Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

So asking for help makes me manipulative?


Guest Mycatstubby

Recommended Posts

Guest Mycatstubby

Hello all! I’m sorry for the back to back threads, however I had something come up a few minutes ago that I’d like to get a second opinion and/or interpretation of. Okay, about thirty minutes ago I tried to tell a, what I thought, was a really close friend of mine that my I thought my issues with food and eating were resurfacing (I’ve been an “on and off” mixed anorexic and bulimic since I was about 11). After I tried to pour my heart and emotions out to her and tried to ask for some moral support, this is something along the lines of the reply I was expecting, “I’ll help you in whatever way I can. Just call or text if you need to talk.” Instead, and I quote, this is what she said, “If you think I’m going to let you manipulate me into helping you, you’re f____ing crazy. I’m not dumb. You need to be a man and get over whatever the hell is wrong with you. Until you get over this, you’re on your own. The only reason I’m even going to remain friends with you is because it’s my obligation to God.”

A few points I would like to make here: 1. at the moment, I identify as mixed-gender, so telling me to “man up” is like asking a seal to dance the Macarena. 2. In my opinion, the fact that I’m asking for help is showing strength. 3. How am I even manipulating you in the first place?

Do you all think I’m over reacting or is this “friend” about three shades of crazy? In case anyone is wondering, my reply to her was: “i’m not trying to manipulate you, however if that’s what you want to believe than so be it. Sitting here and trying to convince you otherwise would be a complete waste of my time. Also, explain to me how religion is involved in any of this. Are you really my friend or is God telling you what to do?” At that point she just logged off. Needless to say, she better be happy she’s safely in Texas and not in front of me at the moment. I can honestly say I haven’t been this angry in a very long time…

- Jess

By the way, if I offended anyone with my comments involving religion, I sincerely apologize.

Link to comment

Yeah... I'm sorry but if ANY of my friends said that to me it would be over, I don't care if it was my best friend of 25 years.. No one talks to me in that way when all i am doing is asking for help.

Link to comment
Guest Karen K

I agree with Kayla.

I am sorry, but it sounds to me that 1) she's not a true friend and 2) shes not a true Christion. Loving one another is not an "obligation".

She is the one being manipulative.

Laura Jane

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I agree this is not a friend and she clearly has some serious issues of her own if that is her response to a plea for help. there are too many good supportive people out there to deal with this. I just don't see any way to ever consider someone a friend after that. Personally I'd say a prayer for her misguided little heart and find someone capable of being a friend if it were me.

I'm sorry that it happened too. It had to hurt. Are there others you can turn to about the eating issues? Because that need is important and shouldn't get lost in the reaction to this heartless response.

We are here for you too.

Hugs

Johnny

Link to comment
Guest Mycatstubby

Thank you for the suggestions everyone. A couple of things I would like to mention are: 1. the only reason I turned to this “friend” was because she had anorexia and bulimia in the past in addition to being a self-harmer. I thought that an ED sufferer turning to someone that has beaten the diseases would result in getting some support. I guess I was wrong. 2. I’ve also turned to this friend with questions about Christianity since I was considering giving the religion another try (long story). I received a very similar reaction to the one I received today only with her adding, “it’s not my job to help people find God.”

I agree with everyone here that it seems like she has some unresolved issues of her own. On that note, what’s the best way to let someone like this go without causing them to “go off the deep end” and do something they’d later regret? I guess this means I’m just too kind if I’m even thinking about trying to spare her feelings…

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Just don't contact her would be my first suggestion. Respond in a civil way if she contacts her but don't contact her back. ?Talk as briefly as possible.

Most people get the message that way but not in an in your face all at once way. Sometimes you have to do things that way instead of directly with a person likely to go off the deep end.

After what she said I'm not sure it's going to be a big problem.

Johnny

Link to comment
  • 3 months later...

I agree this is not a friend and she clearly has some serious issues of her own if that is her response to a plea for help. there are too many good supportive people out there to deal with this. I just don't see any way to ever consider someone a friend after that. Personally I'd say a prayer for her misguided little heart and find someone capable of being a friend if it were me.

I'm sorry that it happened too. It had to hurt. Are there others you can turn to about the eating issues? Because that need is important and shouldn't get lost in the reaction to this heartless response.

We are here for you too.

Hugs

Johnny

I agree with Johnny & the others... She isint a real or true friend if she's saying stuff like that!!

I'm dearly sorry you have to go through this, Hun!!

Keep strong!!

