Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Mittens_kittens

Boy, do I need some advice

28 posts in this topic

My 17 yo daughter, Kayla, hinted to me a couple of years ago that she was worried she wasn't gay after all, she thought she might really be transgendered. Well, after a couple of hospitalizations for suicidal thinking and barely graduating from high school due to plunging grades and motivation, I am finally pretty convinced that she is right.

It seems that most of the posts I read on here are from totally supportive, accepting parents; which is wonderful. But aren't there any of you that are having a really hard time? As supportive as I have been, and plan on continuing to be, I am really struggling with anxiety, grief and feelings of devastation over losing my only daughter. As selfish as it might sound, I had always longed for a daughter. I had two boys close in age, who I am very close to, then my cherished daughter arrived 11 years later. Kayla has always been very special and adored by all of us, and it is very confusing and overwhelming to think of her changing in such a drastic way.

We live in a fairly small town, in a very sparsely populated state, with no qualified professionals available to help us out. I found a counselor that has seen 3 or 4 people during her career in a town two hours away, but after three appointments, Kayla says she doesn't feel like she can really help as she won't or can't write recommendations for hormones or surgery, and honestly doesn't know all that much about the subject. I am seeing a counselor myself to try and work through all my feelings.

One of my biggest concerns is the size of our town and the very conservative views of the people here. Kayla is very well known and liked in our little town, as she is talented in many areas and has an outgoing charismatic personality. I am frankly scared to death of people finding out about her desire to transition. I'm scared of possible violence, I'm scared of prejudice and ignorance, I'm scared that they will no longer love my child. :-(

Kayla has made slow but steady changes in her appearance these past six months or so -- cut her hair, wears only androgynous clothes, quit wearing eyeliner, etc. Friends and family members are looking quite confused by these changes and are assuming she is just wanting to present as a more "butch" lesbian. She passes as male with people that don't know her, but is quite petite, so comes across as a younger teenage boy. Uncomfortable situations are arising more and more often, and I just can't imagine how this can ever turn out.

I really need some words of advice. Thanks for listening.

Share this post


Link to post

Because i live in a very conservative area-a small mountain town in Arkansas I feared the same things you fo for your daughter. For myself and for my family. However in the 10 months I have been living full time as my true gender I have not had even one comment directed to me and only once has my daughter heard anything but that was a general conversation she overheard condemning all LGBT.

I have been told by local people that one of the reasons I am not likely to have problems is that I am going female to male which people can understand to some extent. The old male power thing makes it make sense to them. Had I been an MTF it probably would have been different. Not a fair situation but the reality of the culture here and other places/

Your grief at losing your daughter-no matter how much you love your son -is understandable. I think as parents we invest so much in our children and their future that when something like this happens we grieve for all the hopes and plans and dreams as well. That is natural and doesn't mean you love your child any less. The truth is that you have never had the daughter that you thought you did. He was always your son at heart.

Coming from almost the opposite way my only child is having difficulties with losing the only parent she has known since I divorced her father when she was 8 months. But she is slowly accepting that I am still who I always was. I just look a little different now and am happier than I have ever been. You will find it easier too as time passes.

Hugs

Johnny

Share this post


Link to post

Hon, in your own way, you are as supportive as all the other parents here. You cared enough to join and to learn from people in the community and other parents, and while you have many doubts and fears, you still offer your son love and support, and I cannot overstate how important that is.

Your concerns are understandable and quite reasonable, but as Johnny pointed out, simply living in a small conservative town is no guarantee that he will not be accepted. You said he is well known and well liked - that counts for a lot, hon. It is less likely that the townsfolk and his peers will turn on him.

There are on-line gender therapists who can help, if you have or install a PC camera and download Skype or other voice-over-internet protocal (VOIP) programs that allow you to do video conferencing.

Please try to remember that your child is still your child, no matter his outward appearance. He needs your love and support now more than ever. You have a big heart and an open mind, otherwise you wouldn't be here at all. I applaud you for that, and thank you.

