Discovering "later" in life

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I guess you know I will be 65 in June.

Lizzie

[Guest Kendra K]

Hi Kendra,

Thanks for your wonderful topic. As a kiddo I can remember seeing a picture of my older sister in her ballet costume and thinking how beautiful she looked. I wanted sooo much to be one of the girls and do ballet with her. As for the second part of your question, I came from a religious family, and I grew up in the country on a lake with chickens, a garden, and plenty of fresh fish. There were county cabins on both sides of our home. One summer a young gay couple came out to stay at the cabin next to us. My parents made it clear that this couple was gay and that being gay was wrong. Us kids played in their yard and made a disparaging remark and ran back into the house to tell my parents. Our tale led to them congratulating us on our discrimination. I was pretty young at the time, perhaps five or six years of age I'm not quite sure, the message was clear though. LGTB behavior would not be tolerated by my parents or family in any form, and I would not be tolerated if I told them what I was feeling. Now I am 40years old, and I have finally been able to identify some of the internal oppression that I have held on to these many years and been able to open up to my wife and my currently counselor about my past. There is a lot that I still need to work through, but I am glad to be taking one step at a time and to be moving forward in my journey. My hope is that the gender binary that holds such a strong hold on culture and supports so many of the isms will end. Until then I'll do my best to build allies around me.

Toni

Thanks Toni, very good to read this. I don't recall my parents saying something like that. Still we went to a church that did say those sort of things (even today the current pastor preaches about that I swear every single week); that doesn't necessarily mean that my parents though that though.

[Guest Svenna]

We all come to this juncture via different paths at different times and with amazingly different stories..

For myself, I spent all my life denying what I am, proving to myself and everyone that I was really a male. Join the Navy, go to war, get married, have kids, raise a family, build a career, work out, lift weights, all of it.

59 years later I finally figured out why I have been so incredibly unhappy all my life.

I may be slow but I catch on. :>)

This trans thing is so very hard because its so darn complicated, for us and everyone around is. Sexual identity adds a whole extra level to it all.

What I have started to learn is that in fact, I am blessed. I now get to go through puberty before I am 60! I get to spend the rest of my life rediscovering the world through new eyes. I finally belong somewhere. I can have friends, real friends, not acquaintances from whom I have to hide,

At a time when a lot of people I know are starting that slow decline into their senior years, I get to to live the life I was supposed to live, and best of all I get to be happy.

I no longer care to know why I am, that's not helpful. Now, I get to explore who I am, that's a lot more fun.

Lovely sentiments, Zoe!

We have waited so very long and I too feel very blessed to be at this juncture..

'Better late than never': these are the words I am going to live by for the rest of my now joyful life..

Love, love and life! Svenna

[Guest ThisisSparkle]

It is always really wonderful to hear from those with more experience or more season to their life. Im only 28 and came to the realization at 27. At times it feels too old, especially when i see that the youngest person to go through SRS was only 16. They have discovered that starting HRT durring the puberty stages you can become fully who you feel you are and never have to feel out of place. So to speak. Especially since i knew back then but denied myself that reality based on religous and family ties.

But to me it goes along with 2 things. My cousin once coined the fraise- your never too old to be young. Along with that your never too old for school. To me they both apply. I still feel young. It just comes with some harder chalenges, but i have a more mature outlook on it all now. I realize i have time and the ability to make choices correctly rather than rushig into anything otherwise like i might have done at a younger age.

It makes me so happy that others acknowledge themselves no matter the season of their life. You are all so wonderful and such a wonderful family group of people to be connected with.

May each day be full.

[Guest Eve Caillard]

Hi Kendra

I'm a bit late adding to this, sorry. I'm 53 and married 30 years. Blissfully unaware of anything until March this year(!) when it all exploded and everything changed. It's only looking back with the knowledge I have now that I can see I was always 'on the edge'. But being married so long seems to have squashed the cross-dressing, or I paid no attention to its meaning when I did do it.

Well, I had a big change to go through but I seem to be getting there!

Good luck, Eve

[Cyndee]

This was a good thread to read this morning, let's see hindsight is pretty clear now. I only came to accept myself at age 51 after decades of denial, suppression, and internal conflict. I am so much happier now and in my case transitioning has become reality in this time.

