Any Older Ftms? (40+)

[Guest Linus Thomas]

I often feel somewhat alone one many of the boards and in the one group I used to attend. The average age seems to be somewhere between 18-25 and so transitioning at age 37 (I'm turning 41 this month) seemed a challenge. When you start transitioning at a later age, things feel somewhat different: you've likely established yourself in a job, you have set friends, perhaps even a few kids. So I figured a thread where we can talk about the challenges that we face when starting this journey at this age.

[JJ]

We have a few other FtMs here closer to your age. I'm actually 20+ years older. And I know what you mean about being alone. I can't find another FtM transitioning at my age anywhere-not on boards or on the net.

I just started transitioning about 2 months ago. There are things that my age makes more challenging and things that it makes easier. I'm retired so I don't face the same job challenges and the effects of T are suspected to be much faster since I am past menopause. My Dr. is leery but had I been younger wouldn't have even considered treating me. My only child is in her 30s and secure enough in who she is not to be affected by social consequences in our small town.

But I have 2 sisters who ceased to communicate when I decided to transition after being verbally accepting of the fact I was trans. Perhaps at this point it is just too hard to picture for them. It was okay as long as this was something in my head but changing my body and presentation was probably too much.

And there is the short time that I will have as my true self -if I can have 10 good years it will be a blessing.Especially since I am already well past my life expectancy with Lupus. I actually think the probable increased muscle strength and metabolism will help with that and some other health issues. I just wish I could find another senior FtM to ask!

One more consequence is that I want to express who I am and have always been-I am not a buttoned down type of guy and have always preferred an edgy look in the casual-and more masculine clothes I wore away from work. I prefer black and a sort of Rock Goth look. Affliction is my favorite brand right now for instance, and I hate the idea of being seen as having a late mid-life crisis or an old guy trying to recapture his lost youth-though there is a poignant truth in that last idea. Even so I'll wear what I please from here on out.

I wonder why there are so few of us who transition after the 30s and why I seem to be alone as a senior transitioning FtM?

I realize your challenges are different and would like to hear more about them.

[Guest Linus Thomas]

Interestingly, you're not the first post-55 FTM I've met who started transitioning at that age. But I think you may be the first on the board I've met. I have two theories as to why this may be:

1. Many FTMs who transition blend immediately in and let go of any association with others. Since T is often associated with LGBTQ and they may not see themselves as L and/or G or Q then they may believe it is not for them and go on their own.

2. There may be more younger FTMs because the technology and discussion of it is more common. I remember growing up and not cluing in to my own masculinity (I so wanted to deny it and the feelings I had -- including my internal view of myself as a gallant knight or a variation of Bond). Because I had no terms or understanding of how to define that, I hid it. Until I began to more recently look into it when I gave up on what I was trying to hide did it make sense.

For me, my challenges have been some family being supportive and accepting (or trying to accept -- so many years means mistakes will be made in regards to pronouns and the like); finding support groups; and dealing with colleagues in a career I had already established 4 years prior to transitioning (a public facing one at that). I have an additional challenge of cross-border issues (being a Canadian on a non-immigrant work visa living in Los Angeles). So far, I've been lucky to be limited in my challenges but I know I have some coming up and that's mainly the big M (menopause). I know I'll need to address that sooner by having a hysterectomy but it will be somewhat challenging at finding a surgeon who is both FTM-friendly and covered under benefits (partially and/or fully -- don't get me started on the weird medical systems here; I truly miss my Canadian health care).

[Guest ShortyT]

At 34 I'm not really old enough for this thread. I started transitioning last year, went full time in August (just before hormones).

I didn't know I was trans until I got my hands on a computer and realised there were ftm as well as mtf. At that point I had a kid, and I made the decision not to look further into it until he was older (will turn 18 this year). I'm pretty set in my life, had teh same job for the past 5 years, will be staying there for a few more. I have been incredibly fortunate however, with regards to both family and work. So far, at least.

