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A Godless Kind Of ‘happiness’


Guest Zenda

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Kia Ora,

As many of you already know I’m a godless person, even when the concept of a god was floating though my mind’s eye [many moons ago] I couldn’t quite make this concept tangible…However I finally found the key to true happiness and contentment when I discovered ‘myself’….It’s an incredible, blissful feeling, accepting and taking full responsibility for ones actions and the situation one finds oneself in, in life…Through controlling my thoughts I have developed a positive attitude and in doing so I am able to shape my reality …

I know that many of you are still coming to terms with who you are and how you’re going to cope in society…Many in their time of need, if not already religious, tend to turn to an external ‘god’ figure for guidance and comfort…For some this works, for others not…

For those who are free of a benevolent god-centric thought pattern…who do you or what did you turn to for comfort and guidance in your times of need?

What if I were to tell you, the only person you can rely on ie, truly ‘trust’ is…’YOURSELF’...In order to go forward on ones chosen path, one must have 'faith' in oneself... for without it, you will be well and truly lost!

A blissful state of happiness and contentment is ‘free’ to a good home/mind…

Have faith...happy mindfulness!

Metta Jendar :)

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In a way that makes each individual their own God. The question is how do you reconcile the physical reality that effects your life that you have no control over. You can paint a pretty picture in your mind but when night comes it is dark outside.

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Kia Ora Lisa,

Before I continue I would like to point out, I'm well aware that many in the forum are 'clinically depressed' and need specialist help - so please understand I am not 'judging' or being highly critical of them in anyway!

Are we not all gods of a sort?…to an extent able to create our own reality-and I don’t mean in a ‘fantasy’ world sense, I mean in the ‘real’ world..?

I’m nobody special, but I’ve managed to do this and in doing so, I’m in a constant state of contentment…

I realise many , can only envisage my somewhat ‘blissful’ state as some kind of a ‘fantasy’…How can one possibly be happy and content 24/7 each and everyday?

It’s all down to ones 'attitude' and how one ‘chooses’ to see life…If things go wrong, why prolong ones discontentment why carry this burden, when you don’t really have too…What’s happened as happened one must learn not to ‘cling’ to the negative and to get over it. And I’m sure most of you are aware that we do have a choice as to how we perceive life…

The key here is to do with ‘optimism’ [positive thinking] and ‘pessimism’ [negative thinking]…Due to ones thought pattern, some people are only capable of short bursts of optimism and sadly for the most part pessimism seems to dominate their lives…But this does not have to be…

I’ve mentioned before[well quite a few times] about ‘meditation’ and how it can enrich ones life…Western scientists, psychologists and medical doctors are just beginning to understand the power of meditation that is, a means of controlling ones mind that is very beneficial - a technique that’s been around for thousands of years…

My mind has got me to where I am now-a blissful state of awareness…And your mind can get you there too[if you let it]

Remember ...A mind full of pessimism will always remain in a 'discontented' state

:rolleyes: I guess to answer your question Lisa, in a nutshell…Through meditation one comes to understand ones mind and in doing so can develop a more positive attitude…

Happy mindfulness

Metta Jendar :)

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Hi Jendar I believe that for the most part you are correct in your theory of meditation = finding and touching the innerself = the awakening = Awareness awareness as a continuous evolutionary process of being aware the reality around you and beyond. I do not believe in a God, or least ways not the one that they preach about in so many fundamentalist churches. The essence of creator and creation is the spark that is within each one of us and it all depends if you wish to accept and touch that spark with in the soul, which is part of all that exists within all dimensions as a **Oneness of spirit or souls.** I am not religious, I believe myself as Spiritual but I follow my own understandings and beliefs which I have accumulated through the years. I do believe there are certain forces that have an influence in our lives if we accept and believe in them. I also believe that much of our mission here on Earth Mother is that of discovery and learning=growth.

I didn't have an easy time, for 30 years of my life I was in an alcoholic, using alcohol as in attempt to escape from reality. Once the cork was back on the jug it did not take long to discover who I was, but I was terrified to really do anything about it let alone tell anyone. I discovered spirituality through the program of AA. Finally I arrived at the door to transition, and opened the door, and stepped through and never looked back. I am happy today, sometime I may even display the characteristics of a child, so my mate tells me. :) I ow my happiness very much to my spiritual beliefs and no longer fear of being punished if I am happy. I am the real me, the one I have dreamed about since childhood and no one is ever going to take her away from me.

