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Guest jdinatale

Experiences with treating gender dysphoria with obsessive thought (OCD) medication?

23 posts in this topic

So if you've read my prior posts, you will know that I have tried every possible therapy technique to rid myself of my gender issues so that I could remain content as a man and not have to transition. This includes hyper-masculinization strategies like bodybuilding, combat sports, dating, and testosterone replacement therapy. Obviously none of those things worked, because of course there is no way to "cure" gender dysphoria. I'm not implying that gender disorders are something that need a cure, but I personally wanted a cure.

So then I matured enough to realize that I am going to have these thoughts for the rest of my life. That being said, today I brought up to my psychiatrist that perhaps these thoughts could be related to obsessive compulsive thoughts. He said that he did not know if they were the cause or not, but they could certainly be making things worse for myself. So I suggested we tried medicine for OCD such as paxil and we are going to begin within the next couple of weeks.

So my question is to you all....does anyone have any experience with treating gender dysphoria with OCD medication? Please keep an open mind that HRT or other treatments are not for everybody and that there may be alternatives more suitable to the individual needs of others.

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Paxil did not work for me!!! Nor did Prozac or a couple others. But if the doc gives you any of these it will be several months before you will get the effects the way you want them, if at all. See SOC7 page 32 at the bottom in regard to therapist ethics, my stuff was given out of ignorance of my condition, not a breach of ethics. Have your therapist himself research the Proceedings of The World Professional Association of Transgender Health, he may have to join WPATH to get to it, but he has an obligation to his client to pay for it, or get you to a competent therapist.

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From a pharmacological perspective, I can't see it really helping - although you may get some placebo effects.. Not to mention side effects..

Find yourself a competent gender therapist, someone who knows what they are dealing with..

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Paxil did not work for me!!! Nor did Prozac or a couple others. But if the doc gives you any of these it will be several months before you will get the effects the way you want them, if at all. See SOC7 page 32 at the bottom in regard to therapist ethics, my stuff was given out of ignorance of my condition, not a breach of ethics. Have your therapist himself research the Proceedings of The World Professional Association of Transgender Health, he may have to join WPATH to get to it, but he has an obligation to his client to pay for it, or get you to a competent therapist.

I'm sorry to hear that the medicine did not help you. Hopefully there will be some more optimistic anecdotes. And recall that it was I who suggested this therapy option to him. So it is not as if he is dismissing my gender dysphoria as simply an obsessive compulsive disorder. He is not well versed in gender issues but his services are free through my university so I am grateful for that. I don't live in a big metropolitan, and there are not any gender therapists within a 2 hour radius. In fact, none of my 7 therapists in the past 2 years had even heard of autogynephilia besides my school's psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with it. This is essentially my last ditch effort to remain content as a man. I would like to go to sleep at night knowing that I tried everything in my power to make peace with my biologically assigned sex before deciding to transition.

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It seems to me that if you are male bodied and wish to remain a male, the last thing you should be doing is hanging around a Transgender forum. That's like going on a diet and then going to work in a Twinkie factory. It doesn't make sense. Whatever it takes, you need to see a gender therapist.

MaryEllen

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Please do not confuse Gender Identity Disorder with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I have some family members who are severely afflicted with OCD to the point that their lives are terribly damaged. OCD is extremely serious and has nothing to do with GID. The distinction between OCD and GID is that OCD has extremely debilitating effects that now seems to be only managed with medication. No therapy seems to help in the long run. On the other hand GID can be treated by therapy and other treatments where one becomes more whole as they learn more about themselves and transition to the point of their center.

What I am really saying is OCD has nothing to do with GID and vice versa.

I have heard others trying to equate GID with other mental disorders. The reality of the fact is that Gender Identity has never been a mental disorder. Gender Identity is simply that...identity. It is society that makes it a disorder.

Brenda

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I have been prescribed dozens of medications over a 10 year span...

The list includes the ones you are asking about...

I lost 10 years of my life yanking that chain...

I can't give you the answer you prefer, because it does not exist...

Again, I have literally taken DOZENS of psychiatric medications LONG TERM. None of them helped reduce my gender dysphoria...

