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For Those Who Aren't Transitioning


JJ

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Guest AshleighP

Thanks all for the helpful advice and encouragement (as always). I guess we never know where life will take us. The only thing I know for sure at this point is I don't really know anything for sure. I am becoming happier and more satisfied with my life as I am able to dress as I want more often with acceptance, or at least tolerance from my wife. Maybe someday I can share the entire "Ashleigh" experience with her, or maybe not. Either way I am happy with who I am right now and I guess that's what is important.

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Guest Stacie Cheyenne

I personally can & do relate to so much, That All of you on this Post have stated & I agree & actually Am Myself - More then a Cross Dresser, Definitely not @ the Moment A full Post op Transsexual Male to Female, But I haven't ruled out that Possibilty for the Future. I have heard over & over take small Step's During, Whatever stage of Transition Your in, If in fact Your In Transition. This Is Why I am so happy with Laura's Playground, There are Those that are Alway's, Helping, Guiding, Assissting & yes Protecting Us. And for ME, I appreciate All that Laura's Playground, Site Administrator's & Moderator's, Do for Me & Us: Thank YOu:

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Thanks for this topic. I have been genderqueer and non binary for most of my life but only recently has the vocabulary been developed that allowed me to understand what I was. Understanding that I am not, at my core, a man though I am MAB, and don't want to become female and that all that is just human was a huge relief. It allowed me to relax what in hindsight looks like amazing aggressiveness. I mean I think that since I stopped identifying as a man I've only had those prototypical male fantasies of just how much hurt I was going to put on someone if they dissed me or challenged me a few times in months instead of five times a day. I really didn't know how much damage I was doing to myself and how much happier I would be if I just stopped trying to be what I thought other people wanted me to be. As it turns out they didn't think that at all. The vast majority could not care less and the ones close to me always knew that I was weird. I'm old, like Johnny, and it was a terminal diagnosis, thankfully, it turns out not so terminal, that allowed me to look closely at my life and realize I was identifying with the wrong gender and that for me my real gender was Neither. This was terrifically empowering. But when I started wandering around the internets looking for other people like me I found out that there weren't too many and most of the ones who were were two generations younger than me. There are plenty of non op cds but I'm not really a cross dresser even though I wear women's clothes if being a cd means you want to pass as a gender not yours at birth. Oh there are a few academics and a few public figures but being neither fish nor fowl but something in between, as the poet said, I haven't found much. So this topic was lovely to encounter. Thanks again.

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Guest kristendk

Devida,

That's an interesting comment. Until your post, it never occurred to me that anyone would consider passing to be a requirement to be a CD. Perhaps I've been mistaken all this time, but I've always assumed there's a significant percentage of CDs who are happy to dress privately at home and have no interest in going out nor concerns about passing.

Kristen

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Hi Kirsten: I think that's true, probably the majority of cds just want to dress at home and never want to pass in public. I was, inexpertly, trying to say that there are people like me who are not ever trying to pass as male or female, publicly or privately. Rather, they want to express a certain place on the gender spectrum between male and female but not actually moving towards one or away from another. My limited experience with cds is that even at home, even if never in public, what they want, for a certain amount of time, is to be the opposite gender than what they have biologically. I don't. I am perfectly content with my biology. I just don't agree with my assigned gender. That does not appear to be common but I do think that I cannot be that unique, although I might be rare in my age group. I do understand the confusion that gender fluidity causes to binary people and I'm not demanding special pronouns because I think that the structure of language is so gendered that this is an incredible chore. I'm just saying that gender identity may be as unique as the individual and that there is always a tendency to want to assign one or the other, male or female. So I find that even with cds, who are most like me because they are mostly male and mostly like to wear some or completely women's clothes there is still a tendency to think they are transitioning to becoming women, in appearance if not in anatomy. Of course I am making general statements and there are many,, many variations.

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I originally thought I would be a cross dresser who dressed in private. I later discovered that my feeling ran much deeper. later went out in public, first with a group then on my own. It was a eye opening moment for me in that I felt so natural dressed in women's clothing. Another moment came when I researched the word 'transgender'. It connected me right away. Right then I knew that I was a transgender woman.

