Anyone Recognized (Mistaken) As Your True Gender While Still Presenting As Your Birth Sex?

[Guest Shy]

Preamble:

Alright, so I only present as female in private. In public, I am still male, with certain androgynous characteristics. Occasionally as child I was mistaken for a girl, but that's all understandable under the circumstances... but as an adult, never once (until recently) have I been recognized (or more aptly: mistaken) as a woman. I feel like I put out a feminine vibe/energy, not to mention my posture/walk/gestures are definitely not masculine. But the day in question, I had a lot of stubble, and I was wearing tom boyish clothes. Also, I'm not on HRT or anything and I'm 6'3. I always thought I would never be accepted as a woman, just too big or whatever...

The story:

My girlfriend and I went to Newburyport one night recently just for a beach visit, but it was raining so not many people were around. There was this one boat at the docks with two dudes blasting Kid Rock or something equally hilarious, and they were drinking. We were walking by in the shadows and one of the guys called to us "Helloooo ladies!" I turned to look at him, and he seemed startled as we made eye contact. His look seemed to say, "Uggghhh, frak! That's not a chick!" and he immediately looked away, held his arms out, and said, "The rain, the rain, the rain..." We never stopped walking, and we continued away.

Reaction:

My gf, who's probably used to guys trying to hit on her, thought nothing of this. However, for me, this was huge. How could this guy mistake me for a woman? I was not in any way en femme, except for maybe the bandana I had on.... Realistically, he was probably intoxicated, it was kinda dark out, it was raining... the mistake seems easily explainable. We were really close though, no more than 15 ft from him... I just never imagined ever being able to be perceived as a woman. I'm too tall... I don't want attention from men, but the point is that this experience gave me a glimmer of hope that maybe I've been wrong about being passable.

Recapitulation

I just wanted to share this, and get other people's thoughts and experiences. My gf didn't really think much of it so I wasn't able to talk to her. What do you think? A case of beer goggles? or was the guy picking up on a subconscious level like body language and vibes/energy?

[Guest Miss_Construe]

Oddly enough once I started growing my hair out I was thought of as a female more and more. Once I was coming out of the men's room and a rather rude male was entering. He told me I could never be a guy (rather forcefully actually). I said he was right and went on with my day.

April

[JJ]

Sadly nature gifted me with a face and anatomy that made that virtually impossible. Sort of a cruel irony because I would have been overjoyed. I could have worn a full dress suit and still been called Mam without exception. Still something I struggle with so I plan to grow a beard as soon as it gets to a point it won't look like Shaggy on Scooby Do. GRRRRR. I have even considered ordering a T-shirt with "MAN" or "Transman" across it!

But I am very happy for those who were blessed that way and have gotten to experience being correctly gendered even before transition.

Johnny

[Guest Michele H]

My daughter is 34 and accepts me as a woman - except that I will always be Dad to her - so neither mother's day nor father's day has been celebrated until this year. I told her I would dress in drag, we could go to lunch and she could call me dad or daddy in public. She was SO happy. I slicked my hair back and put it in a pony, bound my chest and wore a man's dress shirt with a tie and jeans and an old pair of pre-transition sneakers I found. We went to the restaurant and when the waiter turned to me, he said - " What can I get you to drink honey". J didn't say anything about it but I noticed she didn't say dad or daddy once during the meal. It is less about what you wear or even how you look. It is attitude. I know I am a woman, have always been a woman and for lunch that day, was a woman in drag. It wasn't something I thought about it just who I am so that is what the waiter saw.

[Guest Krisina]

The rain and the beer goggles perhaps. But you know what, I would LOVE to be mistaken for a good looking girl every day of my life and to get hit on. An acknowledgement that I am seen on the outside for what matches on the inside too.

Krisina

[Guest Roux]

Physical cues--how you walk, gesture, etc--are much more powerful (in my opinion and experience, anyway) than body type when trying to determine the gender of someone you can't see clearly. I hope you take this as proof that being 6'3 isn't going to prevent you from passing! A number of transwomen struggle with those physical cues; you're clearly a natural. =)

[Guest Shy]

Oddly enough once I started growing my hair out I was thought of as a female more and more.

I have a really androgynous hairstyle at the moment... I can't wait for it to grow long! The old saying about keeping your mouth shut if you have nothing nice to say, needs to be followed a bit more. Your response to the rude guy was the best answer you could possibly give.

Sadly nature gifted me with a face and anatomy that made that virtually impossible. Sort of a cruel irony because I would have been overjoyed.

You look like a handsome dude to me, but I know the pain. I was really excited when it happened, but if he had seen my face first, he would have known the truth immediately. I'm honestly not passable, but it was nice to entertain the idea for a night.

