"you're Not A crossdresser And You Will Never Be A Woman."

[Guest]

Laura, I may have a completely biased opinion, but I will always admire you. I'm glad you have more time to post here again. Thanks for all you do!

[Mia]

I agree! Thanks for making such a wonderful community, Laura!

[Guest]

Your welcome to all.

oh to be a fly on the wall in the bedrooms of those who claim to be righteous. A congressman who denigrated gay people vehemently tried to pick up a police officer in an airport bathroom. Evangelists and their preachers with scandalous behavior. If I had time to do the research I could find hundreds more examples. The fact is that many people have skeletons in their closets, often including people who yell the loudest. The screamers especially some of our own community members are purists think it makes them feel better about themselves. There are countries where gang rape is almost applauded as a manly thing. There are probably two thirds off us who have one fetishlike behavior or another including the sanctimonious. Something done in the privacy of ones bedroom is no ones business but yours its nothing to be ashamed of. I have a few gender therapist advisors including my own that say that sex is necessary for ones good mental health. As long as no one is getting hurt what's the problem? To each their own. You've done nothing wrong and nothing to be ashamed of by being Transgender. We are born with it. Who would ask for this.

Laura

[Guest KerryUK]

Very well said Laura, I'd also like to echo the thoughts and convey the gratitude to you for setting up this wonderful site (a one I am very proud to be a part of).

[Amanda May]

I am just starting out in my transition.  What I discovered, joining here and writing give one an emotional outlet and the strength to live your life as you.  There are going to be many hurdles, and guess what, they are similar to the ones each has faced.  It is time to be true.  I lived a lie for 68 years and it never stopped being a lie.  Truth is hard but so worth the effort.  Good luck Amanda.

[Guest]

There are bully’s in all walks of life. I was shocked to hear that trans people are sometimes looked down upon by the rest of the LGB community. I’ve blocked a whole bunch of transgirls on facebook because of their “more trans than you” attitude. I’ve had plenty of people play that sort of game with me, don’t get upset, just move on. They aren’t worth the hassle…

[Cecilia]

On 6/25/2011 at 9:35 PM, Guest Karo-chan said:

One of the most common verbal insults I get is people telling me I'm "fake". I've even gotten it from a couple trans people that have already transitioned(Which has hurt me a little bit more than hearing it from other people that have no idea what I'm going through). They have no idea what goes through my head, so why are they so quick to assume I'm not actually transgendered?

I haven't started hormones yet(Although I probably will in the next 5 months once I get settled in to my new place and start seeing a new therapist.), so I don't exactly look like a girl(Being really tall doesn't help either). Is there something they can see that I can't? Is it common for people to use "You're not a real crossdresser" as an insult? Or is it just me? I'd just chalk it up as bullying if it was a couple isolated incidents but I get it so often and from so many different groups of people(In real life, and on the internet) that it just feels like something is going on. It's wrecking havoc on my self confidence in my own judgment. I'm even worried there might be something wrong with my brain(Like a tumor) that's causing me to think I'm doing or saying one thing but actually saying or doing something entirely different. I'm so confused.

 

Hi Hun.  Hope you don't mind me responding to your thread!  I have known since about age 6 or so that I had a birth defect of being the wrong sex.  It's hard for anyone who has not had this happen to them to imagine how shocking that is to us when we are just young children.   Childhood is supposed to be for playing with water balloons, petting our dogs, eating ice cream,  and going to the beach -  not for having adult life stresses.   I "cross dressed" to try and help deal with / placate my birth defect but it never helped.  I was still sad about my defect and depressed that the universe could have done this to me.  I am now 56.  It took me going through my entire adult life to FINALLY realize that I deserve to be who the universe should have made me in the first place.  I am not going to let the people in this world tell me I cannot be who I should have been at birth just because I am 6'5" tall or because I am masculine in appearance.  Who are they to judge?  

So Sweetie I think what I am trying to say here is not to let mean people tell you who you should be. The rest of us love you and support you!   And just because someone has transitioned does not mean they understand you or have compassion for your pain.  There are nice and mean people in ALL walks of life and in all shapes and sizes.   So ignore the bad people because if you let them bother you then actually they got their one true wish - which was to be successful at being mean.  Do NOT give them the satisfaction! 

Internet hug coming your way!!!!!