I have thought about surgery but am not going to do it because I'm comfortable where I am. We all have our own comfort levels. If one feels they need to transition, then do so. I support and applaud you on your decision. The important point is you are doing some thing to make your life better.

Though I'm not going to transition, I haven't closed the door either. Many of us have learned is that gender fluidity is not stationary or predictable.

:)

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Guest SamIThinkIAm

I've accepted that I'm a boy androgyne----both 'male' and 'neither/both'.

That said, do I plan on hormones or any sort of surgery? Probably not, or perhaps not long-term.

I value my life too much and have been too traumatized medically to do that, I'm not good with shots in the dark and the truth is we don't know what the effects of the HRT on bodies long-term.

The plan for me is to push my biological body as far as I can towards looking as I should look without it or surgery.

After that, we'll see if that's not enough for me.

The other thing for me is I could never be stealth---I hate lying and I hate feeling like I've got something to hide. I am what I am and part of that experience has been having 'female' reproductive organs and all the things that go with that.

I am transgendered but not transsexual. Never have been.

Early on in this journey I felt like I had to be FTM. I fought and was terrified of the 'girly parts of me' as if they proved I was faking it. I was being pushed into a 'manhood' I didn't want and at the very least wasn't ready for. But it was like those were the options---womanhood or manhood. When really, I've always been outside the binary. I'm still just a boy and just growing into my boyhood, manhood terrifies the hell out of me.

I don't want to be just another straight cisgender male.

I'm not that, and that's putting on one set of shackles, forced behaviour, expectations and etc in favour of my current burden.

I will always be out, visible and proud. I'm not asking for permission to blend into one of the pre-exisiting boxes, but to be myself and be a reminder that not everyone fits into boxes and to fight for the right to be, do, live and be accepted as I am. I hate that sometimes the public (and people who are questioning) believe that trans* only really means MTF and FTM transsexuals. It bothers me that sometimes I see young FTM's and MTF's trying to hide, destroy or deny those 'parts of themselves that don't fit' like if they don't then they aren't 'really trans'. Screw that.

I hate that people have to omit, lie and fake things in order to get help/therapy because of course the current psychiatric ideals is no, no true FTM would ever paint his nails.

I'm a boy. I am also a boy who likes 'girly' things, who doesn't want a big hairy man body or large male bits, and yes, I am submissive and sweet (mostly :P). I crave an androgynous body, with bits and pieces of both---yet more male than anything.

It took me a long time to realize that being/liking those things didn't make me a girl. Heck, I DON'T like painting my nails now precisely because my hands are too small and 'girly'.

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  • Forum Moderator

I think it's very starnge at times being androgyne. I tend to forget what sex I am and have to think - am I male thinking about female or female thinking about male! Mostly it does not matter and I am happy.

I would agree with much of what you say Sam (hope you don't mind the sortening of your name). I prefer to be very feminine and endeavour to that direction with shaving, plucked eyebrows etc but I cannot ever see myself having surgery. Male bits or female - just don't matter in that way. The point is to have a body that is good and a mind that feels in harmony

Tracy

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  • 4 weeks later...
Guest crocsrule4

I decided a long time ago I would not transition though I had truly considered it and took hormones in the past.

I feel who I am is not dependant on the outside at all and just love and express the qualities of being female I love in

my everyday life. I still love the freedom to live the dream physically in the bedroom and having my GF love me for it

means everything. I can say I love being the unique combo of male/female and try to appreciate both sides of me.

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Guest thevaliantx

I don't fit in here well at all because, it seems, none of my situation is applicable to others, and I don't articulate myself well (or engagingly) at all. Most do not 'get' why someone would have to stop HRT, and I have sensed (particularly in the live chat) folks taking me as less-than-serious, or some how "less trans" or not trans at all. It hurts, and they don't realize that while they're further along in their journey than I am, they're still alone without my voice.