One last thing; we ask that you use the proper pronouns when talking about your child. I know it may sound awkward right now and hard to do, but you will need to address Kayla that way eventually and you may as well get used to it. Thank you.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

Share this post


Link to post

My heart goes out to you, Mittens_kittens. I think I speak for most parents on this forum when I say that our journey as parents of transgender children has lots of ups and downs, uncertainties, and, yes, grief and fear. I can also tell you, at least from our experience, that friends and family have been more open, loving, and supportive than we ever would have imagined. Like you, I was scared that people would stop loving my child, and that they would also think that my husband and I were terrible parents. It didn't happen. Though at this point my daughter sees few friends from her past (I think mostly of her own volition), she is certainly still loved by our closest friends and family. And contrary to folks criticizing my husband and me, they have told us how much they admire us. I am sure there are a few that don't know us well that have other thoughts, but the health and happiness of our daughter is more important than what they think ;)

We live in a small town as well, though it is a suburb. Our daughter (mtf) actually dropped out of school in the middle of sophomore year. Like your child, she went though a really tough time for a couple years, but now is starting to emerge as a much happier person. She was able to finish high school at the community college, and is now attending her first year of college. Yes, she has many challenges still ahead of her, but to know that her family loves and accepts her has helped tremendously.

One thing that really helped me was to read as many articles and books as I could get a hold of. I have to admit that I was totally ignorant of trans issues when we started this journey, and now I am in a position to help educate my family, my friends, and my community. You can preview some pages of many helpful books by doing a search on the word transgender in Google Books. http://books.google.com/bkshp?hl=en&tab=wp

Reading posts on Laura's, and talking to other parents here has helped a lot, too.

You are a loving parent, and I know that you will support your child the best you can.

There are many people here at Laura's who care. We are glad you are here!

Share this post


Link to post

Hello

Firstly let me say that I admire you honesty and caring. As a parent of two middle teen girls myself, even bearing in mind my own situation, I don't know how I would handle that. I would obviously understand, but acceptance is another leap.

My three immediate thoughts are that firstly, you do need to talk to pressionals who understand such matters, however you do it. Secondly, you need to get as much feedback as possible, from all resouces and as many forums as possible.

Thirdly, I would have to ask the obvious. If it turns out that you daughters path does lay in the direction of change, then is having a happy child better than one who...well....is definately not?

My thoughts are with you. x

Debbie

Share this post


Link to post

I live in a city that pretty much wins the prize for conservatism and to my surprise, transitioning in such a place in some ways is easier. Not sure about where you live but breaking the "gender laws" seems to be far, far worse than switching teams. My neighbours went from antagonistic to friendly. In some ways passing/being accepted as your true gender is much, much easier in a place where the gender roles are rigidly defined.

Share this post


Link to post

You'll get there. I want to echo what others have said in that you are doing great just by being here and seeking information and help. Even though I'm a lesbian and my partner is on the masculine side (although not trans) I still had a hard time with it at first. The name was hard just because I had a decade of using the old name. The pronouns were REALLY hard. It was really his gender therapist that asked that we just go cold turkey and stop using female pronouns all together. She also insisted that we let Carter cut his hair. This was also tough for me. But I did it and the joy and the light in my child's eyes I see now is worth all the personal stuff I am dealing with. The suicide rate and self-mutilation rates for these kids is astronomical. You just have to stop worrying about what other people think and decide that you would rather have a trans son than a dead daughter. It is just as simple as that.

Plus since he's 17, he'll be going off to college before you know it so he can truly BE a guy and not have to explain himself.

Share this post


Link to post

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful and caring comments. I feel a lot of relief at hearing how things have gone better for most of you than I could have imagined. Our family loves the town and the people here, and I now have some hope that we can stay here while we go through this confusing time. I like the Skype suggestion, Carolyn. We will definitely look into that.

My husband and my other boys are aware of Kayla's situation, but no one really talks about it. I'm sure they are just hoping it will go away, which is where I've been the past year, so I understand where they're coming from. From what I've read, which has been quite a bit, there aren't really and medical tests that would confirm or deny a diagnosis of transgender. Is just that fact that he (that was hard) feels that he is enough to go ahead with such a drastic change?

Any advice on who and how to tell people that my daughter is now going to be my son? Do you suggest going about it slowly, one person at a time, or making a big announcement to several? Kayla, who has chosen the name, Kael, just wishes he could wake up tomorrow and everyone would know.

Thank you again for taking the time to answer my questions and to be so supportive. There isn't anyone I know that I can talk to about these things, so I feel extremely fortunate to have found you all.

Share this post


Link to post

Mittens, Welcome to Laura's. You are a fantastic parent for supporting and loving your child no matter what. I second what the other parents have said. We have found people so much more accepting and caring than we had ever dreamed possible. I was terrified for my daughter's future when I found out she was trans. I also thought noone would like her or accept her or us. I thought she would be thought of as a freak. I was afraid my siblings would never understand.

It has been three years of ups and downs, of happy surprises and some disappointments but we now have a happy daughter instead of a suicidal son. And for that we are so, so grateful.

