Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Gender of a person's spirit


Guest Haileyruso

Recommended Posts

Guest Haileyruso

I was raised Mormon which has made my life extremely difficult because I am transsexual (mtf). I haven't actually started transition, but plan to...yes I have a counselor and doctor on board. Anyway, yesterday was the big tell family and friends about my plans to transition. I didn't get yelled at, but got lectured about how my spirit is male and they know this because of priesthood blessings. However, I don't feel that way and never; I think those men who gave the blessings were in as much denial about it as the rest of my family are. To complicate matters, I got married per church tradition 16 years ago and am still married with two children. My wife and children believe the male spirit thing too. I am just so frustrated because they have completely closed their minds to the possibility that one of my challenges in life might be to be a female (in spirit and mind) having to deal with having a male body and finding a path to piece...which I believe, among other things, involves transition of my life and body to better match my female soul. I'm just looking for thoughts and suggestions on how to address the spirit gender with people who are so convinced that God would never allow a female spirit to come to a male bodied individual or vice versa.

Link to comment
Guest Ney'ite

There have been some scientific studies supporting someone who has a mismatch of mind and body (one fairly recently from Australia I believe). No one can *tell* you what you feel and what your mind and spirit should feel.

I pose a few scenario example questions to those who tell *you* what your spirit and mind are:

• You say you have a stomach ache and are feeling nauseous. I say "Prove to me that you feel sick to your stomach."

• You say you hit your funny bone and it hurts. I say: "Prove to me that your elbow hurts."

• You say you are feeling depressed because you lost your pet. I say: "Prove to me that you are feeling the loss."

When it comes to internal things and feelings and thoughts and such, aside from Jesus, there has NEVER been another human who has EVER been able to know what a person was feeling, or their thoughts, yet these ones you mentioned seemed to have the same special power that Jesus did to do just that?

Just something to think about. :)

Link to comment

Hi,

I was Mormon once. And surprise it was more apathy than transexuality that drove me away. I'm not sure if the religion has room for transexuals, but I do know a few loopholes in the logic. See I was told a similar thing, only I accepted it and went searching through myself for a different outcome. I didn't find it. I kept coming back to the whole I'm a girl and this body isn't right thing. From my understanding God doesn't make mistakes like placing the wrong gender in the wrong body, but what if it wasn't a mistake? As you know Mormons believe that God gives challenges to us so that we may overcome them and grow stronger. Having the wrong body is certainly a strengthening challenge. I don't know or want to know what your blessing says, but even if you weren't questioning yourself I'd tell you to consider the words therein very carefully, for God speaks in riddles. I mean how many times have you been told to refer to King Benjamin's speech for advice on life? How can one passage be applied to so much if it is plain and easy to understand? Does it actually say anywhere in your blessing that you are male gendered in spirit? When dealing with riddles wording is very particular. And perhaps it is also one of your challenges to bring understanding to your family. Good luck. I don't usually say this (especially not these days) but perhaps if you still truly believe in the Church you should talk to God about it. I once had a First Councilor who insisted that you could ask God for anything and he'd give it to you; including, he'd say with a wink, a girlfriend. If God's willing to help out our love life I'm sure he can help us find peace with ourselves and those around us.

It occurs to me though that there isn't a passage that says God would never place a girl's spirit in a male body, maybe because it never occurred to the writers and maybe because God didn't want to rule out the possibility. The first step in convincing people of something is convincing them there is no proof it isn't possible, then making them think it is, then making them know it is.

Good luck,

Heathy

Link to comment

Hailey,

Ok, I'm no Mormon, but I'll take a stab at answering your question best I can...

I do have a bit of experience with, shall we say, a 'non-reality-based' belief system with members of my own immediate family that resulted in me being 'shunned' for life. No amount of logical reasoning could dissuade my kin from continuing to embrace what might easily be called superstitious beliefs and practices, especially when that same mythology assures them 'a seat at the Right Hand of GOD'.

For members of such organizations, group-think is their protection from the cunning lies of satan, or some other invisible evil force. The better I did at explaining the fallacy of the belief in question, the more certain they were that the devil was guiding my tongue. These particular belief systems are circular in nature, as every road chosen will always lead right back to the central false premise that the 'system' is based upon...

In short, unless a true miracle happens, you've got about the same chance as a snowball in hell of convincing them of anything contrary to what they WANT to believe. Explaining trans-ness to a non-belief-system-biased individual is difficult enough, and without a whole lot of time and personal investment in researching the modern understanding of transsexualism, you are sunk. Even well-educated, liberal thinkers have difficulty grasping our reality.

The difference is that one might get SUPPORT from a non-superstitious person, even if they cannot achieve a full understanding. The 'superstitious' mind demands an understanding FIRST, before any support will be given. Even worse, these people are programmed to OPPOSE you, regardless if you can 'prove' your case or not...

