Just hoping that there are things you can do that maybe haven't been tried yet that will enable you to enjoy the ride....

Best wishes

Michelle

Link to comment
  • 7 months later...
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Michelle and welcome to Laura's! You might want to take a moment and also post in the introduction forum. You'll get to know more folks.

I've found this site to be a welcoming non judgmental place to read and write about my life and my issues with gender.

Glad you've joined us.

Hugs,

Charlize

Link to comment
  • 9 months later...
  • Forum Moderator

Chat room meeting tomorrow night at 9:00 eastern. Hope you can join me. You can have a meeting without me but i can't have one without you.

Hugs,

Charlize

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

I just dropped in to say hi to Michelle, Vicky, & Charlize.  Its been a while since I dropped in here and I've had to use a new name from rita 63.  Anyhow I recognized my 5 year birthday, by the grace of God, on Aug 4th.  I wanted to thank you for this meeting and the role you played in keeping me sober and helping me come out in my community.  I am active in both the AA and trans communities although the two do not often come together.  Most of the AA members who are also LGBTQ2etc. are just members of regular groups as I am.  Our one LGBT group is small but surviving.  I am welcome at all local meetings (over 100 weekly) and work in the Intergroup office.  We had our first information table at Pride this year and it was quite successful. 

Just wanted to let anyone visiting here know, the Promises do come true and live is better sober. 

I hope you are all well and happy.

Love.  rita

DSCI0123 1.JPG

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

So good to hear from you Rita.  Congratulations on 5 years!!!!!!!!  Its took me that long in sobriety before i could start to be honest about my gender issues.  It is also lovely to see you working the program as you are.  Please stop in anytime.

 

Big hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment
  • Admin

Welcome back, good to hear about the C&S time. Huggs

 

Link to comment
  • 11 months later...
  • Forum Moderator

I am hoping to re-start the substance abuse meeting at the chatrooms on Sundays at 9:00 eastern.  That part of Trans?Pulse no longer requires Java which my machine had difficulties dealing with.  Hope you can join us there if you feel you have an issue with using alcohol or other substances.

Link to comment
  • 6 months later...
  • Forum Moderator

I am unfortunately unable to come to the Substance Abuse Meeting due to problems with the compatibility of my mac computer.  Please PM me if you have issues.  i will get back to you asap.  Hopefully we will be able to resume our meetings sooner than later.  Please also look at the thread about TGAA.  Many here and elsewhere have received help there.  I know i have and continue to attend meetings there several times a week.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 131 Guests (See full list)

    • Karen Carey
    • Faye1972
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,942
    • Most Online
      8,356