[Bulldog1948]

Hey JJ,

Let's face it- when you reach our age- you can do whatever you feel the heck like doing Life is just too short to have to hide the "real" person that you are. Whether you're a FTM or a MTF; just ask Donna Jean, Lizzy & Sally [ the Mephis Belles- now New Orleans Belles] It took them years to finally achieve their full female status; but they've finally done it. And, there's absolutely no reason that you can't obtain your right to live like the man that you are.

You know, sometimes other people in our familes are more afraid of the FTM issues and its ramifications than we are. Afterall, by us transitioning, we're upsetting their applecarts and they don't like that at all. So, in the end you have to make a huge decision, either go on existing as a female or taking the journey to becoming a man and finally becoming alive; instead of living like a dead person.

I know, from reading your post, that you've made the decision to be a man and finally be happy. Your sisters will just have to learn to live with it; either deney you or become supportative of you; it's their choice.

Bulldog 1948 Mike age 63 and loving it and so does my wife Jean

[Guest ranse]

It is such a relief to read this thread. I'm in my 40s and have known all my life that I was male, but at the time and place I was growing up there was no information or support for anyone who varied from the strictest of gender roles. I fought against my true feelings my whole life going so far as to get married and have children.

I have not yet come out to anyone or made much effort to try to pass, mostly because of my children. I don't want to make their lives difficult or painful to satisfy myself.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences and especially the idea that once you reach a certain age, it's okay to live your life on your terms.

Take care, brothers.

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Well, I do NOT belong here inasmuch as I'm MTF. However, I DO belong here because I'm age 55.5. Bros, all I can do is offer you my support and empathy.

Frankly, I love my transbrothers. My original gender therapist back in Florida just turned age 60 and got into transsexual counseling as a career, because her best friend since childhood transition as a FTM when they were both in their 20s.

My new gender therapist here in Oregon is a transguy who transtioned FTM at age 41 or 42:

http://www.transtherapist.com/

Reid started live as Nancy Vanderburgh. Well, I saw him just this past Monday and he's The Bomb! Finally, I'm actively helping a few younger-middle-aged transguys I know. My favorite famous transguy is Jamison Green.

This trans-sister (pun most DEFINITELY intended!) admires and loves you guys! ROCK ON!

Linus:

You're so cool, dude. Love your posts.

John J:

My Big Brother, live EACH and EVERY day to the MAX, man!

Lacey Lynne

[Guest ranse]

I wonder why there are so few of us who transition after the 30s and why I seem to be alone as a senior transitioning FtM?

I realize your challenges are different and would like to hear more about them.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I grew up in a small Southern town in the 1970s. Anyone who did anything outside the expected was, at best, made the butt of jokes, and at worst, shunned outright. Self-policing kept many people from listening to their instincts about themselves. I know several people who left the small town and came out as gay, lesbian, or bisexual; only one moved back home and is out to the community at large. There were just very few role models at the time.

Coupled with that, it was hard to find information. I have a clear memory of being in the public library when I was in middle school and finding Renee Richards' autobiography and reading it hidden in the stacks absolutely transfixed by the idea it really was possible to make the outside line up with the inside. Finally, I had a name for what I felt. However, I had all the fear of rejection and that seemed to hold more weight. I tried so hard to be happy with the body I was born in and the expectations that came with it, but I was so disappointed when I started menstruating and developed breast. I felt betrayed by my own body and hurt when people stopped telling my mother what a handsome boy she had.

I'm thrilled that younger people have the information available to them. The journey is never easy and understanding from others is a gift, but I am glad the door has opened enough for them to speak up for themselves early on.

JJ, I hope you do have some relief from the Lupus during the transition ... it would be wonderful for you to be able to fully enjoy your new true self.