Sheesh, even most 'mainstream' belief systems will still summarily reject transfolk as sinful deviants, without pause. What chance does one have with, shall we say, less-than-reality-based belief systems...

I just re-read my reply and I can see that I did not answer your question at all...

I guess my best answer is this:

If they are truly devout 'believers', it is my opinion (and experience) that little good will come out of trying to change their minds. You will likely get to a point where either:

1) You give up and shut up...

2) You continue to plead your case until they are forced by church protocol to 'shun' you..

3) They recant their belief in Mormonism and actually embrace 21st century medical knowledge...

Sorry to not have an answer you will like. But the problem runs FAR deeper than the male-spirit priestly blessing notion..

We are here for you if/when it all comes crashing down with your family. Been there, done that!

Love and all my most positive thoughts to you, Svenna

Link to comment
Guest Haileyruso

To JENTH, I have also considered the possibility that the position that I am in is exactly as I perceive it to be and is a challenge not a mistake. No, I was never told at any time that I am a male spirit, but they claim to have felt the spirit when I was married as a male in the temple, when I gave priesthood blessings, etc. and if I were really a female spirit acting in male positions that they wouldn't have felt the spirit because "God will not be mocked"!

To others, I really appreciate the responses...I'm kind of on a quest for information and various view points.

Link to comment
  • Admin

They are the ones who have declared what constitutes a "mockery of God" but I have a sneaking suspicion that God does not agree with them, and considers human conceit on knowing the Mind Of God to be a greater mockery. The spirits of angels are neither male or female, but we humans despise those who have been touched by the spirits of angels without the consent of human authorities who know the mind of God. A deep and abiding conundrum.

We who are transgendered are very spiritual as a group. We may not be large on organized religion, but bring up ways of dealing with our spirits, and we are energized as a group. The belief that we are Two Spirited may account for one part your familie's discomfort, and may be a key to what the others felt around you. A male spirit is there, but if a female spirit were sought, it too would be found. The problem being that a "male spirit" is more valued and sought after and even those who felt the female would deny it in fear.

There may be no reconciliation and no change of belief for a long time, but then God has been around a bit too. Good Luck and God Bless.

Link to comment

I will answer the question directly. Think of mind as an onion, each onion layer is layer of consciousness. The central most layer is pure spirit and does not differentiate between masculine and feminine, it's all of the above and will always remain so.

The next layer outward is involved in projecting incarnations into this physical realm. This layer can be and is often biased by all of the incarnations it has projected. Bias can come in many forms, gender is one of them. In my case, this bias is toward the feminine and that came as a huge surprise to me.

The next layer out, for all practical purposes, is the mind in the physical you, the here and now. That mind can also carry a bias, but it is usually biased by the body you are living in (obviously this doesn't always quite work out).

The real picture is even more complicated than this, there are several more layers of consciousness that make us up, some say seven layers, some say more. The important part to remember is that they are all us, and share the same core identity.

Gender is necessary device for this realm because we reproduce sexually and not asexually. To successfully reproduce, we must find and attract a mate, copulate and protect our offspring; two parents, different roles for each parent. Consider repeating this over and over again in many lifetimes. If balance is maintained, then the onion's gender identity can remain in balance and easily and properly swing with each incarnation as appropriate for that new incarnation physical body. However, some spirits favor one gender or the other and will sometimes wait too long to reestablish balance between the genders. That can cause gender identity issues like many of us have here. For instance, my internal identity is feminine, but I have a male body.

So to answer the OP’s question, it’s all of the above or “depends” on which layer you are talking about. The central core identity is always "all of the above", the layer projecting to this realm can be biased one way or another. For all practical purposes, this is the layer we can touch and internally identify with. Hence, you may have a bias at this level and this will impact how you view your internal gender. Just remember, it's a layer and not the core.

Link to comment

Hi Hailey,

I was a convert member of the church awhile back and do believe in the basic premise of the church. Even though we were male or female spirits beforehand does not mean the body given to us matches the gender of the spirit. Believe this or not, I was only a Melchisedek Priest for one day before I faded from the church so don't know the power that laying of hands entails. I'm guessing your Patriarchal Blessing implied you were a male because it said you would be married and have children. That can still be true, but that doesn't mean that your spirit gender isn't female. I can see where this can be confusing to you.

I do we chose becoming a transsexual before birth because we concluded that being trans will allow us to grow where we need it most. Also maybe it isn't just meant for us, but for the growth of those who were chosen to be a part of our lives,

My best answer is you must pray and ask for guidance for yourself. And please don't base your decision out of fear or to please others. Only you know how you feel, and therefore you need to do what is necessary to bring internal peace. I don't believe God would want someone with him who conformed, but to do so would have to live a life of misery.

