Legal Name Change not so Easy Afterall

[JenniferB]

I thought the gender change at work was going to be the hardest part (comes right after my name change) because of the anxiety it's going to create. Even though I'm already living full time away from work, my co-workers already know me as a male so some will feel uncomfortable.

The name change itself will be easy as far as paperwork goes, the difficult part is the emotions that are starting to surface. Emotions I've rarely felt before. I feel sadness and grief, afterall I've lived in the male persona for over 50 years and I'm about to be put it to rest. Not only is it bringing back so many memories, but also nullifies the name my parents chose for me. I can now see the sadness of my siblings because their brother won't be around anymore. So now I have mixed feelings. I'm beginning to get cold feet and wonder if it is worth it to go through all this, a feeling that never crossed my mind even a few days ago.

I can't wait to get all of this over with and live my new life as a woman. I'm ready for my life to get back to normal.

I guess it's time to see my GT again.

{{{Hugs}}}

Jenny

[Guest ranse]

What you're feeling sounds normal to me. It is hard to make such a permanent change and to put aside a whole lifetime of experiences and connections. I, too, feel odd about changing the name my parents gave me, but it is in no way suitable for a male ... plus, I've always hated my name. Even if I weren't trans, I'd like to change my name.

Jenny, you're grieving your old self a bit. It's natural. The old you is going away, but the true you is arriving. It's completely normal to have that mixed emotion.

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Makes total sense to me, Jenny. Like, I can REALLY relate to what you say. See your gender therapist, please!

Peace Lacey

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Oh my goodness......

I'm sorry that you're having those feelings......I can understand that......

I hit one of my room mates like that a bit.....

But, not the other one nor myself......

I'd didn't feel a bit of grief or regret and was happy to get rid of the old name like wet clothes in winter.....

I hope that you get to feeling better about it...

Hugggggs!

Dee Jay

[Guest]

Hi Jenny,

It's a big change. And getting it all straight beforehand is good. See that GT.

But, there is no way to avoid anxiety completely. It will subside in time.

One thing that I did is to not think of leaving my male self - instead I think of it as becoming my full self, which includes my male past as well as my female present. Before, I functioned with most of myself hidden. Now it's all in the open.

Love, Megan

[Guest BeckyTG]

Experiencing grief at the name change is something that I experienced big time, too. I don't believe it's unusual at all.

While many people may have seen my transition as clear sailing through smooth waters, this was a time of great sadness for me as I witnessed the death of (him).

I agree with others, see your GT, but don't be overly alarmed at your reaction.

This is not a journey for the faint of heart.

[Sakura]

I know the feeling as well. right after my name change was made legal. for a couple of days i felt really meloncholy about it like some on close to me had died. even though i hated my male name. its the only time durring transition i have had the feeling of real loss. then my mom reminissing over why she picked that name didn't make me feel any better. but the good thing is it will pass. now i'm just relived to be rid of it. im still not entirely sure why it made me feel that way. when i got my gender marker changed . i nearly did cartwheels out of the DMV . but the name change was a more somber occasion . if its bothering you a lot though you may need a chit chat with your therapist

Sakura

[Carolyn Marie]

I can understand how you feel, Jenny. Your explanations make sense. I have to admit I didn't feel that way at all - I couldn't wait for the day everything was legal, and I felt like I was floating on air during the whole process of changing legal documents.

We're all different, and experiences like mine don't negate in any way the emotions that you're feeling. You've expressed similar reservations during various stages of your transition planning, and I do think its something to talk to your G.T. about. I've suggested before, and I do again, that you not rush going full time if you really don't feel sure its the right thing, or the right time. You need to be sure of yourself, because its hard to put that genie back in the bottle.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[JJ]

Jenny, I agree whit what the others have said. There is a great symbolism in a legal name change. I haven't even come close to changing mine yet. For reasons I don't fully understand it frightens me in a way very little else does.

I think it is because the community will all know and I can't drift slowly into being seen male here once that is done. If there is a price to be paid here it is likely to come then. I have disliked my name and felt it was wrong for me as long as I can remember. Plus I want to take my birth last name back. It was changed without consulting me when my mother remarried at 11. I am eager to finally have my name back and eager to have the world use my real name but still feel threatened by it.

So I understand that a name change calls up strong feelings. It stands for so much. And perhaps there is also a need to face the loss of who we were,

Hopefully these feelings will pass and you can move on with enthusiasm again.

Hugs

Johnny

[Guest cassie51]

Jenny, thank you for sharing your feelings on this. Up until this point I never really thought about because I'm just starting out but you've given me something else to think about. My male name means "beloved" and I always thought that was kind of nice, other than the fact that it is a male name, does that make sense? Anyway I wish I had some sage advice for you dear, the only thing I can say is go with your heart. We'll all be here for you sugar no matter what you decide.