Searching my memories growing up for signs I was transgendered, I did have early conversations with my Mom about wanting to be a girl, she does recall these conversations today and we have discussed them recently, these conversations were simply dismissed back then. I did play with the girls growing up, I had 3 sisters so there were always girls, girls toys, and their girl friends around. I was allowed to play with them for a little while but I was eventually always excluded from their play, so after experiencing exclusion in one form or another I would begin to taunt the girls, and become a pest to them in many ways, I did not leave them alone, I seemed to have an unusal interest in them, now I can say it was perhaps almost an obsession. I cross dressed starting at about age 7, don't think I was ever caught. I built up stashes of girl clothes during my teen age years in my room and would cross dress / under dress whenever I could "get away with it". I shaved my arm pits and legs as puberty began, at times I was having a hard time accepting these changes to my body were occuring, eventually I just accepted it. I built up muscles and this gave me security, and I began to overcompensate for fear of being discovered. I built up a tough guy persona, it was my shield for my feminine mind, no one would suspect me as being girly, I was huge and strong, and gained respect in the world of men, it was a facade. I always felt socially awkward growing up, this concept of the feeling of not fitting in, not belonging for one reason or another, was an indicator for me looking back. It was always hard to find a niche, I struggled with identity issues at several points in my life looking back. Religion was a part of my growing up, it was very hard to be "socialized" in this way. I never fit into the groups they put me in. There was no tolerence for any variance, you were a boy, so you did this and that's that.

Regarding the question of "flipping a switch" to be the opposite gender, I flipped the switch when I started HRT 10 months ago and there is no turning back, I love myself as a woman, as female, I am transsexual. I am living my dreams, it's scarry and haunting in many ways like it was meant to be, it's surreal at times.

Cindy -

[Guest KiraM]

Hello Kendra,

It took a bit for me to read all the way through all the posts, but I 'd like to add my thoughts if I might.

I'm in my forties now and discovered the truth about my feelings just before Christmas of last year. Since then I have been going through everything I can remember of my thoughts and feeling before that. My first memory of knowing that I was different was at age ten when I first tried on my mother's clothes. From that moment I knew that I should have been a girl. My cross-dressing lasted a few years until my parents divorced and I couldn't do it without getting caught. Even though I stopped dressing I continued to have dreams and fantasize about being a girl. I would often think about getting dressed and going out in public. I would wonder if I could get away with it. By the time I was a teen I was doing everything I could to suppress my feminine thoughts and feelings, but the dreams continued as did the fantasies about living as a girl.

​Suppressing myself had dire consequences. I attempted suicide when I was in my twenties, and found myself thinking about it often. It put me under a great deal of stress and caused me to withdraw from friends and family. It's surprising that I met someone, fell in love and got married, I never thought I could let anyone get that close to me, luckily I was wrong.

Things finally reached a head and I broke down. In doing so, I came out to myself and my wife at the same time. Needless to saw it was a shock to both of us. Now we are working together to figure out where I am going. I don't know that I will ever transition, but we'll cross that bridge when the time comes. It's interesting that you wonder about "flipping a switch", this is something I have thought about often, wishing that sci-fi or fantasy was real and all I needed was to take a pill or drink a potion to become a real life girl... as in the fully functioning kind. If it was possible, I would do it.

Best wishes,

Kira

[Guest Kelly-087]

I didn't really know about until 18 I guess. i didn't openly declare myself a girl. But I do remember certain things about myself. Like I remember asking for a 101 dalmations bath kit for christmas. I also remember that my brother made fun of me for eating and walking like a girl. I won't state that as fact, because he could have just as easily been being a jerk, like big brothers are.

My concept of sex was pretty much non masculine in my opinion. I had no drive to find a relationship, or have sex with anyone. I don't know if men do have feelings like, "I want to save sex for someone I really love". Which I'm sure some do, but it seems to be a very atypical sense for a male, but common for female.

It was about at 18 years old when I did spiritual exploration that I concluded that my personal self was female. This wasn't what initiated my desire to transition but it certainly is something I look back now and add into all of this.

[Guest ZoeG360]

Its funny how hindsight is so much better than foresight.

I never needed glasses on the back of my head.

[Guest Kendra K]

I'm pretty low. Actually about just about everything.

