Social Dysphoria

[Guest Amanda Whyte]

A lady on FaceBook stated that she has "social dysphoria" more than physical dysphoria. I actually can relate to this a great bit. As I have stated I dont feel the general hate or disgust for my male part I hear so many others feel. My lack of breasts, lack of curves, lack of hair on my head and abundance of body hair bothers me far more than what is in my pants. But it goes further than the social aspect too or just wearing a "stuffed bra" should help. I actually WANT the breasts, the curves and the hair on top of my head. I know the last is a long shot for me to get but if I can get the others I think I will be on my way to being OK with myself.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I think Social Dysphoria is a layman's attempt to describe Agoraphobia - it's probably also a lack of knowing how to interact socially with people. So many here on Laura's Playground can interact on the internet but will hardly leave their room.

I suppose in a lesser form Social Dysphoria is not feeling comfortable meeting with people socially because you do feel you are the opposite gender that your body seems to project to them, and this is a horrible to you as you fear you will be mocked.

Does that make any sense?

Lizzie

[Guest diniesaur]

The way I interpreted it was that this friend didn't like how people were constantly treating her like they treated males and making assumptions about her as a "male" when she was supposed to be treated as female. I can understand this, and I HATE it! I get really frustrated and upset when people are suprised when I show male traits and expect me to have female traits just because my body is female. I get extremely upset when people call me "ma'am," apologize for "mistaking" me for male, assume that I like feminine things just because I have breasts, assume that I'm trying to make myself attractive as a female to males, try to get me to do things like wear dresses and makeup, etc. If this is what she feels, I'm terribly sorry and I hope it goes away soon...because it's horrible!

[Guest Amanda Whyte]

Lizzie, yes, it makes perfect sense. I relate to your "lesser" form more than your first. While I havent left the bathroom, so to speak, all I am waiting on is a chance and someone to help me get ready.

I struggle looking for the words to describe how I feel in this whole spectrum. I think it will help me greatly when I figure them out.

Diniesaur, yep definately feel that way. That is a great explanation.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

GREAT reply diniesaur.

I have always felt like a male bodied woman. I can only guess at the horror of being a female bodied man. People sometimes only see us as our body seems to say we are, especially at first..

We always seem to struggle with the words, Our experiences are so complex.

Lizzie

[Guest Krisina]

I want the female curves, not just a stuffed bra but the breasts too.

I dont hate the male bits. I don't like them, I don't want to use them or people touch.

If it was my choice it would be gone replaced with female plumbing.

My dreams would become a reality.

The hair on top part I can relate to too.

Krisina

[Guest Svenna]

I was shopping for Valentine's gifts for my spouse the other day, all content in my girly-world, loving life and excited to be finding stuff that my love will like...

I spent a few hours browsing the aisles and display cases, swishing my hips and just being myself before finally sauntering up to the counter. AS I approach the clerk, I am glad she's also a woman because I think she will like the things I chose for my spouse...

I am feeling pretty good at this moment...

She sees me coming and I look her in the eyes and smile right back. I get closer and closer and her face is now brightening...finally she speaks...

"Good afternoon, SIR"...uhhhh, what? SIR???

It felt like a kick in the stomach...

Yes, this too is a kind of social dysphoria. I wasn't feeling any GENDER dysphoria at all, it was being reminded that the human race sees me as somebody I am not, and has no eyes to see what I really am. THIS makes me dysphoric and it requires social interaction to trigger it...

The Gender Dysphoria that I felt pre-HRT is almost gone. I have little complaint with my boy parts per se, but I do get dysphoric when I am in a sexual situation because my nerves are wired for female parts. If I get SRS it won't be because I hate what is there, it will be to restore what should have been there all along. I also believe this is a kind of social dysphoria.

Achieving physical congruence should lay to rest the last of my GD...

Before I surrendered my efforts to support my 'male' persona, the expectations for me to be an alpha male by those around me made me SICK with social dysphoria, too. Being still stuck in 'male mode' stinks, for sure..

We all press onward, though!

Love, Svenna

[Guest RAWR:3]

I think Social Dysphoria is a layman's attempt to describe Agoraphobia - it's probably also a lack of knowing how to interact socially with people. So many here on Laura's Playground can interact on the internet but will hardly leave their room.

I suppose in a lesser form Social Dysphoria is not feeling comfortable meeting with people socially because you do feel you are the opposite gender that your body seems to project to them, and this is a horrible to you as you fear you will be mocked.

Does that make any sense?

Lizzie

I read the first part of this and I was like 'is she looking at me through this computer screen?' haha...

But yes, I think it makes sense. I don't have a problem hanging out with guys, but if they start acting rough and treating me like a 'guy' I start to get uncomfortable... That, and I haven't even tried dating at all because I wouldn't be comfortable being seen as the guy in the relationship... It just seems like it would be really awkward >.>

[Guest Amanda Whyte]

Svenna, I am sorry that happened.

Rawr, I never dated till I was 23 and that was with the woman I am married to. She is the one who gave me her phone number, I never asked. She also planned most of our dates. She is a self-diagnosed control freak and I am happy to let her have the reigns. That is until something REALLY big comes up like my transgender and then things get dicey.

[Guest ErinJade]

I can relate to all of this. I don't think I go to 'hate' immediately, but I do feel fairly depressed when people assume I should be x way because I'm obviously physically male. When someone mistakes me for a woman from behind, it's more like a quick jolt of happy followed by slow depression, I guess, since it's inevitably followed by 'sorry', etc.

Personally I feel like I need to be physically female; the stuffed bra and tucking and whatnot seems like... I dunno. I'd probably be paranoid that I'd be found out as a 'phony'. No, not probably, I'd definitely be. I don't have any hatred for my male parts, but I do find that they're inconvenient and that I would much rather them to be, you know, not male, for a lot of reasons.