HUGS & KISSES

Link to comment
Guest angels wings

It clearly sounds,to me that ur friend has alot of anger . You don't deserve to be treated like that . Friends are suppose to listen even if thy can't offer advice just knowing they are there helps. I'm sorry this has happened but people do show thier true colours eventually and if thy don't match up with the colours of your heart you don't need them. I had a friend who I helped alot when I needed a shoulder it wasnt there I ended the friendship because I new it was not healthy for me .i forgave her for awful things she said and she tried to repair the friendship. I new in my heart it was not me she had alot of issues .so I know she was not trying to intentionally hurt me but she did many times . I had to ask myself do I really want a friendship like this ? My answer was no. I moved on she found other friends but she always says to me remember how good it was ........ . Oh yes I remember but as humans we all need someone to turn to a shoulder to cry on hug if we need it. You deserve better Remember that .((((hugs)))

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   1 Member, 0 Anonymous, 125 Guests (See full list)

    • VickySGV
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,024
    • Most Online
      8,356

    JamesyGreen
    Newest Member
    JamesyGreen
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Alscully
      Alscully
      (35 years old)
    2. floruisse
      floruisse
      (40 years old)
    3. Jasmine25
      Jasmine25
      (22 years old)
    4. Trev0rK
      Trev0rK
      (26 years old)
  • Posts

