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Guest Cursed_Derek

Any Mormons Out There?

8 posts in this topic

Hey sorry if I sound all whiny right now but I really need to let off some steam.

Anyway. Tonight I had to go with my little sister and parents to this thing for the church called New Beginnings. It's basically just a little program to welcome the 11-year-old girls (like my sister) into the next class called Young Women (the Mormon church is very gender-oriented and tends to be against Trans people). Well I didn't want to go in the first place since no one knows I'm trans except my mom who doesn't acknowledge it and I would have to wear a dress (I have to wear one at least once a week for church anyway). Of course I ended up going anyway. While I was there, boiling in my own humilliation for having to wear a dress in the first place, they passed out these stupid little cheap plastic tiara, magic wand, and ring packs that the lady conducting the thing (who's also my aunt who I don't get along with) said we'd have to put on "because we're all princesses of God". I really didn't want to put mine on but my parents were wisper-yelling at me from both sides and my aunt, along with the rest of the room, sat there and stared at me and wouldn't go on until I had put on the tiara and ring and was holding the wand and I had to wear them for the rest of the night.

Needless to say it was one of the most degrading and humilliating moments of my life.

Are there any other trans-guys out there from Mormon, or just christian, families who have problems like this?

-Derek

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Well I'm not Mormon, or even Christian, but I've had my fair share of moments like that. On several occasions my family had forced me to wear dresses, even though I am already out to my mother and sister, and ever since I have been out to them they push me harder and harder to conform to the societal idea of a "female." I absolutely loathe it. Nothing makes me more angry--the thought that hey have disrespected me to that great degree is too much.

But luckily for me, it doesn't happen very often.

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So far, I've had two friends apologize profusely for making me wear bridesmaids' dresses. "Dude, if I'd known you were a dude, I never would have made you wear that."

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Hi Derek,

I'd just read your post and I'm sorry you have had to contend with this.

I can feel your pain... feels a bit like humiliation, too ...and anger (the "steam" you are letting off) in your post.

Your feelings around this are totally understandable.

I recall feeling very uncomfortable in female specific clothing, since I can remember. A very astute teacher had picked up on this and had talked with me a little about it, just enough to let me know she was aware of some of my discomfort. (That was in the 5th grade.) I wore clothing that was as adrogynous as possible, which is easier for females to get away with in our society, even as adults. I was an avid athlete and was very active as student council president, etc, etc.

At that age, I had mostly refused to wear dresses, etc. I had gotten away with this at school...and was well accepted by my peers.

I was brought up in an ultra conservative Christian denomination. This was very hard on me and on just about everyone, as we'd all had aspects of ourselves that were not in perfect alignment with the teachings. There was a tremendous amount of pressure then to conform or to be severed from the church (which was then my extended family) and to be sentenced (in some of their minds) to an everlasting hell. So, although I was not Mormon, I think I understand some of the pressures you are dealing with at this time?

Even now, I cringe and feel some anger with your story when you mention the woman with the idea that you should gladly and proudly wear the tiara, the ring and hold the magic wand! OMGosh! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! I understand your parents were adding a tremendous amount of pressure for you to cooperate. Wow! I am so sorry you had to endure this! :o

I hope you will continue to interact here with us and anywhere you find you can write/talk about your feelings and your experiences.

Any chance of getting your mom or even both of your parents to truly listen to you, to truly take you seriously?

With Concern and Respect,

Brad

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Derek, I know exactly how you feel with this. I was adopted and raised in a simple-minded Mormon family (Mother's side) and from the day I could understand the word "church" I have never enjoyed the company of the Mormon faith. I have discovered most are not understanding of LGBT individuals. I kept my secret from my family up to last October however I was always very verbal in my disgust for dresses. My mother and father forced me to go to Young Women's every Tuesday until I was 18 (thankfully I skipped out for an entire year. My mother would leave me and drop me off, and I would escape to Sonic until it was over, or walk around the church listening to music.) Mormons are a very traditional religion and they believe that people who are GLBT are not natural and that God doesn't make mistakes. I am open to freedom of religion, however because of the Mormon faith, I have completely lost all interest of religion and grimace when it is mentioned.

My mother would force dresses (terrible ones at that) and she even forced me to dance with a young man at one of the dances, even though I was very keen on not doing it. My entire family is Mormon and I have an Aunt just like yours. I know your need to vent...

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I was mormon and I am having similar issues. Especially because I am not out. I have issues everytime I go to church wearing a dresss and everything. I have lost faith especially because they are non accepting of certain people.

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Hi Turner_53, welcome to the Playground, please drop over to the Introductions Forum where you stand a chance of getting to know more of the members. Also, please read the Rules and Guidelines, also referred to as the Terms & Conditons which you can access at the bottom right of every forum page.

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I am an LDS MTF, and while I don't share your disgust for dresses I cand definitely understand your frustrations with the high emphasis the church places on gender.

Don't be so frightened, and don't believe the horror stories people post up about being LDS and being transgender. If you approach leadership in a respectful manner and articulate the situation well, you'll be surprised at how much they'll actually listen. The church has (in an unknown number of cases) supported people through transition and they live normal, happy, productive, worthy lives. If you work toward it, you can get there!

Read up on the causes (or etiology in medical jargon) of gender issues. Get familiar enough to give a brief summary to people who need the information to make an informed judgment. Make it clear that you aren't looking to be a sex pervert, just that you can't spiritually progress with this problem and that it needs solved to be a better and more healthy person. Have patience and respect with this issue and you can get through it.

Remember that you (yes YOU personally) are entitled to personal revelation. Pray about this issue, and you'll get the answer. Then, stick to it bravely like Joseph Smith did. Don't let anybody tell you you don't have a direct line to God to get the answers (especially something as important as your spiritual gender).

If you need anything, I'm here on the forums.

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