I believe that all transsexual people have that spark within them, if they only but trust it and touch it, this will bring on the awakening which will eventually bring them to the awareness.

CindyBC

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Kia Ora Cindy,

I’m glad to hear that you have found contentment and that you have taken time to share your experiences with myself and others…I’m sure they will also appreciate your comments…

I have not had to face the demons in the form of alcohol that many of you have had to face, perhaps it’s because I don’t possess the alcoholic ‘gene’ that some scientists believe some people have-Alcohol just does not agree with me which is a very fortunate thing…But I’m glad to see you have corked one jug and have let the good genie out of the other, so to speak…I doubt whether you will be able to even re cork the genie’s jug, even if you tried…

Metta Jendar

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Guest CindyBC

Hi Jendar hon, thank you for your reply. Your right, I'm hanging on to that genie for all I'm worth. He will get along well with all my other imaginary friends. :rolleyes: Life is grand as long as one doesn't allow for anything to flap them and nudge them off the path. It's all in your mind some shrinks will say, well of course it is, but it all depends what one withes to take what ever it is they want to take for a walk into the real world. Choose well, have faith, in your own abilities, and pray to what ever higher power you believe in and meditate so that you be shown how to find the result you seek.

I know I sometimes tend to ramble on or get off on tangents all at one time, I am who I am, so if anyone doesn't understand what in tarnation I am talking, please don't be afraid to ask questions.

Cindy the fairy. ;)

sacredangel.gif

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Guest CindyBC

Hi Jendar hon.......hmmmm. usually the posts turn up sooner then this but the last one didn't make it at all and I just want to tell you that I agree 110% to your last post. Now that I have that Genie in my hands there ain't no way I am letting him go. I truly enjoyed our brief exchange of thoughts. I just pray I don't lose anyone in our conversations, and if I do it is not intentional. I just tend to go off in kazilion different directions and when the trade winds start a blowing all I can do is go with it and hope I don't get lost in the wilderness of endless propositions. ;)

CindyBC

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Guest CindyBC

Hi lisa hon, now there is one proposition I would sooner not bite on tonight. The last time I got on to the subject on a group I use to belong to, well like, is the glass half full or half empty? What if you stopper the glass and tilt the glass and let the liquid go to the top of the glass, Is there less volume of water in the larger end of the glass? We had it broken right down to it's subatomic particles, is there more subatomic particles in liquid then there is in the air and does that also include the cup?

That silly discussion went on for three bloody weeks and at each turn it just got more complicated, but there was also a growing sense of humor and laughter that grew in proportion to the subatomic particles. I love laughing, discussing scientific propositions, metaphysical, the mysterious and unexplained, philosophical discussions, riddles, reciting prose and of course, telling BS stories. Now all that is needed to top all of this is for someone to clao their hands and yell "Booooo!" and watch how fast I go and hide under the bed, a pair of glow in the dark eyes blinking back at you. My sense of humor I believe is equal in proportion to my curiosity.

cry3.gif

Cindy the fairy

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Guest lisa49
In a way that makes each individual their own God. The question is how do you reconcile the physical reality that effects your life that you have no control over. You can paint a pretty picture in your mind but when night comes it is dark outside.
Through controlling my thoughts I have developed a positive attitude and in doing so I am able to shape my reality …

By night I mean when your part of the earth is turned away from the sun. You need to physically turn a light on etc. to see. Now you thought I was referring to a pessimistic idea and answered in that way. See the difference between an objective understanding and a self created subjective one. By shaping your reality is that not an action of a god?

I believe

Anytime you have to add those words you are the creator. It is not the physical world you describing, but it is your perspective of the situation. Knowing the facts and the rules of the physical world helps you understand the difference between rational actions for the use of facts and irrational actions based on emotions and other created beliefs.

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Kia Ora,

Now what I’m about to say is not arrogance on my part-[if one sees it that way that’s one choice- but not my intention], I’m just trying to put into perspective where I’m at in life and how this came about…

I’m well aware that my situation is more favourable than most, that is I blend into society as my affirmed gender and I’m not confronted with the social gauntlet that many of you may have to run on a regular bases - such as questioning looks from passers-by, or issues with toilets etc … But the fortunate situation that I find myself in, is just a small percentage of my contentment, it is not it’s foundation…In my everyday life I see and heard about cisgender and trans people’s struggles, the mundane type that no longer presents a challenge to me, because I ‘choose’ to see things in a different light and in doing so I’m more relaxed and content and judging by the comments I get from others whom I physically interact with- they can sense the contentment I feel…"Why are you so relaxed! etc etc"

That was either 'cleaver or clever' observation on your part Lisa – however that’s how ‘you’ personally choose to perceive life-through constant philosophical questioning thought, but [keeping to the topic at hand] tell me, do you have ‘contentment’-happiness with your situation in life?…and is it sporadic- depending on the situation or constant regardless of the situation?