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  • 2 months later...
Guest JayGray

I'm only going to partially transition. I'm going to start on HRT soon, but I have no intention of undergoing SRS. I want others to see me as female. I want the mental effects of estrogen and no more of the testosterone's effects. If I can manage it, I want electrolysis and possibly some minor facial feminization surgery, but only if I'm doing well financially.

It does make me worry that I'm "less trans".

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  • Admin
.

It does make me worry that I'm "less trans".

Jay, please don't fall for that nonsense. There is no "less" or "more" trans, no less or more authentic. There is only what your needs are, and whatever you feel is necessary to meet your needs. We are all individuals, and what is important for one person doesn't apply to anyone else. You should never feel pressured to be something or someone you are not, or to do something that you don't want to do.

I have not had GRS, and don't intend to. I am just as "authentic" as anyone else, whether they have or haven't had GRS.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

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Guest Razilee

I haven't posted much or in a long time, but I fnd this IS the place to come when you feel alone with no place to go. With the gender dysphoria hitting me strong I just want to the be in a different body. You comments however have me rethinking my definition of transitioning and wanting to work on the interior changes. Thank you.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I've signed up for several CD/Trans sites and feel the most comfortable here. I've quit all but one of the other sites due to rude people and in some cases, full transitioned people on those sites treating CD poorly.

Thank you, Lauras-Playground...

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Thank you, Johnny, for starting this topic way back when, and thank you to all of you who have shared your stories. I am 49 and finally discovering myself as non-binary-gendered, and I'm so thankful for this forum--I have felt supported and welcomed from the beginning.

Although I can't imagine ever doing surgery, and T seems almost equally unlikely for me for various reasons, I am nevertheless in a state of transition. Others' comments, above, about interior transitioning were so right-on. It is about discovering my truest self, and living as that self in the wider world. It isn't about passing, but about being authentic. And the closer I lean towards male, the more authentic I feel--and, interestingly, the more often I am perceived as male, even with only minimal outward effort at "maleness." When I see myself accurately, others are more likely to see me accurately, too.

I may never get to live as a man 100% of the time...but I remind myself frequently to enjoy the journey and not worry so much about whether there is a final destination. The journey is about discovering myself and honoring my own validity just as I honor other people's self-discovery and right to be who they are. And so far, in addition to a handful of treasured friends IRL who accept me as I am, I have found the most complete support and acceptance right here on Laura's. This truly is a sanctuary for all of us on the differently-gendered spectrum.

-Cyd

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Guest LizMarie

Some choose not to transition, but we should never rigidly lock ourselves into a choice. If we change our minds later, then go ahead. It's ok. There are people who transition and then choose to detransition. There are people who begin transition, then stop. There are people who begin, stop, then transition finally later.

No one should ever give another person grief over their choice to not transition, or to transition. For each of us, finding what is right for us as individuals may require making mistakes, stepping back, restarting, etc. There's no shame in that. That's just part of being human. :) And there's no shame in changing our minds.

The important thing is to find what works for you, what allows you to be happy and to live a fulfilling life.

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  • 3 months later...

Right now, I feel like all the physical transitioning I'd like to do is get top surgery, but I'm still not sure about that.

What would my family think? Would I regret it at all? (Even though I know I'd love for my chest to be flat) Would there be any complications?

I'm not sure why, but I feel like I don't really want/need to go on T. Maybe I'll want to in the future, but I don't know.

That's just how I feel.

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  • 1 month later...
Guest Faith gibson

I hope you are still following this post JJ. I thank you even though you made these comments 3 years ago.

Not everyone can transition, it doesn't really matter their reason. I was very upset here in LP a couple of weeks ago because I felt that there were a couple of individuals, who post lots, that implied that because people like I didn't leave the same tracks in the mud as they, we must therefore be on the wrong path. I am fighting these feelings of rejection daily. It hurt because I am already being rejected by a large part of society and needed the support of this group which comprises of people that feel similar to I.

I am looking at hormones now. But I am doing it hesitantly. If I could only not go that route, things would be so much better for the people I care about.

