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Guest metajess

Update on Carter

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Guest metajess

So we went to the gender therapist that we found out about here on LP and it was AWESOME! She really validated us as well as Carter about what is going on with our kid. Carter was kinda quiet but I know that he'll open up more as time goes on. She encouraged us to let Carter cut his hair and to use the male pronouns so we've done both. I had to have a tough conversation with his dad though (we're divorced) but I think he finally gets it.

The thing is that this is not new. The very first time I took Carter to get underwear at 2 years old he picked out buzz lightyear briefs. Even before that when we were buying pull up diapers they came in princesses or toy story and Carter would scream if anyone got the princess ones. As a little girl he never played with dolls but preferred more stereotypical boy toys. Trucks, cars, legos, etc. I always joked that he was my boy (I had three daughters) since Carter was always the one jumping off things and climbing trees. His behaviour was always very "boyish." He preferred sports over dance. He preferred blue over pink. Halloween costumes were always action heros and pirates and the like.

That's what really gets me about people (namely my parents) saying this is sudden. This has been going on since he could talk. He never said things like "I'm a boy not a girl" but for a ftm kiddo it is so much easier to be accepted. It's not until puberty that things get hairy. Or not, so to speak. It is socially acceptable to be a tomboy. For this reason it's easier for them as little ones than it is for the mtf kids.

Because of this until about a year ago we had a pretty happy kid. Then breast development started. It's pretty much been terrible since then. He's angry all the time. There are constant tantrums and fights. Then about 6 weeks ago he had a breakdown in the underwear aisle at Walmart. He sat there and had silent tears just running down his cheeks about how he CAN NOT wear girl underwear anymore and WILL NOT EVER wear a bra. Then he said that he wanted to be called Carter. Julia Grace was way too girly and never fit. This is our turning point.

So now that's where we are. He is officially "out" to Dad and grandparents and close friends of the family. My partner and I sent emails out to some other relatives and friends that we don't see often to let them know before the holidays so they're not shocked about the hair and name.

I'm so proud of how he's handling all this. I'm proud of us too. I've done a lot of research over this time and what I know for sure is that the suicide rate is astronomical. I can't and won't let that be my kid. I would rather say goodbye to my daughter and embrace my new son than to bury him. That statistic is exactly what brought his dad around too. It is the most important piece of information for any parent to know. Like I told Carter, if one of my kids came to me and told me that they really in their heart felt like they needed to be a freaking unicorn I'd find a surgeon to attach a horn. Because I love my kids unconditionally. That's what parents should do.

I have to say that since the hair cut yesterday I've seen a smile that I haven't seen in FOREVER!!! This alone is worth it. See for yourself. . .

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JenniferB

It is a wonderful thing that you realize your son has always been your son Jess. I wish all parents were as open and understanding as you. You definitely took the right step in seeing a GT. The sooner you can stop Carter from going through female puberty the more Carter can go through male puberty.

I hope you will keep us informed. It appears Carter is going to have a full life as his true self and that is so rare at his age. It's something almost all of us could only dream of when we were starting puberty.

Jenny

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Sally

Because I love my kids unconditionally. That's what parents should do.

Jess, that is the most beautiful statement in the world.

I am very happy for Carter's progress, he has a great parent looking out for him.

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest metajess

Thank you all for your kind words. The therapist said that there is a problem here in Kansas getting an endo to stop puberty. She said that there is someone she's been talking to that might be willing to do it though so cross your fingers!!!!! Luckily Carter will just be 10 next month so we have some time. The breast development has already started but that's all. I'm hoping we have at least a year to get that all sorted out.

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Guest Lacey Lynne

Jess:

You know, this is SUCH a beautiful story! Mainstream society should here it! Just my opinion!

Hey, Carter and you no doubt want your privacy and peacefullness untainted by the spotlights of publicity. However, THIS story is one mainstream society should hear. First, because they rarely hear much about transguys. Second, because of Carter's totally-rocking-really-gets-it-with-no-strings-attached mom. Third, because they will see that both he and you are normal, loving and wonderful. THAT'S what they need to see, hear and know!