 

-Cecilia

[Guest Kenna Dixon]

On 7/10/2016 at 9:47 AM, Laura said:

New people. crossdressers, transgenderists, came there to ask simple questions finding absolutely no tolerance.. Then the conversation denigrated to name calling and sexual names like fetishist (Oh horrors).

I remember that well.  It was the mid-90s when I first discovered others like myself online, and at many sites you either accepted your lower rank in the "hierarchy" or could expect to be ridiculed.  There were some very mean people on some of the message boards.

Thank you for providing an oasis of acceptance and understanding for everyone exploring the gender identity spectrum.

[Guest]

Hello,

 

People judge by themselves, through their views and feelings. And we know that sometimes, those views and feelings are... narrow(?) (I don't want to say 'idiotic' ). 

 

So there is a little thought trick I realize I can use to lift my spirit up: When someone told you that you are not 'real enough' as him/her, you can say 'OK! I am happy that I am not your kind of real, because then I will need to seriously reconsider myself as human being!'. Of course you can say it on your mind. 

 

We don't need to prove ourselves to every 'jackass' out there. The only valuable people in our life are those who can accept us, without a second thought, unconditionally!  Most importantly is first, we, on our own, to accept and understand ourselves, then we can allow others to do it!

 

LOVE and RESPECT!

Shell

[Josiep]

There are some cruel people out there that has belittle others to make themselves feel better about themselves and everyone else. I have not yet run into that in my jaunts out dressed as "Josie", then again I pick my travels and maintain a "Situational Awareness". Does that make me better or worse than others? NO! I am a cross dresser who enjoys the softness and comfort of feminine attire. I enjoy the look and feeling of having breasts, even if they are fake. I maintain a female appearance as much as I can, as I have to still live and work (though part time and seasonal) as a male. That is just the way it is. I am comfortable with this arrangement and will continue as such. I have made the choice of how I want to be in the "trans" world, There is no room to ridicule anyone if they don't want under go the medical process to make the change that they desire.

 My love and hugs to All, 

[Charlize]

I do hope you are not finding that attitude here.  We are here for anyone in the trans spectrum.  I rarely see it used but the term trans* with an * is inclusive for anyone with gender issues which certainly includes crossdressers regardless of whether they are completely closeted or travel openly in society.  As trans* people we have enough issues with the cis world without bothering each other.  I hope you feel welcome here.  Acceptance of all has long been the policy of Trans Pulse since it's time as Laura's Playground.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Josiep]

3 minutes ago, Charlize said:

I do hope you are not finding that attitude here.  

 

 

No, I haven't, and if I do, I will let the mods know about it immediately.  

[Julie J]

I have just read this thread and I'm sad about the judgement of some and absolutely over the moon having read all of the positive, compassionate words of encouragement from this community. The only incidence of hate crime I've experienced has been from myself towards myself... I hated my birth gender and I hated myself for hating it. I didn't know who or what I was and there was no support and certainly very scarce and often misguided information available to me growing up in the 60's. Thanks to the support I have found in the last year in a couple of trans support groups and this wonderfully accepting site, I have been able to finally come to terms with and embrace my being transgendered. I am in early transition and reading the posts here have helped me to gain a sense of peace knowing I am not alone. I do not have to isolate my feelings of who I truly am and continue to live a lie because of all the negative reinforcement society heaps on "people like us!" I am so happy with the progress I've been able to make in the past year and I encourage everyone who is scared or uncertain to break out of the mental shackles we've all imprisoned ourselves with and embrace your own truth. Acceptance is the key to growth and the greater the degree of acceptance, the less I struggle and fight, which allows me an amazing degree of serenity and peace of mind. Thank you to everyone who posts their thoughts and experiences on this site. Your acceptance and caring have helped me more than you will ever know. 

Hugs & Smiles 

Julie J 

[WeaselSoup]

This is all very familiar to me, although it was never targeted at me. It was why I never spoke about my experiences for a long while and went through them alone. I always thought of myself as "not quite trans" and was very afraid of being rejected by "real" trans people. Now I see that although there are some people in the trans community who are hurtful (and, of course there are, because people are people) there are others who will accept me and make me feel validated.

 

I still fear the day when someone in the LGBT community targets me or someone labels me an attention-seeker who just wants to be a special snowflake with the non-binary label. It's going to really hurt, especially if they actually know anything about my story.

