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Guest Shelley Anne

Pass or Fail

13 posts in this topic

I've always been of the mind set that to succeed at transition you had to "pass".

Now let me give you a bit of background. I've been a closet TS my whole life and in August when my last and final wife left I decided it's time to be ME. So I got on the forums here and started finding local Trans support. I also started dressing in my appropriate gender most of the time other than work or interacting with my kids. My social calendar is usually quite full and darned if work doesn't interfere with my social life. Anyway I began hanging with friends and yes most of the time in broad daylight and in crowded situations. I am enjoying my freedom and having the time of my life.

Along came a Sunday, again going out with a good friend of mine to breakfast. After the meal the waiter said "anything else I can get for you ladies?". What did he say to us? Ladies???? OMG I'm on cloud nine, I'm grinning from ear to ear. We than went to an art show I had purchased tickets for on line. We got to the venue and first off it was men to the right ladies to the left for pat down searches. WHAT?? Ok those got waived whew, but went to get the tickets at will call and they wanted to see PHOTO ID, oh crap. I went from the highest of highs, to the lowest of low. Got out the ID guy looked at the name glanced at the picture and said OK.

Sunday night after having a good weekend I came to the realization tomorrow morning "he" has to go to work and I don't want to go back into the closet!!!!! Normally I'm the go to girl for friends when they get down and depressed, it never happens to me ..... WRONG!!!!!! So I was making my dinner and texting my friend Charlie, when It hit me full force like nothing I have ever felt before and I began to cry and could not stop. Charlie texted me, I needed to get out of the house and I should get to his house and we'd do dinner. So I composed myself and went to his house. At dinner he basically talked me off the ledge like I had done with so many other friends. We went to his house and chatted until 1 a.m., I finally decided I could survive this.

Flash forward

I recently switched GT's and on our second meeting she asked me what my ultimate goal was. I thought about it for a bit and she said do you want to "PASS"? My answer was no, I don't want to "pass", I want to blend in, be just another woman in the crowd. I've told her I still see the guy in the mirror although I do get glimpses of ME every now and again. My friends say I've changed and look good, (friends are being kind???? I still see the guy!!!) People at work I haven't seen in a while comment on how they hardly recognized me and did I lose weight or what was it (could my friends be right?? I still see him).

Today I had the kids out to the donut shop before we went to the sportsmen club to shoot league. I'm in male mode for the kids yet, but my hair is getting a nice length, I wear captive ball earrings, three left and two right, I had on jeans and a Harley t shirt. We were in a booth and in walks a couple, they get their order and head for the booth behind us. As they pass the husband comments to my kids "is grand ma taking good care of you?" My mind goes "HUH?" "WHAT?" did he say what I thought he said????? He must have my, 11yr old son immediately told him, "that's our dad". Grand ma indeed, but I am old enough to be my kids grand ma. I could not stop grinning!!!!! Of course my oldest was all embarrassed by it and kept looking funny at me the rest of the day.

Could it be, is it possible that ...... Know what, I can now see ME when I look in the rear view mirror, I just saw ME in the full length mirror and if I look hard maybe I can see "him", nope it' all me and you know what???? Do I pass? IDK, but can I fit in? Heck yes. Now my problem is trying to look male when I'm at work, Ill let you know how that works out. LOL

One Happy Girl

or Grand Mother

Love Ya'll

Shelley

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Congratz Shelley!

It's wonderful when we at last begin to be able to see ourselves in the mirror and other people only see the real us. A euphoria that never really goes away. Sometimes I still see the ghost in the mirror. But less often and weaker.

Impossible dreams really do come true. I am so happy for you that you have reached this point.

Hugs

Johnny

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Great story Shelley,I love hearing about good,positive steps others have made.And I like that term"do I fit in",really,that's all that I want to do,is just fit in.I will go out tommorrow with that thought in mind,thanks a bunch.

Rikki.... :thumbsup:

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Rikki,

I think that's the whole secret to it, don't pass, just fit in. I've been living like that for the past month and no pays any more attention to me than the next woman on the street.

Big Hugs

Shelley

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Johnny,

It's so great a feeling to be able to see ME in the mirror finally. Lot easier to put on my makeup. LOL

Big Hugs

Shelley

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Michaele,because of what you stated,I went out today and had a wonderful time,I've sat on the bed tonite smileing at myself in the mirror,wow,I've got a beautiful smile.Thanks again bunches.

Rikki...... :friends:

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Rikki,

Outstanding, it's the attitude and now you own it so have fun with it.

Great Big Hug

Shelley

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Rikki,

Outstanding, it's the attitude and now you own it so have fun with it.

Great Big Hug

Shelley

Thanks again Shelley,bless you on your journey,I love being a woman!

Rikki... :friends:

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Thought I add a post script to this thread. As some of you may observe I've changed my log in name. BTW that's then one I submitted to the court for official name change. woo hoo, If you look in the gallery your can see progression from last August when I started HRT, to my present picture, as you may notice, I look different, Heck I don't even recognize me anymore. LOL.

Big Hugs

Shelley Anne

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.

You KNOW what I think......

BIGGGGGGEST HUGGGGGS!

Dee Jay

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Looking good shelly,

<<< hug >>>

Stay beautiful :D

:wub: vanna

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Dee Jay I Love your friendship sooooo much.

Big Hugs

Shelley Anne

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Thanks Vanna, I still have a fragile ego and the mirror might break at any time.

Big Hugs

Shelley Anne

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