Do what you must,

With Love,

Jenny

Link to comment

Jenny,

A good plan asking for guidance --- that's how I found out. In many ways, I was dragged kicking and screaming to the conclusion, my mind had a lot of trouble accepting it, but as soon as I did, all the suffering ended. The answers are always within and no one other than yourself is even remotely qualified to answer this for you!

-Meri

Link to comment
Guest Ney'ite

I love this comment of yours, Vicky - this had slipped my mind that God created the Angels genderless:

The spirits of angels are neither male or female, but we humans despise those who have been touched by the spirits of angels without the consent of human authorities who know the mind of God. A deep and abiding conundrum.

Hmm...without getting into a rather heated discussion, I thought, regarding this comment (the laying on of hands):

Believe this or not, I was only a Melchisedek Priest for one day before I faded from the church so don't know the power that laying of hands entails.

stopped about 2,000 years ago when the last of Jesus' apostles died around 100 C.E.? (1 Cor. 13:8)

Link to comment

I love this comment of yours, Vicky - this had slipped my mind that God created the Angels genderless:

The spirits of angels are neither male or female, but we humans despise those who have been touched by the spirits of angels without the consent of human authorities who know the mind of God. A deep and abiding conundrum.

Hmm...without getting into a rather heated discussion, I thought, regarding this comment (the laying on of hands):

Believe this or not, I was only a Melchisedek Priest for one day before I faded from the church so don't know the power that laying of hands entails.

stopped about 2,000 years ago when the last of Jesus' apostles died around 100 C.E.? (1 Cor. 13:8)

I'm actually surprised at someone who is transsexual quoting literally from the bible, and conclude that the snippet is fact. That has been the cause of a lot of misery for all of us.

There is obviously a lot you do not know about Mormons. Perhaps you should read up on their beliefs before making a blanket statement like this. There are reasons they do what they do. I was trying to help Hailey because I do have some knowledge of what Mormons believe, even though I have not been active for some time.

Since this is a forum dedicated to Mormons I would think it should be for members who at least know something about LDS beliefs, or at least be respectful to Mormons in this forum.

A little angry,

Jenny

Link to comment
Guest Ney'ite

A little angry,

Oh dear, my sincerest apologies, Jenny. You are right, I obviously do not know a lot about the Mormons as I grew up part of a different religion. On top of it, I honestly did not even notice this was specifically posted in the Mormon forum.

Epic fail! :(

I would like to humbly and respectfully recant my comment that offended you and anyone else and formally apologize as well.

Link to comment

A little angry,

Oh dear, my sincerest apologies, Jenny. You are right, I obviously do not know a lot about the Mormons as I grew up part of a different religion. On top of it, I honestly did not even notice this was specifically posted in the Mormon forum.

Epic fail! :(

I would like to humbly and respectfully recant my comment that offended you and anyone else and formally apologize as well.

Thanks Bette, you have a good heart. And I can see you never meant to hurt anyone. You weren't the worst offender here, but the one who quoted me specifically. Also I have offended others on Laura's in my own right, so it isn't just you. Plus I've responded to posts and not aware of the forum I responded in. Let that be a lesson to all of us.

BTW I miss Whitney Houston too.

Love,

Jenny

Link to comment
Guest Ney'ite

Thanks Bette, you have a good heart. And I can see you never meant to hurt anyone.

...

Thank you, Jenny.

*hugs n smiles*

...

BTW I miss Whitney Houston too.

...

I cried all weekend, especially the Grammy's. :(

Link to comment
Guest Elizabeth K

Jen is my trusted source on anything Mormon, as is Lightsider. There are many present and past LDS people here, in various stages of self discovery, and more importantly, with different conclusions on how they can stay with their beliefs and still be happy in their life. So of course? Some can make it work and some cannot. I have seen many here decide to suppress their gender dysphoria, and to continue their lives as they are. On the other end, a few have received the disapproval of the LDS Church and have essentially gone against it.

I cry for you all. I am a very spiritual person and I understand how horrible it can be when others say what you are doing is against the Will of the Creator. Devastating. The LDS Church is especially complicated in its history and organization, and especially with the issues we transpeople raise. I only barely know the top of the iceberg of Mormonism as I have only been exposed to it through discussions with LDS Church friends and acquaintances. But I must tell you I am not Mormon, so you will know.

Like any religion we all have community. We associate with our peers and our best minds to try to gain the wisdom the Creator offers. We have wisdom of all who have come before us. But it does come down to one major weak point, human beings - just human beings. Is the wisdom of human beings truly reflective of the Will of the Creator? Maybe, with the proper GRACE, but how do we know?.

And I know this, as a personal experience? I have talked with the Creator. And that was huge in my life. What I was told certainly is the truth over ALL INTERPRETATIONS. I asked if my transsexuality as acceptable? The Creator revealed to me he made me this way and that I am perfectly okay as I am.

Therein is the Way... ask - you will be told. Ignore all else.