Regardless of what I do, I am legitimately a person experiencing extreme dysphoria and depression. I know I sound naive sometimes and am a very emotional person. I am also a very caring and generous person in that I do not impose my beliefs on anyone else. I respect even those that will not accept my path.

Thank you for your 3 year old post and I wish would have read it earlier.

Faith

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I'd first like to say that I whole heartedly agree with everything that Johnny said in his original post. Secondly, I am glad this post was brought back to life for us to see it again.

It is very important for those here to remember that gender is not a binary, even for trans folks. This thing called gender is a broad spectrum, with no individuals occupying the same space on the spectrum. Some of us are suffering, and suffering a lot. In quite a bit of pain, with very little, if any, relief. Some of us are living happy lives, the lives we dreamed of as children, and tend to think that what ever way we got there, that others must do the same, if they want to be happy. That is not the case, nor will it ever be. No persons path is the same as another persons path. Each one of us must walk our own path. Some are littered with painful experiences, other not so much. But we are ALL human beings, we all bleed the same when pricked. We must all lift each other up as we are able. Only in doing this will we be able to climb the mountain before us.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest Sarah23510

So true that not everyone can transition...some friends tell me to just do what makes me happy but there are others involved. Were I young and unencumbered by family, life, work it would be so much easier but now it is a matter of finding the balance that allows the woman I know I am to coexist with the man I have become.

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  • 3 months later...

I know that the original post was in 2011, but I feel compelled to add my 2 cents, as I do feel comfortable here, but I really haven't found someone who is going through or has gone through what I feel, although I know they have, I just haven't felt as though I have connected with them yet, and I also know that if I just keep posting and reading I will. I have felt that I was female since age 9, and being born into a homophobic family, without information on trangendered people, without the knowledge, most people when I was a kid was either gay or straight. If you dressed feminine most people just assumed you were gay. My Dad, gone now 15 years, bless is heart, I know made a comment that hurt me bad when I was a kid, but I loved him so much, and I respected him, I felt compelled to be as he chose. He said he wasn't going to have a queer for a son, but I know he didn't know what the hell he was talking about. In his day, men were men and women were women, it was black and white, and their was no grey area. Well people that live that way are closed minded, and the sad thing is, people still teach their children that way, and in my humble opinion, that is just wrong. I know I'm trans- something, I know that I'm feminine, and I now I prefer a dress over square jeans any day of the week. I also know that God gave me this body, I love my wife and kids, and I plan no reconstruction on what my mother birthed and God made me to be. I pierced both of my ears 5 times, and I did it all in mens clothes, and back then, my SO supported me to do so. She also use to support my dressing, which she doesn't a lot now, but we had a discussion recently, and I told her my desires, but I've not gotten any response from her. I know I've moved from the point, but I just want everyone to know that I feel really comfortable here, and know before long I will find that special someone here that can relate to my situation, and we will become friends, and share the transitions we are going through, hence meaning girlfriends that can share any intimate details about life, transition, how they are dealing with their SO, and have the interested in being besties so to speak. I'm not talking sexual friends, but intimate discussion type friendship. I know we are all different here, but if we were all the same, we wouldn't come here, what would be the purpose, to share identical situations. Yeah right. Thank God we are all different, it makes life worth living.

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  • 3 years later...

Thanks for those kind words. As someone who is trying to be as feminine as possible without the transition, I have found this a place of incredible knowledge and inspiration. 

It can be overwhelming trying to learn all the aspects of being a woman after spending my entire life as a man. I am becoming a woman from the inside and I feels better and I see myself differently every day. Coming here and reading the advise and the tips has been incredibly liberating to me.

It makes a difference!

Love

G

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I too, found this post extremely helpful. 

 

Being at the very early stages of sorting out my identity can be very daunting.  The are always the worries that I may just be imagining everything, and there is no way of proving that I am serious.  I have no idea what will be necessary for me to be comfortable with who I am.

 

People often say "just be yourself and you will be fine".  It sounds easy when you say it like that!!!!