    • EasyE
      Republicans have long committed grave errors by emphasizing their social agenda and moral issues instead of just focusing on the economy, lowering taxes, keeping the public safe, building a strong national defense, promoting business, touting reasonable immigration policies, etc.   The country would thrive economically under Trump's tax and business policies. That's a fact. Another four years of Biden will run this country into the ground financially (including all of our 401Ks and IRAs). But the GOP continues to play right into the Dems' hands by leading with their moral crusades instead of staying the course and trusting their fiscal policies to win the day... 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-news/hundreds-athletes-urge-ncaa-not-ban-trans-athletes-womens-sports-rcna149033     Carolyn Marie
    • KymmieL
      Well first day is over and now getting ready for bed soon. Work was OK.   Don't know why but I am feeling down. I am heading to bed. Good Night.   Kymmie
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Boyfriend and I our time at my place.Both admit our sex life is good,got intimate for the 2nd time and he is good at it
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Thanks.  I will look those up in the document, hopefully tomorrow.   I always look at the source on stuff like this, not what someone, particularly those adversarial, have to say. 
    • MaeBe
      LGBTQ rights Project 2025 takes extreme positions against LGBTQ rights, seeking to eliminate federal protections for queer people and pursue research into conversion therapies in order to encourage gender and sexuality conformity. The policy book also lays out plans to criminalize being transgender and prohibit federal programs from supporting queer people through various policies. The project partnered with anti-LGBTQ groups the Family Policy Alliance, the Center for Family and Human Rights, and the Family Research Council. Project 2025 calls for the next secretary of Health and Human Services to “immediately put an end to the department’s foray into woke transgender activism,” which includes removing terms related to gender and sexual identity from “every federal rule, agency regulation, contract, grant, regulation, and piece of legislation that exists.” The Trump administration proposed a similar idea in 2018 that would have resulted in trans people losing protections under anti-discrimination laws. [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023; The New Republic, 2/8/24] Similarly, the policy book calls for HHS to stop all research related to gender identity unless the purpose is conformity to one's sex assigned at birth. The New Republic explains: “That is, research on gender-nonconforming children and teenagers should be funded by the government, but only for the purpose of studying what will make them conform, such as denying them gender-affirming care and instead trying to change their identities through ‘counseling,’ which is a form of conversion therapy.” [The New Republic, 2/8/24] The policy book’s foreword by Kevin Roberts describes “the omnipresent propagation of transgender ideology and sexualization of children” as “pornography” that “should be outlawed,” adding, “The people who produce and distribute it should be imprisoned.” Roberts also says that “educators and public librarians who purvey it should be classed as registered sex offenders. And telecommunications and technology firms that facilitate its spread should be shuttered.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023] Roberts’ foreword states that “allowing parents or physicians to ‘reassign’ the sex of a minor is child abuse and must end.” Echoing ongoing right-wing attacks on trans athletes, Roberts also claims, “Bureaucrats at the Department of Justice force school districts to undermine girls’ sports and parents’ rights to satisfy transgender extremists.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023; TIME magazine, 5/16/22] Dame Magazine reports that Project 2025 plans to use the Department of Justice to crack down on states that “do not charge LGBTQ people and their allies with crimes under the pretense that they are breaking federal and state laws against exposing minors to pornography.” [Dame Magazine, 8/14/23] Project 2025 also calls for the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services to repeat “its 2016 decision that CMS could not issue a National Coverage Determination (NCD) regarding ‘gender reassignment surgery’ for Medicare beneficiaries.” The policy book’s HHS chapter continues: “In doing so, CMS should acknowledge the growing body of evidence that such interventions are dangerous and acknowledge that there is insufficient scientific evidence to support such coverage in state plans.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023] Going further, Project 2025 also demands that the next GOP administration “reverse policies that allow transgender individuals to serve in the military.” The policy book’s chapter on the Defense Department claims: “Gender dysphoria is incompatible with the demands of military service, and the use of public monies for transgender surgeries … for servicemembers should be ended.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023]   …summaries of what’s within the rest of the document re: LGBTQ+ concerns. A person can believe their gender is fixed but incongruent with their physiology, but the authors and Trump (by his own words) just see the incongruity of an “expressed gender” that conflicts with what was/is in a person’s pants.
    • Mmindy
      Good catch… I took care of it.
    • Sally Stone
      I'm tired of the two-party system.  It has degraded to a system where there are only two diametrically opposed views, neither of which supports me.  I have conservative views regarding big government and government spending but I have very liberal views when it comes to protecting the rights of individuals.  And just elections of the past, I am stuck with two choices, neither of which I support. With only two parties, each with agendas that are off the left and right scales, I am not adequately represented.    Finally, I'm okay with party affiliated politicians running for office using their party views, but once elected to office, they are obligated to support the entire electorate not just the electorate members that voted for them.  Plain and simple, our government system is broken and dysfunctional.  I'll step down from my soapbox now.     
    • Sally Stone
      Thanks Mae.  She was an amazing friend and I grew to love her like a sister.
    • Sally Stone
      I did Ashley.  Non-rev travel was one of the major factors for taking the job.  At the time, US Airways had the best non-rev policy in the industry.  It cost $10 to fly coach and $25 to fly first class.  We flew first class whenever there were seats available.  
    • Abigail Genevieve
      You should have a moderator fix what you meant to write as "birth certificate".  Ooops.   I've gone over that verse and am wholly and completely dissatisfied with the SBC exegesis of it, so much so that it was one of the things that helped me break out of a mindset of guit.  Sometime I may strut by stuff as a Hebraist and show what it really means.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I found this   — 450 — Mandate for Leadership: The Conservative Promise Goal #1: Protecting Life, Conscience, and Bodily Integrity. The Secretary should pursue a robust agenda to protect the fundamental right to life, protect con- science rights, and uphold bodily integrity rooted in biological realities, not ideology. From the moment of conception, every human being possesses inherent dignity and worth, and our humanity does not depend on our age, stage of development, race, or abilities. The Secretary must ensure that all HHS programs and activities are rooted in a deep respect for innocent human life from day one until natural death: Abortion and euthanasia are not health care. A robust respect for the sacred rights of conscience, both at HHS and among gov- ernments and institutions funded by it, increases choices for patients and program beneficiaries and furthers pluralism and tolerance. The Secretary must protect Americans’ civil rights by ensuring that HHS programs and activities follow the letter and spirit of religious freedom and conscience-protection laws. Radical actors inside and outside government are promoting harmful identity politics that replaces biological sex with subjective notions of “gender identity” and bases a person’s worth on his or her race, sex, or other identities. This destructive dogma, under the guise of “equity,” threatens American’s fundamental liberties as well as the health and well-being of children and adults alike. The next Secretary must ensure that HHS programs protect children’s minds and bodies and that HHS programs respect parents’ basic right to direct the upbringing, education, and care of their children.   https://static.project2025.org/2025_MandateForLeadership_CHAPTER-14.pdf   First, that is not much, if that is all that is of concern.  Secondly, I have seen all sorts of anti-Trump slander, including the Steele dossier and the lawfare he is now undergoing, to be cynical of any criticism against him, and indirectly this document.    He deserves some of what he is getting, but not all.  Thirdly, I bolded one statement of concern.   I don't think gender identity is subjective.  "Radical actors" is name calling, and there is a lot of that going around.  Maybe I am not seeing everything of concern or reading this right, but i would discuss with the author of this document concerning this.
    • Willow
      Good evening   well I finally finished reading my textbook.  Yeah.  But I still have a lot more to go for the class.     My endocrinologist always asks me about lactation.  And yes I have had some very small amounts of leakage but not on any regular basis.  I figure I blocked the discharge Duce when I pierced my nipples with scare tissue.  But who knows.  I also get asked about mammograms.  I e had my first or baseline and this fall I will need to schedule my second.   As someone in the midst of studying the Old Testament, I can say that I haven’t found any mention of pending damnation for being transgender or intersex.  The closest it comes is a verse that says men should not wear women’s clothing.  Now I don’t know each and everyone’s particulars, but I know I meet the medical definition of female gender, and even in Ohio, a State that until recently refused to allow birth certificates to be changed, I meet the criteria.  Therefore I can only conclude I am not a man wearing women’s clothing.  But there is a somewhat different scholarly explanation of that law that it should not be taken as literally as the haters want.  Mostly men should not pretend to be women to ex ape from their enemies. Or tried to hide from God.     willow
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Well, the left wing has been doing that.    I read a few things while trying to find out what the problem is and liked what I read.  But I am a conservative.    Is there something specific in there that is of concern?  Does it promise somewhere to erase trans folk? That would be problematic.
    • Ivy
      It's a plan to basically completely take over the government by the right wing.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...