So my soul? It is genderless, really because I am a child of the universe, and not everything is like this earth. BUT I feel I have been female many times when there is a gender option and I prefer it over being male. So maybe that makes my soul female - maybe?. But my SPIRIT is 100% female, and I feel that very strongly. It has to be one of those things you just know, You just know.

Yes, I sired three children, so the Creator had that planned - and I am so thankful for them, for that honor... sigh... and my female nature helped me raise them well.

I don't know if I would have been seen as a male spirit in the LDS Church - maybe yes because my destiny to produce children seems to be a male thing because of the male body. But I don't identify as a male spirit - I am female. My body was not egg producing, so I used sperm. But that did NOT make me a man.

Perhaps the LDS leaders are not accustomed to seeing we who are male bodied but still female, because we are so rare.. And reverse that for our trans brothers. Maybe it is a new revelation that will come to them, and other religions soon.

Lizzy

Link to comment

A mockery of God eh? Perhaps your blessings and your marriage weren't a mockery of God. Sometimes I think of this life as a class in Theatre. God gives us a stage and a scenario and then asks us to show him what we've got. We then think a moment and then begin to act out the scenario. In this case God has handed you Transexuality, but if that were your only scenario then you as the actor and God as the teacher would both grow bored very fast. So he gives you other scenarios like kids, a wife, a sick neighbor needing your help. As far as feeling the Spirit and not making a mockery of God, let's focus on the sick neighbor. You came in with another person, both of you granted the Priesthood in your male body and spiritual strength to heal this person. Is God overseeing this blessing because there are two males in the room or because people He's given the power to do so are helping a friend in need? The answer I think is obvious. As important as we make our gender I think it would be the least of God's concerns when giving a blessing. So why don't girls give blessings? Because they haven't been given the Priesthood, which yes was given to you because at the time you were male bodied. At the time God was still watching for how you were going to "solve your challenge." And so he wasn't denying you any options. See that's a catch 22 in the religion, God knows all including future but He gives us free will, so even though he knows at a later date you'll probably give the Priesthood back He still has to give it to you as denying it would force your hand. It's a tricky line knowing all but still having to give us all options, and God walks it well. Marriage is the same thing. How many times does one feel the Spirit in a Temple Marriage that later ends in divorce? Does that mean the Spirit wasn't there to begin with? I don't think it does. I think the Spirit was still there and that the marriage was still approved by God even though he knew it wouldn't last. This isn't making a mockery of God, it's proof to his wisdom that he can reward you for following commandments and for solving challenges without pushing you into a solution. After all in the Pre-life we did choose Jesus' plan of "Freewill" over Satan's plan of "Perfect Robots but Guaranteed to Make It Back." The Spirit was certainly there every time you felt it, and that is because at the time all the elements for whatever were also there. A laying on of hands requires 2 priests, a vial of blessed olive oil, God, and a blessee, these were certainly there everytime you gave a blessing. The elements for your wedding were there too, and perhaps that's why you've taken so long to succumb to your feelings of being a girl. So you could have the required male body to stand at your place in the ceremony. Just as you required the male body sperm to produce children with the person you produced children with. Now you've decided the male body is more pain than useful so you're attempting transition.

Like you I was born to a male body, as a challenge and as a tool to overcome challenges. I've given blessings with my Aaronic Priesthood, and I believe 100% that all of these blessings (despite my female spirit, despite my high interest in magick and other religions, despite my dislike of a few of the fellow priests giving the blessing with me) I know that every blessing I've given or been a part of has been sanctioned by God and have been real. I know this because I felt the Spirit, and because when I gave those blessings I wasn't there in the role of a learning witch, or a gender confused person, I was there as an Aaronic Priest and that's what was needed for the blessing. And if my experience is anything like yours then you're spiritual experiences were real and effective because you came as and when needed. I can testify to that.

Though I do have a question.I've noticed many posts talking about how if marriage and children are in the blessing it's because people thought Hayley was a male. Don't they put such things in girl's blessings?

Good Luck,

Heathy

Link to comment

Hmmm After rereading and a little thought I'm not sure I said my point clearly. What I meant to say was that at the time you weren't "a female spirit acting in male positions" you were a male body acting in male positions. See the difference?

Link to comment
Guest (Lightsider)

I was raised Mormon which has made my life extremely difficult because I am transsexual (mtf). I haven't actually started transition, but plan to...yes I have a counselor and doctor on board. Anyway, yesterday was the big tell family and friends about my plans to transition. I didn't get yelled at, but got lectured about how my spirit is male and they know this because of priesthood blessings. However, I don't feel that way and never; I think those men who gave the blessings were in as much denial about it as the rest of my family are. To complicate matters, I got married per church tradition 16 years ago and am still married with two children. My wife and children believe the male spirit thing too. I am just so frustrated because they have completely closed their minds to the possibility that one of my challenges in life might be to be a female (in spirit and mind) having to deal with having a male body and finding a path to piece...which I believe, among other things, involves transition of my life and body to better match my female soul. I'm just looking for thoughts and suggestions on how to address the spirit gender with people who are so convinced that God would never allow a female spirit to come to a male bodied individual or vice versa.