What might actually help you at this point?

A real Gender Therapist...

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I don't live in a big metropolitan, and there are not any gender therapists within a 2 hour radius. In fact, none of my 7 therapists in the past 2 years had even heard of autogynephilia besides my school's psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with it.

Laura's has a list of many qualified GTs to choose from who practice online.
This is essentially my last ditch effort to remain content as a man. I would like to go to sleep at night knowing that I tried everything in my power to make peace with my biologically assigned sex before deciding to transition.
At this point, if you want to have done everything in your power, you'll need to consult someone who is actually an expert in gender, even if it's online.

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One thing I forgot earlier, the type of medicines you are searching for have an elevated risk of suicidal ideation in a significant number of patients. They sure as the devil did that for me!! As I seem to remember from some of my Utah based friends, taking your own life is a serious affront to your diety, so agnositic or not it won't help you socially. Even if you get the meds, you have got six weeks to six months, probably with blood tests once or twice a week before you will find your answer yes or no work. You have told me nothing to refute the basic premise that YOUR THERAPIST needs to earn their keep and do the research to help you. Even and especially at a college far and away from civilization they have research gateways that staff, including campus medical center staff can access. Your claim of remoteness is not compelling. Brain surgery is not a DIY sport. (Even surgery by the introduction of chemicals.)

Another small item is that IF the meds you are looking at DID work for some one, THEY WILL NOT BE POSTING HERE. They will be on the boy/girl dating sites.

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If you have OCD issues, by all means deal with that. It can only be helpful regardless of what it does for the trans feelings.

Consider...

Not every one experiencing dysphoria or has trans issues needs to transition.

Stress of any sort tends to make the dysphoria worse.

When one has other conditions, those conditions tend to add to life stress

There been people who have delt with issues and found their dysphoria afterwards was significantly reduced and have changed their plans to transition accordingly.

So....

Dealing with other issues first is always a good idea.

I have no idea of any specific connection with OCD and trans, however if one is obcessing over being trans, I have to imagine that it adds stress enhancing the dysphoria not to mention keeping one focused on the trans stuff which can't do anything other than enhancing it as well. A bad combination.

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I wish you would be able to find a competent gender dysphoria trained therapist.

What you are experiencing in your life, if it is indeed what is going on, needs a true evaluation. I don't quite know if you are being seriously misinformed by others or if there is an agenda here promoting aversion therapy and pharmaceuticals to cure gender dysphoria. Hopefully it is the former as the practices you describe are considered unethical under the new DSM 5, which will go into effect very soon.

What you are posting is really on the edge of being potentially harmful to the people here on Laura's Playground, those who have worked with reputable therapist for many years, and those trying to start the process of self discovery.. (And I hope using someone apparently inept with gender issues does not cause you irreparable harm).

You write: Hopefully there will be some more optimistic anecdotes. And recall that it was I who suggested this therapy option to him. So it is not as if he is dismissing my gender dysphoria as simply an obsessive compulsive disorder. He is not well versed in gender issues but his services are free through my university so I am grateful for that. I don't live in a big metropolitan, and there are not any gender therapists within a 2 hour radius. In fact, none of my 7 therapists in the past 2 years had even heard of autogynephilia besides my school's psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with it. This is essentially my last ditch effort to remain content as a man. I would like to go to sleep at night knowing that I tried everything in my power to make peace with my biologically assigned sex before deciding to transition.

I do not understand. Over and over you have been advised that you must see a qualified gender dysphoria trained therapist. Again you restate the same things here. Think this through - Free advice is worth exactly what you pay for it. I know that statement is not exactly fair, but also consider this? Maybe you are wasting your time with someone who has no clue as to how to help you?

And I dont understand your statement, " This is essentially my last ditch effort to remain content as a man." If that's the case? What are you doing at Laura's Playground other than simply repeating the same things over and over? So work with a reputable therapist with that type of thinking - tell that therapist what you said above. We cannot help you with all that.uncertainty And the last part? "before deciding to transition" We cannot help you with all that at all! That is all up to YOU!