Because you personally have yet to experience what I’m experiencing, you give the impression by your comments that what I say I experience daily 24/7 is impossible-out of a ‘normal’ person’s reach…If you 'think' that way then it will remain out of reach...I think therefore I am[this is from a Buddhist perspective]

I know what I know because I’m ‘living’ it each and everyday ...I live life-While many still question it…

However, this post is not a philosophical debate, I really do care and want to know about and possibly help others come to terms with the situation they find themselves in, in life…and hopefully provide them with a workable means to improving their situation…

My wish is for you all to feel what I feel each day -'contentment'...

And as my 17 year old daughter's answer phone message says... "If you can dream it... you can do it!"

Happy mindfulness

Metta Jendar :)

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Guest lisa49

Because I question does not mean there is not contentment. I have so far lived a wonderful life as I too have a daughter in graduate school on her way to being a doctor. Also a son in college as much more of a romantic which will head in a different direction. I too blend very well as I am 5'5" at 135 pounds and had Dr. O and Suporn make me flawless also I have no need for a job. I do enjoy puzzles and philosophic discussions and live with a friend who is studying Greek and Latin. I find life in paradox and the difference in things. Harmony makes me uncomfortable and lazy. Life is for living and the time is limited. To avoid pain seems like a positive idea but not at the expense of a full life so each of us has to decide for them selves when to change things.

I find that people are much more happy when they work things out by them selves. I do help when asked but do not believe in being on a mission.

"If you can dream it... you can do it!"

A nice dream but physically impossible. I can dream of going through a black hole. I can only do it in a dream. But with hard work and understanding the steps and plenty of time you can accomplish the most important thing in your life just not everything you want to happen.

My wish is for you all to feel what I feel each day -'contentment'...

A wish is like a praying it motivates you and sets up your subconsciousness to look and act on opportunities.

I do things to help people see the possibilities.

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Kia Ora,

:rolleyes: To bear a grudge…. who really carries the 'unpleasant' burden - the bearer or their target?

Like Laura and her helpers I too am on a 'mission' ! ‘Altruism’ I think has something to do with it...

Lisa, I’m happy to hear that thanks to money, plastic surgery and good surgeons you don’t have to run society’s gauntlet and that you also have children who are doing well…[ I have four –one living in Japan the others still busy studying, two in high school the other at uni…No doubt they will also continue to travel overseas to experience and enrich their lives]

However, back to the point... there are some people out there who think because another is in a ‘better’ position, this other person’s life must be relatively free of hassles…My point was ‘yes’ I blend in and don’t have to run a gauntlet, but that’s not what makes me fully content-There are people with plenty of money and material things plus are blessed with being naturally attractive-but for some, true happiness still remains out of their reach…There are other things in my life that contribute to my happiness…and that is having a positive attitude…

My genital surgery was government funded…I have ‘no’ money in the bank-I ‘rent’ a one bedroom apartment-I’m ‘not’ fully employed-I have a beat up old car that’s on it’s last legs…Many in this forum are much better off material wise-I have none of the ‘material’ things that many of you treasure and from what I gather brings you happiness…But I’m happy and content and wished to share the reasons why I feel this way and in doing so perhaps it will inspire others to see life differently…

I was only quoting what was on my daughter’s answer phone and that she [like Martin Luther King Jnr ] believes in working towards ones dreams...But because of your somewhat ‘highly critical nature’, you have made it quite clear, you don't tolerant somebody having dreams-a thing that you 'personally' find absurd !

But again I’m truly happy that you have found what you ‘perceive’ as true happiness…

Finally...Lisa in all sincerity, I'm saying yes you are right-you win- what you have said is your truth I can not deny that...I hope this 'victory' satisfy's your 'need' to be right...I'm sure the others don't want to be burdened with our personal disagreements that's moving away from the topic at hand...I apologise - It was not my intention for this to happen...