I have found myself in some what the same position. The Male and Female spirit thing is a basic belief of the Mormon faith. It is hard to get around. Howerver....

1. People have been born with obvious gender defects. What spirit did God place in those bodies? Ponder that for a while.

2. People are born with out limbs or other impairments. It is part of life and nature. It happens.

While some say god is perfect and makes no mistakes, nature in fact does make "mistakes."

The only person who can tell you what gender you truly are is YOU, you after all can sense it...and feel it. The church says that children under age eight are not influenced or held accountable for sins. Well I knew from the time way before age 8 I was female. So the Satan made me argument is out the door.

3. Modern influences on gender through chemicals are a fact. Estrogen's are all over the place, in plastics, medication..etc.. Say a fetus is influenced by these chemicals because of environment, what spirit does God place in the baby? Male or female? Based on the genitals or the brain? To say you know across the board which would be placed in a physical body is to say you know the mind of God. Do we really know what his thoughts are?

The bottom line is only you can know what you are. Only you can make the tough decisions to be who you are...or live out the rest of your life as is because of family. Either path is going to be painful. It is something you have to be at peace with because no one else can live your life for you. I wish I could be of more help but I do in fact know the pain you face and I can not advise you on which path you should take.

Link to comment
Guest (Lightsider)

If there is a God...which of the two would get closer to him?

1. An angry confused soul?

or

2. A happy complete soul?

I answered that question and all that I have done as far as deciding what path to take was based on that question.

Thank you Lizzie. I truly feel that trans people who are Mormon face extra struggles and it really a bad boat to be in.

Link to comment

Even though I do desire to go back to the LDS church, I won't because of how I would be treated. So I've taken a different route a go to a couple other places to help with my spirituality. At least for now. My beliefs haven't changed.

Jenny

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I never thought of my spirit as having a gender. To me gender is something us humans created in this world. I believe my soul transcends gender. I believe gender is something my soul has passed through in this world, it's part of my life experience and has been enriched seeing it from both perspectives.

I could no longer fit into any box the LDS church presented to me, I had to distance myself from the church, even though many of their teachings and values I hold dear. I found that spirituality is really a personal experience, and I feel I am closer to god on my own.

I do believe that in my next life or existence I will be female and not have to transition.

Cindy -

Link to comment
Guest (Lightsider)

Mormon belief is that we existed in spirit form before birth as literal children of God. Male and Female and were sent here to gain physical bodies. think of it like having a computer....it takes both the hardware and software to make it work. One with out the other is either limited or useless.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I truly feel that trans people who are Mormon face extra struggles and it really a bad boat to be in.

This statement is sadly true. Having been raised in the church, I endured trying to "fit in" for something like 15 years. It just did not work for me and was extremely stressful, everyone kept trying to make you feel guilty for not living up to some standard, I was always never good enough and was constantly judged with my peers. You were always placed with the same group of guys, and at times it was mean spirited and competitive going through all these rituals over and over again, it was a total life program designed to make you fit into their "master plan". You were basically told how to interact with women, and they were kept seperate from the men, I was always curious about the relief society ;-) and I wanted to check it out and be with the women and girls. In retrospect I could never have mentioned my feelings back then to any church person I knew, especailly knowing what I know now and how they might approach someone with this condition that does come forward, makes me glad I never did. Can you imagine standing up in "Fast and Testimony" meeting and being passed the microphone, ummm folks I have something to say here, the dress I am wearing is real. Having said all that I really do like most LDS people I have met, they are some of the nicest people and do good things. They believe in hard work, family values, and Christ, those are all good things.

Cindy -

Link to comment
Guest (Lightsider)

I do know of an LDS ...well ex-LDS who stood up in Fast and Testimony and declared he/she was trans. The problem with this is that this person did it while wearing a dress and full beard with make up on. This person was arrested and expelled from the church.

My issue with that is...it is called Gender F'ing. It truly does mess with peoples heads and puts the rest of us in a bad light. That probably set our cause way back in at least that region of the church where this was done.