So why you are here is not clear to me as you seemingly only repeat the same thing every time. See a qualified therapist, PLEASE!

Just my opinion.

Lizzie

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Please carefully consider all of the responses written to your post. Members have taken significant time to respond in hopes of truly assisting you.

Please understand the fact that a competent, ethical psychiatrist will never prescribe, even at his/her client's suggestion, a medication for which there is not a clear indication. Either your psychiatrist sees a clear indication for Paxil, outside of gender dysphoria, or s/he is not competent and is potentially dangerous.

I am strongly suggesting you clarify exactly why any drug is being prescribed. These medications are not without potential for adverse effects. Please fully educate yourself on these medications.

A physician has taken a "first do no harm" oath. It is one thing for a person without medical training to wonder if a med might be helpful. However, it is the physician whom prescribes and must prescribe with competence. This competence also entails not prescribing simply because a client makes the suggestion. It is this physician's duty to employ ample discernment, to protect you from any potential negative or adverse reactions to any medication, especially if the medication use is not clearly indicated.

It is possible your physician sees an indication for use of Paxil, outside of your gender dysphoria.

It is possible you truly experience OCD or a condition where there is a valid use of Paxil.

Yet, please understand this: There is no medical indication for Paxil to be prescribed for gender dysphoria.

Please clarify why this physician is willing to prescribe this medication for you. It is possible each of you have a very different understanding as to why this medication is being prescribed.

While this physician may be considered technically qualified to diagnose and to treat some psychological/psychiatric conditions, you are best served with a trained gender therapist. You have mentioned you are treated by a psychiatrist. There are all kinds of them. Some specialize in therapy, some specialize in medications (psychopharmacologists) and some do both. However, many are not specifically trained in gender dysphoria. (As far as medication evaluations are concerned, I urge everyone considering the use of psychiatric meds to see a psychiatrist specializing in psychopharmacology for a full med evaluation, even if seeing a different psychiatrist and/or therapist or psychologist for ongoing therapy, whenever meds are involved. Again, psychiatric meds are not benign.)

Personally, I fully believe your university has a duty to make sure you are fully evaluated and treated by someone trained in gender dysphoria, at your request. I am suggesting, if you are interested in seeing someone fully qualified in gender dysphoria issues, you make this request in writing to your current psychiatrist as soon as possible. The university can find a way. I am positive they can find a way. Do not accept anything less.

Please be careful with the use of psychiatric meds.

They truly are not benign.

They may have a place in certain conditions; however, they are often used far too loosely.

Make sure they are clearly indicated and the benefits far outweigh the risks.

Make sure you understand the potential adverse effects. Study up on them.

I hope you find the approach that is truly the most healthy approach for you!

Let us know how things are going for you?

Best Wishes,

Brad

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Paxil did not work for me!!! Nor did Prozac or a couple others. But if the doc gives you any of these it will be several months before you will get the effects the way you want them, if at all. See SOC7 page 32 at the bottom in regard to therapist ethics, my stuff was given out of ignorance of my condition, not a breach of ethics. Have your therapist himself research the Proceedings of The World Professional Association of Transgender Health, he may have to join WPATH to get to it, but he has an obligation to his client to pay for it, or get you to a competent therapist.

I don't live in a big metropolitan, and there are not any gender therapists within a 2 hour radius. In fact, none of my 7 therapists in the past 2 years had even heard of autogynephilia besides my school's psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with it. This is essentially my last ditch effort to remain content as a man. I would like to go to sleep at night knowing that I tried everything in my power to make peace with my biologically assigned sex before deciding to transition.

Hello

You appear to be in the Brunswick, GA area. There are several qualified gender therapists practicing in the Jacksonville, FL area which appears to be about a 70 mile drive (down I-95). Might want to see someone down there that really knows how to help you treat this condition.

Take good care, ok ?

Cindy -

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It seems to me that if you are male bodied and wish to remain a male, the last thing you should be doing is hanging around a Transgender forum. That's like going on a diet and then going to work in a Twinkie factory. It doesn't make sense. Whatever it takes, you need to see a gender therapist.