I would like to leave you ‘all’ with this analogy I came across recently:

“Knowledge without spirit is like finding yourself on a cold night with all the wood in the world and not a flame with which to light it!”

Happy mindfulness [and for those who 'only' see material gain as happiness - may your material world continue to overflow!]

Metta Jendar :)

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Guest CindyBC

Hi Jade, what a wonderful declaration of which I have come to discover to a greater degree. All that is required to be content with oneself is t feel whole and to be at peace with one's Self. Not many understand what it is, I try to tell them and maybe what I tell is all gibberish, maybe I just don't belong in the rooms anymore. I had only come to see if I could share some and maybe be of service. I may just move on.

Have a wonderful day.

CindyBC

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Guest lisa49
Happy mindfulness [and for those who 'only' see material gain as happiness - may your material world continue to overflow!

I would like to point out that happiness is not the pinnacle of life just as materialism can not buy you happiness. Happiness is a personal emotion, not a human achievement. If you look at the big picture you will see that humans are a part of something much bigger. Knowledge is a cumulative collection of many humans and growing all the time. Each of us can and do feel good about contributing to the overall pool of world knowledge because we know it will benefit future generations and keep life going.

Dreams are the seeds of invention not the reality of the future. It takes hard work as well as knowledge to move from a dream to a rational realistic action.

like Martin Luther King Jr ] believes in working toward ones dreams
If you take your beliefs and say that there is no universe wafter death the Kings dreams are dead. But if you understand society is more than an individual you see that some of his hard work has been continued by others and managed to change society for the better, not perfect. People are still making changes and not exactly what the dreams told but things that are within a framework of rational physical reality might I say the material world.
I do things to help people see the possibilities

This has nothing to do with victory. It has to do with other possibilities than just beliefs. It has to do with rational thinking and the power it has to change your life. I have nothing against positive thinking in fact I think it is very helpful but I do see people not living to their full potential when they do not question things. Compassion comes from giving not just feeling.

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Kia Ora Cindy,

I hope whichever way you flow the ‘genie’ is there with you…

Happiness and contentment is just a state of mind…and judging by your comments you have also found the key, I hope you make plenty of copies and continue to provide others with this precious key to contentment…

I know you already have this - but ‘Happy mindfulness’ anyway…I guess I’m somewhat selfish, because I also get a real warm feeling when saying it…

:rolleyes: One can’t have too much of a good thing…

"Um Mani Padme Hum!"

What we seek we are!

Metta Jendar :)

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Guest CindyBC

Hi Jendar, Oh I know the Genie has always been with me I only just had to awaken to that fact. Life is what you make and it would be a false statement to say that i don't get bad times, I do but the just aren't very long in duration most times only a few hours or less. Yes happiness is a state of mind.

Thank you for sharing.

CindyBC

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Kia Ora Lisa,

I truly do appriciate your wise words and your over powering knowledge of all things 'right' [according to 'Lisa' and the gods you worship]...They have rewarded you well[and BTW it is a form of 'worship'] .. However I'm somewhat amused at how you cling to and analyse my humble word- :rolleyes: it makes me feel special!

I can not force you to let go of the bone of contention[your frustration/grudge] the pull of your force-pride is too strong - nor do I want too-you must find this out for yourself... So may you continue to find pleasure in chewing upon it! :)

I would be a fool not to expect the final word from you,[my words seem to have that charaisma]... so please be my guest and oblige me...I hope you find lasting peace from doing so...

The 'need' to always be 'right'and to try in 'vain' to prove the other wrong-stems from a discontented, highly strung mind, that sadly can not 'accept' defeat nor a compromise when it is on the table...

This shallow victory will always be yours Lisa, so please enjoy it - for a victory without any reward is a empty one...

You truly are my 'karma' and I totally accept you for what you are! :)

"Thank you...I have learnt a lot from your 'highly critical' somewhat 'cold' calculating mind...And from the start I realise that you are only trying to teach others what 'you believe' is the right and only way for them to go... But your methods of doing so definately need some 'refining'...Perhaps a touch of 'human' kindness along with warm 'feelings'!" [again I won't hold my breath]

[Phew!!! I hope this is enough for you to chew on for a while!!! I've run out of bait/bone]

And for the other readers...Perhaps you could spare a 'bone' for Lisa to get her teeth into!!!

Happy mindfulness...And Lisa, may 'true' wisdom catch up with your age before the lights go out...

