Jump to content

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

JenniferB

Figured Out a Piece of the Puzzle

Recommended Posts

JenniferB

This post is more for the transsexuals who didn't realize they were trans until much later in life. Try examining yourself when you were young, including those feelings you took for granted.

I was talking to my neighbor, who has always seen me as a woman, about why I hadn't realized I was trans until age 50. I told her about how I never wanted to force myself on someone when I wanted to be in a relationship. I then mentioned I used to play basketball in high school, and even though I was very competitive and wanted to win, I would congratulate an opposing player when they made a good play. I then told my neighbor when I became emotional about something, it would happen quickly and be forgotten almost as fast. Plus I always cared about the people around me, almost more than myself. I've always cared a lot about other people's feelings. She told me these are very feminine traits.

This ties everything back to my childhood. I'm surprised I never really thought of looking at it this way before. I think this is what my GT saw in me that I had not been able to piece together myself until recently.

The last thing I need to figure out is why didn't I feel GD until recently. I knew I was very different than others in a strange way but could never put my finger on it. All I can think of is that I was lucky enough to grow up in a very caring and nurturing environment. I was fortunate enough to have a great childhood so never questioned myself about my gender identity. Of course I lived in a time people didn't question their gender because that was something few people knew about.

Jenny

Share this post


Link to post
Guest MiraJ

WOW...thats pretty deep.

I then told my neighbor when I became emotional about something, it would happen quickly and be forgotten almost as fast. Plus I always cared about the people around me, almost more than myself. I've always cared a lot about other people's feelings. She told me these are very feminine traits.

To that day i have always been like that...exactly like that, too.

That helps me a little more to find answers.

Much love

Mira

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Krisina

I've been a sensitive sole all my life when m are supposed to be strong and not show emotions, that's not me.

Krisina

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Elizabeth K

Jen

I was just about like you were. My childhood was good. But there was always something 'off' and I knew I should have been born a girl. Actually I thought many guys felt that way, and many girls felt the other way, but we couldn't talk about it. I was so naive, that when I joined Laura's Playground - me at age 61 - I thought there were maybe seven to ten thousand transpeople in the USA. Wow - was that ever wrong.

We just didn't know enough until the internet came into being.

Lizzie

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Krisina

What ever did we do before the internet, the microwave, the smart phone etc. How was it all possible! lol. And yet it was simpler in ways too.

The internet has made a huge difference in knowledge and communication.

Krisina

Share this post


Link to post
~Nova~

Actually I thought ALL guys felt that way.

Lizzie

A slight change in the bold, but that is the way I thought about it my whole life. I thought, obviously mistaken, that the attraction between men and women was the desire to be the other person/gender. I later realized that sexual attraction was not a desire to be the other person, but a true desire.

For me, I had sex so I could fantasize that I was her. I would do to her what I wanted done to me.

So naive!

Share this post


Link to post
Guest rikkicd64

Actually I thought ALL guys felt that way.

Lizzie

A slight change in the bold, but that is the way I thought about it my whole life. I thought, obviously mistaken, that the attraction between men and women was the desire to be the other person/gender. I later realized that sexual attraction was not a desire to be the other person, but a true desire.

For me, I had sex so I could fantasize that I was her. I would do to her what I wanted done to me.

So naive!

Wow Autunm,I done the same thing all my life,I would do to the woman that I was in a relationship with what I wanted done to me,no wonder all my relationships failed.Glad you brought this out,helps me to see myself better.By the way,looking at your pics,you are a very beautiful woman.

Rikki...

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Elizabeth K

If my three children EVER realized they were conceived by me having an imagined female orgasm, they might not be so nice to me.

We transsexual are such complex creatures!

Lizzy

Share this post


Link to post
Guest erinanita

I'm 61 yo and I just had my surgery. I didn't actually know for sure until I was my early fifties that wanted to transition. When I was in my thirties I gave it some thought but I never had enough confidence to talk to my general practitioner about it. If I had taken testosterone before I was in my fifties and forced to take it to become a man I would have known for sure that I was actually female. But that's okay. Today is the first day of my transformation and the rest of my life.

thtufus

Share this post


Link to post
Guest BeccaC

If my three children EVER realized they were conceived by me having an imagined female orgasm, they might not be so nice to me.

We transsexual are such complex creatures!

Lizzy

Oh MY!!! I haven't laughed that hard in awhile... THANK YOU... That would totally freak my three daughters out to no end...

Becca

Share this post


Link to post
Guest ZoeG360

Yes, we are complex. For me, to know that there are so many here that are in my age group is soooo comforting. Last year I was actually starting to panic that I had waited to long to deal with this. I turn 60 at the end of this year and the realization I was running out of time weighed heavily on me.

But to your point Jennifer, (which is awesome as usual) I have journeyed back into the past many times looking for THE answer (unsuccessfully) but never with the perspective of how I related to people around me.

I do know that caring for others brought me trouble because it wasn't a guy thing to do. But my softer side showed through, even my current spouse told me that she always thought there was something softer, more feminine about me that she couldn't quite put her finger on until recently.