MaryEllen

Can I respectfully disagree with you without being called a "troll?" In my opinion, being part of this transgender forum community is extremely valuable for a few reasons:

1. I live in the deep conservative south. There are next to no opportunities to interact and socialize with other transgendered individuals in my area. I don't believe I've ever even seen a transgendered person in real life.

2. I am very isolated in my "real life." My family does not understand gender dysphoria, my rare friends do not understand gender dysphoria and are in general homophobic, and my church sure as heck doesn't understand gender dysphoria. But you all do and that is why I correspond with you.

3. We all may be experiencing slightly different phenomenons, but we can all relate to one another in some ways and offer advice.

Please do not confuse Gender Identity Disorder with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I have some family members who are severely afflicted with OCD to the point that their lives are terribly damaged. OCD is extremely serious and has nothing to do with GID. The distinction between OCD and GID is that OCD has extremely debilitating effects that now seems to be only managed with medication. No therapy seems to help in the long run. On the other hand GID can be treated by therapy and other treatments where one becomes more whole as they learn more about themselves and transition to the point of their center.

What I am really saying is OCD has nothing to do with GID and vice versa.

I have heard others trying to equate GID with other mental disorders. The reality of the fact is that Gender Identity has never been a mental disorder. Gender Identity is simply that...identity. It is society that makes it a disorder.

Brenda

It's not so much that I'm confusing GID for OCD, it's just that I feel obsessive thoughts could be exasperating my gender issues. My gender dysphoria is always on my mind and it's hard to find any peace from it. I essentially obsess over it....hence the idea to try OCD medication.

I have been prescribed dozens of medications over a 10 year span...

The list includes the ones you are asking about...

I lost 10 years of my life yanking that chain...

I can't give you the answer you prefer, because it does not exist...

Again, I have literally taken DOZENS of psychiatric medications LONG TERM. None of them helped reduce my gender dysphoria...

What might actually help you at this point?

A real Gender Therapist...

I agree and I know that I have been told time and time again to find a real gender therapist. I found one online for $100, so right now I am trying to save up money so that I can go. It's not as easy as making a phone call and showing up, the treatment can be pricey, and I am a poor college student.

don't live in a big metropolitan, and there are not any gender therapists within a 2 hour radius. In fact, none of my 7 therapists in the past 2 years had even heard of autogynephilia besides my school's psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with it.

If you have OCD issues, by all means deal with that. It can only be helpful regardless of what it does for the trans feelings.

Consider...

Not every one experiencing dysphoria or has trans issues needs to transition.

Stress of any sort tends to make the dysphoria worse.

When one has other conditions, those conditions tend to add to life stress

There been people who have delt with issues and found their dysphoria afterwards was significantly reduced and have changed their plans to transition accordingly.

So....

Dealing with other issues first is always a good idea.

I have no idea of any specific connection with OCD and trans, however if one is obcessing over being trans, I have to imagine that it adds stress enhancing the dysphoria not to mention keeping one focused on the trans stuff which can't do anything other than enhancing it as well. A bad combination.

That's along the lines of what I am thinking. Although I may have gender dysphoria, an obsessive compulsive disorder could be making it that much worse.

I wish you would be able to find a competent gender dysphoria trained therapist.

What you are experiencing in your life, if it is indeed what is going on, needs a true evaluation. I don't quite know if you are being seriously misinformed by others or if there is an agenda here promoting aversion therapy and pharmaceuticals to cure gender dysphoria. Hopefully it is the former as the practices you describe are considered unethical under the new DSM 5, which will go into effect very soon.

What you are posting is really on the edge of being potentially harmful to the people here on Laura's Playground, those who have worked with reputable therapist for many years, and those trying to start the process of self discovery.. (And I hope using someone apparently inept with gender issues does not cause you irreparable harm).

You write: Hopefully there will be some more optimistic anecdotes. And recall that it was I who suggested this therapy option to him. So it is not as if he is dismissing my gender dysphoria as simply an obsessive compulsive disorder. He is not well versed in gender issues but his services are free through my university so I am grateful for that. I don't live in a big metropolitan, and there are not any gender therapists within a 2 hour radius. In fact, none of my 7 therapists in the past 2 years had even heard of autogynephilia besides my school's psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with it. This is essentially my last ditch effort to remain content as a man. I would like to go to sleep at night knowing that I tried everything in my power to make peace with my biologically assigned sex before deciding to transition.