Metta Jendar :)

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Guest lisa49

A person who lives only within themselves and is living in the abstract. (Existing only in concept and not in reality: hypothetic, hypothetical, ideal, theoretic, theoretical, transcendent, transcendental.)

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  • 4 weeks later...
Guest Paula D
Kia Ora,

As many of you already know I’m a godless person, even when the concept of a god was floating though my mind’s eye [many moons ago] I couldn’t quite make this concept tangible…However I finally found the key to true happiness and contentment when I discovered ‘myself’….It’s an incredible, blissful feeling, accepting and taking full responsibility for ones actions and the situation one finds oneself in, in life…Through controlling my thoughts I have developed a positive attitude and in doing so I am able to shape my reality …

I know that many of you are still coming to terms with who you are and how you’re going to cope in society…Many in their time of need, if not already religious, tend to turn to an external ‘god’ figure for guidance and comfort…For some this works, for others not…

For those who are free of a benevolent god-centric thought pattern…who do you or what did you turn to for comfort and guidance in your times of need?

What if I were to tell you, the only person you can rely on ie, truly ‘trust’ is…’YOURSELF’...In order to go forward on ones chosen path, one must have 'faith' in oneself... for without it, you will be well and truly lost!

A blissful state of happiness and contentment is ‘free’ to a good home/mind…

Have faith...happy mindfulness!

Metta Jendar :)

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Guest Paula D

I am just joining this group, so I will start slowly. I too believe in a no-god

spirituality -- though really that amounts to finding a god within myself.

To keep that from being self-centered, I also believe that I must continue

to be a searcher. And where I find the source of such confirmation of

my spirituality (and my sexuality) is in Nature.

I have much more to say on that, but I'll stop for now to see what

if any reaction I might get.

But before signing off I should say how much I appreciate everything

I have read from everyone so far. That doesn't mean I agree with

ever detail of everything, but I welcome whatever good comes my way in this life.

Greetings to all. Paula

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  • 1 year later...
Guest Syamantaka

Jendar greetings

I take responsibility for my own actions, I do not pawn my short commings off on some diety. The Desiderata, is my guide. What I find

cool about this is an ordinary person wrote this. So anyone of us could do something awsome and help society mature.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God/ess, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life,

keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Just wanted to share with you as it was shared with me 34 years ago. :)

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  • 1 year later...
Guest roxannemariska

I'm totally with your first post Zenda. I abandoned the god delusion a few years back and it was the most liberating event of my life. No, I did not become my own god. I realized I was just one more pile of molecules organized for a fleeting moment into consciousness. I will eventually return to the state I was before I was born: star stuff.

This perspective allowed me to understand that I am not special in any way, no higher purpose or god's plan. I just happen to have fallen well to the extreme end of the bell curve when it comes to gender. So I am not an abomination, a bad person, immoral, or perverted. I am who and what I am. I can do no other. Now it is entirely up to me to make the most of my life.

This realization gave me the determination, and courage to embrace what I have come to understand is my Two-Spiritedness. Had I not pursued this intellectual honesty, I would still be in therapy trying to 'fix' what was 'wrong' with me.

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  • 7 months later...
Guest Weaver
Through controlling my thoughts I have developed a positive attitude and in doing so I am able to shape my reality …

I am unable to do that since my personality does not allow it. I cannot bend reality to my mind, it doesn't work that way.

I must bend my mind to reality, just like the water must become shaped like the glass it is poured into.

Anything else would be delusion I think.

For those who are free of a benevolent god-centric thought pattern…who do you or what did you turn to for comfort and guidance in your times of need?

For a long time it was spiritual pipe-dreams that I threw away when I understood they were only escapism on my part.

I took a concept so dear to me, so emotionally close to me and popped that balloon.

I can draw a parallel here to the matrix. "There is no spoon". And there was no spoon, my pipe dream wasn't real, not matter how much

comfort it gave me.

Now I confide in other people. I cannot observe myself objectively, so they act as filters for the raw data that I can give them.

I.E: My thoughts, my feelings and some behaviours that I have kept track on.

They process it and give an outside view that I can reflect upon.

What if I were to tell you, the only person you can rely on ie, truly ‘trust’ is…’YOURSELF’...In order to go forward on ones chosen path, one must have 'faith' in oneself... for without it, you will be well and truly lost!

I don't completely trust myself because I have emotions like anger. Anger is a special thing for me. During a lot of my childhood anger was avoided (at home) and I got

yelled and screamed at, at the daycare, when I showed my anger. They didn't trust me either, but I always told the truth. I do not lie directly. Sometimes I withold information, but I never lie directly.

