Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

So asking for help makes me manipulative?


Guest Mycatstubby

Recommended Posts

Guest Mycatstubby

Hello all! I’m sorry for the back to back threads, however I had something come up a few minutes ago that I’d like to get a second opinion and/or interpretation of. Okay, about thirty minutes ago I tried to tell a, what I thought, was a really close friend of mine that my I thought my issues with food and eating were resurfacing (I’ve been an “on and off” mixed anorexic and bulimic since I was about 11). After I tried to pour my heart and emotions out to her and tried to ask for some moral support, this is something along the lines of the reply I was expecting, “I’ll help you in whatever way I can. Just call or text if you need to talk.” Instead, and I quote, this is what she said, “If you think I’m going to let you manipulate me into helping you, you’re f____ing crazy. I’m not dumb. You need to be a man and get over whatever the hell is wrong with you. Until you get over this, you’re on your own. The only reason I’m even going to remain friends with you is because it’s my obligation to God.”

A few points I would like to make here: 1. at the moment, I identify as mixed-gender, so telling me to “man up” is like asking a seal to dance the Macarena. 2. In my opinion, the fact that I’m asking for help is showing strength. 3. How am I even manipulating you in the first place?

Do you all think I’m over reacting or is this “friend” about three shades of crazy? In case anyone is wondering, my reply to her was: “i’m not trying to manipulate you, however if that’s what you want to believe than so be it. Sitting here and trying to convince you otherwise would be a complete waste of my time. Also, explain to me how religion is involved in any of this. Are you really my friend or is God telling you what to do?” At that point she just logged off. Needless to say, she better be happy she’s safely in Texas and not in front of me at the moment. I can honestly say I haven’t been this angry in a very long time…

- Jess

By the way, if I offended anyone with my comments involving religion, I sincerely apologize.

Link to comment

Yeah... I'm sorry but if ANY of my friends said that to me it would be over, I don't care if it was my best friend of 25 years.. No one talks to me in that way when all i am doing is asking for help.

Link to comment
Guest Karen K

I agree with Kayla.

I am sorry, but it sounds to me that 1) she's not a true friend and 2) shes not a true Christion. Loving one another is not an "obligation".

She is the one being manipulative.

Laura Jane

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I agree this is not a friend and she clearly has some serious issues of her own if that is her response to a plea for help. there are too many good supportive people out there to deal with this. I just don't see any way to ever consider someone a friend after that. Personally I'd say a prayer for her misguided little heart and find someone capable of being a friend if it were me.

I'm sorry that it happened too. It had to hurt. Are there others you can turn to about the eating issues? Because that need is important and shouldn't get lost in the reaction to this heartless response.

We are here for you too.

Hugs

Johnny

Link to comment
Guest Mycatstubby

Thank you for the suggestions everyone. A couple of things I would like to mention are: 1. the only reason I turned to this “friend” was because she had anorexia and bulimia in the past in addition to being a self-harmer. I thought that an ED sufferer turning to someone that has beaten the diseases would result in getting some support. I guess I was wrong. 2. I’ve also turned to this friend with questions about Christianity since I was considering giving the religion another try (long story). I received a very similar reaction to the one I received today only with her adding, “it’s not my job to help people find God.”

I agree with everyone here that it seems like she has some unresolved issues of her own. On that note, what’s the best way to let someone like this go without causing them to “go off the deep end” and do something they’d later regret? I guess this means I’m just too kind if I’m even thinking about trying to spare her feelings…

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Just don't contact her would be my first suggestion. Respond in a civil way if she contacts her but don't contact her back. ?Talk as briefly as possible.

Most people get the message that way but not in an in your face all at once way. Sometimes you have to do things that way instead of directly with a person likely to go off the deep end.

After what she said I'm not sure it's going to be a big problem.

Johnny

Link to comment
  • 3 months later...

I agree this is not a friend and she clearly has some serious issues of her own if that is her response to a plea for help. there are too many good supportive people out there to deal with this. I just don't see any way to ever consider someone a friend after that. Personally I'd say a prayer for her misguided little heart and find someone capable of being a friend if it were me.

I'm sorry that it happened too. It had to hurt. Are there others you can turn to about the eating issues? Because that need is important and shouldn't get lost in the reaction to this heartless response.

We are here for you too.

Hugs

Johnny

I agree with Johnny & the others... She isint a real or true friend if she's saying stuff like that!!

I'm dearly sorry you have to go through this, Hun!!

Keep strong!!