I do not understand. Over and over you have been advised that you must see a qualified gender dysphoria trained therapist. Again you restate the same things here. Think this through - Free advice is worth exactly what you pay for it. I know that statement is not exactly fair, but also consider this? Maybe you are wasting your time with someone who has no clue as to how to help you?

And I dont understand your statement, " This is essentially my last ditch effort to remain content as a man." If that's the case? What are you doing at Laura's Playground other than simply repeating the same things over and over? So work with a reputable therapist with that type of thinking - tell that therapist what you said above. We cannot help you with all that.uncertainty And the last part? "before deciding to transition" We cannot help you with all that at all! That is all up to YOU!

So why you are here is not clear to me as you seemingly only repeat the same thing every time. See a qualified therapist, PLEASE!

Just my opinion.

Lizzie

Humans resolve conflict by talking. Sometimes that means "simply repeating the same things over and over."

I can't talk to my parents about this. My mom almost has a mental breakdown everytime I bring it up, curses me out, tells me she hates me, tells me I'm following Satan, etc. So I have to lie to her and tell her I'm "getting better" to appease her. My dad just simply tells me that Jesus can cure me. No comment on that one. My twin sister thinks that being transgender is sinning and that Jesus can cure me as well.

My best, and only, friend is massively homophobic, has violence issues and I have no doubt in my mind that he would physically harm me if he found out about it.

So who does that leave? The internet.

Please carefully consider all of the responses written to your post. Members have taken significant time to respond in hopes of truly assisting you.

Please understand the fact that a competent, ethical psychiatrist will never prescribe, even at his/her client's suggestion, a medication for which there is not a clear indication. Either your psychiatrist sees a clear indication for Paxil, outside of gender dysphoria, or s/he is not competent and is potentially dangerous.

I am strongly suggesting you clarify exactly why any drug is being prescribed. These medications are not without potential for adverse effects. Please fully educate yourself on these medications.

A physician has taken a "first do no harm" oath. It is one thing for a person without medical training to wonder if a med might be helpful. However, it is the physician whom prescribes and must prescribe with competence. This competence also entails not prescribing simply because a client makes the suggestion. It is this physician's duty to employ ample discernment, to protect you from any potential negative or adverse reactions to any medication, especially if the medication use is not clearly indicated.

It is possible your physician sees an indication for use of Paxil, outside of your gender dysphoria.

It is possible you truly experience OCD or a condition where there is a valid use of Paxil.

Yet, please understand this: There is no medical indication for Paxil to be prescribed for gender dysphoria.

Please clarify why this physician is willing to prescribe this medication for you. It is possible each of you have a very different understanding as to why this medication is being prescribed.

While this physician may be considered technically qualified to diagnose and to treat some psychological/psychiatric conditions, you are best served with a trained gender therapist. You have mentioned you are treated by a psychiatrist. There are all kinds of them. Some specialize in therapy, some specialize in medications (psychopharmacologists) and some do both. However, many are not specifically trained in gender dysphoria. (As far as medication evaluations are concerned, I urge everyone considering the use of psychiatric meds to see a psychiatrist specializing in psychopharmacology for a full med evaluation, even if seeing a different psychiatrist and/or therapist or psychologist for ongoing therapy, whenever meds are involved. Again, psychiatric meds are not benign.)

Personally, I fully believe your university has a duty to make sure you are fully evaluated and treated by someone trained in gender dysphoria, at your request. I am suggesting, if you are interested in seeing someone fully qualified in gender dysphoria issues, you make this request in writing to your current psychiatrist as soon as possible. The university can find a way. I am positive they can find a way. Do not accept anything less.

Please be careful with the use of psychiatric meds.

They truly are not benign.

They may have a place in certain conditions; however, they are often used far too loosely.

Make sure they are clearly indicated and the benefits far outweigh the risks.