It will get better. Seeing a therpist yourself is a great idea. Your son needs a diagnosis to pursue HRT. You might find a therapist here on Laura's near your area. Even if you have to travel a couple of hours it will be worth it. You need the validation of a professional.

It is hard for parents to grasp at first and we do have to go through a process of sadness, anger, etc. which leads to acceptance. You have to allow yourself to feel it. You can't just wake up and feel great about it just like your son can't wake up and be transitioned.

You came to the right place. Laura's is such a help, especially in the beginning when you feel so all alone. You are not alone. There are quite a few of us here who have felt the same way you do now. We can help you through it.

Share this post


Link to post

Hi Mittens-kittens (cute name!),

I, too, was scared and had a hard time when my child (M2F) came out to us. There have been lots of peaks and valleys on this path we are on - sometimes we felt we were stuck on a mountain range! As time goes on things mellow out and get easier. I recall my wise mother telling me years

ago , 'You can plan your life the way you want and expect that is the way it will go, but sometimes you can get thrown onto a path you weren't expecting, nor want....AND you have no choice, but to go down that path....and go down it the very best way you can'. The thing is, we all know the path could be much worse. We are the lucky moms who will be able to help our children, whereas, there are too many moms that weren't so lucky.

You are going through a major event in your life! It was a very lonely and scary time for my husband and myself which I thought would never end. I couldn't imagine for a minute that I would be where I am now with this! I can recall my husband and I only being able to verbalize to each other for a short time a few times a week about it. I think both of us were deep in thought and experiencing true shock. Going to work was a place of respite. I was so scared that I didn't tell even my sister or best friends. I didn't think I could even get it out of my mouth. I so wish I had discovered Laura's Playground right away. I read as much as I could and we went to a gender therapist who helped us a great deal in understanding it. We waited 1 year before we shared the news. In hindsight, we could have and should have shared it earlier.

You asked how we told our family and friends. We made up an A, B, and C list, with the closest family and friends on the A list. We told ourselves that this will be the true test of our friendships and family relationships and basically were prepared to lose a few. I will warn you, it can be emotionally exhausting telling them, especially the first few. We found telling just 1-2 people a week was all we could handle emotionally. Then, as we approached the end of the A list, it became easier to tell them. We decided to attack the B list more casually and wait for an opportunity to tell those people. We ended up not bothering with the C list. It is probably worthwhile to have a conversation with your child as to who they feel comfortable knowing first. Also, there can come a time they may choose to go 'stealth' down the road and then the less people who know, the better. We agreed that if someone knew our child previously, then that went into the equation of whether we have a conversation with them. If they never knew her, then we chose to not share.

The good news is: everyone was wonderful. Not that they weren't shocked, they were. But, they were willing to listen, understand the subject, and were great to us and to our daughter. We heard comments like, 'we are so proud of you for being great parents'; 'if you ever need to talk, we are here'; 'you are my hero for supporting your new daughter'; 'I admire you'. Totally didn't expect the support we got! Only one person made a rather rude comment which was related to being a narrow-minded, extreme religious born-again.... She chose to say it was a choice and degraded my daughter. Simple answer to those people: This is biological, not biblical, period. But, I do think people become wiser with age and hey, everyone has 'something' going on in their lives. By the time people are close to finishing raising their kids, just about all of them have realized the world is diverse and the range of normal is much wider than they originally thought. People who you least expected to understand could become your strongest supporter - really! Oh, I will mention this, several people asked us in the initial conversation if she had or is having surgery. We side-stepped that one due to it being a bit too personal. We still get questions on what the surgery involves, and I refer them to some websites because I don't feel comfortable describing the details.

This forum will help you so much and relieve some of your stress and anxiety. Baby steps, mom, baby steps! Be easy on yourself and know that you aren't alone! You are awesome!

Mama (Joyful Mama!)

Share this post


Link to post

Thank you for the support and very good advice. So many things you mentioned, Mama, resonated with me. I have only shared with my counselor and my best friend. I feel like telling my family would be even harder. I have told two family members that Kayla is seeing a counselor out of town once a month, and when they asked why we couldn't see one in our town, I said that this one had a specialty of gender and sexuality. I'm sure they think we're afraid Kayla might be gay. Ha, if only; that would be a piece of cake at this point! My husband and I don't talk about it too often. I'm quite a bit farther along in the process than he is, but we're both at least making progress towards understanding and accepting. He's much more likely to get somber or worried instead of angry when gender issues come up now. He was still having trouble accepting the fact that his daughter liked girls; this is a whole different ballgame for us both.

