Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

My First Androgyne Memory


Guest weather_rhythm

Recommended Posts

Guest weather_rhythm

this is kind of my introductory post, but the intro forum is oh so generic and this thread's topic sparked my interest.

needless to say, until very recently, i identified solely as a straight female SO of an androgyne who is also posting around these here forums. but this question (sparked by a conversation with my lovely lover) led me to a great deal of revelations about androgynous thoughts in my youth. i suppose i still am in my youth, being only 26, but i feel wisened by the last few years of life experience... which translates roughly to i felt really really alone and got to be ok with myself even though i still didn't feel like i really knew everything about myself. but self-acceptance is really huge for me. not hating myself was a big step forward from being severely depressed, over-eating, over-drinking, over-smoking, over-analyzing every aspect of myself and finding nothing of value. but i digress.

my first androgynous thought came to me when i was about 4 or 5. i remember wanting to stand up to pee like my dad and brother did (both much older than me). i didn't think about how it wasn't logical for a person with female parts to stand while peeing. all i knew was that i wanted to try it and went about finding a solution. i knew that the shorts i was wearing would not work for this experiment, nor would my underwear (oh how i wanted boxers!). So i deduced that a tshirt would work best. i slipped my legs into the arms of the shirt, the neck being where i would pee out of, and only when the problem of how to keep the shirt from falling down arose did my parents walk in to the room and ask, "what are you doing?" mortified, i stammered, "i dunno," and ran into another room to change. i never attempted this again.

then of course there was the time where i told my mom i wanted to be a boy "because they are so cool and get to do all the fun stuff" (my best friend was a boy and i was a huge tomboy) and she said "but don't you want to have babies?" the answer to this day is still a resounding "yes."

i am continually trudging through my inventory, taking stock of what all this does or doesn't mean. at least i have a supportive SO who is going through the same thing only as a cis-male (i am cis-female) coming to terms with his androgyny. i don't have to tell you folks (i have been reading the forums for a few weeks now) that this is an incredible thing to share with someone you love. and aside from him, i haven't shared this with anyone else. thank you,

-k

Link to comment

Hey, tha's a great way to put it, taking inventory.

So what does it mean? I've been asked something along the lines of why androgyny? Why not just be a feminine man? Why the label that opens you up to antagonism? Then my answer was moer or less I needed more, in order to understand myself better, I needed something with more quality than "girly-man." Not to mention being a feminine man is still subject to antagonism. Still, "man" was just wrong, on all levels. My idea of a man isn't something like in an action movie, but it's still not me. So I needed it for understanding and introspection. That was like a year ago? Maybe more. So now, I have a much better understanding of myself, of androgyny and gender identity and I think I'd be more capable to answer those questions that were difficult to me at first. That's at least one thing I've gained since I've been here (I was 26 when I joined too :lol: ), not to mention some great times just talking about this still grey area of human nature.

Peeing. . . oh how taken for granted routine activity (activity? creepy. . . ) can be. I've sometimes wondered what it would be like trying to stand and pee with out the equipment. . .

I'm glad you and yours have eachother, that's so wonderful.

Link to comment
Guest Juniper Blue

Great Thread K!

I guess my first sense, memory , or realization that I had of being androgynous came in very early childhood in the form of complete bewilderment regarding gender roles. It seemed that everything that I did was "WRONG" and everything that I was good at was "BAD." To amplify this sense, I grew up with a twin brother who was equally unskilled at meeting the gender expectations that were imposed upon him. It just seemed to me that there had been a terrible mistake ... a mix up. I could not understand why we were handed roles that were opposite of our nature. When I was very young, I didn't recognize that my body was different form my brother's body in any significant way ... I did not feel male or female and it seemed that he too felt very gender neutral but each of us was corrected relentlessly for not meeting gender expectations. I felt that he and I were very much counter parts ... equal halves of a whole ... but not opposites ... just children who "go together." . I guess this sense of androgyny and bewilderment began around age 3 but I cannot be certain.

Hugs,

J

Link to comment
Guest Chrysee

When I was about 5, I was staying with my grandparents. One night, my grandfather tucked me in, kissed me on the forehead, and as soon as he was gone, I kicked off the bed clothes and 'redressed' myself. I pulled up the sheet and pretended that it was a slip. The blanket was some other feminine under garment and lastly the quilt was a long billowy skirt. I just laid there a little girlie a-glowing. I didn't feel less of a boy, this was 'in addition to.'

I didn't remember that moment for quite some time.

As well, as a preschooler, I used to love to thumb through the ladies under clothes section of the Sears catalogue. And no, I was not having licentious thoughts, thank you very much.