It is less about what you wear or even how you look. It is attitude.

I think you're right about that... I do attribute this case mostly to the light drizzle of rain and dim lighting, but I know my body language/demeanor played a part in it. My gf also walks very assertively (faster, in front, etc). So the guy might have used that as a cue too... I really enjoyed the story. That "honey" moment was the universe telling your daughter to not hide you back in that male role. You are who you are, awesome!

The rain and the beer goggles perhaps. But you know what, I would LOVE to be mistaken for a good looking girl every day of my life and to get hit on. An acknowledgement that I am seen on the outside for what matches on the inside too.

I enjoyed it as you'd expect, but under those circumstances (beer, drizzle, dusk) it's hard to celebrate. Plus the guys were d-bags. Cat calling, blaring crappy music, etc. Not the kind of person you'd like to find you desirable. But you're right, just the acknowledgement of being seen that way is really nice.

[Guest Risu]

I am a dog groomer by trade and I work with a lot of people. 90% of the time people mistake me for my coworker Donna or call me miss on the phone, Which is nice because I am not even trying to use a feminine voice *laughs*.

One day however, an elderly gentleman walked in when it was just myself and Donna my coworker and said "Well Hello Ladies!" Real loud. Now I chalk it up to age and poor vision, that and the dog I was grooming was between him and I. He never corrected himself and I was so surprised, so as not wanting to embarass him or ruin the moment I crouched down behind the dog I was grooming and remained silent. It really was nice to be properly gendered while pre HRT and in full male mode.

The way I see it, a win is a win so despite extenuating circumstances that may have contributed to the mix up I will take my win and be happy. I like to think of it as hope for passability in the future.

~Risu

[Guest Shy]

Physical cues--how you walk, gesture, etc--are much more powerful (in my opinion and experience, anyway) than body type when trying to determine the gender of someone you can't see clearly. I hope you take this as proof that being 6'3 isn't going to prevent you from passing! A number of transwomen struggle with those physical cues; you're clearly a natural. =)

Haha, Don't make me blush! It was a really positive experience for me in realizing I do have a chance at passing. I would tend to agree with you just based alone on how I used to evaluate an androgynous looking person pre coming-out to myself. I may have been in denial but I still tried to be respectful. Thanks for the vote of confidence!

The way I see it, a win is a win so despite extenuating circumstances that may have contributed to the mix up I will take my win and be happy. I like to think of it as hope for passability in the future.

I think this is the best way to look at it. Sure, we could toll over it for days wondering, but just take the compliment as a good sign. Things are moving forward. I don't know what I'd do in a situation like that where you almost had to talk to the customer. I'd probably hide too, and then wear a smile the rest of the day.

[Guest Julie T]

All here

And the downside is? I am 6'2" and I haven't been misgendered even once since I went full time. Height doesn't matter, not really. And like most everyone says, it is your attitude, I think. To be seen as a woman, be a woman.

Julie

[Guest Shy]

All here

And the downside is? I am 6'2" and I haven't been misgendered even once since I went full time. Height doesn't matter, not really. And like most everyone says, it is your attitude, I think. To be seen as a woman, be a woman.

Julie

That's really great to hear! I have only ever met transwomen who were much shorter than me, and my girlfriend is really short also. Both of these thing were amplifying my fear of not being passable, but not so much anymore. I'll keep up the good attitude and see where that takes me. Thanks for sharing that!

[Guest Micha]

Think everything I wanted to say has been said. *pout*

Oh wells, take what good feelings you can from it, cuz it does mean something. I feel you may be worrying too much about it, like you've already got the moves and the feel of it, you'll be good so don't fret the details.

To answer your initial question about being called your correct gender, even when presenting as such:

Never. Children used to mistake me as a woman, which was neat, but not quite right. Everyone else sees me as male, and tha's just crap. Being truly recognized? I don't entertain any serious expectations.

[Guest Alder]

Like Micha everything I would think ro say has been said! And for the question on my own part... Really only kids actually ask or indicate they percievd me other than female. Or people thinking they're insultong me by calling me a guy... But I dont think they "mistake " me as one... Tjey're just douches who think they're amusing and insulting.

[Guest Shy]

Sadly nature gifted me with a face and anatomy that made that virtually impossible.

I'm such a dink. I didn't understand your response properly, even though it directly answered my question. You were speaking of before transition. Derf. Sorry.

Never. Children used to mistake me as a woman, which was neat, but not quite right. Everyone else sees me as male, and tha's just crap. Being truly recognized? I don't entertain any serious expectations.

