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Guest Emily Ray

I Felt Afraid For The First Time

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With the recent violence against us Transgender I have become more aware of wher I go and who takes me as well. Today, I had to walk into a Napa auto parts store and as we were pulling up two men were getting out of their pickup and were going inside. I thought to myself "Great just what I need! A den of men!" I had to take a serpentine belt back and there were no problems at all today. Infact the only thing new today was the fear! I don't like to be afraid and I refuse to live that way. I don't know what I will do to change but something will have to be done.



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Fear is a difficult and painful thing. But all female bodied people have to live with a degree of fear. It's the dark, downside -BUT you don't have to let the fear rule your life or destroy your pleasure in what you do. Just channel it into awareness and caution.

I don't know any woman who does not fear on occasion, whether it is having to be in a parking lot on a dark night or just feeling that awful prickle when someone looks at you a certain way and you are alone. You learn to listen to it when the situation warrants and ignore it when you have done all you can.



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The best defense against fear is being alert, being mentally prepared, and being wise.

I've seen women (and men) walking with their heads down, or talking or texting on a cell, or just in la la land. Not a good thing.

Walk with your head up, look around, know who is around you.

Mentally prepared - think about an escape route when inside a building. Have the police department's direct line on speed dial. 9-1-1 is OK, but sometimes it goes to a dispatch station that is not in your home town. They have to transfer the call. Have something with you for self defense; pepper spray, a kubaton key ring, or just a big key ring.

Being wise - stay away from grungy bars and nightclubs. Take someone with you when hiking or jogging, or take a dog.

Fear can be good; it keeps you alert. As long as it doesn't rule your life, its OK.


Carolyn Marie

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I stumbled onto this thread earlier, and I wanted to reply back then, but I couldn't find the right words...

Now that John and Carolyn have dropped by, I can only say that they're right.

I think you'll be okay, Emily.



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We've changed......

I used to ride my Harley alone into the hopping and never a fear.....

Now, I worry about taking out the garbage at night....

We're vulnerable now....weaker than ever before and most importantly.....a target...

As Carolyn says....stay aware, stay away from bad places and people and that will take care of 75% of it....


Donna Jean

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But all female bodied people have to live with a degree of fear. JJ knows how that is.

I had always known that. I grew up with women - and I was always somewhat regretful that that was the way the world was for them.

Now it's me - and I am essentially female bodied.

I knew this was one of the downsides of becoming a woman, added to the glass ceiling, men ignoring our opinions, and the assumption we are weak and not very intelligent.

But we eventually learn defenses and strategies for all that.

Carolyn Marie is a policewoman. She tells it like it is.

Just know you are vulnerable now, and nowhere near able to take on a male who is in attack mode. It's just how it is. NEVER allow yourself to be a victim voluntarily - think 'safe' and be safe.

There are advice for women's defense sites on the internet. There are classes that can be taken, and best of all? Talk to other women. We CANNOT live in unreasonable fear.


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Dear Emily,

This is all a part of being a woman, we have to be more aware of our surroundings and be cautious - but not life in constant fear just heightened awareness of your own vulnerability - as men we never felt that or admitted it if we did.

Love ya,


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if you look at my story you'll know why now when i'm outside my home it will look like i have eyes behind my head and it happened in my home !!!

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