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Guest rayne1995

considering coming out to my family

3 posts in this topic

my parents know me as bret, i would like for them to call me rayne. ive felt this way for years. they have always picked on me for being "girly" and "weak" and more resently "dope head" ive been trying to work up the nerve since i was in 7th grade, when i first found out there was a name for what i was. they know something is different about me because when i was little instead of digging up worms i was playing with barbie dolls and trying to talk my grandmother into painting my nails, one time she did and my parents were furious. ive only came out to two people, both of which are gay so they were like so does this mean your a lesbian, that really made it easier. but the reason i want to come out now is because i got expelled from school for a drug charge and i want them to know why i was doing drugs so that they can possibly help me start the transition. i accidently told my dad that i wanted to try out for cheerleading when i got back in school and he got scary, so idont think i should come out. but im putting this in the parents of transgender children section so that i can ask how is the best way to come out. how did your children come out to you. were they blnt with it or did they "beat around the bush" how did you react to your kids telling you. what should i expect. oh yeah my parents are psuedochristans that never read the bible and act to impress people and not god if that helps any.

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As a mother to an FTM, I guess I'm as qualified as anyone to give you my two cents worth of advice . . .

Parents are used to their kids coming up with all kinds of things that we see as fads, phases, wild ideas, etc. When my son started dressing and acting male, I thought it was just another one of those things that would come and then go. I saw his behavior and appearance as being silly, somewhat embarassing, annoying and even defiant, like when I asked him to dress a little more feminine and he would refuse. He had told me he liked girls several years before, so I just figured he was trying to appear more like a "butch" lesbian. The thought of him being transgendered never entered my mind. It wasn't even on the radar.

Looking back, I think it would have been much easier for me if he had told me he had some gender issues and wanted to talk to a professional about it. As soon as I realized this was a medical condition, and not a silly phase, I could begin to wrap my head around it and be supportive. My advice to you would be to approach your parents with a request to see a gender therapist to help figure out what is going on with you. Hearing that you're transgendered from a therapist is going to go over a lot better than hearing it from you. The therapist can educate them on how this is a medical situation, not a morale one. If they can begin to view your being transgendered as being a type of "birth defect" that has been diagnosed by a professional, hopefully they can begin to be supportive instead of confrontational with you about it.

Anyway, that's my two cents worth. :)

Best of luck to you, Rayne. I know how hard this must be for you.



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im going to a "regular therapist" in a few days for syc eval (i have a nasty substance abuse problem) im hoping that they will notice something about my gender.

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