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Guest Karo-chan

"you're Not A crossdresser And You Will Never Be A Woman."

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Guest

Laura, I may have a completely biased opinion, but I will always admire you. I'm glad you have more time to post here again. Thanks for all you do!

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Mia

I agree! Thanks for making such a wonderful community, Laura! :)

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Guest

Your welcome to all.

oh to be a fly on the wall in the bedrooms of those who claim to be righteous. A congressman who denigrated gay people vehemently tried to pick up a police officer in an airport bathroom. Evangelists and their preachers with scandalous behavior. If I had time to do the research I could find hundreds more examples. The fact is that many people have skeletons in their closets, often including people who yell the loudest. The screamers especially some of our own community members are purists think it makes them feel better about themselves. There are countries where gang rape is almost applauded as a manly thing. There are probably two thirds off us who have one fetishlike behavior or another including the sanctimonious. Something done in the privacy of ones bedroom is no ones business but yours its nothing to be ashamed of. I have a few gender therapist advisors including my own that say that sex is necessary for ones good mental health. As long as no one is getting hurt what's the problem? To each their own. You've done nothing wrong and nothing to be ashamed of by being Transgender. We are born with it. Who would ask for this.

Laura

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Guest KerryUK

Very well said Laura, I'd also like to echo the thoughts and convey the gratitude to you for setting up this wonderful site (a one I am very proud to be a part of).

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Amanda May

I am just starting out in my transition.  What I discovered, joining here and writing give one an emotional outlet and the strength to live your life as you.  There are going to be many hurdles, and guess what, they are similar to the ones each has faced.  It is time to be true.  I lived a lie for 68 years and it never stopped being a lie.  Truth is hard but so worth the effort.  Good luck Amanda.

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Cecilia
On 6/25/2011 at 9:35 PM, Guest Karo-chan said:

One of the most common verbal insults I get is people telling me I'm "fake". I've even gotten it from a couple trans people that have already transitioned(Which has hurt me a little bit more than hearing it from other people that have no idea what I'm going through). They have no idea what goes through my head, so why are they so quick to assume I'm not actually transgendered?

I haven't started hormones yet(Although I probably will in the next 5 months once I get settled in to my new place and start seeing a new therapist.), so I don't exactly look like a girl(Being really tall doesn't help either). Is there something they can see that I can't? Is it common for people to use "You're not a real crossdresser" as an insult? Or is it just me? I'd just chalk it up as bullying if it was a couple isolated incidents but I get it so often and from so many different groups of people(In real life, and on the internet) that it just feels like something is going on. It's wrecking havoc on my self confidence in my own judgment. I'm even worried there might be something wrong with my brain(Like a tumor) that's causing me to think I'm doing or saying one thing but actually saying or doing something entirely different. I'm so confused.

 

Hi Hun.  Hope you don't mind me responding to your thread!  I have known since about age 6 or so that I had a birth defect of being the wrong sex.  It's hard for anyone who has not had this happen to them to imagine how shocking that is to us when we are just young children.   Childhood is supposed to be for playing with water balloons, petting our dogs, eating ice cream,  and going to the beach -  not for having adult life stresses.   I "cross dressed" to try and help deal with / placate my birth defect but it never helped.  I was still sad about my defect and depressed that the universe could have done this to me.  I am now 56.  It took me going through my entire adult life to FINALLY realize that I deserve to be who the universe should have made me in the first place.  I am not going to let the people in this world tell me I cannot be who I should have been at birth just because I am 6'5" tall or because I am masculine in appearance.  Who are they to judge?  

So Sweetie I think what I am trying to say here is not to let mean people tell you who you should be. The rest of us love you and support you!   And just because someone has transitioned does not mean they understand you or have compassion for your pain.  There are nice and mean people in ALL walks of life and in all shapes and sizes.   So ignore the bad people because if you let them bother you then actually they got their one true wish - which was to be successful at being mean.  Do NOT give them the satisfaction! 

Internet hug coming your way!!!!!

 

-Cecilia

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Guest Kenna Dixon
On 7/10/2016 at 9:47 AM, Laura said:

New people. crossdressers, transgenderists, came there to ask simple questions finding absolutely no tolerance.. Then the conversation denigrated to name calling and sexual names like fetishist (Oh horrors).

I remember that well.  It was the mid-90s when I first discovered others like myself online, and at many sites you either accepted your lower rank in the "hierarchy" or could expect to be ridiculed.  There were some very mean people on some of the message boards.

Thank you for providing an oasis of acceptance and understanding for everyone exploring the gender identity spectrum.

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shelly_koleva83

Hello,

 

People judge by themselves, through their views and feelings. And we know that sometimes, those views and feelings are... narrow(?) (I don't want to say 'idiotic' ;) ). 

 

So there is a little thought trick I realize I can use to lift my spirit up: When someone told you that you are not 'real enough' as him/her, you can say 'OK! I am happy that I am not your kind of real, because then I will need to seriously reconsider myself as human being!'. Of course you can say it on your mind. 

 

We don't need to prove ourselves to every 'jackass' out there. The only valuable people in our life are those who can accept us, without a second thought, unconditionally!  Most importantly is first, we, on our own, to accept and understand ourselves, then we can allow others to do it!