    taxicab
    Newest Member
    taxicab
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Susan R
      Love it! This is great news. We need more of this to combat the excessive hate-filled rhetoric and misinformation. 👍
    • Susan R
      The experience was the same for me @April Marie. I slept much deeper and I woke up each morning feeling so much more restful sleeping with forms solidly in place. For me, wearing breast forms at night started when before I was a teenager. I had no access up to modern breast forms and certainly no way to buy mastectomy bras back then. I wore a basic bra my mom had put in a donation box and two pairs of soft cotton socks. I have some crazy memories of things I did in my youth to combat my GD but regardless, these makeshift concoctions helped me work through it all.   All My Best, Susan R🌷
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Colorado isn't exactly a Republican place, and won't become one anytime soon.  I think those folks might be better off not spending their time playing Don Quixote.    We certainly have our share of California "refugees" moving into where I live, so I wouldn't be surprised to start seeing Coloradans too.  I suspect the trend over the next few years will see the blue areas getting more blue and the red areas getting more red as anybody who can relocate tries to find a place where they fit better.   
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, at least it'll be a place some folks could choose.  Options are a good thing.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      My family would have gobbled that jar up in a minute or two.  When we do have pickled herring, its usually for Christmas.  I didn't grow up with that particular dish, but I grew up in a Greek family so I like just about any kind of fish if I can get it.  However, ocean fish and freshwater fish taste so different.  We usually have more catfish and tilapia to eat than anything else.    What I can't quite get used to is the tons of cabbage my GF insists on eating.  When you live with a Russian, there is always cabbage soup.  Always.  When I first moved in with her, breakfast was "shchi" for soup and either bread or "kasha" which is a bowl of boiled buckwheat with butter and salt.  Those dishes can be made in any number of ways, some are better than others.  In the winter, it can even be salty and sour like kraut.  Not exactly sauerkraut, but packed in tubs with vinegar and salt so it keeps partially for the winter.  But I drew the line when the cabbage soup included pieces of fried snake one day.  😆
    • Ashley0616
      Good evening to you as well @Mmindy   That is awesome that you have support from her side. My dad has communicated with me once and that was because he was forced to. His new wife wanted to spend time with my kids. He hated me so much he was in the process of taking my rights away as a parent to my two boys. He was talking to a lawyer and I called him out on it. I don't love him at all. I'll respect him because I wouldn't be here without him but I wished I had another father. My uncles don't talk to me and unfriended me on Facebook. Almost all cousins except for two are still Facebook friends but they don't give me any support. My mom said she won't support me with that but she has said that she loves me. I have nieces and nephews that are still Facebook friends but they have yet to talk to me. I have one sister that supports me out of three. The other's disrespect me by deadnaming me. They have never called me their sister. I think for them they think it's still a phase. They don't ask questions about me being trans. I have to bring it up and on the look of their faces they don't look comfortable about it. 
    • Mmindy
      Good evening @Ashley0616,   I just got offline with HP tech support trying to get my printer tool box icon locked to my tool bar. This is one of the most important features of my printer that I like because it keeps track of ink, paper, and scanned documents. I'm diffidently not a computer geek.   I'll catch up with the other bookmarks next week. We leave to go home for the Easter Holiday with our families. Saturday with her side, and Sunday with my side. What's odd about that is I'm out to more of her side and they're reluctantly supportive. My side on the other hand are less supportive, and my sister just under me in age will not acknowledge my being there. She will be constantly moving to keep from dealing with me. I'm dead to her.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋  
    • Ashley0616
      I used to follow baseball and the team I would cheer for is Boston Red Sox. My favorite player was Papi. He was an awesome guy and even held a child during the National Anthem. I haven't watched baseball for a long time. It just died off to me. 
    • Ashley0616
      That stinks that nothing transferred, and no bookmarks were saved! 
    • Ashley0616
      I'm doing patches for now but I think soon I'll go to shots because it's hard to alternate when you are doing two xx patches at once. Unless she gives me Estradiol and progesterone
    • Sally Stone
      Go Cleveland Guardians!  I love baseball and I loved playing it when I was younger.  
    • Sally Stone
      My view is we are "dependent" on government, because as a society, we are too lazy to stay actively involved. So, we let politicians do our bidding for us.  I think we'd be in a better place government wise if we policed the actions of our politicians.  We elected them; they work for us.  Sadly, we are allowing them to run amok.  We are where we are because we have chosen to let politicians make all decisions without us.  Remember "by the people, for the people?" That was the intent of our democracy.  Today, however, it is "by the politicians, for the politicians," the people be damned. 
    • Mmindy
      "Play Ball! Batter Up!" is the closing line of the National Anthem as far as I'm concerned. It's the call of the Home Plate Umpire and signals the start of the game. I grew up in the TV and Radio broadcast of the St. Louis Cardinals. Harry Caray, Jack Buck, Tim McCarver, and Mike Shannon, were the voices on my transistor radio. KMOX 1120 AM pushing 50,000 watts of Class A clear-channel non-directional signal. It could be picked up all across MO, IL, IN to the East. KS, OK, CO to the West. IA, MN to the North, and KY, TN, AR to the South. There has always been a rivalry against the Chicago Cubs, in the National League. As for the American League, I have to pull for the Kansas City Royals. I've also been a Little League Umpire, and fan of everything the Little League stands for. Going to Williamsport, PA and seeing the Little League World Series is in my top 10 things to do on my bucket list.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Good evening everyone,   I don't think my mother ever cooked a meal that I didn't like. We also had a kitchen where mom fixed the food, dad filled your plate, and you eat it. It wasn't until our baby brother was born that we could have Pop-Tarts for snacks. Before that all snacks had to meet mom's approval, and in her opinion wouldn't prevent you from eating supper.   Well my day started off on a good note, but has become frustrating because my IT person didn't transfer my saved videos I use for teaching. Then I found out that they didn't save any of my book marks for websites I use frequently.   Best wishes, stay motivated,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • MaeBe
      The number is relative to method of deliver, the time of the dose, and when the blood is drawn. However, I do want to keep away from DVT and other potential issues. I assume I may be getting backed down from my current dose, but my doc told me to stick with the higher dose, so? I also wonder if this has anything to do the my breast growth and mental changes that have been happening over the past few years, like I have some estrogen sensitivity so a little goes a long way or something? I don't have enough data to postulate, but who knows!   With weekly, subcutaneous, shots you expect to see big swings of serum level estradiol from shot to peak to trough. My doctor is interested in mid-week testing (for E and T levels only), which would be post-peak blood serum levels but they will be higher than trough. Most, if not all, resources I've seen online is to measure at trough (which I might do just to do it next time) along with a SHBG, LH, and other metrics.   This is from transfemscience.org for Estradiol valerate in oil, which is very spiky compared to some other estradiol combinations. It's also for intramuscular, which will have a slower uptake and is usually dosed in higher volume due to the slower absorption rate from muscles. They don't have subcutaneous numbers, which I would expect to see similar spikes but higher levels at similar doses due to the relatively higher absorption rate direct from fat.   Are you doing pills, shots, or patches? And when you do get your levels checked are you getting that done when your levels are lowest or some other time?
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...