Make sure you understand the potential adverse effects. Study up on them.

I hope you find the approach that is truly the most healthy approach for you!

Let us know how things are going for you?

Best Wishes,

Brad

Thanks Brad, I agree that it would be prudent to weigh the costs and benefits of these medications. Although I don't think that I can just demand my school to find someone who specializes in gender dysphoria. I don't think it works that way. It won't hurt to ask though, so I will write that down and bring to my next therapy session: "help finding someone that specializes in gender"

Paxil did not work for me!!! Nor did Prozac or a couple others. But if the doc gives you any of these it will be several months before you will get the effects the way you want them, if at all. See SOC7 page 32 at the bottom in regard to therapist ethics, my stuff was given out of ignorance of my condition, not a breach of ethics. Have your therapist himself research the Proceedings of The World Professional Association of Transgender Health, he may have to join WPATH to get to it, but he has an obligation to his client to pay for it, or get you to a competent therapist.

I don't live in a big metropolitan, and there are not any gender therapists within a 2 hour radius. In fact, none of my 7 therapists in the past 2 years had even heard of autogynephilia besides my school's psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with it. This is essentially my last ditch effort to remain content as a man. I would like to go to sleep at night knowing that I tried everything in my power to make peace with my biologically assigned sex before deciding to transition.

Hello

You appear to be in the Brunswick, GA area. There are several qualified gender therapists practicing in the Jacksonville, FL area which appears to be about a 70 mile drive (down I-95). Might want to see someone down there that really knows how to help you treat this condition.

Take good care, ok ?

Cindy -

Now that's a good idea. I only live 2.5 hours away from Jacksonville. My LDS therapist is actually in Jacksonville. I will look into Jacksonville gender specialists. Although, with the price of gas ($25 per trip to jacksonville), it may be just as cost effective to see someone online. Thanks for the suggestion.

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Paxil did not work for me!!! Nor did Prozac or a couple others. But if the doc gives you any of these it will be several months before you will get the effects the way you want them, if at all. See SOC7 page 32 at the bottom in regard to therapist ethics, my stuff was given out of ignorance of my condition, not a breach of ethics. Have your therapist himself research the Proceedings of The World Professional Association of Transgender Health, he may have to join WPATH to get to it, but he has an obligation to his client to pay for it, or get you to a competent therapist.

I don't live in a big metropolitan, and there are not any gender therapists within a 2 hour radius. In fact, none of my 7 therapists in the past 2 years had even heard of autogynephilia besides my school's psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with it. This is essentially my last ditch effort to remain content as a man. I would like to go to sleep at night knowing that I tried everything in my power to make peace with my biologically assigned sex before deciding to transition.

Hello

You appear to be in the Brunswick, GA area. There are several qualified gender therapists practicing in the Jacksonville, FL area which appears to be about a 70 mile drive (down I-95). Might want to see someone down there that really knows how to help you treat this condition.

Take good care, ok ?

Cindy -

Hi Cindy,

I understand your motivation to assist this member and applaud your efforts in researching potential sources of assistance.

Yet, I am also concerned about how anyone "appears" to be in any area, esp an area not given by a member in her/his own profile info.

I hope to learn this member has openly identified her/his own location in posts or other public info somewhere here.

Please forgive me if I am am in error, and if this is of no concern at all, yet I feel it important to inquire.

Many thanks,

Brad

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Humans resolve conflict by talking. Sometimes that means "simply repeating the same things over and over."

See a gender dysphoria trained therapist.

And are you saying we are in conflict? Hopefully you mean YOU are in conflict.

See a gender dysphoria trained therapist.

You are no different from anyone else here - we all suffer or have suffered.

See a gender dysphoria trained therapist.

It's your apparent advocating of drugs and reparative therapy that concerns me. We ask over and over about that and you just sweep it under the rug.

People here can continue to waste their time and use up their good advice and concern. I won't comment again.

See a gender dysphoria trained therapist.

Lizzie

.

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My suggestion is to turn our attention to those who are seeking new information and support.

Just my impression but it seems that we are just spinning our wheels here with the same thing over and over.