Later,

Cissy

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 100 Guests (See full list)

    • DeeDee
    • MaybeRob
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,940
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Raelyn
    Newest Member
    Raelyn
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. **Angela Charlotte **
      **Angela Charlotte **
    2. Carlie
      Carlie
      (63 years old)
    3. Cbxshawn
      Cbxshawn
      (49 years old)
    4. HannahO
      HannahO
      (31 years old)
    5. JustKatie
      JustKatie
      (40 years old)
  • Posts

    • Ashley0616
      Wow that is a high number for Estradiol good grief! Testosterone levels are better than mine. I don't remember my Estradiol level but testosterone was 80. To me that is really high but it was in the two hundreds the check in before last one. 
    • Ivy
      I don't understand why this would make a difference being a "dad" I mean, as far as how they would grow.
    • Ashley0616
      I don't see why not. I have worn forms since I came out. 
    • MaeBe
      I have never worn breastforms, but I assume as long as they don't aggravate your nipples you could.
    • MaeBe
      Every week I've been excited to take my shot, so it's never been an issue. Yesterday, however, I woke up and started my usual "slow roll" and then suddenly realized I had breakfast plans that I had to rush out the door for. After, it was straight into work calls, and then I got the notification from the doctor about things being too high and all the while my mind had completely slipped that I needed take my shot.   Given that I am not asking for medical advice, but sharing my journey, I will note my results: Estradiol at 447 pg/mL and Testosterone was 23 ng/dL, up and down from 26 pg/mL and 526 ng/dL respectively before treatment. Almost flipped the bit! The doc would like my Estradiol closer to 300 pg/mL, so we'll see what Monday's tests state.   Oh, and I teased the dinner with old soccer teammates and never updated the thread! It went well. There were a couple funny moments. One guy, who I was worried about their response, greeted me with "Hey, you've lost some weight!" 😎 And a friend who lives near me picked me up on the way to dinner exclaimed, after we learned one of the invitees might show up with a date, "Wait! We could have brought women?!" To which I instantly responded, "You kind of did, bringing me!" Everyone got a good laugh out of that. 😁
    • Ashley0616
      To me there isn't that much difference other the measurement, which side the zipper is on and men's pants have bigger pockets. 
    • missyjo
      I hope this is not stupid question..I have yet to start n not sure if doc will approve..but once you start growing buds n such, can you still wear forms to get to the size you were?   I'm a dad, so when I start blossoms they will be smaller for a long time n probably need surgical augmented..that's fine. I don't want to go ddd to aa to ddd..   any ideas?   thank you
    • missyjo
      April sounds fun..I keep some boy jeans to visit mom in..fir now   hugs
    • Ivy
      I like them too.  We had them growing up.  But my father's family were Swedes.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Oh my!  I guess it just goes to show how different tastes can be. Since we don't live near the ocean, Seafood is a rare luxury. We absolutely love pickled herring! Especially my husband and my GF, I guess it's a Ferman/Russian cultural thing.  But most of the kids like it too, and a jar wouldn't last in the pantry for long 😆
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I think the key to that is just not minding eating the same thing repeatedly. Since we produce a lot of our own food here, we end up eating what is in season at the moment. So, when the yellow squash is ripening, we end up fixing squash 20 different ways. When the strawberries are ready, we eat lots of strawberries. It's kind of a different mindset to eat in season when it has become such a part of American culture but the grocery store has everything we want all the time. Like grapes in December.  My family does even things out a little bit by having a greenhouse so we have some fresh things in the winter, but it's not a 100% fix.
    • KathyLauren
      My brothers and I had to eat what was on the plate.  All of it, and nothing else.  Pickiness was not tolerated.  Some of our least favourite were liver and onions, sauerkraut, and especially rollmops (pickled herring).  We finally protested enough to persuade our mother not to serve rollmops, though she kept a jar in the pantry for years afterwards, as a threat if we didn't behave.
    • Carolyn Marie
      I'll go first.  My favorite team is the Yankees.  Loved them since I was a kid.  I was born in NYC so, yeah.  I know everyone loves to hate them, and that's OK.  I just love baseball in general.  It's a game of traditions, strategy, power, grace and skill.   Play Ball!!  ⚾   Carolyn Marie
    • Ashley0616
      I guess you do have a good point. It's just hard to try and not have the same meals over and over again. 
    • Willow
      Hi   I’ll weigh in on being picky about food.  Yes, and I was brought up that way.  We didn’t have to eat everything our parents ate.  They had a number of things they ate that they figured we wouldn’t eat, an acquired taste things or one or the other didn’t like them too.   even as an adult there are many things I won’t eat.  In my defense, there are different things my wife won’t eat.   the weird thing is that after being in E, my tastes have changed.  Sweet, sour, salty or bland, if I eat or drink too much of any one thing and I have to counter act it.   Willow
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...