Losing Hope

[Guest Wanabe]

Hi iv recently accepted the fact iv alway wanted to be a woman I'm now 30 and feel that I'm running out of time I have got to see a gender therapist to get the green light for hormones after rlt and this is what I have a problem with iv wasted 30 years of my life already I don't want to wastore time just for someone to say I now do or don't mesure up to the tape mesure if u know what I mean I don't take to ppl telling me what I can and can't do very well of at all and am thinking of self medication ( not advised I know) but I feel this the only way I can get what I want at a resonable time line and was wondering if I did self med will I be able to find a surgeon that will complet me after wards I know I sound like a little girl that wants every thing to go my way and if I don't I'll have a hissy fit and I guess in a way I am I feel alone and hurting so much wanting for this to just happen as if it's all a dream and wake up as a woman all along guess I could med myself and just cut that allfull thing of me but I know I'll feel empty inside if I can't completely become a woman please help

[Sally]

Dear Wanabe,

You already seem to be aware that no one here is going to advocate, advise or condone self medication for HRT so I am going to address two other parts - first at 30 you are half my age and I managed to survive - following the rules in transitioning helps you to stay alive.

Now for the second part - can you find a doctor to do your SRS if you have self medicated - NO - at some point you will have to see a therapist, you have to have two letters from therapists for surgery in the US, one for Thailand but the only exception for no letter and a consultation with the doctor is in Thailand for people over 65 - a much longer wait than if you were to just follow the SOC and transition in about two years or less - and with much less risk to your health.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest (Lightsider)]

Hi iv recently accepted the fact iv alway wanted to be a woman I'm now 30 and feel that I'm running out of time I have got to see a gender therapist to get the green light for hormones after rlt and this is what I have a problem with iv wasted 30 years of my life already I don't want to wastore time just for someone to say I now do or don't mesure up to the tape mesure if u know what I mean I don't take to ppl telling me what I can and can't do very well of at all and am thinking of self medication ( not advised I know) but I feel this the only way I can get what I want at a resonable time line and was wondering if I did self med will I be able to find a surgeon that will complet me after wards I know I sound like a little girl that wants every thing to go my way and if I don't I'll have a hissy fit and I guess in a way I am I feel alone and hurting so much wanting for this to just happen as if it's all a dream and wake up as a woman all along guess I could med myself and just cut that allfull thing of me but I know I'll feel empty inside if I can't completely become a woman please help

Hi, I understand your stress. I have been there. At 30 years old you are still young and have a ton of life ahead of you. The last thing you want to do is rush the process because the threat of having regret is real.At about your age I transitioned then de-transitioned and lived another 8 years as a male. Mostly any decision I made, I did out of fear.

I have come to learn that any decision we make that is based on fear is a really dangerous thing.

"I transitioned at 32 because I was scared I was becomging to old"

"I de-transitioned at 32 because I was scared of what others might think who knew me before."

As opposed to:

"I transitioned at 39 years old because it was right for me."

"I transitioned at 39 because I remembered when I was the happiest was when I first transitioned."

See the difference? I transitioned at 39 with out fear. There is alot of fear and anxiety in your post. I would advise you to step back and look at that because getting too old is relative. How? Well take this situations for example. A person like Kim Petras who transitioned young, goes on with her life and some terrible thing happens to her when she is say 21 years old. She is murdered or is killed in an accident. What was more important? The length of her life or the quality of her life? For all you know you might live to be 120 years old or step out the door tomorrow and be hit by a bus.

This is not a race to the finish line. Ask yourself, are you doing something out of fear or is it based in a peaceful thought process?

Some may disagree with this, after some years of transition to become a woman, I discovered I was already a woman. It was there all along. There was no becoming anything, it was all about fiinding peace with who I was all along and bringing my outer shell in line with my spiritual being. There is no becoming a woman when you already are one at the core. Create a road map. Look at where you are now and imagine where you want to be in 3 years. Then with out fear lay the ground work. Take things slow. Self medicating is a VERY dangerous thing. I do not recommend that at all.