We aren't going to be able to help. To those who are listening we are preaching to the choir...and to those who refuse to listen we are wasting our time and concern which others need

My first and last contribution to this series of posts

:)

Johnny

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.

You said......

Humans resolve conflict by talking. Sometimes that means "simply repeating the same things over and over."

You know......there is a LOT of experience on these pages....

And there was a LOT of good advice given...

But, when people realize that they have nothing left to offer here, they'll become quite in this topic....

Donna Jean

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Wow ... This is going to take a serious essay to sum up ... I hope it helps you ...

I have read (somewhere in some random on-line or in some psychiatric journal at some point) that body dyshporia (and eating disorders) are related to the Limbic System and that OCD is also related to this same system. (Try a google search to see if something pops up.) However, the type of body dysphoria that I read related to the limbic system was more like one might experience if they had anorexia nervosa or bulimia. Some body builders also suffer from this condition. The image that they see in the mirror does not match the body that they actually have. For instance, an emaciated person may look into the mirror and see a morbidly obese person in their reflection.

The people that I know who are transgendered (including my personal experience as androgyne) experience a very different type of dysphoria in that the cause of the dysphoria is related to being in a body that does not match their true gender (their internal knowing/experience of gender) and this is often the result of an intersex condition ( although this is difficult to determine in many cases because DNA testing is prohibitively expensive for most people.)

As a very young child, I felt that I was a boy like my brother ... I didn't understand I was treated differently from my brother an other boys. When I went off to school, I realized that I was very strong physically and I realized that I was powerful girl (5-10). At this point, I "outgrew" the dysphoria regarding my female genitalia. I enjoyed a break from the dysphoia nad protected msaller children and boys like my brother from bullies on the playground until I was 12 years old. At 10 years old I started puberty and I was dyshporic regarding menstruation. However, the gender dysphoria, regardign feeling"male" did not return .. I experienced body dysphoria nad gender dyshporia in the sense that I felt narogynous but there was no social "norm" for me to fit into. I did not feel comfortable being marginailzed and lableled by the greater culture as a "Social Deviant."

Go figure.

As a teenager, I suffered from bulima. When I was bulimic, I felt that I was fat even though I was below my ideal body weight. I was a very lean cross country runner and although I starved myself to lose weight, when I looked in the mirror, I saw a fat person. I still have a very hard time telling what physical size I am. I feel fat but people say that I look healthy and fit.

It was very difficult fo rme to accpet my sexuality and body/gender dyshoria. I struggled with suicidal ideation in my teens nad contiued to struggle with sever dpression into my twenties. I had been on Paxil for 6 months when I was in my early twenties. This had no effect on my body dysphoria. I was taking the medication to treat depression. Paxil and other meds. did not help me in fact, for me, these meds contributed to my problem in that they numbed me from feeling the feelings that I needed to work through.

Now ... back to the androgyny ... I see my body as it is. I see my hips, and my sexual anatomy very accurately. Wheni had breasts .. I saw em very accuratley. This is very different than my experience as a person with a past eating disorder. With gender realted body dyshpoia, perception was never the problem ... the problem has been that society imposes certain expectations upon me based on a gender stereotypes that do not suit me. he gender sterotypes do nto reflet my natural inclination toward strength, leadership, assertiveness and extreme independnce.

Regarding how the gender related body dyshporia felt .. For me, it felt as if my breasts grew on top of my chest. ( and in simplified terms, that is exactly what happened in puberty) My chest felt very natural to me. The breasts though ... they never felt they were a part of my body. They felt like a mistake or a deformity. For me, this was something that I lived with. I did not bind but I wore clothes that were loose fitting to try to make my breasts less apparent. .I felt humiliated that I had breasts but I dealt with it.

In Dec. 2011, I had the breasts removed due to a chronic fibrocystic condition and due to lactation that was caused by a hormone imbalance and a tumor on my pituitary. I have an endocrine disorder ... I suspect an intersex condition ( I also have a twin brother who cross-dressed and was gender non-conforming as a child.) I now have a flat chest again and my body has been restored to a state that feels very natural. The gender dysphoria is now completely gone.