 

Robin.

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  • Forum Moderator

I'm glad to hear you have found this post and this site beneficial.  There really are a lot of special people here!   We've all been where you are or are on the same journey.  You are not alone. 

 

Jani

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  • 3 months later...

I am struggling to find who I am right now. I love the idea of being wanted and loved and I feel I can only get this if I’m a woman.  This might be the wrong way to feel but it is how my mind feels. When I’m lonely I seem to move into my fantasy world we’re I’m Tessa. I bring her alive by wearing the clothes and feelings rush in and a sense that all is well in the world comes over me. When I brake out of the imaginary bubble hurt is still there. Divorced, Alone, Ok Job.  I am seeking professional help to get a handle on these feelings. I think it’s time I deal with them. 

I know regardless if I transition or not the female in me will always be there. I have to learn how to let Tessa out and enjoy that feminine side in me. My road is long but with right help I can make it. I want people to see me as beautiful in whatever skin and body I’m in. The amazing thing is I can cheer myself up but later in the night the darkness is back haunting me. I failed my marriage and my ex hates me. She cut off all effection for years and I loved unloved and unwanted. I was only there for my children. When your refused so much love is it even possible to feel again from an actual person. Hugs are strange to me. The love I give to myself is greater than the love I could ever receive. But is it ok to go into that imaginary world? I know I’m safe there. 

 

Love 

 