HUGS & KISSES

Link to comment
Guest angels wings

It clearly sounds,to me that ur friend has alot of anger . You don't deserve to be treated like that . Friends are suppose to listen even if thy can't offer advice just knowing they are there helps. I'm sorry this has happened but people do show thier true colours eventually and if thy don't match up with the colours of your heart you don't need them. I had a friend who I helped alot when I needed a shoulder it wasnt there I ended the friendship because I new it was not healthy for me .i forgave her for awful things she said and she tried to repair the friendship. I new in my heart it was not me she had alot of issues .so I know she was not trying to intentionally hurt me but she did many times . I had to ask myself do I really want a friendship like this ? My answer was no. I moved on she found other friends but she always says to me remember how good it was ........ . Oh yes I remember but as humans we all need someone to turn to a shoulder to cry on hug if we need it. You deserve better Remember that .((((hugs)))

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   9 Members, 0 Anonymous, 93 Guests (See full list)

    • KathyLauren
    • Carolyn Marie
    • Abigail Genevieve
    • April Marie
    • EasyE
    • Stacie.H
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • Jamey-Heather
    • Adrianna Danielle
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      768.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,020
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Tami
    Newest Member
    Tami
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bebhar
      Bebhar
      (41 years old)
    2. caelensmom
      caelensmom
      (40 years old)
    3. Jani
      Jani
      (70 years old)
    4. Jessicapitts
      Jessicapitts
      (37 years old)
    5. klb046
      klb046
      (30 years old)
  • Posts