I strive for 'truth'. There is no point in lying for me, it gives me no satisfaction. Sadness or grief is kept in check, somehow, I don't know how.

Anger is swiftly cut off by intense anxiety. The anxiety is ten times worse than the anger itself.

I still get annoyed, frustrated and mad without the anxiety. It's cool as long as the anger isn't turned at anyone who is also angry at me.

I second-guess myself a lot, but it's been a lot less lately. I am still not able to decide on HRT, and I'd need a specialist to talk to before

deciding. I don't trust that my emotions will lead me right on this path. I know the irony in this since all my choices are influenced by emotions.

It's just that this is not a trivial choice. It's a very hard one.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest agfrommd

I am unable to do that since my personality does not allow it. I cannot bend reality to my mind, it doesn't work that way.

I must bend my mind to reality, just like the water must become shaped like the glass it is poured into.

Anything else would be delusion I think.

I agree strongly. I have a bunch of friends who believe in a movie called "The Secret" that claims that all you have to do is want something and that will make the universe work to bring it to you. I expressed my skepticism and they just kind of humphed, but I could tell they thought I was being close-minded.

All that being said, it's made me a happier person to do my best to unpin my well-being and attitude from whats going on around me. Just because sucky things happened today doesn't mean it has to be a sucky day. I can celebrate, for example, that I made the best of a bad situation or that I have good friends to help me thought bad times.