Personally I believe any group of people have a right to associate with who ever they choose...or not to associate with.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 139 Guests (See full list)

    • Karen Carey
    • Betty K
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      768k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,015
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bowie Ellis
      Bowie Ellis
      (19 years old)
    2. Damien Mcknight
      Damien Mcknight
      (18 years old)
    3. JJ
      JJ
      (77 years old)
    4. KathyLauren
      KathyLauren
      (70 years old)
    5. memyselfandwe
      memyselfandwe
      (44 years old)
  • Posts

    • Sally Stone
      Post 6 “The Military Career Years” In 1977 I joined the Army and went to flight school to become a helicopter pilot.  To fly for the military had been a childhood dream and when the opportunity arose, I took advantage of it, despite knowing I would have to carefully control my crossdressing activity.  At the time, military aviation was male dominated and a haven for Type A personalities and excessive testosterone.  I had always been competitive but my personality was not typically Type A.  And while I could never be considered effeminate, I wasn’t overtly masculine either.  Consequently, I had little trouble hiding the part of my personality that leaned towards the feminine side.    However, serving in the Army limited my opportunities for feminine self-expression.  During this period, I learned that being unable to express my feminine nature regularly, led to frustration and unhappiness.  I managed these feelings by crossdressing and underdressing whenever I could.  Underdressing has never been very fulfilling for me, but while I was in the Army it was a coping mechanism.  I only cross-dressed in private and occasionally my wife would take me out for a late-night drive.  Those drives were still quite private, but being out of the house was clearly therapeutic.    I told myself I was coping, but when it became apparent the Army was going to be a career, the occasional and closeted feminine expression was clearly inadequate.  I needed more girl time and I wanted to share my feminine side with the rest of the world, so the frustration and unhappiness grew.  Despite my feelings regarding feminine self-expression, I loved flying, so I wasn’t willing to give up my military career.  Consequently, I resigned myself to the fact that the female half of my personality needed to take a back seat, and what helped me through, was dreaming of military retirement, and finally having the ability to let Sally blossom.   About Sally. Ironically, she was born while I was still serving.  It was Halloween and my wife and I were hosting a unit party.  I looked upon the occasion as the perfect excuse to dress like a girl.  After a little trepidation, my wife agreed I should take advantage of the opportunity.  Back then, my transformations were not very good, but with my wife’s help, my Halloween costume looked quite authentic.  Originally, my wife suggested that my presentation should be caricature to prevent anyone from seeing through my costume.  But that didn’t appeal to me at all.  I wanted to look as feminine and ladylike as I could.   To my wife’s and my amazement, my costume was the hit of the party.  In fact, later in the evening, my unit buddies decided they wanted to take me out drinking and before either me or my wife could protest, I was whisked away and taken to one of our favorite watering holes.  Terrified at first, I had an amazing time, we all did.  But on Monday morning, when I came to work, I learned that I had a new nickname; it was Sally, and for the duration of that tour, that’s what I was called.  Well, when it came time for me to choose a feminine name, there weren’t any other choices.  Sally it was, and to this day I adore the name, and thank my pilot buddies for choosing it.   And this brings me to my last assignment before retiring.  I was teaching military science in an Army ROTC program at Mercer University in Macon, Georgia.  I had been a member of TRIESS (a nationwide crossdressing support group).  I wasn’t really an active participant but when we moved to Georgia, I learned there was a local chapter in Atlanta.  I reached out to the membership chair person, and joined.   Because the chapter meetings took place in Atlanta, a trans friendly city, and because Atlanta was so far from Macon and any of my military connections, I felt it would be safe to let my feminine hair down.  The monthly meetings took place in the Westin Hotel and Conference Center in Buckhead, an upscale northern Atlanta suburb, and the hotel itself was 4-star.  The meetings were weekend affairs with lots of great activities that allowed me to express myself in a public setting for the first time.  It was during this time, that Sally began to blossom.   I have the fondest memories of Sigma Epsilon (the name of our chapter in Atlanta).  Because the hotel was also a conference center, there was always some big event, and in many cases, there were several.  One weekend there was a nail technician conference that culminated in a contest on Saturday evening.  When the organizers learned there was a huge group of crossdressers staying at the hotel, they reached out to us looking for manicure volunteers.  I volunteered and got a beautiful set of long red fingernails that I wore for the duration of the weekend.   During another of our meeting weekends, there was a huge military wedding taking place, and imagine what we were all thinking when we learned it was a Marine wedding.  Our entire group was on edge worrying we might have to keep a low profile.  It turned out to be one of the most memorable weekends I would experience there.  First off, the Marines were all perfect gentlemen.  On Friday night and throughout the day on Saturday before the wedding, we rubbed elbows with most of them and their wives in and around the hotel, and at the hotel bar.  In fact, we got along so well the bride invited us to the reception.  Somewhere, there is a picture of me with a handsomely dressed Marine draped on each of my arms, standing in the lobby of the hotel.  Sadly, I never got a copy of it because the woman who took the picture used a film camera (yes, they actually took picture that way in ancient times).    My two-years with Sigma Epsilon was the perfect transition.  I went from being fully closeted to being mostly out.  I enhanced my feminine presentation and significantly reduced my social anxiety.  It also signified the end of one life and the beginning of another.  I had a great career and never regretted serving, but I was ready to shed the restrictions 20-years of Army service had imposed on my feminine self-expression.  My new life, Sally’s life, was about to begin, and with it I would begin to fully spread a new set of wings, this time feminine wings.    Hugs, Sally