Anyone have before & after photos over those who transitioned (without surgery or with) in their 30s or later? Seems I can only find before and after of young people. Just need some inspiration, feeling like I'd just end up ugly, which doesn't exactly give me confidence about coming out.

[KathrynJulia]

Kendra:

Just type in Feminine Facial Surgery in Google and step back, every surgeon in the world has dozen of before and after pics of all age groups. Or Join Yahoo Groups\ FFS-Support http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ffs-support/

Members post their before and after pics everyday of FFS surgery before and after pics. The better FFS surgeon can make anyone look good. This is after all plastic surgery and unhappy customers tell others their experiences. These surgeons work hard to provide a good result, especially the good ones. You can save money, alot of money by going overseas to the really good FFS surgeons. Like anything do your homework. Talk to other members on this board, "are you happy with your results. Who did you see. What didn't you like, etc.

If you join Yahoo Groups and join the FFS-Support group it does not take long to find out who the really good surgeons are because everybody is talking about them and recomending them. They talk. Their is also a really good consultant in England who will do virtual FFS surgery for you and give you specific recomendations. Many woman send him pictures and are pretty happy with his work. He is cheap in the long run and really knows his feminine faces. He will advise you on what you need done and what to avoid because you either don't need it or it won't significantly make a difference.

Hope this gives you some ideas of where to start. There are so many woman now days transitioning later in life because when I was 6 years old a psychologist labled me as sexually deviant and proceded to scare the hell out of me. That was 1961. Transitioning in the 1960's, 1970's and 1980's was rare and unknown. We didn't have the internet to learn from and nobody would have ever supported you because you would have been hounded and labled with every derogatory lable you can think of. We had to suffer quietly in the closet and it cost many lives as people committed suicide or performed self mutilation because they had no hope at all back then. I lived that life as did many others on this site. I'm happy because I finally have hope in my life where there used to be none. Kathryn

[Guest Melissa~]

I knew I was different even as a preteen, but the only categories I knew were gay and straight. I had crossdressed including fetishly, since perhaps 9 years old, I had experiements younger than that. Since I wasn't gay and still don't identify as any more than a curiousity towards relationships with men, anytime people asked me if I'm gay the answer is -no-. Without profesional help I don't even recall knowing about a bonafied class of transgender till late teens, and it took me a year or so to determine that indeed seem to cover me. Basically by 20 I was sure I -could- be transexual, that however was deeply closetted. Anymore I know I -am- transexual, and logically, I need to make changes, not real interested in transitioning at 84 like the sweet Japanese lady there was a story about earlier this month.

[Guest Gerilynn]

Wow this has been an awesome thread to read. Rewarding and comforting. I take inspiration from the wonderful people here.

Like many I knew I was different. I was caught in my sisters clothes at 6 I think. I hid it after. I never quit dressing up and dreaming of that light switch. I had the luxury of having wonderful friends that made me feel like one of the girls. I tried to be the normal guy my father wanted, football, track, soccer, the Army, then on to more crazy military service and marriage. I never had the courage to stop until now.

I am 48 and had one session with my GT and found myself both an emotional wreck and flying higher than I knew I could. I cannot wait for the next one.

Kendra I know how you feel I worry I am ugly. I am trusting that being happy will make me feel beautiful.

[gennee]

We all come to this juncture via different paths at different times and with amazingly different stories..

For myself, I spent all my life denying what I am, proving to myself and everyone that I was really a male. Join the Navy, go to war, get married, have kids, raise a family, build a career, work out, lift weights, all of it.

59 years later I finally figured out why I have been so incredibly unhappy all my life.

I may be slow but I catch on. :>)

This trans thing is so very hard because its so darn complicated, for us and everyone around is. Sexual identity adds a whole extra level to it all.

What I have started to learn is that in fact, I am blessed. I now get to go through puberty before I am 60! I get to spend the rest of my life rediscovering the world through new eyes. I finally belong somewhere. I can have friends, real friends, not acquaintances from whom I have to hide,

At a time when a lot of people I know are starting that slow decline into their senior years, I get to to live the life I was supposed to live, and best of all I get to be happy.

I no longer care to know why I am, that's not helpful. Now, I get to explore who I am, that's a lot more fun.

Zoe,I am 65 and those last two lines are exactly how I feel,my happiness has led to a lot of fun and smiles and laughs.Thanks.

Rikki....

Rikki, better late than never.