    • April Marie
      So many things become easier when you finally turn that corner and see "you" in the mirror. Shedding the guilt, the fear, the questioning becomes possible - as does self-love - when that person looking back at you, irrespective of what you're wearing, is the real you.   I am so happy for you!! Enjoy the journey and where it leads you.
    • MaeBe
      I'm sure even the most transphobic parents would, too. What does it hurt if a child socializes outside of their family in a way that allows them to understand themselves better? I have encountered a handful of kids do the binary, non-binary, back to binary route and they got to learn about themselves. In the end, there may have been some social self-harm but kids are so darned accepting these days. And really, schools aren't policing pronouns, but the laws that are coming out are making them do so--and in turn requiring a report to a parent that may cause some form of harm to the child.   If the kid wants to lie to, or keep secrets from, their parents about their gender expressions, what does it say about the parents? Perhaps a little socialization of their thoughts will give them the personal information to have those conversations with them? So when they do want to have that conversation they can do so with some self-awareness. This isn't a parent's rights issue, it's about forcing a "moral code" onto schools that they must now enforce--in a way that doesn't appreciably assist parents or provide benefit to children.   So, a child that transitioned at 5 and now in middle/high school that is by all rights female must now go into a bathroom full of dudes? What about trans men, how will the be treated in the girl's restroom? I see a lot of fantasy predator fearmongering in this kind of comment. All a trans kid wants to do in a bathroom is to handle their bodily functions in peace. Ideally there would be no gendered restrooms or, at least, a valid option for people to choose a non-gendered restroom. However, where is the actual harm happening? A trans girl in a boy's room is going experience more harm than a girl being uncomfortable about a trans girl going into and out of a stall.   How about we teach our children that trans people aren't predators who are trying to game the system to eek out some sexual deviancy via loophole? How about we treat gender in a way that doesn't enforce the idea that girls are prey and boys are  predators? How about we teach them trans kids are just kids who want to get on with their day like everyone else?
    • Adrianna Danielle
      I hope so and glad he loves and accepts me for who I am
    • EasyE
      It is sad that we can't have more open and honest dialogue on these types of topics because there is worthy debate for sure. But instead we have become a country where the only goal is to seize political power and then legislate our particular agenda and views of morality.   Remember as you read my thoughts below, that I am transgender. OK? I am pro-trans. I am trans.   But my middle school aged daughter would be extremely uncomfortable using a school bathroom also used by a biological male, as would nearly all of her friends. That side has to be considered. It's not invalidating to a trans youth's experience to take that into account and hash out what is for the common good of as many people as possible. This is reality - one person's gender expression makes others uncomfortable, in all directions. And there is disagreement on the best way to handle these types of things.   Why can't we talk about these things openly, without the inevitable name-calling that follows, and let all sides have their input and work up suitable solutions? (I bet the kids, if left alone, would work up the best solutions)... Instead, we go straight to trying to pass laws, as if we need more of those!   And why wouldn't we want parents to know if their child has decided to change their pronouns? That's a big deal and parents are right to raise that as a concern. I certainly would want to know. Not that we need to legislate this, but I would have a hard time with school administrators who try to hide this from me. They are out of line. This is my child. Whether you like my viewpoints or not, I am the parent. Not the school.    Again, I am pro-trans. I am trans. At the same point, I recognize that validating a transgender individual's gender identity doesn't trump everything else in society. And sometimes I see that creeping into these discussions. Plus, we fight a losing battle if we have to have others' validation. We are never going to get it from everybody. Ever. Not even Jesus got it and He is God himself!   This country can be very beautiful as we each exercise our freedom to be who we are and let others do the same. But my freedom ends where yours begins and vice-versa. That requires self-sacrifice. Sometimes we have to fall back out of respect for others. Sometimes we have to let the parent be the parent even if we disagree with their politics.   My cry in the wilderness is just can we please have more open, honest dialogue where both sides try take the other's views into consideration and quit automatically going the legislative route to criminalize the other side's viewpoints.   Sorry for the rant but sometimes all of this wears me out... deep sigh... 
    • RaineOnYourParade
      Bite by bite, acrobatics in abdomen
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Yesterday when I put that shirt on I saw a woman looking back out of the mirror at me.  Usually I have looked and been very frustrated because I see a man where there should be a woman.  I was expecting to see a man wearing a woman's shirt, but it was a woman wearing a woman's shirt.   On the spectrum between intersex and trans, I am more thinking I am a lot more intersex than trans, and it is only a matter of time before my wife says "you need a bra" and then "you look like a woman!" She told me whatever I want to do is fine with her, she loves me no matter what, and I am thinking that there may be a lot more for her in this than she could possibly expect. I'm not pushing it with her.
    • Petra Jane
      We have been asked to post this study.   I'm an undergraduate university student in my third year completing a BSc in Anthropology. I'm working on my dissertation, looking at languages with grammatical gender (e.g. languages like Italian and Spanish, nouns are either masculine or feminine). I'm curious if this affects/bothers people with gender identities outside the typical binary of male and female, like non-binary or transgender identities. Using this forum, I would be very grateful if anyone could answer the 5 questions I have put together in a Google form, they are open-ended questions, and you can be as brief or detailed as you want/comfortable with! All responses will also be kept anonymous. As you can probably guess, I came to online forums because finding participants in person is difficult. Talking about gender identities, I understand, can be very personal, so this online anonymised format can be safer. :) If anyone is also particularly interested in this topic, it would be awesome to message one-on-one and do the Google form survey. Having one and one interviews would also be good research! But NONE of this is compulsory, and only if anyone is interested and doesn't mind helping me out and can do so. Institution Supervising Research Study University of Kent Web Address for Study Participation https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdS9zU_dt3RR1V8-3s_0EnDl6w-jsS6-WOZO41uWeqUP0q_YQ/viewform?usp=sf_link
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      @Mia MarieI found this    Here are critical resources to help transgender seniors face the challenges of growing older - LGBTQ Nation   As far as financial aid I came up empty. :( I'm sorry. I can only imagine what you are going through. 
    • Ashley0616
      @Adrianna Daniellecongratulations to you and your boyfriend! Hopefully a future wedding in the future!   @WillowI'm sorry about that he passed away. He sounded like a role model that others should follow.   @MmindyI'm sorry about your head cold! Hopefully it won't last too long and hope for good rest and recovery. 
    • Mmindy
      Good morning Mia,   This is a great question, and I'm looking forward to the input from others.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mia Marie
      I see more and more postings with what the LGBTQ support organizations are doing and I see less and less about helping the older generation of us. All I really see is them wanting to help transgender youths and no matter how many times I ask for help, they tell me they can't help or they tell me the office I contacted only works with the youth only. Is there an organization that helps older transgender people? All I find when I do a search turns out with nothing more than talking about trans youths. I feel as though us older trasn folks are being left out. I applied for financial help in a form of a grant, twice, and was turned down with no explanations of why. They did ask me to help go over applications which told me I was automatically denied. Really doesn't seem fair, does it?  
    • Ivy
      Require students to use bathrooms that align with the gender they were assigned at birth Prohibit transgender girls in seventh grade or older from participating in girls sports or other girls-only activities  Ban gender-affirming health care — including surgery or hormone treatment — for transgender students under age 18, even if parents consent or the treatment is recommended by a doctor Require schools to notify parents if students change their pronouns or otherwise signal they identify as a gender other than what’s on their official student records Doesn't look like it "protects" anybody.  It actually is about restricting trans kids rights.   The ways politicians name their bills etc. is a farce.  Most of the time they do the opposite of what they're called.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...