One of my biggest regrets was all the time I spent medicating my feelings with alcohol and other stuff which made it difficult to remember how I really related to people or whether it was even genuine or not.

This disadvantage of coming at this with so much history (a PC term for age!) is that there are so many scenarios and so many situations that it is hard to untangle it with simple answers. Throw that on top of us being complex people to start with.......

Makes my head spin.

Zoe

Share this post


Link to post

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 12 Guests (See full list)

    • MaryEllen
    • TessaOKC
    • Dragonmyst
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Posts

    • Rachel Gia
      Just waiting for my son to vacate the bathroom so I can get ready for my yearly medical. She's a new doctor and although I saw her once in Sept this will be my first medical with her. My electrologist is tomorrow so I have a little growth of white hairs but the denuding of the chin is noticable. I figure no makeup. The other significance is it will be my second medical since starting hormones so my second exam for breast cancer signs. (I check for signs but have never formally learned) For some reason i am kind of private with surgery so I will leave the details to my discussion with her today as I have approval from my transition doctor and shpuld be on a waiting list. The weathers lousy here right now and despite Vancouver's beauty in the spring and summer, the winters are mostly wet, dark, and dirty from debris being blown away. Still it's my home and it always looks worse outside than it actually is. 2 weeks from now is my transistion doctors appointment and I hope to have a surgery date by then or given to me then. Cheers Rachel  
    • Charlize
      Thank you for sharing about the issues facing you in Bulgaria.  I fear ignorance and fear of anything different has long been a tool used by politicians and "religious" factions to unite less educated individuals.  We face that to some extent here in the USA as well.  It is especially obvious with the present administration.  Hopefully enlightenment will continue and acceptance will win out.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Rachel Gia
      I agree with Charlize as I would like to see it as well.
    • shelly_koleva83
      https://www.coe.int/en/web/conventions/full-list/-/conventions/treaty/210 This is the document that brings chaos in Bulgaria's media and 'society'. The word 'society' is in quotes, because it reflects only a selected members and groups of privileged and oppressive people in the country, who  see themselves as the 'society'.   What in the Council of Europe Convention on preventing and combating violence against women and domestic violence also know as the Istanbul's Convention in Bulgaria, brings that wave of shock and hatred?    First it was the conception of 'gender'. In Bulgaria, for the regular people, 'gender' and 'sex' means one thing. For the scientist and intelligent people it's not one and the same. So the here is the definition that started the war between Bulgarians Christians and Nazis against the Human rights advocates and transgender and intersex people:
          So the from here, evangelistic-oriented and sponsored, pseudo-democratic organizations like 'Society and Values' started to talk about how the Convention will force the country to add 'third gender' to their Constitution, how trans women 'who are men' will compete with women and use their facilities (painfully, well known in USA and other countries, haters-strategy, yeah!) and that it will allow a 'same sex marriages' to be legalized. The doors of misery and stupidity, diverse the attention from the major goal of the Convention - to limited the violence in Bulgaria.   Bulgaria is country with a lot of psychopathic traditions related to sexism, patriarchate and chauvinism. The hate and discrimination against LGBTI+, women and emigrants, in the country are totally above 'normal'. The motives for hate are like taken from the Medieval. If we start to talk about the domestic violence, against vulnerable people and minorities, based on different categories, I must write a whole book in here.   So at this moment, at this point, the Convention can't have ratification (it's signed), because illiterates and haters are throwing their poison on the citizens, making them to believe that the Convention will force the people to have 'third gender' or even 'worst' - to accept transgender and intersex 'freaks'.    This is our reality, which is more like hell! The stupidity, hatred and complexes are spreading around dressed like 'Christian and family values'... We still can't predict the end.        
    • Charlize
      She certainly uses her assets well and i'm glad to see her given positive attention.  Hopefully the rest of us don't feel we have to live up to those standards of beauty.  I know i'm content simply being an old woman but .........a girl does dream sometimes   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Charlize
      I hope she gets the nomination at the least.  It sounds like a difficult but beautiful film.  Hopefully we will have the opportunity to see it as well.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Carolyn Marie
      http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/transgender-actress-daniela-vega-creating-oscar-buzz-article-1.3772809   Would a nomination be awesome?   Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      http://www.eonline.com/news/908255/laverne-cox-is-cosmopolitan-s-first-transgender-cover-star-and-it-s-fierce-af   Carolyn Marie
    • TessaOKC
      Hi Tali and its really nice meeting you!!!   I prefer to hang out only in the LGBT world but it's also impossible to stay there forever. I attend a transgender group meeting every week and it has really helped me to stay grounded as you pointed out that being transgender has its own set of problems.   I fairly new here and I will say the girls and guys here are very accepting and over the top helpful in every situation I have seen presented. You have found a safe place and please feel comfortable here! Welcome and hope to see you on here often!!!   Tess
    • TessaOKC
      Hi Kelly and it's very nice meeting you!!!!   Tess
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Callie40
      Callie40
      (43 years old)
  • Upcoming Events

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      64,716
    • Total Posts
      585,870
  • TransPulse Partners

×