I like the idea of having the A, B and C lists. With us living in a fairly small town (15,000), the news will spread very fast among some groups, so I don't think we'd need to tell many to get the word out. I keep imagining scenarios that will come up in the future, even after we've told who we think we need to. How will I respond when an acquaintance I haven't seen in awhile asks what Kayla is up to now, or how is she doing? Do I avoid using pronouns and talk around the gender thing, or do I straight out say something like, "Oh, she's a boy now, haven't you heard?" These kind of thoughts give me lots of anxiety.

We're following Kayla's lead at this point. He's attending the local community college and dressing more as a boy there (except for chest binding, which he uses when he's around friends that are supportive or when testing how well he would pass in public.) Most everyone at school knows him as a she, but seems okay with his dressing masculine. His job, however, requires that he look more feminine. So he thinks of it as a costume of sorts and puts on a blouse and eyeliner to go to work. I have to confess that I love to see him like that -- that's the Kayla I know and miss. (It made me start crying to type that. This is so hard.) But I have stopped the comments and compliments, as I know telling him he looks pretty it is not making him happy, and his happiness is truly what I want. He has not asked us to refer to him as male and is more than patient and understanding with everyone needing time to understand.

Thank you again for the help. Baby steps are still steps, right?

Mittens

Share this post


Link to post

Yes, baby steps are steps. I cried a lot too, and when you are writing your thoughts it can be intense and helps you to, again, realize this is real. Lots of tissues, my dear. You are reminding me of where I was just a short time ago . It gets better!

In reference to what to say when you see people who ask about Kayla....when all this first came about, we responded normally as if nothing had changed BECAUSE we weren't ready to say anything. We referred to our new daughter as 'our youngest' to make it easier in the beginning. If it is an acquaintance and you aren't ready, just don't say any pronoun and say 'great, going to college, happy...oh, (and then carefully change the subject to something about them)". It isn't too hard to put the focus on other people because everyone likes talking about themselves and what they have been doing! That was just for people who we just weren't that close to and didn't want to jump into 'the conversation'. At some point, though, you will take the lead and share. I witnessed my husband telling a neighbor who our daughter used to babysit for her kids. When she asked, he just said 'Well, actually the name is ..... now. She came out to us last year and is transgendered. But, she is doing great, at college, very happy'. He stayed unemotional, but very pleasant and calm. The neighbor kind of stammered for just a second and spent a moment discussing how brave transgendered people can be and 'oh, we had no idea', and moved on to what her kids were doing. Now, I have to be honest, when I told most of my friends and relatives I wasn't as smooth as my husband. I did break down while I told them...it is hard not to for a mom. Once you have told the people you want to tell, you will be surprised how much better you will feel. You will then have support and you may find your relationships with people become closer. And, don't be surprised if they, then, may share something their family is going through. If anyone doesn't support you, they weren't your friends anyway. This is huge and you need good friends. Good luck!

Share this post


Link to post

Bless all of you wonderful mothers!

I'm reaching for tissue now too...

I don't know if any of you can ever appreciate just how HUGE a gift you are giving your children by accepting them. My parents responded to my cries for help with punishment, shaming, guilting and violence until I recanted my claims of actually being a girl. And I know that many other trans folk faced similar, or worse, treatment as children. Some are still facing horrible consequences well into adulthood. My parents both passed before the effects of their hurtfulness wore off enough for me to once again try to emerge as my true self. Perhaps that was their plan all along. I will never know...

I am so happy for your kids!

They are fortunate to be 'out' and loved by the people they need more than anybody else...

Again, bless you!

Love and appreciation, Svenna

Share this post


Link to post

Mittens_kittens,

There are a few similarities between our stories. My 18 year old, also a Kayla with two brothers, hinted at this a few years ago and finally came out a few months ago. I lurked around this forum for awhile and felt like I couldn't relate because I most definitely do not feel so loving and supportive. I'm doing everything I can to help my FTM child work through this- He left for college less than 2 weeks after telling us this news. (And I do sort of choke on saying he because I still see my daughter when I look at her.) I have tried very hard to be supportive. He is seeing a gender therapist, who has been fantastic!!!! I've bought him binders, boy clothes, boy body wash, boy underwear. He is so happy. I am heart sick. Last week I had to buy him a suit, when 6 months ago we were shopping for a prom dress and accessories.

