Slurs

[Guest Fatefighter]

So, unfortunately I am still in high school, almost graduated. Lately I have been noticing a sharp increase in slurs and inflammatory/negative remarks directed towards me. I am Genetic male, and present as so, but still am getting referred to with terrible slurs referring to homosexual individuals. It has gotten to the point where I have slipped in to a very, very deep depression. I'm interested in hearing how often others experience this. Speak up!

[Guest Emily Ray]

I wish i could give you advise on how to handle this in a healthy way. Because the way I handled it was wrong for me and added to my pain and suffering. I think that as the school year closes the senior class, at least my senior class banded together some. it definitely lessened as it got closer. hold on hon. this is just two more months of your life and you will be free from it all. I know it is hard to believe, but it is true that life is not like high school and when you are freed from its walls you can begin the life you want to live.

Huggs

Emily

[Carolyn Marie]

Do your best to ignore the taunts, Sasha. There will come a day when you will meet some of those low lifes, and you will be better

off than they. Ignorance and hatred breed the same. Hold your head high and ignore them. Don't let them bring you down, don't descend to their level by fighting with them, either with words or fists.

Don't let it get to you, hon. Be strong. Be proud. Carry pepper spray (be careful!).

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest]

Hi Sasha,

It's not so evident, but those who call you names are really afraid of you. It is also true that the people who deal with life through violence will find it themselves. It's hard to do, but feel sympathy for these suffering souls! If you can be confident in who you are, their words will fall harmlessly.

As Emily said, you've only a few months to get through. And after that, your slate is clean. High School has to be the worst time of all - you're nearly done - so hold on! I left town after graduation and never looked back. Start making plans now!

Love, Kat

[Guest SJH]

Hi Sasha

I don't have as much of it now allthough I still get it (once/maybe twice a month) but back in High school I had this problem at least once a week and sometimes multiple times a week depending on how the people that said it felt I'm guessing. What didn't help more is that I was the target of bullying full stop during high school.

I think bully types have inner insecurity or maybe even jealousy and bully because of that.

All the best

Samantha

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Older

Either people don't notice - or I am too hard of hearing.

GRIN

Lizzy

[Guest mystic]

My experience is those remarks have constantly increased as the years go by, but so have the positive ones. The blessings are counted the other ignored. It still hurts, but if you are living life without receiving comments then you have become what surrounds you and you have to decide if you can live with that.

Finding what makes you happy on the inside is the only real cure for depression --nothing on the outside can change that.

[Guest John Chiv]

Sasha,

Such excellent advice for everyone I respect tremendously. If there is a LGBT organization near you, please contact them. They can work with your school and perhaps ease the last few months where you can focus on your education. Don't know where you live and in what state but there are also laws against bullying and the focus does not have to be your perceived sexual orientation or people's discomfort with gender identity but the fact that you are being bullied.

Most of all, be safe.

John

[Guest amf69]

Sasha,

It must be tough to see it when its your day to day life right now, but it is just high school. Its been my experience that they likely won't stop, avoidance is always a good way to go, but you are probably already doing that? If you feel threatened seek help from a school counselor or principal, most kids who get harassed don't do this or think no one will care, but bullying today is really frowned upon in most schools, which is a big change from back in the day. Its pretty sad that kids still behave this way, but not surprising. I think this stems from their parents, home life, personal insecurities and honestly some people are just born mean, in the same way others are born intelligent, tall, or skinny.

If it helps any, I took some personal joy when I find out that one of the kids who constantly picked on me (and others) growing up spent significant time in jail (which may or may not have straightened him out, don't know, don't care), and on the bright side, still another found God, and is now a minister living in Cleveland (the latter part may actually be his punishment for misdeeds in his youth...). There is definitely a force of karma in the world and what comes around definitely goes around.

All the best and try and enjoy graduation

Amanda

[Guest Carrie7676]

You know most of the time, people don't notice or it is that they don't mind, you can always tell when someone does have a problem, when they stare with the look! you know it lol, I just smile and wave hi, some say my smile is disarming lol

[Guest J.P]

Hmm, It's hard to quantify really. Funnily enough I was actually slurred at like an hour ago while walking home from the gym but other than that I've not had any bother for weeks.

Then there's other times were I'll run into trouble more than a few times in the same week, it's sheer bad luck I guess.

Of course I'm not always out as a guy, when I'm with my family etc I need to dress in girls clothes(albeit very tomboyish) so I don't get slurred at then.

[Guest amanda_s]

Sorry to hear this Sasha, i went through 9 years of crap like that for me it stopped after i finished school. it was of the happiest days for me don't give up better days are coming. you have a whole life ahead.

