Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Pronouns


Guest Gabochi

Recommended Posts

I will share with you a favorite quote of mine from Dana International.

"I don't like titles or lables (or pronouns). I am what I am, I feel what I feel. You can call me a coward if you want to, just let me live my life." - Dana International.

That about sums it up. However since humans require a means to identify someone/something I suppose female pronouns will be preferred to male.

Link to comment
  • 2 months later...
Guest Juniper Blue

In my day to day life I am usually referred to with female pronouns by loved-ones, friends and acquaintances. Yet, I get a "Sir" out in the public fairly often and this makes me smile to myself. I would prefer a world where "Hello" and "Thank You" is not followed by a "Sir" or Ma'am" it feels odd to me to have that added on ... but I suppose that it is a cultural formality that may change with time. On-line, I prefer male pronouns. It is nice to be seen and addressed as male but it is not something that I need. On forums like this it feels good to let this side of me be actively and intentionally recognized. For me ... I feel like it would be a hassle to switch pronouns and my name at 42 ... I hate hassles ... but if it really bothered me, I would make this transition. Luckily, my birth name is not too outrageously terrible. I can live with it.

- J

Link to comment

Though I'm only 26 I can agree with you on the hassle part Juniper. Just yesterday an acquaintance I've known since I was 16 asked which I would prefer while introducing me to his wife. It made me happy enough just that he asked out of respect for me, so I told him either would be fine since he'd known me for 10 years as with female pronouns and I have a thing about wanting to be difficult on others if they've known me for a long time but haven't been in touch in awhile. Recently made friends though, I prefer male pronouns from. I will also aggressively correct others when they refer to another person by the wrong pronoun (no matter which pronoun they prefer).

Link to comment

After paying attention to my own day to day living, I've come to see that I don't hear a lot of pronouns in average conversation. Is this just me?

Lately I've been treating words like "boy" and "girl" as dirty words, and trying not to use any vocabulary to divide people by sex. Have to catch myself every once in a while, but not often. Sex does not need to be as much a basis for segration as it is.

Link to comment

I hear gender pronouns way to often in my day to day... -sigh- for everyone, though in particularly in my English class since I'm the only "girl" half the time since the two girls are absent often, during just about every class something about "why do girls do _____" will come up and the guys will look to me for answers leaving me to give them an utterly confused "how the love should I know?" look.

Link to comment
the guys will look to me for answers leaving me to give them an utterly confused "how the love should I know?" look.

God I know that feeling.

"Why are guys such jerks?"

"HowthehellwouldIknow?!" o.O

Link to comment
the guys will look to me for answers leaving me to give them an utterly confused "how the love should I know?" look.

God I know that feeling.

"Why are guys such jerks?"

"HowthehellwouldIknow?!" o.O

the guys will look to me for answers leaving me to give them an utterly confused "how the love should I know?" look.

God I know that feeling.

"Why are guys such jerks?"

"HowthehellwouldIknow?!" o.O

and then there's asking about the girlfriend/boyfriend advice!! Because for some reason, my males have yet to realize... I do not react to things like my female friends... and yet still ask "what should I do?" ... "um... ask _______, she knows what she wants. Not me." -sigh-

Link to comment
Guest broken doll

I get so confused. I answer to she/her, etc but they never feel quite right. To be fair, he/him is just as uncomfortable. it?! maybe? I'unno, people don't seem to understand anything else in the English language if it's not male or female then it's a it generally, so I suppose I'd prefer it over he/she. :dunno:

Link to comment

Hmm. . .

"It."

No, I couldn't go with that.

Feels to dehumanizing, like it makes me an object.

All throughout my wife's pregnancy we chose not to find out what the sex of our baby was. So my baby was called "it" a lot. At first it was annoying, but after a while it became infuriating. I wanted to smack people and shout at them "that's my baby you're calling an 'it!'" Like, I know how to refer to my baby as "my baby." I don't need pronouns, cuz I know it's a baby and the baby is mine: my baby.

But that's jus me. Not some standard anyone else should hold, just mine. No judgement, no trashtalk, just my honest opinion.

Link to comment
Guest runner2guy

I think in several languages that go in for sexual differentiation of words, the juvenile of the species is neuter - I've always thought this is true, but I'm open to correction. One possibility which you often come across in English is to use "they", but I always think this is unwieldy. Myself, I'm happy to accept, and to use, the pronoun for the physical sex as the prime form. For better or for worse, I'm male down there, and so officially I'm "he", but I'm very happy when I'm called or referred to as "she". After all, I'm not regularly on show down there .

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
Guest hoffnungsvollharuna

I'm used to female pronouns, but I think I prefer male pronouns. Honestly, though, from day to day...I prefer different pronouns depending on the day. If I were called the same pronouns my entire life...I'd feel very unhappy :( .

Link to comment

I'm not sure which pronouns I feel comfortable with. I feel out of place with both male and female pronouns, and although I have a fondness for the new Spivak pronouns (basically 'they/their/them' etc., with the initial 'th' dropped), I haven't used them yet.