Tessa

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  • Posts

    • April Marie
      I so very much enjoy your posts. This one, though, hit home with me for many reasons. I was commissioned in the Army in '77, as well. Like you, I was not overly masculine in the way that many of our contemporaries were. I (still do) cried at weddings, pictures of puppies and babies, when I talked about bring proud of what my units accomplished and was never the Type A leader. In the end, it worked for me and I had a successful career.   This is, of course, your story not mine so I won't detail my struggle. It just took me much longer to understand what the underlying cause of my feelings was and even more to admit it. To act on it.    Thank you for sharing your story, Sally.
    • Sally Stone
      Post 6 “The Military Career Years” In 1977 I joined the Army and went to flight school to become a helicopter pilot.  To fly for the military had been a childhood dream and when the opportunity arose, I took advantage of it, despite knowing I would have to carefully control my crossdressing activity.  At the time, military aviation was male dominated and a haven for Type A personalities and excessive testosterone.  I had always been competitive but my personality was not typically Type A.  And while I could never be considered effeminate, I wasn’t overtly masculine either.  Consequently, I had little trouble hiding the part of my personality that leaned towards the feminine side.    However, serving in the Army limited my opportunities for feminine self-expression.  During this period, I learned that being unable to express my feminine nature regularly, led to frustration and unhappiness.  I managed these feelings by crossdressing and underdressing whenever I could.  Underdressing has never been very fulfilling for me, but while I was in the Army it was a coping mechanism.  I only cross-dressed in private and occasionally my wife would take me out for a late-night drive.  Those drives were still quite private, but being out of the house was clearly therapeutic.    I told myself I was coping, but when it became apparent the Army was going to be a career, the occasional and closeted feminine expression was clearly inadequate.  I needed more girl time and I wanted to share my feminine side with the rest of the world, so the frustration and unhappiness grew.  Despite my feelings regarding feminine self-expression, I loved flying, so I wasn’t willing to give up my military career.  Consequently, I resigned myself to the fact that the female half of my personality needed to take a back seat, and what helped me through, was dreaming of military retirement, and finally having the ability to let Sally blossom.   About Sally. Ironically, she was born while I was still serving.  It was Halloween and my wife and I were hosting a unit party.  I looked upon the occasion as the perfect excuse to dress like a girl.  After a little trepidation, my wife agreed I should take advantage of the opportunity.  Back then, my transformations were not very good, but with my wife’s help, my Halloween costume looked quite authentic.  Originally, my wife suggested that my presentation should be caricature to prevent anyone from seeing through my costume.  But that didn’t appeal to me at all.  I wanted to look as feminine and ladylike as I could.   To my wife’s and my amazement, my costume was the hit of the party.  In fact, later in the evening, my unit buddies decided they wanted to take me out drinking and before either me or my wife could protest, I was whisked away and taken to one of our favorite watering holes.  Terrified at first, I had an amazing time, we all did.  But on Monday morning, when I came to work, I learned that I had a new nickname; it was Sally, and for the duration of that tour, that’s what I was called.  Well, when it came time for me to choose a feminine name, there weren’t any other choices.  Sally it was, and to this day I adore the name, and thank my pilot buddies for choosing it.   And this brings me to my last assignment before retiring.  I was teaching military science in an Army ROTC program at Mercer University in Macon, Georgia.  I had been a member of TRIESS (a nationwide crossdressing support group).  I wasn’t really an active participant but when we moved to Georgia, I learned there was a local chapter in Atlanta.  I reached out to the membership chair person, and joined.   Because the chapter meetings took place in Atlanta, a trans friendly city, and because Atlanta was so far from Macon and any of my military connections, I felt it would be safe to let my feminine hair down.  The monthly meetings took place in the Westin Hotel and Conference Center in Buckhead, an upscale northern Atlanta suburb, and the hotel itself was 4-star.  The meetings were weekend affairs with lots of great activities that allowed me to express myself in a public setting for the first time.  It was during this time, that Sally began to blossom.   I have the fondest memories of Sigma Epsilon (the name of our chapter in Atlanta).  Because the hotel was also a conference center, there was always some big event, and in many cases, there were several.  One weekend there was a nail technician conference that culminated in a contest on Saturday evening.  When the organizers learned there was a huge group of crossdressers staying at the hotel, they reached out to us looking for manicure volunteers.  I volunteered and got a beautiful set of long red fingernails that I wore for the duration of the weekend.   During another of our meeting weekends, there was a huge military wedding taking place, and imagine what we were all thinking when we learned it was a Marine wedding.  Our entire group was on edge worrying we might have to keep a low profile.  It turned out to be one of the most memorable weekends I would experience there.  First off, the Marines were all perfect gentlemen.  