Amanda

[Guest Maria_B]

I know this is an older topic, but considering how artsy fartsy, feminine, pretty and sensitive I was, I never got slurred at.

Like, ever.

3 years of High School and I can't actually remember being slurred at.

I hate to say this as it sounds uppity; but I think nearing the whole year level liked me O___o''

Then again, I was a mighty jokester and always gave people the BotD and listened to them. I unno. Maybe I just got lucky.

[Michelle 2010]

Since this topic has received 1200 views since being posted, it seems to be a topic of interest in our community. Another gay student was bullied into suicide in Iowa this month through cyber and school harrassment. If you are depressed, as was the OP last year, please reach out to someone. Here is a link to let people know they are not alone, that others have been through it, and there are creative things that can be done. The Project has been around for a while but it doesn't hurt to remind those who are just starting to deal with TG issues and the bullying that can occur.

http://www.itgetsbetter.org/video/

Hugs

Michelle

[JJ]

Maria your post so reminds me of the most important thing to me about how to prevent being bullied. Very simple and very hard. It's attitude.

I don't think anyone should be bullied ever. Nor do I blame the victim but the reality is that when you act like a victim there are those who will leap in to victimize you. When you act like prey it will bring out the predator in some people. Especially people who need to act out their own anger or insecurity.

We should have a zero tolerance on bullying but I don't believe we will ever stop it. it is a dark side of human nature I fear.

I didn't have Maria's facility for being fun and funny so I got tough. I was the tallest and skinniest kid in my school in grade school. Had thick glasses and an eye that crossed sometimes, was a nerd before the word was invented and lived with my grandparents because my parents were divorced which was shameful in that day and time. And something hard to disclose after all this time-I had an irritable bladder so had an accident a couple of times when denied a bathroom pass. Perfect bullying material.

But I was never bullied. In fact I defended the other kids who were bullied. I'm not saying my way was best but maybe it was the only one that would have worked for me. If someone tried to intimidate me I went toe to toe and looked them in the eye. Few would be bullies are really willing to fight. If you look like you are strong they'll drop it and find another victim. Look at the animal kingdom. There are lots of examples where social animals will turn on and attack a member of their social group-bully them-but stop when they stand up instead. If you go the other direction and ask for a fight or walk around with a chip on your shoulder though the results are just as bad usually by the way. You have to find a balance. . I wasn't popular till college when I blossomed and only had a few friends but I wasn't bullied.

Maria's way is best of all if you can do it. I finally learned how to be nice and friendly but strong and confidant on the outside as well. I really think that has had a lot to do with the fact that not one person-even here in this redneck area-has ever said a negative word to me about my transition. There have been one or two people who disapproved I could tell, but they chose to avoid close contact in a subtle way rather than confront.

No doubt I have also been lucky. But I think attitude has had a whole lot more to do with it. Not aggressive or militant-that doesn't fly with adults-but strong and confidant and offering no apologies. I have no problem with people who are confused and uneasy about me. As long as they are polite. And if it happens someone isn't I won't become anyone's prey or victim either. It's in body language and expression and the eyes.

The most important thing you can teach a vulnerable child or person I believe is just not to act a victim. Not reactive. You joke, you pass it off and you stay in control.

It is so simple-and so very, very hard. Especially when you really don't feel good about yourself inside to begin with but I think it's the only thing that really works in the long run.

Johnny

[Guest JohnV]

I am still in High School as well and because of that you can expect slurs to be directed towards you if you fit outside of the social norm. But you have to also keep peace in your own mind that they are ignorant. Remind yourself that you are a beautiful person, and that because of their ignorance, they will never understand the beauty and liberation of being true to yourself. I get called a "homo" and a "lesbian" all of the time, but I push past that. Sometimes, it's easier to think of such slurs almost as compliments. When they call you a "homo" they mean to demoralize and make fun of you. Try to take it in a positive way. Sometimes when I'm called a "lesbian" I just smile and shrug it off. Seeing me smile makes them feel awkward and they usually back off because it wasn't the reaction they were expecting. I know it's hard. Keep reminding yourself that you're a very beautiful person and even though the average foolish Highschool boy won't understand that, many others later in life will.

Highschool is tough but you're always done. Put your head down, brace your shoulders, and bear through it. Take everything in stride, and lean on friends when you can. If anything, come here and talk to us. We're always here to help.

Be you,

JohnV

[Guest clearleeraines]

It's kinda odd really I get it both way's It is either total humilation or total support, but it happens alot and the balence on the hate side. It is depressing for sure. i am androg I even get it from the gay men round here example AWw your just a cute lil queen who don't get it yet! God I hate men!!!! I pray for them at night before bed.