Link to comment
the new Spivak pronouns (basically 'they/their/them' etc., with the initial 'th' dropped),

:lol: I've been using these in my head, kind of an excersise I guess, and it's something to get used to. The akwardness is just from it being new and unfamilliar, but it also has a very cool sound to it. I feel it can be pulled off smoothly, honestly.

Link to comment

:lol: I've been using these in my head, kind of an excersise I guess, and it's something to get used to. The akwardness is just from it being new and unfamilliar, but it also has a very cool sound to it. I feel it can be pulled off smoothly, honestly.

I think so too. I also think it's a good pronoun to try to spread into the public as a gender-neutral third-person singular, since it's very easy to remember the trick to it: drop the 'th' in all the third-person plural pronouns.

Link to comment
Guest Lady_Robin

Depends. If I am dressed in drab male clothes I would find it odd, but amusing to be referred to with female pronouns. If I am in female clothes trying to pass I would find it disheartening to be referred to with male pronouns, and would take it as a compliment and courtesy to be referred to with female ones. I haven't tried wearing male clothing and still trying to appear feminine though... hmm... *thoughts clatter around in my brain*

Overall I would prefer female, I suppose.

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Hey yo, I just had a crazy idea. What if all the gender specific pronouns on this site were edited through the filter to gender nuetral pronouns? At least for a short time, just to see how people react to it, how they adapt, even to see how people interact with eachother without thinking about the other person's sex or gender. Just remove everything gender specific and see how people function.

Not gonna hold my breath for it, but doesn't it at least sound intriguing?

Link to comment

That would be a pretty interesting social experiment. Though I'm wondering how it would go by with some of the community that have a strong need to here the proper pronouns for validation; especially when they have nowhere else to here them.

I know, I spent the day with my extended family and I never realized just how often they say my full birth-name, and "woman" "female" along side the simple "she" "her" and "hers" .... As I've only told two family members I wouldn't expect my family to use male pronouns, but the use of my name along with "woman" and "female" seemed excessive. I do suspect one was doing so in order to get me to verbalize any form of protest... or I could be reading into his actions to me.

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...
Guest runner2guy

There's problems with words other than pronouns sometimes. When I'm serving behind the bar, am I a barmaid or a barman? The word barmaid is used for females between 16 (minimum age to serve behind bar, but two years younger than being allowed to drink) and 80, so I qualify, but I could also be a barman - it all depends on who is looking at me, and how I happen to be dressed and on my mood on any particular day. I have to be one or the other - there is no neuter word that can be used. Barperson would be absurd. Cellarman might do, and I'm that sometimes too, but I could also be cellargirl, and I suppose I could be called that too.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 102 Guests (See full list)

    • Abigail Genevieve
    • violet r
    • Betty K
    • KathyLauren
    • VickySGV
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.8k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,011
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Zoe Denise
    Newest Member
    Zoe Denise
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. 777fleetleader777
      777fleetleader777
      (21 years old)
    2. ArinHallm3
      ArinHallm3
      (18 years old)
    3. ITakMyTime
      ITakMyTime
      (70 years old)
    4. Jess31
      Jess31
      (40 years old)
    5. Natalie71645
      Natalie71645
      (39 years old)
  • Posts