On Friday night and throughout the day on Saturday before the wedding, we rubbed elbows with most of them and their wives in and around the hotel, and at the hotel bar.  In fact, we got along so well the bride invited us to the reception.  Somewhere, there is a picture of me with a handsomely dressed Marine draped on each of my arms, standing in the lobby of the hotel.  Sadly, I never got a copy of it because the woman who took the picture used a film camera (yes, they actually took picture that way in ancient times).    My two-years with Sigma Epsilon was the perfect transition.  I went from being fully closeted to being mostly out.  I enhanced my feminine presentation and significantly reduced my social anxiety.  It also signified the end of one life and the beginning of another.  I had a great career and never regretted serving, but I was ready to shed the restrictions 20-years of Army service had imposed on my feminine self-expression.  My new life, Sally’s life, was about to begin, and with it I would begin to fully spread a new set of wings, this time feminine wings.    Hugs, Sally
    • Sally Stone
      Ashley, for a very long time she clung to the term crossdresser, because for her it was less threatening.  Over the years, though, she has come to recognize and acknowledge that I have a strong feminine side.  And like me, she now has a much better understanding of where my transgender journey is going, so me being bigender, isn't the threat she might have perceived it as, years ago. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://apnews.com/article/title-ix-sexual-assault-transgender-sports-d0fc0ab7515de02b8e4403d0481dc1e7   The revised regulations don't touch on trans athletes; which I totally understand, as that's become a third rail issue and this is an election year.  But the other changes seem pretty sensible, and will obviously result in immediate right wing lawsuits.   Carolyn Marie
    • missyjo
      darling you have wonderful taste..I especially love the red dress n sneaker outfit   enjoy   missy
    • Carolyn Marie
      Very well said, @Abigail Genevieve, and very true.  Thank you.   Carolyn Marie
    • Susan R
      Trans Group Zoom Meeting Tomorrow!!   Trans Group Zoom Meeting Times: April 20, 2024 6:00 PM Pacific Time April 20, 2024 8:00 PM Central Time April 21, 2024 11:00 AM Australia/Melbourne   Message me for the meeting link if you’d like to attend.   *Hugs* Susan R🌷
    • Susan R
      They may win a few battles but not the war! as @Davie pointed out there is little truth if it full of lies, inconsistencies, and ignores evidence to the contrary. I saw this article earlier and have to agree here. Truth will win. This isn’t the first time this tactic has been tried. Always stick with the truth!
    • Susan R
      Welcome @violet r! Glad you joined our forum and got through the hardest part…that first post. As many have mentioned, we are more than accepting here as we affirm your gender identity and hold no judgement, whatsoever. There’s so much here on this forum, I think you’ll find very helpful. If you have trouble finding an answer just reach out, try the search but starting a new thread is usually best to get some quick answers. Many are here for various transgender related issues but many, if not all, are here to help one another if we can. It’s great to have you onboard.   Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷
    • Willow
      good evening   good day at work today.  I did do some things a little out of normal but everything was completed successfully.  As I said earlier, the Asst Mgr was my second today.  I don’t think she was too happy about that.  Several customers asked her where Richard was her answer was the manager cut his hours.  Well that is only part of the story,  his hours were cut just like mine were and several others but in his case he made demands about his hours that couldn’t be met.  But instead of making some non complaining remark about it she made sure to lay it all on the manager, thus throwing the manager under the bus.  Similarly when asked why she hadn’t been at work early mornings, she said she was being punished by the manager.  Well that’s partly true, she wouldn’t do what the manager told her to do so she took her off opening.  But secondarily she didn’t have a car to drive temporarily.  You can’t open the store without a car because who ever opens has tasks that require them to leave the store, so it was  at least partly her own fault.  But she chose to throw the manager under the bus for that.  I think she is asking to be fired for insubordination.  And if the manager gets these conversations off the security tape tomorrow she just might get her wish.   im pretty close to being ready to take the asst position but there isn’t anyone ready to take over my job, at least not at our store.  I suppose the other shift lead could if she is able to work earlier shifts and if the other closers were just a bit more reliable.   Ive been wanting some homefried chicken.  We found a BBQ place not far away that had such a chicken but I is made fresh when ordered so it has a 30 minute wait.  It was worth the wait and the other things we tried were also good.  Another restaurant on the list.  At least half of what we ordered came home for another meal.   i get to sleep in tomorrow, I go to work at 1:30!   Willow
    • Abigail Genevieve