 

LOVE and RESPECT!

Shell

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    • Konstantine
      Thank you for the thoughtful response. Like you say, hormones are driving some of this and it is difficult to divorce yourself from them. I think you have a good point also about there being a difference between wanting and knowing. It is difficult for me to really tell the difference right now and to explore the feelings I have involves overcoming a lot of self-imposed (but not rational) guilt and fear. It does not help that I am taking these first steps so many years into my life. I feel like society has generally changed in some areas where talking about these types of feelings are less frowned upon, however, it doesn't help when you have internalized them. I have never particularly enjoyed looking at myself in the mirror as a man, but I also am not sure how I feel about having a female identity also.   I hope to find that out. 
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    • DenimAndLace
      There's a lot to unpack in what you"re asking Konstantine but I don't think the sexual nature of your experience precludes you from being on the transgender spectrum somewhere. Although it may look like a fetish to you or to an outsider, I think your story is similar to many in this lgbTQ* community. One possible explanation is hormone "poisoning" (my term). Although I "always knew", once I started on HRT, I completely lost interest sex which made it a lot easier to sort out my gender feelings. That being said, I think there is a fine line between KNOWING you are a given gender and WANTING to be the opposite sex.  It's my personal belief that those who merely WANT to be the opposite sex are the ones who end up regretting their transition. You have a lot to figure out and I'm glad you're working with a counselor. Between that person and this forum, I think you'll find many of the answers you're looking for. Keep questioning.  sometimes the same question asked a different way will flip the switch. 
    • Kirsten
      Haha. I hadn’t but I went back and read some now. It’s amazing what just a little time will do for a girl! It really is just building confidence. Small steps to get to big goals. It really helps having all the help and support from here though. Reading everyone’s stories really helps to keep things in perspective. To follow, walk with, and teach how we get through the obstacles brings a semblance of order to an otherwise chaotic process. And the joy of the results is like nothing else.     I did have a question though. And it’s probably silly but how much water should I be drinking daily? I’m at close to a gallon per day. It seems a little high. I also have 2 glasses of milk, 1 diet soda, and 2coffees. Literally drinking all day. All my test results were “perfect”. But it becomes a chore drinking all this fluid. Lol. Especially for work. I work out of a truck all day so bathrooms aren’t readily available. 😕  if anyone actually knows if there’s a formula or something please lemme know. Thanks.  ❤️Kirsten
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      I have been thinking it over lately,dressing fulltime as Korey and always wanted to do this.Been in my mind for 6 years now.My wife and I had the talk about this last night,we are on the same page.She knows I always have the talk with her on things instead of making the decision myself without her knowing.Also had the talk with my family today,on the same page too.They have always seen me as the feminine son/brother and want to see what is best for me.My daughter and two sons were talked to this morning,said they will accept the changes and love me as their dad still.Plans to dress fulltime as Korey are going to start in August and not going back.
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    • Konstantine
      Hello All,   I thought I would join the forum to get some advice from people further along on their journey of self-discovery. I apologize if this is a little lengthy and veers a little towards the sexual in nature, but it is necessary to explain my situation.   Recently, after a period of extreme stress, I came to the realization that I was repressing a female part of my personality. I am not sure how I feel about this or if I really know who I am (a crossdresser, trans, something in between).  I know I shouldn't be trying to put labels on things but not knowing is giving me extreme anxiety. I am talking to a counselor about this, but think it would help me if I heard from some other people on this. I am trying to be honest with myself now so I can just live my life without feeling constantly unsettled and uncomfortable. Maybe part of this is an internalized phobia of discovering things about myself that I am just not prepared to deal with.   Just to tell a short version of my story, i've always enjoyed wearing women's clothes since I was 13. It was almost always sexual in nature. After achieving my sexual needs, I would feel sick about it and then stop. I spent a lot of time around transgender women in my teens since I lived in several countries where it was socially accepted to be trans. I always found them very attractive and beautiful. I now realize with hindsight I am not sure if I was just sexually attracted to them or wanted to be them or both. I stopped crossdressing into my 20's as I thought it more socially acceptable to just watch pornography. I have almost exclusively watching transgender pornography now for the majority of my adult life. I can say with honesty in my daily life I have never been really sexually attracted to men, but when I watch pornography, I often times imagine I am the women.  This progressed into me almost exclusively watching pornography where men are tricked into becoming women and also pornography that is filmed from a woman's perspective. I understand if this type of pornography is offensive to some here, but I want to be honest about my situation.   As is obvious to you and to me now, I have an unhealthy relationship with this, and I have decided to stop watching it and try embracing whatever feelings I may have. The issue is I still have sexual feelings when I think about dressing up, but I am also excited and happy about trying to present as a woman.  I have started to try to learn to embrace this side of me, but I am not sure where it is going to lead. Regardless of what I do now, I feel anxiety. I would like to say this all sounds like garden variety crossdressing, but I am not sure if it is more, and I am not sure if I am ready to make it more.    I wanted to know if anyone has had these types of experiences and where they ended up or how they dealt with them.   Thanks for taking the time to respond.      
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