This is a really accurate thought, though, about the social dysphoria. @Elizabeth, you really described it perfectly. I'm afraid of being mocked, or worse. I'm afraid of what my parents would say, and everyone else for that matter, if I were to go out with anything feminine on. I've had a lot of mocking as a kid so I guess that might be where it comes from. "You walk like you have a stick up your butt" or (insert 'UR GAY' comment here), etc. Straight clinical anxiety/depression plus a history of ridicule?

@Amanda: I think that has a lot to do with it too, actually. I think I'd be a lot more comfortable going out wearing feminine things and presenting myself in a less "acting x way to keep from being looked at badly" way if my body was actually more accurate to how I feel it is, meaning not-fake breasts, curves, less facial hair, etc.

Two extra things, slightly off-topic:

1) I adore your Velma icon so much. <3 <3

2) I'm very very new to being this open about this stuff; the anonymity here helps a lot, but my nerves are on fire as I try to click post. This is only my second post. Sorry if I prattle on a bit

[Guest Elizabeth K]

2) I'm very very new to being this open about this stuff; the anonymity here helps a lot, but my nerves are on fire as I try to click post. This is only my second post. Sorry if I prattle on a bit

You are doing fine. We talk about so much personal stuff here, things nobody has ever heard from us before. This is the place everyone reads and thinks ' uh-huh - I know EXACTLY what that feels like.

Lizzie

[Guest Svenna]

2) I'm very very new to being this open about this stuff; the anonymity here helps a lot, but my nerves are on fire as I try to click post. This is only my second post. Sorry if I prattle on a bit

You are doing fine. We talk about so much personal stuff here, things nobody has ever heard from us before. This is the place everyone reads and thinks ' uh-huh - I know EXACTLY what that feels like.

Lizzie

Erin,

You will be amazed at the stuff you will pour out here eventually. What a tremendous catharsis this process has been for me and so many others here..

Enjoy your newfound freedom to express!! We know what you are going through, you are doing just great already. Congrats!!

Love and Unconditional Acceptance, Svenna

[Guest Amanda Whyte]

ErinJade, it does seem like we have similar experiences with this. Please dont hesitate to PM me if you need any advice. Not that I am too far along this journey myself but I will gladly help the best I can. It has sometimes been hard not having some of the same feelings that everyone else has and it makes you doubt everything. I know. If you havent already try to find a Gender Therapist and if you have just keep going and be honest. They will help you find who you really are.

[Guest ErinJade]

Amanda: Thank you I'm hoping that being on this site will help with the therapist search, honestly.

Everyone: I really appreciate all of that support just now, everyone, but I don't want to hijack the thread, ahaha...

[Guest ThisisSparkle]

Im newer here but it is the only forum site i have ever enjoyed or liked. I think the statement quite often said is that yiu could just wake up tomorrow as the person you know uou are. I feel the same everyday.

The thing i wanted to bring up about the social dysphoria and all medical diagnosis is a simple thought:

I have an aunt who has worked with the special needs children and teenagers in the public schools for over 20 years and in the end he only comment is that we all have a little autism in all of us.

The point im making is that we all can find we have traits of this and that based on each situation. I get anxious when im in new situations or talking in front of people etc. but after a short period of time it goes away. I relax and in the end forget that i feel it.

Its normal to feel out of place in out of place situations. If at any point it becomes disabling an it never goes away, or it brings on panic attacks or other symptoms that could potentially be harmful to you or others in any way please talkto someone like a dr.

But i am uncomfortable without breast or the figure. I shave everything. And its funny because when i have asked my wife or girlfriends if the would like being the way a guy is they have all said they would never give it up. They love being effeminate. So do i.

Many of my family and friends have high anxiety. I do a lot too. But dont worry. Its naturall like being a man or woman in us, we all have quirks that make us us. Accept all parts of yourself. If you're confident in many areas but not others, just be the best you you can be.

Im babbling. But i just feel for all who struggle in any way and try to lend my love and support.

Peace

[Guest Maitane]

I want the feelings of female I want the look. But the one thing I will curse is always having to tuck I am looking into a way to bust my hump for at least a year and bank away at least 300 every two weeks for the ultimate final act of remodelling my body so I have the ultimate freedom. Love you all

[gennee]

My feeling is that interacting with the public will help folks gain self confidence. It's an approcach I took years ago and it has helped me tremendously.

[Guest JessicaM1985]

As I have stated I dont feel the general hate or disgust for my male part I hear so many others feel. My lack of breasts, lack of curves, lack of hair on my head and abundance of body hair bothers me far more than what is in my pants. But it goes further than the social aspect too or just wearing a "stuffed bra" should help. I actually WANT the breasts, the curves and the hair on top of my head. I know the last is a long shot for me to get but if I can get the others I think I will be on my way to being OK with myself.

This is me in a nutshell. I'm actually pretty indifferent to the idea of having that male part, and will probably keep it to have kids, but all those things you described are exactly what bothers me the most. The more I think about it, the more I feel that if I could fix just those things I could finally feel whole.

As for the social aspect of it, Some days I just have to present as a guy to avoid incredibly awkward situations and protect myself. I hate it, but I'm getting really good at figuring out when to "hide" and when to present myself as I truly am. Case in point, I've recently been doing karaoke on friday/saturday nights at a great local mexican bar/grill with some friends. My singing voice is very much a baritone, so I present myself as male because alcohol and awkward situations don't mix. I hate it, but I have to be careful.

That said, there's another local watering hole I go to, and I always present as my true self. They love me there, despite the high probability that I've been read. I would love to just go completely full-time and throw caution to the wind, but until I can work out a few things first, like getting started on HRT, I'm just gonna have to go as a mix.