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    • Ashley0616
      It's awesome that you have had such a great friend in your life! I could only imagine what losing felt like to you. It's neat that you worked for the airlines. Did you take advantage of the space availability fights? My dad worked for Northwest and always flew every single summer except one where we drove from north Mississippi to Phoenix, AZ. My parents agreed to never do that again lol. 
    • Ashley0616
      The trans community won't be good under Trump at all. Biden is the one who has done more for the trans community than any other presidents. Last time Trump was in office he was at an LGBTQ rally and his support went quickly away from us because the majority of the voters are anti trans. He is going to get rid of our rights and also come after the rest of LGBTQ.  I don't know where you heard we would be better under Trump.    Trump unveils sweeping attack on trans rights ahead of 2024 (axios.com)   Trump Promises to Go After Trans People if Re-Elected (vice.com)   Trump promises to ban transgender women from sports if re-elected (nbcnews.com)
    • Sally Stone
      Post 7 “The Pittsburgh Years” When I retired from the Army, we moved to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania because I had been hired by US Airways to work in their flight training department.  The transition to civilian life was a bit of an adjustment, but I never really looked back.  At the same time, I was excited at the prospect of having more Sally time. But with work and two teenage boys in the house, getting to be Sally was a challenge.    The biggest issue in this regard were my sons, as they didn’t know about my feminine side.  My wife and I discussed, in great detail, whether or not to tell them.  If they had known about Sally, it would have been much easier to actually be Sally when I wanted to.  But I still didn’t know exactly where my transgender journey was going to take me, and this uncertainty was the primary reason my wife and I decided it wasn’t the right time to tell them about Sally.  Except for the convenience it would afford me, we didn’t think it was fair to burdened them with such a sensitive family secret if it wasn’t absolutely necessary.  If at some point things changed and it looked like I might be heading towards transition, my wife and I agreed we would revisit our decision.   Despite having to tiptoe around the boys I was able, with my wife often running interference for me, to significantly increase my girl time.  The nature of my variable work schedule meant that often days off occurred during the week when the boys were in school, and on those days, I took full advantage of the time.  Additionally, I had discovered a new trans friend through a local support group, and my wife, ever and always accommodating, ensured I had time for outings with my new friend.    Willa, my new friend, quickly became my best friend, and after only a short time, she and my wife became quite close as well.  With Willa’s help, I would soon discover that Pittsburgh was a very trans friendly city.  Together, she and I made the town our own.  We attended the theater, the symphony, we went out to dinner regularly, and I think we visited every museum in the city.  With Willa’s support and friendship, I was actually becoming quite the girl about town.    Willa and I had a lot in common.  We loved to shop, we had similar feminine styles, and we had similar views and feelings about being trans.  In fact, our frequent and deep discussions about transgender issues helped me begin to understand my transgender nature.  Having Willa as a springboard for all topics transgender, was probably as effective as regularly visiting a therapist.  I would never discount anyone’s desire to seek professional help, but having an unbiased confidant, can also be an effective method for self-discovery.    Exploring the city as Sally and spending time with Willa was instrumental in helping me understand my transgender nature, and would begin shaping my transgender objective.  My feelings about the kind of girl I was and where I wanted to go began to solidify.  Being out and socializing as Sally in a big city like Pittsburgh, taught me I could express my femininity without issue.  I honestly felt confident I could live my life as a woman; however, remaining completely objective, I just couldn’t see giving up the life I’d built as a man.   At that time, I was being heavily influenced by the concept of the gender binary, which had me thinking I had to choose between being a man or being a woman.  It was Willa who reminded me there were no rules requiring gender identity to be binary.  During one of our deep discussions, she posited the idea of enjoying both genders, something she was doing, and a concept that made a lot of sense to me.  I was already living the life of a part-time woman, so I simply started paying more attention to how that was making me feel.    One characteristic that was dominating my feminine self-expression (and it continues to this day) was that when I was Sally, I was “all in.”  When I became Sally, it was such a complete transformation that I truly felt like a woman.  The feeling was powerful, and if I had to describe it another way, I’d say it was akin to an actor, so into the part, they actually become the character they are portraying.  That was me, and I discovered that this level of depth was extremely fulfilling, and that feeling tended to last long after transitioning back to my male persona.  Part-time womanhood it seemed, was actually working for me.    Eventually, a job change forced me to move away from Pittsburgh, but the enlightenment I experienced while living there has shaped the nature of my bi-gender personality to this day.  Even after leaving, Willa and I remained the best of friends.  We had many more adventures, some of which I will detail in later posts.  Sadly, Willa passed away two-years ago after contracting a prolonged illness.  Her loss was hard to take and I miss her dearly.  However, I have so many fond memories of our times together, and because her support helped shape me, she lives on in my heart.   Hugs,   Sally
    • missyjo
      thank you dear. I'm constantly working at adjusting n writing off other people's judgment or input.   thank you n good luck
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Them's fighting words, but I intend to discuss this respectfully, calmly and so forth, in accordance with the forum rules.   Considering the one issue below in isolation:   There is a political calculus that trans folk may be better off under Trump than under Biden.  The argument goes that Biden has created such a backlash by moving so far to the left that red states, in particular, are reacting with a swarm of laws that negatively impact trans folk.  Some of his actions strike many people as clumsily forcing unwanted regulation on people, and some of his appointments, such as the luggage stealing bigender individual, have not helped advance trans folk but rather the reverse.  In a second term Biden would make things worse for trans folk because of the backlash and resentment his policies would create.    Trump likely would have negative impacts to trans folk, as he did in his first term with respect to the military, so it is a set of tradeoffs as to which is worse.   Thoughts?
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Can you dress androgynously? 
    • Ashley0616
    • Abigail Genevieve
      There are trans folk who pass better than some cis people.  People usually aren't on the lookout for those who are cross dressed.  As long as there are no multiple screaming signals and you don't draw attention to yourself you can probably pass better than you think. For example, if you walk into a bank in heels, however, and you DON'T know how to walk in heels, you will attract the attention of a security guard, especially if you are acting nervous. If you wear flats and just go to the bank and do your business like anyone else, it is likely no one will notice, except that there was a customer who was taller than most women are, but then there are tall women, and tall, broad shouldered woman.  I made the mistake years ago of thinking I had outed such, and knew she was a he.  Later I learned she had five kids, and her husband was bigger than she was.  Ooops.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I don't know much about CNAs.  They report to an RN, right?  Can you somehow bring this up to the RN in a way that does not get your CNA mad at you? I'm not saying you should, but maybe that is a good course of action.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      This is the thing.  A month ago tomorrow is when I stopped wearing m clothing.  Today I feel great.  I do not have dysphoria when I am dressed as and I move as a woman.  I was just thinking about that because I was wondering if I would or will get hit with a wave of "you don't have dysphoria so you might as well dress like a guy. Less hassle with your wife."  Not that she is aware, to my knowledge, that these androgynous clothes are women's.  No desire to "flip", no feeling of need to, just happy identifying as female.  Speaking, in my deep guy voice, with female voice patterns, doing the feminine gestures that come naturally and without exaggeration and at peace.
    • Birdie
      Yes, my brother was born lactating due to absorbing hormones from my mum.    Of course she isn't a nurse, she is a CNA. She should however still have general medical knowledge.
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