I'm not ready to let go of my daughter yet. I remind myself that I still have my middle child but when he comes home from college for a break, I recognize him less and we've had some really rocky times. I am upset, sad, angry, grief stricken, confused and so much more. For the most part, my child doesn't witness my bad times- I try to remain positive in his presence.

I have gotten books to read up on the topic. That seems to help. Reading this forum has been really helpful too. I also have two close friends who have basically been keeping me standing, while I've been a mess. I know it will get better and I try to focus on that. Baby steps, right?

Share this post


Link to post

Mittens_kittens and Kat, I am not writing anything you haven't already heard from the terrific people on this forum, but I will add that I, too, had the same feelings you are having when my daughter first came out to us. I tried to be as supportive as possible, as you both are doing, but my feelings of loss were huge. I was in the opposite position, too: I had two boys, and always wanted a girl, and now I had one. But I missed the boy that she was! That was about four or five years ago. Now I can't imagine what she would have looked like if she had grown up as a man.

As for the conservative community, I agree with others that they may well surprise you. I live in a metropolitan area, but a lot of my friends are fairly religious. I worried, yet they have been wonderful and accepting. It is still hard for me to tell new people--that is, people who in the past knew my daughter as my son--and I happened to see one of them today. Yet she was extremely warm and supportive when I told her.

It is a hard road, but not an impossible one, and you will probably find it's a good one in many ways, as you go along. We are with you, walking it together, in those important baby steps. You are both already wonderful parents to your sons. Believe me, all of us were very much like you when we first learned about our gender-variant children.

Love,

Meridian

Share this post


Link to post

Another post, re Mittens's comment on dressing for the job. My daughter until recently (when she was laid off) presented as male at her part-time job. Recently I saw her in male clothing and she looked stunning--like a tall, beautiful woman in chino pants and a black shirt. I complimented her, and she said, "Do you know how much I hate getting compliments when I'm dressed like this?" I explained that I thought she looked like a beautiful woman, but I recognized my mistake. I suspect that she lost her job because she is looking so much more feminine these days, even in men's clothing, though of course they gave other reasons. She has decided she doesn't want to continue to try to pass as male, and I've suggested she look for work in the LGBT community--social services, or something of that kind--so that she doesn't have to hide anything about who she is. She said that was an idea, but we haven't discussed it since. I hate it that my bright and beautiful daughter has to face these obstacles, but knowing all the strong, bright, beautiful people on Laura's who have done the same, I take heart.

Thank you, all, parents and children.

Love and hugs,

Meridian

Share this post


Link to post

Meridian, thank you for the kind words. There have been times when I have been reading around this forum and others and I see so many parents who are obviously farther down this road than I am. I have been feeling very much alone in this and although I have a wonderful sister, mom and two great friends who listen when I need to vent or mourn, they don't understand how this feels. It really does help to have someone hear what I've said and nod their heads because they've gone through it themselves.

Share this post


Link to post

Thank you Twinstar, Mama, Meridian, Kat and everyone else for your kind and wise words. Comparing lives and stories really does help. I've felt so alone in this. In most cases when a person is grieving for someone they have lost, or are losing, they can share that grief with friends and family and get support to get through it. But in this case, I am grieving privately, struggling to act like all is well, because I can't share my story. It's a secret that I don't know how, when or who to share it with.

My son took his first airplane trip alone this past weekend to meet his online girlfriend for the first time. I was so happy and excited for him to finally get to meet her. He had a wonderful time and they seem very much in love and happy. But it was so strange for me, because he went totally as a boy. The girl and her family know he's transgendered and only refer to him by his male name. But at home, everyone still calls him by his girl name, and he has to present as female, or at least androgynous at work and school. It's like I have two children in one that keeps flipping back and forth from boy to girl depending on the situation and the day. Very confusing.

I wonder if this would be any easier of he wasn't born as my only daughter after two older boys. Yes, I realize that sounded odd. :-)

Share this post


Link to post

My daughter was born in between her brothers. My relationship with my own mother is so important to me that I was thrilled to have a girl, so I could have that relationship with her. It didn't work out that way.

I don't think it's easier any way. I, too, feel like I'm grieving alone. Everyone I see asks about her and I have to answer like all is business as usual because I'm not ready to tell people. Some people know what's going on but won't say anything, some people are curious, some know something is wrong and don't know what. I'm sure there's a bunch thinking my child is a lesbian and that's what's going on. The funny thing is that she told us she was a lesbian a few years ago and of course, it didn't make a difference to us. We just want a happy child!!!

I'm glad things went well for your son and his visit with his girlfriend.