    • Sally Stone
      Ashley, for a very long time she clung to the term crossdresser, because for her it was less threatening.  Over the years, though, she has come to recognize and acknowledge that I have a strong feminine side.  And like me, she now has a much better understanding of where my transgender journey is going, so me being bigender, isn't the threat she might have perceived it as, years ago. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://apnews.com/article/title-ix-sexual-assault-transgender-sports-d0fc0ab7515de02b8e4403d0481dc1e7   The revised regulations don't touch on trans athletes; which I totally understand, as that's become a third rail issue and this is an election year.  But the other changes seem pretty sensible, and will obviously result in immediate right wing lawsuits.   Carolyn Marie
    • missyjo
      darling you have wonderful taste..I especially love the red dress n sneaker outfit   enjoy   missy
    • Carolyn Marie
      Very well said, @Abigail Genevieve, and very true.  Thank you.   Carolyn Marie
    • Susan R
      Trans Group Zoom Meeting Tomorrow!!   Trans Group Zoom Meeting Times: April 20, 2024 6:00 PM Pacific Time April 20, 2024 8:00 PM Central Time April 21, 2024 11:00 AM Australia/Melbourne   Message me for the meeting link if you’d like to attend.   *Hugs* Susan R🌷
    • Susan R
      They may win a few battles but not the war! as @Davie pointed out there is little truth if it full of lies, inconsistencies, and ignores evidence to the contrary. I saw this article earlier and have to agree here. Truth will win. This isn’t the first time this tactic has been tried. Always stick with the truth!
    • Susan R
      Welcome @violet r! Glad you joined our forum and got through the hardest part…that first post. As many have mentioned, we are more than accepting here as we affirm your gender identity and hold no judgement, whatsoever. There’s so much here on this forum, I think you’ll find very helpful. If you have trouble finding an answer just reach out, try the search but starting a new thread is usually best to get some quick answers. Many are here for various transgender related issues but many, if not all, are here to help one another if we can. It’s great to have you onboard.   Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷
    • Willow
      good evening   good day at work today.  I did do some things a little out of normal but everything was completed successfully.  As I said earlier, the Asst Mgr was my second today.  I don’t think she was too happy about that.  Several customers asked her where Richard was her answer was the manager cut his hours.  Well that is only part of the story,  his hours were cut just like mine were and several others but in his case he made demands about his hours that couldn’t be met.  But instead of making some non complaining remark about it she made sure to lay it all on the manager, thus throwing the manager under the bus.  Similarly when asked why she hadn’t been at work early mornings, she said she was being punished by the manager.  Well that’s partly true, she wouldn’t do what the manager told her to do so she took her off opening.  But secondarily she didn’t have a car to drive temporarily.  You can’t open the store without a car because who ever opens has tasks that require them to leave the store, so it was  at least partly her own fault.  But she chose to throw the manager under the bus for that.  I think she is asking to be fired for insubordination.  And if the manager gets these conversations off the security tape tomorrow she just might get her wish.   im pretty close to being ready to take the asst position but there isn’t anyone ready to take over my job, at least not at our store.  I suppose the other shift lead could if she is able to work earlier shifts and if the other closers were just a bit more reliable.   Ive been wanting some homefried chicken.  We found a BBQ place not far away that had such a chicken but I is made fresh when ordered so it has a 30 minute wait.  It was worth the wait and the other things we tried were also good.  Another restaurant on the list.  At least half of what we ordered came home for another meal.   i get to sleep in tomorrow, I go to work at 1:30!   Willow
    • Abigail Genevieve
      It was nine thirty.  Saturday morning had rolled around more quickly than Taylor could believe.  She groaned, whined, thought of a million excuses why she should just stay in bed and knock the alarm across the room.  But it would still be going on, and so would the promise to Bob: when the gi came in, she would be in. There it was in its nice package, out where she could not miss it.  Why didn't she hide it?  She shook her head.   Up she got.  Sometimes you just do.  Her hair was a wreck. She patted it down and went to the bathroom.  Nine forty five. Shower later. No make up. She hated kara-tay especially at an ungodly early hour on a Saturday morning. Bagel. Instant coffee.  She was five minutes away when she realized she had forgotten the gi.  Back she went.   Into the dojo.  She had about five minutes to get the gi on.  She attempted to slip in unnoticed and go to the little restroom. Someone barked something out in Japanese or something, and there was a dead silence.  She turned to see what was going on. Both classes were getting into their lines, but everyone, including Bob, was bowing slightly. To her. Bob nodded, and she returned the bow.  Life started again. She was touched.   