      It was nine thirty.  Saturday morning had rolled around more quickly than Taylor could believe.  She groaned, whined, thought of a million excuses why she should just stay in bed and knock the alarm across the room.  But it would still be going on, and so would the promise to Bob: when the gi came in, she would be in. There it was in its nice package, out where she could not miss it.  Why didn't she hide it?  She shook her head.   Up she got.  Sometimes you just do.  Her hair was a wreck. She patted it down and went to the bathroom.  Nine forty five. Shower later. No make up. She hated kara-tay especially at an ungodly early hour on a Saturday morning. Bagel. Instant coffee.  She was five minutes away when she realized she had forgotten the gi.  Back she went.   Into the dojo.  She had about five minutes to get the gi on.  She attempted to slip in unnoticed and go to the little restroom. Someone barked something out in Japanese or something, and there was a dead silence.  She turned to see what was going on. Both classes were getting into their lines, but everyone, including Bob, was bowing slightly. To her. Bob nodded, and she returned the bow.  Life started again. She was touched.   Bowing three times. Oath. Kata.  She was facing off with Judy as her partner.  Judy looked worried.   "Sometimes you just gotta pick yourself up and try again," Taylor told her. She nodded. "Let's do this."   Lunge punch and lower block.  They traded off like nothing had happened the last weekend.  Lunge punch and middle block. Lunge punch and upper block.  It was kind of like dancing. Taylor enjoyed it.  She wanted to learn more.  Brown-belt Maggie adjusted position of limbs and hips for both Taylor and Judy, telling them when she was about to do something: elbow up a bit".    "How'd you do?" Bob asked her later.  They had both gone home and showered. Now they were in a booth at a fast food place.   "I was kind of disappointed class ended. I was ready for more."   "That's my trooper."   "I'm not allowing you in my apartment until we are married," she said suddenly.   "You think I am a problem?"   "No.  I think you are safe. You passed the test  I am the problem here."   "Okay."   "What did the doctor tell you?"   "It's complicated.  More tests coming.  Like getting into college.  I got a letter back.  It seems there is this big fat M on my transcript and my current picture is not an M type picture.  I have to write a letter and send them notarized proofs and stuff. Just delays. This is a pain. Nothing cut and dried."   "I will say.  I'm glad I'm not transgender."   "Hah. You are pulled into my world.  You are involved in this stuff as much as I am, and, as you put it, of your own free will."   "You are worth it."   "I hope so."   "I know so."      
    • Abigail Genevieve
      On the way back to her desk she was interrupted by six short, urgent conversations that had to be attended to. Then she slipped into the women's room and locked the stall door.  She took a deep breath, then another, and allowed herself to shake for five minutes,  Then deep breathing, ten in and ten out, stretch up, touch the floor, neck rolls and she was fine. She used the toilet and a woman knocked and said, "Taylor, are you okay?"   "Ready to conquer the world!"  on her way out she found her makeup was fine.  Three stalls, two sinks.  If she ever designed a women's room with three stalls, there would be four sinks, with plenty of space to plunk your stuff down between them.   She met a deferential Karen.  "Here is the branding I came up with," she said.  And she went back to working as hard as Brenda and Mary, who looked up worriedly and then went back to the proposal.   Shortly before 5:00 she received an email with the title Consolidation and Compensation.  In it she learned that the position of office manager was eliminated, and the current office manager was to become the chief executive officer. The former CEO, along with the CFO, the chief legal officer, and sundry staff, had been terminated, per the Board of Directors.  Effective immediately everyone would receive a base salary of $20,000 with a commission to be set by the individual's supervisor.  Each supervisor would be given a certain percentage to distribute.  Most functions they had been handled would be outsourced as needed.   "The question of what profit was made last year is frequent enough to be answered.  The company lost over 500,000 in fiscal 2023.  At this point further cuts are not anticipated.  We will be strategically adding positions that will enhance our profits. Hard work is expected of everyone."   Her two web guys had been complaining because their games had been remotely uninstalled.  After the memo came out they were absolutely silent.  That gave her an idea, and after an exchange of emails they were reassigned to maintenance out at the plant, effective tomorrow morning.  There were lots of weeds that needed pulling, if nothing else. That email went out after they left early, for the day.  The maintenance foreman was a no-nonsense type who did not tolerate slacking, and they would learn a thing or two.  This also freed up two spaces for her to put new people.
    • MaeBe
      So…I didn’t know your Facebook avatar was public. So, on my birthday, a couple people used a group avatar message to wish me a happy birthday…and now my Facebook friends can see a short video of my female avatar dancing with an old friend’s and another with my uncle’s avatars. So am I “Facebook out” now? 😬
    • Davie
      No, they are not. Truth wins in the end and this report is full of lies that poison the whole thing: see this: "Dr. Cass Backpedals From Review: HRT, Blockers Should Be Made Available it's said. Dr. Cass's latest statements are likely to cast more doubt on the validity of the study, which has come under fire for disregarding substantial evidence on trans care." https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/dr-cass-backpedals-from-review-hrt?publication_id=994764&post_id=143743897&isFreemail=true&r=rebf4&triedRedirect=true I hope Dr. Cass wins The Mengele Award for it.
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Boyfriend and I went to a support group for spouses dating or married to a transgender person on Tuesday night for the first time.It was amazing meeting other couples like us.One was a genetic woman whom has been dating a transgender male for the first time and she is supporting his transition.Us,they were amazed by us agreeing on something we said,love and acceptance have brought us together
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