    • Mirrabooka
      I still do. 😉
    • Mirrabooka
      So do I! You look terrific, @MaeBe!
    • MaeBe
      Aww, shucks! Thank you, @Ashley0616 and @Timi! I find taking a picture of myself so difficult. 
    • Timi
    • Ashley0616
      You're pretty! It's nice to see a face.
    • Ashley0616
      I'm very glad that everything worked out even better than you thought. It's a tough spot to be in and I know the exact feelings. I'm still waiting to apply for divorce under abandonment so I officially can meet someone who one day I can call someone my prince or my queen. Although the desire for someone is fading because of everything. it's even more amazing that she was your high school sweetheart! Looking forward to the next entry.
    • Ivy
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Been a good long day for me.Got everything done I worked on.Been getting customers that want me to work on their trucks only and my boss is cool about it.A construction company,seen I do good work and do not leave a grease mark in the interior.I keep tub o towels on my tool box.Had a good supper when I got home,a grilled pork steak with a potatoe and green beans
    • Betty K
      Awww thanks for listening everyone. I have another 5-6 songs in this style that I started recording at the same time, so hopefully I’ll finish the next release soon.   Yes, exactly. Everything was easier about this project, mainly because it felt authentic. The energy was very different, because it was such a pleasure to express myself without a filter. I laughed a lot. 
    • Betty K
      Thanks for listening @Mmindy.   You’re welcome @April Marie. I think Sally Can’t Dance is an underrated album.
    • KymmieL
      Well I had an interview with the local Ford Dealership for an opening in the parts dept. It sounded positive. I was told I would here by tomorrow morning.    Other than that just sticking around the house. I haven't done much, the weather is cold and yucky. Doesn't look like good weather till Sunday. Maybe tomorrow I'll fire up the heater in the garage and see about getting the other brake hose put on the Explorer.   Have a good rest of your day/evening.   Hugs, Kymmie
    • MaeBe
      Maybe they called me he/him at the dealership because I completely forgot my mascara! Eyeliner without mascara…a bold new trend among the helplessly lost! :)   Fixed that! 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Ah. Email from Gibson. [it was actually less legible than this, as he didn't use punctuation, it was all caps, and he ran all his words together. Taylor was used to it.   T - As everyone was under my super. this last year, don't worry about the evals. I will handle it. Send all email about new proposals to me, your unit handles work under way.  You will be involved but the first step is those go to me. Thanks   Here is an outline of what questions I want to see answered tomorrow.  Feel free to just jot down your thoughts.  If you don't know, say so and maybe point to how we can find that out............   Your new position will seem very challenging for a while but I am sure you can handle it.  Everyone has the utmost confidence in you.   PS your performance evaluation will be stellar, as reflected in your new position and compensation.  You get 100. One less thing to worry about.   Taylor sent him 45 emails right after that, gave some thought to the questions, and then had to turn to one of the proposals under way and review it.  That done, she read through the personnel files on her people so she would better understand them and what they could do. There was a very thin folder with her name on it.  It had one piece of paper on it. On it was written "the best!".  The others were thicker but didn't take long either, and she returned to answering the questions.   
    • Sally Stone
      Post 5 “Coming out to My Significant Other”   My wife and I were high school sweethearts and after 40 plus years of marriage we are still soulmates.  Yes, I consider myself lucky, but we also worked hard to stay sweethearts, and my transgender nature was one of the things that required a lot of hard work to reconcile.    Back when I realized she was the girl I was going to marry, I was still struggling with gender identity, and up to that point I had kept this guarded secret from her.  I wondered how I was going to tell her, and I pondered the timing.  I had already decided she needed to know before I would feel comfortable asking her to marry me.  I was absolutely terrified that when she learned about my gender identity issues, it would scare her off.  Despite my deep concern, I just knew in my heart, I couldn’t keep the truth from her.   In my case, I never thought a relationship with a girl, or marriage to a girl would somehow cure my gender dysphoria.  In fact, the blossoming of our relationship didn’t mute or minimize my gender confusion one bit, so my desire to keep dressing like a girl remained strong.  I actually considered not telling her at all, but I already knew this wasn’t a passing phase, so kicking the proverbial can down the road didn’t make sense to me.    Since I was committed to revealing my secret, I pondered how to initiate the conversation?  Obviously, I would tell her that I enjoyed dressing and looking like a girl, so part of the conversation would be about crossdressing.  The fact that I cross-dressed was the easier part of the conversation and it would make clear to her what I was doing, but the harder part would be explaining why; because, at that time in my life, I had no idea why I was feeling like I was a girl.  Still, I felt a partial explanation was better than none at all and if she could accept the crossdressing part initially, maybe she and I could explore the deeper meaning, together.    Telling my fiancé I was a crossdresser seemed the simplest explanation at the time.  All that remained was the timing and this is when a situation arose that I hoped would be the perfect setup for my big reveal.  She and I were going to a friend’s party, and on the weekend it was to take place, my fiancé’s parents were out of town.  I casually mentioned that I thought it would be a “goof” to show up at the party dressed like a girl.  Much to my joy and surprise, she thought it was a super idea.  In fact, her enthusiasm for the idea was more than I could have hoped for.  With her parents out of town, we had her house to use for my transformation.    At the time, I had my own stash of girl’s clothing, but admitting to this would have revealed too much.  Besides, she had already started planning my wardrobe for me and I was certain her efforts would be much better than anything my feeble stash might result in.  I couldn’t have been more correct and after she dressed me and did my makeup, I looked more like a girl than I ever had before.  In fact, my new appearance was so striking, I could barely contain my joy.  Of course, this was supposed to be a “goof” so, I did my level best to hide the excitement I was feeling inside.  While I was elated being dressed and out in public, I was absolutely terrified at the same time.  Consequently, showing up at the party was a lot more difficult for me than I had imagined.  Ultimately, everyone got a big kick out of me, and that did help to relax me a little.  However, I had vowed to come clean to my fiancé at some point during the evening, so I remained uncomfortably anxious.   Later, and after a few drinks, I had mustered up the courage to reveal my secret to my future wife.  I pulled her aside and had her follow me to a quiet room upstairs.  Alone together, I began trying to explain my feelings, which as I recall revolved mostly around my desire to dress like a girl.  I did tell her my feelings were more complex, but I think she latched onto the fact that I was a guy who enjoyed looking like a girl on occasion.  I was extremely emotional as we talked, but she comforted me and told me it didn’t change her feelings for me.   I have to say having that conversation with my fiancé that night was the best decision I ever made.  It ensured we would face the future together without secrets or deceit. I know it strengthened our relationship. Of course, my wife really didn’t have any idea what she was signing up for when she agreed to support my transgender nature.  It would be like riding a roller coaster, lots of ups and quite a few downs, but the fact that she knew about me before we got married, made the ride a lot smoother than it could have been.   Hugs,   Sally
    • Maddee
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...