I can relate to that. I don't feel 100% one way or the other, so it is odd. I do lean heavily to the feminine however, so I still got a kick out of it! Thanks for the encouragement!

Like Micha everything I would think ro say has been said! And for the question on my own part... Really only kids actually ask or indicate they percievd me other than female. Or people thinking they're insultong me by calling me a guy... But I dont think they "mistake " me as one... Tjey're just douches who think they're amusing and insulting.

I'm so tired of those douches so tightly wrapped in their mental programming that any expression outside the norm is seen as an affront to their very existence. Frak them

[Guest IsabelleStPierre]

Greetings,

LOL, there were so many times that I was taken for a girl while still presenting as male; it's actually happened my entire life! I would get the miss all the time when grocery shopping, running errands, and the like. The first time I attended a transgender support group, they all thought I was FTM! So yes, it happened to me a lot.

Once I thought I was presenting as male, was making a long drive, and had to pee. I stopped at the rest stop to use the bathroom and thinking I was in what I call boy-mode, walked into the men's room. Well, there was 3 teenage boys in there who took on look at me, got this confused look on their faces, and quickly left screaming for the mother! Needless to say, I got out of there quickly before things could turn nasty.

I've never look male, so these things have always happened to me

Peace, love, and contentment,

Isabelle

[Guest Micha]

Once I thought I was presenting as male, was making a long drive, and had to pee. I stopped at the rest stop to use the bathroom and thinking I was in what I call boy-mode, walked into the men's room. Well, there was 3 teenage boys in there who took on look at me, got this confused look on their faces, and quickly left screaming for the mother! Needless to say, I got out of there quickly before things could turn nasty.

:lol: :lol:

Wicked cool story.

[Guest alicewonders]

I had a few times been called sir but never really gave much thought to it... Guess it depended on what type of clothes i had on. I have quite a few visable tattoos that are very unisex in nature and used to wear my hair shaved on the sides and in back so when i had my hair pulled up i would always get more confused looks from people then really anything else. Even once had a woman try to corret me as i was walking into the girls bathroom at a store..

[Guest Roux]

I've been loving all of your stories--especially Isabelle's!--but haven't really had a story to share, myself. Until now! My fiance and I just got home from doing some pre-hurricane-of-doom grocery shopping, and as we were walking out the employee who checks receipts narrowed her eyes at us and said, "Gentlemen. Gentlemen" in a pointed way. My fiance didn't notice her, and I looked at her kind of blankly, so she frowned and said it louder. "Gentlemen, gentlemen." She kept frowning at me when we handed her the receipt. I was in a (guy) shirt and skinny (girl) jeans, and wearing a cross-body purse thing that, you know, bisects the chest in such a manner that it's clear there's stuff going on under the shirt, so I wasn't expecting to be perceived as male. It was a fantastic surprise! =D

(Granted, it's possible her glasses prescription was slightly out date. But still!)

I hope you who've experienced this multiple times keep sharing more stories. =)

[Guest Alder]

XD I'm not sure if it... fully counts, since I wear mens button downs near religiously, buuut I was just at the store looking at the variety of sausage options at the meat counter when the guy behind it walks up and says "May I help you, Sir?" Now, I'm not wearing my binder, and while wearing a bit of a military style jacket and the button down which I wear daily I wasn't going for 'passing' today.

I jumped a little bit is shock at being called Sir and all I could respond was "nooooo" then dart off to hide the incredibly large grin spreading on my face... since my voice isn't all that masculine, now I'm worried that he thought he insulted me when in fact, he made my entire freaking day!

[Guest Rowan19]

Ever since I got my hair cut short I keep on getting mistaken for a guy even with my 10D's on full display! Abouts 75% of the time people do this, and the rest of the time people either do a double take or know about my gender issues. This confuses me to no extent as I'm an extremely curvy, 8/10 classic hourglass figure. What the heck are they, blind!? Hello, can't they recognize breasts!!?

[Guest Micha]

Alder, that is sooooo cool. Here's to hoping this becomes a regular experience for you.

Like your style too. Awesome.

Rowan. . . I can't say I've ever not noticed boobs. . . *shakes head* But yeah, anyways. . .

Must be a damn good haircut! Really, it's prolly best that your hair is what they're paying attention to, y'know?

[Guest Rowan19]

Yup, but it's absolutely hilarious when a guy teacher walks past and says 'Hey dude'!

[Guest Alder]

heh! Most I usually get is a stare down, double take or the like... sometimes both. Especially from kids and men and that's /with/ my binder, I wish I had your luck Rowan!

[Guest Rowan19]

Oh, I posted in Australian sizes too whoops! AN Aussie 8/10 is an American 4/6

[Guest Alder]

tiny!