How's your "media presence" and whatnot, Jess? Think you could do the talk shows and the magazine interviews and the blogs and such? Just an idea.

Peace & Joy :thumbsup: Lacey Lynne

Carter: Your mom and YOU majorly ROCK, man!!! Rock ON!!!

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Guest metajess

Lacey-

Thanks for saying that. My partner K is working on a blog but we want to do it in a way that protects our kid's identity. I'll share it here when she has it up and running. I am totally cool with singing it to the rooftops but I worry about how it'll be slanted since we're gay. I'm sure there are some that would say that I've made my kid confused because I'm a lesbian (my parents have said as much). Of course I know how ridiculous this is since I didn't come out until Carter was 2 and wasn't with my very masculine partner until he was 5. Even Carter has said that when he met K he felt inside (even at 5!) that finally he saw someone that looked like he felt. My partner is not trans but has super short hair and wears men's clothes. She also gave birth to our youngest and breastfed 2 years so she's what she considers herself androgynous because she feels just as masculine as feminine. But for Carter as a 5 year old it was so nice for him to see a GIRL that looked like a BOY. I honestly believe that is part of the reason that K is in my life. Who knows how long it would have taken him to come talk to us if not for her. I'm a very open minded mama but my partner is a rockin example of how to ignore gender norms.

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Guest Lacey Lynne

Jess:

Well, as you know by now, if you've spent much time really reading throughout these forums, most of us on here are marjorly on board with people being lesbians, gays, what have you, inasmuch as many of us are too. Many of us here also believe sexual orientation, just like transsexuality, is in-born and genetically-determined and is NOT a lifestyle choice. Your partner and you may believe this too.

However, the LOVE you have for one another and your bevy of bouncing kids is the "little" difference that makes a BIG difference. Carter and the others will blossom and thrive in such a loving environment. The LGBT Community is evermore becoming tolerated, if not altogether accepted, by mainstream society. Lesbians and gays have a much easier time of it than transfolks, I believe anyway, because people just cannot cozen to transness, develop cognitive dissonance and mental meltdown (some of them do, anyway) about transsexuals. However, that IS changing. Exposure to us as otherwise normal, regular and decent people is what is making the change. You know all this anyway; however, I'm just explaining why I suggested you tell Carter's story.

However, we on here fully understand you wanting to avoid the spotlight. Who needs the hassles? May all of you live long and prosper! Hmmm, where have we heard THAT before? :thumbsup:

Peace & Joy :friends: Lacey Lynne

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Guest metajess

I have always found it interesting that the LGBT community was all lumped together. Trans-ness and Gay-ness are both inborn but so very different. I can tell you from experience that it is very hard for even gay folks to understand what it is to be trans, We have even had friends who are gay be weird about the "Carter situation." It is very bizarre to me that this is the case. We all want the same things. Oh well.

The blog is up and running now but there is just one post. K is making another later today. Many more to come I'm sure!!

Here is the addy: www.lifeuncharted5.wordpress,com

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Guest musicalice

eeeeee :)

I'd've loved to be a unicorn too :P

Thank you for being awesome, Jess! :)

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Guest Mia J

Jess,

I just want to say thank you to you for doing such an awesome job as a mom. You have a lot of us wishing we had a mom like you when we were young.

Thank you for the link to the blog.

Mia

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Guest Fiarlia

I don't really have much of value to add to this topic, I just wanted to say what fantastic parents you and K are - and just what fantastic people you are.

I had to try looking at the picture of Carter about four or five times before I could finally focus, your post had me crying that much! I wish everyone, trans or not, were lucky enough to have parents as loving, caring, and understanding as you.

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Guest Joyful Mama

Jess,

I am so happy for you and your family that your true child has arrived! I am smiling for you right now! What a wonderful gift and so much to be thankful for! Happy Thanksgiving!

Joyful Mama!

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