(I had a hysterctomy as the result of a hormone imbalance/endorcine disorder 8 years ago. I am fine with my female genatalia ... I woudl choose it over male genetalia ... most definitetly .... and I prefer to live as a (bascially) female bodied androgyne.) I have no wish to take T.

I do not know what the answers will be in your journey. I know that for me, contentment came when I was able to make peace with myself. My path will be different than yours .. as it is unique to me and to my personal experience. I know of not one person with my idential expereince. I believe firmly that everyone should have the freedom to live as the gender expression that they wish. I support you in your pursuit of happiness.

I wish you well,

JB

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I guess the bottom line on using medications ... in my opinion :

Please take great care ... psychiatric meds, can be quite dangerous and must be prescribed by a competent Psychiatrist , preferable one with experience with person's who have the condition for which you are seeking treatment. My greatest caution .... form my person experience .... The depression, the eating disorder .. these were symptoms of my body/gender/social dysphoria ... For me medicating the symptom did not heal the underlying condition. Imagine drinking to ease anxiety ... the drinking may make one feel temporarily better .. bu breast can create a new problem and certainly does not address the reasons that one might feel anxious. Medication, especially the WRONG medication or unwarranted medication could cause you to feel numb and inacapable of coping/addressing/experiencing with the underlying problem/condition/feelings. In some cases, the meds. amy make problems worse as in causing suicidal ideation.

Be very careful ... I do hope that you can find a way to afford a qualified Gender Therapist to help you.

Hugs,

JB

Ps. Dang .. if there was a pill that coudl dure dyslexia I woudl consider takign it !

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Yet, I am also concerned about how anyone "appears" to be in any area, esp an area not given by a member in her/his own profile info.

I hope to learn this member has openly identified her/his own location in posts or other public info somewhere here.

We can tell where people are from by the IP number recorded at the top right of the post. This doesn't give actual addresses. Only the general area.

MaryEllen

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Dear JDnatale,

This is not a replacement for Gender Therapy but I will share something that helped me determine my own path. I suspect that I am probably inter -sex or possibly genetically male. I have a twin brother an did notice that you have a twin sister. My Mother has reproductive and endocrine abnormalities that are similar to mine ( the symptoms are more severe for me) ... but guess what ... My Mother also has a twin brother. So, I think that it is something that is passed down in my family. My grandparents and their children had a lot of exposure to DDT because they were ranchers and it is possible that this may have caused some genetic abnormalities. My Grandfather eventually died from a rare blood cancer that is caused from DDT exposure. Anyway, I may never know what the heck happened with my DNA but I as I may never be able to have it checked ... but I have been stereotypically masculine my entire life an my brother was not able to meet gender expectations either as a child. He continued on after puberty to adopt very hyper-masculine mannerisms to hide his vulnerability .. it was at puberty also that he began to abuse drugs. Today, a he is a very unhappy addict/alcoholic ... but dang .. he is "Tough" on the outside!

I believe that we all need to choose our own path. We must not be forced into it.

For me, I had to really think about how I wanted to live my life. I had to ask myself if living as a man would make me feel more complete. After much soul searching, I realized that I was most comfortable living my life as a woman but that I was not a stereotypical woman. The people that I admire most and aspire to be most like in my life are all women... strong woman. I value the qualities that are seen as womanly ... nurturing, being emotionally expressive, being verbally expressive, being sensual .... so many things ... I love these qualities and even though I am not the greatest example of these ... I wish to cultivate this side of me. So, I live as "masculine" woman. I am somewhere between the sexes. I am a strong and powerful woman and this life is fulfilling. This is the life that I choose for myself. I am androgynous ... my drivers license reads "F" for female and I am unashamed. I live as an equal to men in most every way .. hopefully soon, I will be able to marry my partner of 9 years. This is not the easiest life to choose because of bigotry and hate .. but this is a beautiful and authentic life .. it is a life worth living .. an abundant life.

I wish you the strength to live a life that you choose.

With Kindness,

JB

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So my question is to you all....does anyone have any experience with treating gender dysphoria with OCD medication?

There is only one proven treatment, the one you have already rejected.

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