[Guest poa_annua]

I am so glad you started this thread. I too am over 40. I have felt kinda "old" on this board with all the younger transmen. I don't relate to many of their "issues" My solution in my younger days was, "suck it up". So I'm unhappy, just play the cards you have been given. Until a year ago I didn't know that there was such a thing as FTM. I didn't know that there was a word for what I felt.

Just think, Stonewall was in 1969. The GLBT movement was in its infancy as I grew up. Heck I didn't even know there was such a thing as gay people when I grew up. So I conformed. I even got good at lying to myself about what I felt. I got married, and tried to be happy.

Only after the Dr. bumped my Prozac prescription to the max allowed, and I was 150lbs over weight, did I decide that this was not working and I had to do something.

Thank you for starting this thread. Now I know that I am not alone.

[Guest ranse]

I am so glad you started this thread. I too am over 40. I have felt kinda "old" on this board with all the younger transmen. I don't relate to many of their "issues" My solution in my younger days was, "suck it up". So I'm unhappy, just play the cards you have been given. Until a year ago I didn't know that there was such a thing as FTM. I didn't know that there was a word for what I felt.

Just think, Stonewall was in 1969. The GLBT movement was in its infancy as I grew up. Heck I didn't even know there was such a thing as gay people when I grew up. So I conformed. I even got good at lying to myself about what I felt. I got married, and tried to be happy.

Only after the Dr. bumped my Prozac prescription to the max allowed, and I was 150lbs over weight, did I decide that this was not working and I had to do something.

Thank you for starting this thread. Now I know that I am not alone.

I can totally relate to what you're saying about just sucking up your feelings and carrying on trying to bury your self and feelings far inside and not even knowing there were other people with the same feelings.

This will never be an easy journey for anyone to make, but I hope the younger FTMs coming behind us will have an easier path to walk and more acceptance.

[Guest whippersnapped]

I'm 56 years old, and just started talking to my doctor about hormones. I have many friends that are active in the younger FTM community, and my adult daughter is very supportive. Most of my friends are just surprised that I haven't done this sooner!

My concerns are: Work; I work with a lot of older women from cultures that are homophobic and transphobic, so coming out may be a stretch. Dating; I have been getting cruised exclusively by gay men for the pasty 2 years, and feel awkward about what I want and what to do. Health; I'm having a difficult time finding information on health effects of T on post-menopausal, creakier bodies.

I'm very glad to find others who are over 40 talking about their experiences.

[Guest Jae_russ]

i felt old for this board too. I am not in my 40s yet, but I definitely do not share in the problems many of the ftms talk about like high school. I welcome a more mature discussion. This thread is great!

[Guest Eric6]

Hi Linus

I'm almost 48 (gulp, b/day next week) and I know what you mean about feeling like there aren't many of us older guys out there. I feel so damn envious of the young ones, to be honest. I wish I was 18 or even 28 and figuring this out. I asked myself the other day whether it was possible to spend your whole life figuring something out and I guess it is.

As a child I could fight with the best and always wore pants and shirts unless my mother wanted me to "look nice." I didn't think about being a boy or a girl until I got old enough that people started pushing me into what seemed like the right gender role. I was in my teens, I think, when I first read the name Christine Jorgensen and started to realise that my hassles might not just be me being weird :-)

This forum has helped a lot. In the last few years I've started to move towards dressing properly male. Don't know if I'll transition. Money is a big problem. But hey, I'm still managing to be me, more than I was when I was younger and trying to please people. Boy, did I do a lot of that.

Anyway, nice to meet you.

Alex

[JJ]

I'm 56 years old, and just started talking to my doctor about hormones. I have many friends that are active in the younger FTM community, and my adult daughter is very supportive. Most of my friends are just surprised that I haven't done this sooner!

My concerns are: Work; I work with a lot of older women from cultures that are homophobic and transphobic, so coming out may be a stretch. Dating; I have been getting cruised exclusively by gay men for the pasty 2 years, and feel awkward about what I want and what to do. Health; I'm having a difficult time finding information on health effects of T on post-menopausal, creakier bodies.