And for mother mary (my higher power) to make the world a more loving place. ps sent clear a androg woman shhh

Clear Lee

[Guest sarah olson]

I was one of those people who learned early to use humor to defend myself, it did not work with my parents who were both alcoholics and lived in perpetual self pity over their lots in life, poor farmers with 9 children. Watching the Waltons on tv, later in life made me want to puke, we were the evil twin Waltons I guess, anyway I spent a lot of time crying myself to sleep at night and dreaming of being a super hero so I could beat up all the jocks and jerks that made our lives hell at school. One jock got twenty years for a war crime on board a ship in Viet Nam, another very talented football player chose a life of robbery, he was not very good at it and a third, probably the most privileged of the group, cars, money cheerleaders, disappointed his mom and dad and ended up out on the street, I don't know where he ended up at but they all were privileged and coddled by the schools their parents and the community in general and also very homophobic, racist and bigoted. They never knew my secret and mostly left me alone, if they got to close I just went into my comedy routine and they would laugh and say your a goofy little bas!#@d,( better than dying) One other guy that lived next door was Carl , not a friend but he thought I was his friend. Carl liked to go to all the fights and wait until someone lost and then he would jump the looser especially if he was still on the ground,( and this speaks to the part about standing up to these guys,) Carl began to kick and berate a kid that just lost a fight and that kid broke, he came apart, got up and put Carl in the hospital, Karma? We all have to use different tricks to get by, I so wish the world was a nicer place but it isn't, as I got older and went into construction work I learned to swagger to bluff my way through some pretty nasty encounters, I hated it, the one I remember the most was two guys in a dairy queen harassing a mother with her little girl, I went into a rage and had every intention of killing them, they ran without their order and the mother thanked me and called me her hero, the reason I remember it so well is she said," what can I give you in thanks," she was wearing a gorgeous pink sweater and a white pleated skirt that I would have killed for and I couldn't say so! Life is so cruel sometimes and strangely funny. I heard about an idea going around a few years back about a town someone wanted to build just for people like us, with police and politicians and citizens just like us GLBTQ and color blind and loving. Every time the lottery gets to three or for hundred million dollars I buy tickets and fall asleep at night planning that city, Pack your bags and keep hoping! It may be an unrealistic dream but it is my dream and I think a lot, (more than we might suspect) of people share it. Keep fighting, don't ever surrender! (Sometimes when I am really down I come to the site and listen to all, good and bad, and think about what might be one day, I hope you all do too!) In the words of the imitable Popeye the Sailor Man ,"I yams what I yams and I am Sarah Olson and it is past my bedtime, Goodnight., sometimes I just won't shut up, where are my pillows, where did I put my........

[Guest Rose1993]

is being called the wrong gender consederd a slur?

[Guest Slowbro]

Being called the wrong gender is misgendering if it is a genuine mistake--but I think if they know you are a girl, and call you a man, or vice-versa just to be a jerk, it's a slur. Especially if it's said in a sexist, insulting way.

[Michelle 2010]

If I'm wearing a skirt and dressed and made up like the lady I am, I never have problems with one exception... I have been in three different Asian restaurants, two Indian and one middle eastern, where I have been misgendered more than one time at each. I vote with my money, and don't return to those places. I am about to swear off Asian; though, Thai restaurants haven't been a problem.

Michelle

[Guest Cody76]

Oh I'm all too familiar with that when I was in junior high I got bullied a lot probably got referred to with a slur once a day or every few days hard to remember exactly. It was weird I never did anything necessarily gay or trans back then (in public) it's like they some how knew. As far as your problem goes my personal advice to you is do something about it report it. I've always regretted not doing anything about being bullied when I was younger it lead to years of self denial, delusions, addiction to drugs (which I still struggle with), and a panic attack. And occasional thoughts of suicide. I've only gotten over it within the last year. At this point I don't have to put up with any intolerance because I'm very modest about how I dress because my hair isn't very long yet so I don't pass very well at all. And I live in a place where I don't know how my roommates would react to my true self so I'm moving out and I will expect the occasional slur and weird stairs too. But I don't care as long as they don't use violence I'll be just fine.

[Guest GinaInside]

Hi Fatefighter,

Don't let what they say depress you. Easier said than done, I know.

I caught it all my life, from people wherever I was:

"You (look, walk, talk, sit, act, eat, run (fill in the blank) like a girl/woman"

It can be painful, true. Almost pushed me to the edge.

Then, I decided to face and accept myself. I still work in a male environment, so still have to deal with the machismo.

But, there comes a point, where you either let them break you, or you tune them out.

I choose to tune them out

Good Luck,

Hugz,

Gina