[tracy_j]

7 hours ago, WeaselSoup said:

This is all very familiar to me, although it was never targeted at me. It was why I never spoke about my experiences for a long while and went through them alone. I always thought of myself as "not quite trans" and was very afraid of being rejected by "real" trans people. Now I see that although there are some people in the trans community who are hurtful (and, of course there are, because people are people) there are others who will accept me and make me feel validated.

 

I still fear the day when someone in the LGBT community targets me or someone labels me an attention-seeker who just wants to be a special snowflake with the non-binary label. It's going to really hurt, especially if they actually know anything about my story.

 

If I am being honest I sometimes wonder that too, although I have been living the non-binary lifestyle for a number of years now and dress female almost 100% of the time. I am not aware of and local groups, the nearest I found being perhaps 60 miles away, so have never had contact with the local trans population (although they must exist). Being naturally drawn to women I have developed by contact with them. When at work, although there was a LGBT help contact, on looking at their online information, it appeared very poor. It really put me off, although, had I worked there longer, I may have played a more active part. In some ways I never really considered myself as trans, just female (at least mentally).  I have always wondered about the grouping LGB and T as it totally contradicts the idea that gender and sexuality are different and so may well divide, but that is another story. Personally I am 'by and large' able to live as I feel and fit. With the general population. I have noticed, from time to time, that people get very defensive when guarding their investments (lifestyle etc rather than monetary), and the LGBT community is no exception, particularly those with  uncertain thinking. Bullies exist everywhere. You are right - We are all people!

 

Tracy

[MelissaAndProudOfIt]

On 6/26/2011 at 2:35 AM, Guest Karo-chan said:

One of the most common verbal insults I get is people telling me I'm "fake". I've even gotten it from a couple trans people that have already transitioned(Which has hurt me a little bit more than hearing it from other people that have no idea what I'm going through). They have no idea what goes through my head, so why are they so quick to assume I'm not actually transgendered?

I haven't started hormones yet(Although I probably will in the next 5 months once I get settled in to my new place and start seeing a new therapist.), so I don't exactly look like a girl(Being really tall doesn't help either). Is there something they can see that I can't? Is it common for people to use "You're not a real crossdresser" as an insult? Or is it just me? I'd just chalk it up as bullying if it was a couple isolated incidents but I get it so often and from so many different groups of people(In real life, and on the internet) that it just feels like something is going on. It's wrecking havoc on my self confidence in my own judgment. I'm even worried there might be something wrong with my brain(Like a tumor) that's causing me to think I'm doing or saying one thing but actually saying or doing something entirely different. I'm so confused.

Hiya Karo-Chan

 

How are you fake?   Your heart, inner id, Psych etc tells you you should take the life of Female,   You are what you think you are, you're no fake.   Your being honest to everyone and above all yourself too, and thats most important.   There's only one person who has authority as to what you are and that's you.  statistically ratio of Crossdressing men is 1:20 thats 1 Crossdresser out of every 20 men.  If you are happy with what you are, then thats' great.   people can and will always be opinionated but it's out of jealously towards you, as you have the guts to go out dressed, have they....bet you some of those guys Crossdress to some degree, but would never divulge to friends...   wonder why!, so long as you live life lawfully and hurt no one, then get on with you life as there will always be those trying to have a go at those more confident people.. Suggestion - do some research on tall women celebs and so on, on Google and see how they dress and adorn themselves...  and how the present themselves on youtube...    there are tall women out there you know, you are not Unique... sorry!

 

All the best

 

Warm Regards

 

Melissa

 

[Robin]

As I have mentioned in previous posts, I was given a very frosty reception when I attempted to join two different transgender support groups.  The groups said that they catered for all members of the transgender community, but in reality, they only wanted men who presented themselves in a traditionally feminine way.  Trans men, or anyone with a male body that had not been sufficiently well disguised, were not welcome.

 

I was told that I was seen as an "admirer", meaning that the other members thought that I was just there because I found them attractive.  When I mentioned this forum, they had never heard of it, and they said that the people on here would not accept me if they actually met me.

 

I was very upset by this reaction at the time, especially as I had only just come out, but now I am happy to leave them in their little fantasy world, and be my true self in the real world.

 

Robin.

[Susan R]

Hi Robin, That TG group sounds extremely shallow and likely clickish.  I'm glad you dropped that group like a hot potato as they don't deserve you or your time.

 

Good for you!

Susan R?

[MarcieMarie12]

I help run a local trans support group, and all I can say is that it is just wrong for the group to behave like that. At one point all of us were just beginning to come out. 

 

Hugs,

Marcie