I'm very glad to find others who are over 40 talking about their experiences.

This creaky and broken down post menopausal body took to T like a duck to water. It's been like turning the clock back 20 years. I don't think that I would have been able to regain mobility-not to mention a degree of my old fitness-after 2 years in bed had it not been for T. Sure I added the willpower to the mix and did what had to be done-but without T I really believe the atrophied muscles would have been too far gone. The hard part has been losing weight on T-but it is possible,

Actually I can't think of a single reaction I have had to it that wasn't great. Except maybe turning the lower half of my body unexpectedly hairy. I mean really, really hairy. And the libido thing. Don't mind feeling it but sometimes it's like being a teenage boy and having to learn to control it. It hit pretty early and strongly-but then I always thought I was asexual-but has gradually either been sublimated or decreased over the 6 months I have been on T.

Your reactions may vary of course. But if I am anything to go by it will be amazing. And being past reproductive age, Drs. aren't as scared of hormones with us.

It is great to have another FtM onsite starting transition past menopause. It sometimes feels that I'm the only one anywhere. We sure aren't common. There is little to no information out there either about the effects of starting T past menopause. Sometimes because of that a hold harmless comes in handy sonetines for persuading your Dr .

[Guest ranse]

For me, as much I would have liked to transition early on and lived my entire adult life as male, I think in some ways it's easier doing it over 40. I'm far less concerned about what other people think of me than I would have been in my late teens/early 20s. I know I'll lose friends and family over this, and it makes me sad, but it doesn't outweigh the drive to finally take care of myself instead of putting everyone else's needs before my own.

Another advantage for me is having an education and career that will allow transition to be a little easier than it might have been when I was younger. Once you've been established, it's a little harder to make the argument that this is just a phase. You've shown that you can make decisions and stick by them. This is a major life-changing decision, but there's no doubt in my mind.

I'm interested to see how I react to testosterone. I'm hoping that I find the energy and mental relief many write about. I am so uncomfortable with my body, it's hard to get out and be active ... something I want to change both for me and my kids.

[Guest xchrisx]

I'm 41....nice to see some older folks here!

[Guest fitingdragon22]

Everywhere I go it seems like it is guys in their 20's and I have a hard time relating. At 40 I have been through their day to day stuff. It is good to find other guys who understand.

[Guest connor]

I'm 43. I have spent most of my life being who I was supposed to be. I am only now starting to think about me and wondering if transitioning is possible.

[Guest Juniper Blue]

Hi All,

I live as an androgyne but would have probably chosen an FtM life if i were living as a youth today. Still, I have no regrets ...

I'm 42 and the possibility of changing my body physically, at this point, is overwhelming to me. I have had some health related issues due to genetic problems that enabled me to get a hysterectomy and the removal of one ovary. I am also planning to have a double mastectomy if it can be approved to treat severe problems due to a pituitary adenoma ( but this is pending .. I will see the surgeon next month). So, there have been physical changes ... although they were not specifically intended to promote a gender transition. It is kind of ironic how my health problems are all genetic and endocrine related ... very odd ... and in a way, convenient. I have had a masculine appearance since puberty due to hormonal imbalances and prior to that, I was boyish as well.

I grew up and had a (secret) boyhood up until puberty at age 10. At that point, the pressure to conform to gender expectations went from strong to very intense. I experienced extreme body/gender dysphoria throughout my early childhood and youth. I have come to terms and resolved many of these issues but still struggle moderately, especially with my discomfort with having breasts rather than a chest.

I do not bind or pack but I maintain a very masculine appearance which feels very natural to me. I wear only men's clothing and extremely masculine/short hair and have done so for over 20 years.

Why do I not begin SRS to at least T?? There are many reasons. Some are financial ... it really is not a realistic option financially. My partner and I have a modest incomes and limited resources and so, it is most important for me to direct my energy and finances to what I am certain will improve my life and the lives of others. I do not wish to allow this one area of my life to consume so much that I have have no ability to pay for other necessities (much less save, travel or give to charities.)