I hope I am getting through to you. If you rush through this you are taking a risk that can effect your quality of life and could even possibly cut your life short especially with sef medicating.

[Guest]

Hello Wanabe,

Oh gosh, I do understand where you're coming from! I used to call that feeling the "caged animal syndrome", thinking of the zoo animals who unhappily pace back and forth looking for that chink in the bars through which to escape.

It does take some effort to calm that raging beast, but it can be done. And it really is for your safety. Had I had my way, I'd have had hormones and surgery a long time ago. But was I ready? No, No, No! I'm so glad of the last two years of preparation. Now I can transition with security and confidence instead of blindly diving in.

So, please, deep breath! The processes are really in place for your safety. And as you begin transition, you'll be amazed at how fast the time flys by - you've a full life of becoming yourself to begin - It really is an enjoyable trip and you don't have to get to the end in an instant!

Love, Kat

[Guest Wanabe]

Thanks for the advice I know your right I'm just frustrated about the whole thing and like said I don't like being told how to do things just like my mom didn't until she passed away in january u know that u say I can't well I'm going to show u I can mentality witch most of the time is good but not so good for things like this but that's me pig headed with a bit of mongrel thrown in for bad mesure lol thanks again I just needed to vent some anger and fear xxooxx

[Guest Karo-chan]

Waiting for hormones does feel like wasted time. But there's no point wasting that wasted time. I'm trying to lose as much weight as possible before starting my first treatment, growing hair out, getting my skin as clear as possible(I know hormones will help with that, but they can't do it alone!), working on my voice, trying to act more feminine, etc.. Ideally I'd like to be passable before even starting(Doesn't everyone? XD), but half-passable works too.

An extra 4 months wait is better than death. Plain and simple.

[Guest cerise]

Being in the Solution is the Solution .

You seem to have the right idea about doing what you can while waiting .

One more anecdote : Expectations can be dangerous .

Let things happen and try to stay out of the way .

[Guest Penelope]

Being in the Solution is the Solution .

You seem to have the right idea about doing what you can while waiting .

One more anecdote : Expectations can be dangerous .

Let things happen and try to stay out of the way .

Cerise, I like your reply; particularly the last sentence.

Penny

[Guest cerise]

I am still learning that one .

Control Freak that I am.

[Guest Julie T]

Hi everyone

I just want to say that I feel we sometimes over-think everything. There was a topic on 'critical thinking' here on Laura's Playground and some great discussion happened, but I say sometimes if we just relax and listen to our heart, we usually can decide what to do.

The timeline, oh my? I started transitioning at age 61. I am age 64 and have been a woman, abet a transitioned woman, for over a year and a quarter. At the time I decided to transition I agonized to the point of two suicide attempts. That is past and I am happier than I have ever been.

Do I have regrets I did not transition earlier? Of course. But it was getting down to me being at the gate, St. Peter saying."Why didn't you ever become who you really are?" And me answering? "I was afraid."

Julie

Find a way, stay legal, get the therapist you need.

[Guest Sarahwr]

Hi.

I feel it's not so much losing hope as being a trifle impatient.

At 66 nearly 67 I have found my true self to the point when I have never been so relaxed and less screwed up.

Yes I am concerned about my age and my health and what the furure has to offer; but while there's life there's hope.

And yes again, I am frustrated that I wasn't born in the right gender but what is happening to me now at least is happening, if you understand what I am trying to say.

Just small things in my life make it worth living and hope for the future keeps my spirits up.

3 counselling sessions under my belt with more to come. I apply makeup when I can and wear female clothes even if only I know.

My Grandmothers half brother, according to an Auntie, was the submissive partner in a Gay relationship and would often wear makeup. Bear in mind this was 55 years ago. Wouldn't he/she have been happy to be where we are today?

I am hopefuly in the future that I can come out to the world instead of just a couple of people and a very reluctant Partner.

What do I also hope for? That my counsellor will recommend me for hormones and that I will see some changes in my physical self to a more feminine one.

I am following the system although sooner or later I may have to take matters into my own hands but at twice your age just relax and enjoy the experience.

Hugzzzzzz from a silly but happy TG.

Sarah