Bowing three times. Oath. Kata.  She was facing off with Judy as her partner.  Judy looked worried.   "Sometimes you just gotta pick yourself up and try again," Taylor told her. She nodded. "Let's do this."   Lunge punch and lower block.  They traded off like nothing had happened the last weekend.  Lunge punch and middle block. Lunge punch and upper block.  It was kind of like dancing. Taylor enjoyed it.  She wanted to learn more.  Brown-belt Maggie adjusted position of limbs and hips for both Taylor and Judy, telling them when she was about to do something: elbow up a bit".    "How'd you do?" Bob asked her later.  They had both gone home and showered. Now they were in a booth at a fast food place.   "I was kind of disappointed class ended. I was ready for more."   "That's my trooper."   "I'm not allowing you in my apartment until we are married," she said suddenly.   "You think I am a problem?"   "No.  I think you are safe. You passed the test  I am the problem here."   "Okay."   "What did the doctor tell you?"   "It's complicated.  More tests coming.  Like getting into college.  I got a letter back.  It seems there is this big fat M on my transcript and my current picture is not an M type picture.  I have to write a letter and send them notarized proofs and stuff. Just delays. This is a pain. Nothing cut and dried."   "I will say.  I'm glad I'm not transgender."   "Hah. You are pulled into my world.  You are involved in this stuff as much as I am, and, as you put it, of your own free will."   "You are worth it."   "I hope so."   "I know so."      
    • Abigail Genevieve
      On the way back to her desk she was interrupted by six short, urgent conversations that had to be attended to. Then she slipped into the women's room and locked the stall door.  She took a deep breath, then another, and allowed herself to shake for five minutes,  Then deep breathing, ten in and ten out, stretch up, touch the floor, neck rolls and she was fine. She used the toilet and a woman knocked and said, "Taylor, are you okay?"   "Ready to conquer the world!"  on her way out she found her makeup was fine.  Three stalls, two sinks.  If she ever designed a women's room with three stalls, there would be four sinks, with plenty of space to plunk your stuff down between them.   She met a deferential Karen.  "Here is the branding I came up with," she said.  And she went back to working as hard as Brenda and Mary, who looked up worriedly and then went back to the proposal.   Shortly before 5:00 she received an email with the title Consolidation and Compensation.  In it she learned that the position of office manager was eliminated, and the current office manager was to become the chief executive officer. The former CEO, along with the CFO, the chief legal officer, and sundry staff, had been terminated, per the Board of Directors.  Effective immediately everyone would receive a base salary of $20,000 with a commission to be set by the individual's supervisor.  Each supervisor would be given a certain percentage to distribute.  Most functions they had been handled would be outsourced as needed.   "The question of what profit was made last year is frequent enough to be answered.  The company lost over 500,000 in fiscal 2023.  At this point further cuts are not anticipated.  We will be strategically adding positions that will enhance our profits. Hard work is expected of everyone."   Her two web guys had been complaining because their games had been remotely uninstalled.  After the memo came out they were absolutely silent.  That gave her an idea, and after an exchange of emails they were reassigned to maintenance out at the plant, effective tomorrow morning.  There were lots of weeds that needed pulling, if nothing else. That email went out after they left early, for the day.  The maintenance foreman was a no-nonsense type who did not tolerate slacking, and they would learn a thing or two.  This also freed up two spaces for her to put new people.
    • MaeBe
      So…I didn’t know your Facebook avatar was public. So, on my birthday, a couple people used a group avatar message to wish me a happy birthday…and now my Facebook friends can see a short video of my female avatar dancing with an old friend’s and another with my uncle’s avatars. So am I “Facebook out” now? 😬
    • Davie
      No, they are not. Truth wins in the end and this report is full of lies that poison the whole thing: see this: "Dr. Cass Backpedals From Review: HRT, Blockers Should Be Made Available it's said. Dr. Cass's latest statements are likely to cast more doubt on the validity of the study, which has come under fire for disregarding substantial evidence on trans care." https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/dr-cass-backpedals-from-review-hrt?publication_id=994764&post_id=143743897&isFreemail=true&r=rebf4&triedRedirect=true I hope Dr. Cass wins The Mengele Award for it.
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Boyfriend and I went to a support group for spouses dating or married to a transgender person on Tuesday night for the first time.It was amazing meeting other couples like us.One was a genetic woman whom has been dating a transgender male for the first time and she is supporting his transition.Us,they were amazed by us agreeing on something we said,love and acceptance have brought us together
    • Abigail Genevieve
      By which I mean there is a cultural stereotype of what a man is, and one of what a woman is.  Even worse, of what a transgender person is.   You be you.   I read of a boy who thought he was a girl because he did not adhere to some (rather toxic) conceptions of what it means to be a man, so he decided he was a girl.  He was told he didn't have to conform to stereotype and got happy. "You mean I don't have to transition?" He didn't want to, and was relieved.   Once upon a time if you were transgender they told you either you transition or die.   Incorporate the best of what it means to be a man and the best of what it means to be a woman as much as you possibly can, and let the rest go.  Be fully human. Be alive. Don't conform to some cultural crud.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...