But even more, regardless of financial limitations, I am very concerned about negative health related side effects. As I have gotten older, I am much more in touch with my mortality. I have built a rich and meaningful life and I am deeply committed to my loving partner of 9 years. The idea of doing something intentionally that could cause me to develop avoidable health issues does not feel ... hmmm ... fair ??

Also, because I am living very much as a man and often "pass" despite my avoidance of medical intervention, I do not feel a pressing need to physically change my body to further to match my primarily male gender disposition. In addition, at my age, I have developed coping skills to help me manage what often still feels like a disconnect between my internal feelings of gender and my outward physical body.

Lastly, I stand where I am because of the 42 years that I have been socialized as female. Internally, I have developed female characteristics that balance my masculine nature. I have grown accustomed to my androgyny. I actually like this quality of gender balance. I feel a certain comfort level in my life and I do not wish to disrupt it as it has taken so long to find this peace.

Could I be happier as man??? Possibly ... but I am in a "Bird in the hand" situation.

I am working on living as a "man" in political ways ... in the sense that I am working on gaining equality and every right and freedom under the law, to live as I wish.

Would I have chosen to transition if I were 18 today? Probably, yes. I am not sure if that would have been the best decision ... it is hard to say. But remembering how painful it was for me to deal with my sexual orientation and body dysphoria ... I think that I would have most likely transitioned if I had had a viable opportunity and choice.

I guess, that at this point, my life as a man is a relatively private matter. I do not push to be recognized with pronouns and I do not go by a chosen name except for on-line ( where I prefer to be called 'J' and my PGP's are male pronouns.) My close friends know, my loved ones know, my partner supports me and that is enough for me at this time in my life. In this way, I live as man. For now, it is adequate and mostly satisfying ... This may change or it may stay the same. I remain open.

For now, I am focused on remaining healthy and balanced so that I may have as many years as possible to share with my partner. I want to continue an interesting journey of self-discovery in my exploration and experience in the world. I guess that my perspective has broadened since my youth. With age, I feel that there is so much to consider when I consider making a deliberate outward gender transition. In my youth, things felt less complicated.

Best to You,

- J

[Guest alexjean1963]

I often feel somewhat alone one many of the boards and in the one group I used to attend. The average age seems to be somewhere between 18-25 and so transitioning at age 37 (I'm turning 41 this month) seemed a challenge. When you start transitioning at a later age, things feel somewhat different: you've likely established yourself in a job, you have set friends, perhaps even a few kids. So I figured a thread where we can talk about the challenges that we face when starting this journey at this age.

Hi Linus,

I'm Alex [aka AJ] and I just came out as FTM at age 48, I know what you mean and I feel the same way. I've been on Laura's PLayground for about a week now and everyone is so kind and very helpful. I've learned so much and yes, I still have lots of questions, but I will have to wait until my next appointment with my mental health worker. I only get to see her once/mo. and my last visit is when I told her [Dec. 14/11] so now I have to wait before finding out what I do next.

Thanks to people like, ranse, JJ, Alex Six and a few others, I feel like I'm not as alone as I thought I was and I now know what questions to ask my worker/doctor. I hope you and others find this Thread helpful and we all can start posting our stories and help each other. Once I see a gender specialist and start T, I will be making videos on YT and will keep you all informed here as well to how my transition goes.

If I can help just one person, then that would make me feel like I've accomplished something good in my life. You are not alone my friend.

*Peace*

....AJ

[Bulldog1948]

Hey AJ,

Welcome brother. I read your post over on CB's board and I noticed that no one had bothered to reply in your quest for help and info. I was going to register over there and suggest that come come over to this part of town.

You will find that the brothers and sisters over here are all family. They do not pre-judge new members. We are here to listen and help you in any way that we can while you begin your journey into manhood.