[Guest ChelleH64]

Hi,

I legally changed my name and can completely understand, both euphoria and sadness in a mixed bag of emotions, in a sense I used to hate my old name, but after a while i realise that "Phils" legs carried Michelle this far and therefore I thank that fact. It is a bereavement and a birth of sorts rolled into one, but eventually becomes just a re-birth...

Michelle

[~Nova~]

My name will legal on the 30th, but I cant imagine it being anything but joyous for me. Although, I've been using my new name for months anyway. Nobody even knows my boy name.

I hope ou work it out.

Autumn

[JenniferB]

I had so many doubts and figured I would be sad. However after I received my court order, I couldn't believe how relieved I felt and that I didn't feel sadness at all, just the opposite. Putting him to rest was the best thing I've ever done. I had so many problems socializing before and now it's coming natural. I am totally comfortable living as Jennifer now, much more than I ever did as him.

Jenny

[Guest Daiyu Hurst]

I had so many doubts and figured I would be sad. However after I received my court order, I couldn't believe how relieved I felt and that I didn't feel sadness at all, just the opposite. Putting him to rest was the best thing I've ever done. I had so many problems socializing before and now it's coming natural. I am totally comfortable living as Jennifer now, much more than I ever did as him.

Jenny

Jennifer, it's great to hear this; have you also gotten new IDs now as well?

[JenniferB]

I had so many doubts and figured I would be sad. However after I received my court order, I couldn't believe how relieved I felt and that I didn't feel sadness at all, just the opposite. Putting him to rest was the best thing I've ever done. I had so many problems socializing before and now it's coming natural. I am totally comfortable living as Jennifer now, much more than I ever did as him.

Jenny

Jennifer, it's great to hear this; have you also gotten new IDs now as well?

I'm working on the ID's. My driver's license says I'm Jennifer and gender marker female. I am now known as Jennifer at my bank. It's only a matter of time I will be known as Jennifer in all my accounts. And my gender marker should be female except for Social Security and my Birth Certificate. The birth certificate gender marker should be taken care of by next summer. I didn't realize in Indiana all I needed was a court order to change my gender marker. They don't even accept a surgeons letter that says I had SRS.

Jenny

[Guest Sarahwr]

Please say if you feel I have done this wrongly.

I applied for a name change a couple of days ago and today the official papers came through.

I asked for it to take effect from 1st January 2012, New Year; new me.:-)

Personally I hated my given male first name and I was not keen on my surname. I did however like my middle name although I don't know where it came from except it is on the gravestone of one of my Grandfathers. I didn't meet this gentleman but his middle name was the one I like and given to me as my middle name.

So hopefully w.e.f. 1st January 2012 J.W.R. will have demised and Sarah Winfield will have been born:-)

My Partner knows of this and whilst not entirely happy hasn't expressed her real feelings.

I doublt she will call me by my new name as indeed I doubt that my 2 Sons will identify me as Sarah.

I can live with that because I will know who I am:-).

Now for some interesting conundrums. My voice is a deep baritone although I do tend to quieten it. I get called "Sir" all the time..

My looks are getting better as my hair grows and the hormones have an affect otherwise I am quite masculin looking. However I have discovered wearing earrings and may just make people stop assuming. Wearing them actually helps how I feel about myself.

I am yet to dress fully en-femme and go out during the day. When I say en-femme I mean with skirt and female shoes. I do enjoy wearing these for my group counselling sessions otherwise I wear female jeans, tops cardies etc.

Do you think I have jumped the gun please? If so put it down to naievity or plain stupidity.

Your thoughts and comments would be appreciated.

Sarahw

[JenniferB]

Hi Sarah,

I don't think you are stupid. All trans people have to fight moving too quickly.

It is up to you when you feel you are ready to change your name. I wouldn't see much of a problem using your new ID, however I doubt that will change people's perception of you. Only you can do that. And it all comes with confidence and attitude. If you feel nervous in public, other people will see it.

As far as your partner goes, this issue would come up at some time. It's just a matter of being ready to deal with it now or later. And you are right, from what I see it will probably take her some time to accept you, if at all. That is something you probably should prepare for now. More often than not relationships don't work out. Although there are exceptions and some here can tell you.

As for me I didn't change my name until I was comfortable going out in public as Jenny. In no way am I nervous anymore. I do have some mannerisms still to work on, but I won't let it stop me. Still I don't have the fear that others do here for I have far less to lose. I started the process of transitioning about 18 months ago and started HRT 11 months ago. Now all I have left is to live as Jenny at work and I'm FT, and they already know I am trans.

I hope that was helpful, yet I'm kind of a special case.

{{{Hugs}}}

Jenny