Share this post


Link to post

hi, i have not been around for a while, but laura's is always in the back of my mind, so i signed on today. it's coming up on 3 years that our son began his transition. we are now out to all family members--one side is very accepting---the other just talks the talk--mittens you will be amazed at some of the positive reactions from people and the fact that they have "known" or suspected for many years what your child is going through, while it went unnoticed by you (as it does by most parents). just be there for your child; see how they come out of the protective shell they have been suffering in for so long; notice how they hold their head up high and gain confidence (all aided by the love and support from their parents and friends). it is a journey that no parent can imagine their child going through, but in the end it is a positive journey; get support from wherever you can--find your allies in that small community--one little scrap of trust at a time. all the best to you and your child.

Share this post


Link to post

I am not a parent of a TS child but as a TS myself I was so struck by this thread. And wanted to reinforce what you already know. That the love and support and understanding you give your children make a difference that cannot be overstated.

There was so much pain and waste and misery in many of our lives that your children will not have to face! It can be the difference between a good life and a life of misery and despair.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving this new generation a better, brighter future.

Johnny

Share this post


Link to post

WOW! I think that this forum should be posted for the world to see how much LOVE there is to give! Every one of these posts is a source of strength and courage, and there isn't one that I am not able to either relate to or grow from. I am so grateful for this site. I am grateful for the struggling (like me) moms who love their children so much that they are here, I am grateful for the moderators who seem to always know the right thing to say to both affirm and support.

I just had an epiphany - so often over the last few months my heart felt as if it was breaking - when Abby was so suicidal that she had to be restrained in the hospital; when I first saw Abby in a dress; when my (usually loving/tolerant) hubby said, "Stop calling him Abby - he's not a girl" while Abby was standing right there, when my mom said, "This is just weird." All of those breaking heart moments happened so that my heart could actually open up just a little more. It opens for ALL of the people on this site. It opens for those who don't understand. It opens for those who walk away. It opens for my husband who is in so much pain. It opens for all the TG kids who are currently living double lives.

If the whole world could see how all of our (once) breaking hearts have grown to the point that we can accept, love, support, and hold each other sacred, I know it would be a more peaceful place.

Thanks to each of you for helping me to stitch my broken heart into one that is so much larger!

Share this post


Link to post

WOW! I think that this forum should be posted for the world to see how much LOVE there is to give! Every one of these posts is a source of strength and courage, and there isn't one that I am not able to either relate to or grow from. I am so grateful for this site. I am grateful for the struggling (like me) moms who love their children so much that they are here, I am grateful for the moderators who seem to always know the right thing to say to both affirm and support.

I just had an epiphany - so often over the last few months my heart felt as if it was breaking - when Abby was so suicidal that she had to be restrained in the hospital; when I first saw Abby in a dress; when my (usually loving/tolerant) hubby said, "Stop calling him Abby - he's not a girl" while Abby was standing right there, when my mom said, "This is just weird." All of those breaking heart moments happened so that my heart could actually open up just a little more. It opens for ALL of the people on this site. It opens for those who don't understand. It opens for those who walk away. It opens for my husband who is in so much pain. It opens for all the TG kids who are currently living double lives.

If the whole world could see how all of our (once) breaking hearts have grown to the point that we can accept, love, support, and hold each other sacred, I know it would be a more peaceful place.

Thanks to each of you for helping me to stitch my broken heart into one that is so much larger!

That was simply beautiful. Thank you...Svenna

Share this post


Link to post

Mittens, we share many of the same experiences and thoughts in relation to our children and our worries for their future.

I'm worried that my child will never pass as male, she is quite short with small hands and is very curvy with an e-cup top half - I just don't want her to be ridiculed! We went through a terrible time in early high school where she was bullied because of her weight - now she has lost 20kg (over 40 pound) and was starting to show much more self-confidence, I dont want her to have to face that awful bullying again :(

I can't quite call her 'he' yet - she has not asked me to and is unsure about the name thing yet, so i'm following her lead in this.

Share this post


Link to post

Ms French, don't worry about your child passing, at first it will be hard but T is a powerful drug, his hands will become bigger and masculine, there are plenty of short men, he can always bind or top surgery may be an option. I am an e cup well was 5 years ago before I started binding and I pass 100% and I am not on any HRT and have worked as male for the past 5 years

Share this post


Link to post

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 4 Guests (See full list)

    • MaryEllen
    • DenimAndLace
    • Clara84
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      64,031
    • Total Posts
      580,801