Have you posted on the general forum yet. The ladies are just dying to make you cookies and hot chocolate.

Mike

[Guest alexjean1963]

Hey AJ,

Welcome brother. I read your post over on CB's board and I noticed that no one had bothered to reply in your quest for help and info. I was going to register over there and suggest that come come over to this part of town.

You will find that the brothers and sisters over here are all family. They do not pre-judge new members. We are here to listen and help you in any way that we can while you begin your journey into manhood.

Have you posted on the general forum yet. The ladies are just dying to make you cookies and hot chocolate.

Mike

Thanks Mike,

What is CB's board-lol? Anyway, right now JJ has been helping me a lot with my 101 questions, he's so patient with me and I really need that right now. These past few days since my last post have been hard, I've been second guessing myself and wondering if I should bother to transition. It all just seems so damn scary and I have no male role modal to help me with passing. I'm so scared I can't sleep any more and a pace my living room floor sometimes until 5 in the morning. I just wish I had someone I could talk to in person, face to face.

Thank you for welcoming me into your family. Oh ya, and where do I find this "general forum"?

*Peace*

....AJ

[Guest ranse]

Hey AJ,

Welcome brother. I read your post over on CB's board and I noticed that no one had bothered to reply in your quest for help and info. I was going to register over there and suggest that come come over to this part of town.

You will find that the brothers and sisters over here are all family. They do not pre-judge new members. We are here to listen and help you in any way that we can while you begin your journey into manhood.

Have you posted on the general forum yet. The ladies are just dying to make you cookies and hot chocolate.

Mike

Thanks Mike,

What is CB's board-lol? Anyway, right now JJ has been helping me a lot with my 101 questions, he's so patient with me and I really need that right now. These past few days since my last post have been hard, I've been second guessing myself and wondering if I should bother to transition. It all just seems so damn scary and I have no male role modal to help me with passing. I'm so scared I can't sleep any more and a pace my living room floor sometimes until 5 in the morning. I just wish I had someone I could talk to in person, face to face.

Thank you for welcoming me into your family. Oh ya, and where do I find this "general forum"?

*Peace*

....AJ

Hey AJ,

Welcome brother. I read your post over on CB's board and I noticed that no one had bothered to reply in your quest for help and info. I was going to register over there and suggest that come come over to this part of town.

You will find that the brothers and sisters over here are all family. They do not pre-judge new members. We are here to listen and help you in any way that we can while you begin your journey into manhood.

Have you posted on the general forum yet. The ladies are just dying to make you cookies and hot chocolate.

Mike

Thanks Mike,

What is CB's board-lol? Anyway, right now JJ has been helping me a lot with my 101 questions, he's so patient with me and I really need that right now. These past few days since my last post have been hard, I've been second guessing myself and wondering if I should bother to transition. It all just seems so damn scary and I have no male role modal to help me with passing. I'm so scared I can't sleep any more and a pace my living room floor sometimes until 5 in the morning. I just wish I had someone I could talk to in person, face to face.

Thank you for welcoming me into your family. Oh ya, and where do I find this "general forum"?

*Peace*

....AJ

Hey AJ: every man you know is a role model in some way of what to do/not do. A lifetime of close observation of what you feel you are and want to be has probably let you pick up way more than you realize about how men function in social settings.

Trust yourself. Be yourself. It will all work out.

It's never too late to follow your heart.

[Guest NyB]

I am so excited you posted! I can identify. Before I found this site, I was looking at all of the youtube posts and I didnt find many who were our age. I am 47 and I feel many of the things that others have posted here. I just accepted that I was never going to be able to be myself after puberty and I have lived that lie for too long. I must transition. It is so good to be here. I feel better already. Glad you posted and started this thread, more later. My head is spinning a bit right now out of excitetment and relief. So glad this forum is here! Thank You!!!!

[Guest mynameisjay]

Hey! I am 40 and I am beginning transitioning (just started T). It is nice to find other people who are in my age group.

Jay