Love....

[Guest Lycaenidae]

(sorry if this could be posted in a better sub-forum, I'm still getting used to it here)

I didn't create this account with the attention of going on this rant as soon as I got here, but... I just can't stop thinking about it, I have to talk about it.

So there's this guy.... Well, first, some background info. I like guys, but that's something I only accepted very recently. I guess for a long time I was afraid of letting myself believe that I did because I was so afraid of feeling anything at all that could let me be thought of as feminine, back when I was still fighting the thought of being transgender. I consider myself to have a lot of self-control though, even when fighting against my instincts, so even though from time to time I could tell the thought of being with a guy was possibly going to start, I was able to successfully hold it back every time, and I never had any true thoughts about it at all until recently. Even after I came out as transgender it took me a little while to accept it, just because I was so conditioned against it. I was still holding on to that "I like girls" idea that's actually "I want to be those girls". Once I started opening myself up to the truth... well, it became really, REALLY obvious very quickly that I do, indeed, like guys. Alright, now you're pretty much all caught up.

So there's this guy.... Basically, he's the coolest, sweetest, most sensitive, and all-around most wonderful guy ever. He doesn't think so though. I just want him to understand how great he is and how much he means to me.... I can't stop thinking about him, when I think about being with him I lose my mind, when I can picture him being happy and lying next to me I don't think anything could ever possibly make me happier, and when I think about the possibility of losing him even just as a friend I cry nonstop for hours.... I'm 20 years old, and he's the first real crush I've ever had. He's one of my best friends too. I've told him things I don't tell anyone else and he's done the same to me. We have so many things in common, and we just playfully poke fun at each other about the things we disagree on. Here's where it gets harder though.... He was one of the very first people I came out to, back before I had any true intentions (beyond dreaming) to transition and I just needed friends to talk to about it before I totally lost it, and he's been fully supportive the whole way through, it's just that... I don't know, I feel like my chances are just already ruined because I knew him before all of this. I know that if I had met him as a girl then we would have gotten together almost immediately, and the worst part is I'm pretty sure he knows it too.... But now there's just this big "I don't know how this works" awkwardness about it. I'm terrified to try to do anything about it because I just don't know how he would feel about it right now... and if bringing it up didn't work out I'm afraid it would mess up our friendship. I mean, I would definitely wait a while until I was much further into transition to do it anyway, but still... I don't know. >_<

I just needed to get that out....

[Guest mistygirl7]

Aww, well since he knows about you. Did you tell him that you really want to be a girl and that you like guys too? I would start with that and if he's still cool about it and supportive, I would stop there. And then later if you are still friends and nothing has change there could be a chance in finding out if he may like you as well. It happen to on of my friend that went through the same thing you are going through and after awhile they've began dating. So you never know. I wish you the best for whatever happens. Also IV went through the phase of not trying to like guys as well but yeah I really like guys myself. Hang in there

[Guest Amanda Whyte]

My heart goes out to you. I hope everything works out the best way it can for you. **Hugs**

[Guest Mia J]

Well you know we girls should not be too pushy when it comes to guys.

So go about it as most girls would. You are already close so start with a little playful flirting and see how he reacts. If it is positive then you can flirt a little more until you get him to make the first move.

Mia

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Well, he knows about you now.....And he's still close to you......That's a HUGE plus!

I hope that the rest goes as smoothly!

Huggs

Dee Jay

[Guest leela_anima]

how much do you know about his sexuality??... but ya, personally, i'd stop there, you told him and he's cool, that's awesome. next, i would get on hrt asap, and become one hot chick!(you're 20, so it would work quite well) then maybe move somewhere for work or school or something and be just long distance until after the hrt kicked in, hair grew out, makeup skills leveled up, and fashion wardrobe has changed, then come back and totally surprise him as a hot lady!... but that's just me, i'm suggesting you should do that but ya, communication is key here, think things through, some things that are once said cannot be unsaid....

[Guest Gregg Jameson]

LIfe is full of twists and turns. We just never know all of what lies around the next corner! This keeps life interesting!

I truly do not know how to advise you in this situation. I wish I had some helpful insight to offer.

You are brave to write about this. My heart goes out to you.

I have always valued a good solid, honest friendship above all else. Many long-term romantic relationships are built upon the foundation of a very solid mutual friendship. If I were in your shoes, I think I would be sure to maintain, and to further enhance, the friendship. From there, I'd let the cards fall where they may... over time.

In the meantime, I'd suggest you fully intend you each have the most fulfilling and joyful lives possible, whether or not you are ever romantically involved with one another.

Trust your life will become truly fulfilling to you. Put your conscious intentions into making a joyful life for yourself, no matter the choices made by anyone else. Best wishes to you during this challenging period of your life.

Brad