feel bad

[Guest Alexx21]

Am feeling really bad just now really wanting to drink but its 11.21 pm and thankfully the shops stop selling drink at 10.30 pm....there is no pub for miles ... so here i am thinking about wanting the taste of it

but cant do a damn thing about it

I cant get to An AA meeting that is open until saturday i need an open meeting so my husband can come with me as i have very bad social anxiety and my mental health isnt good right now

there is so much going on right now that i have to deal with there is my mum she has cervical cancer ,she has had treatment and had a scan , she get the results of it on the 7th of march am really worried about her.

There is also the lost of my dad in september i still feel like he is going to show up at my mums house every time am there. i miss him and the way he died as well he killed himself and i just think to my self i could have talked to him about how he was feeling ...maybe he wouldnt have died.

As i said before my mental health isnt good right now i have what my husband calls paranoid delusions

I believe that there are spies doing things to my food ,water and medication they also put a chip in my arm but i cant get it out of there. The spies do other things as well i also have voices witch tell me to hurt people thats why i cant go to an AA meeting on my own just in case i hurt someone.

Am really scared right now

[JJ]

It is a lot to deal with. But you know that there are people who love you and are there trying to help and protect you. Think about them. About the love that is around you .

As far as drinking-I am not as familiar with AA anymore but isn't there someone from AA you can call for help when it gets rough? Or can you talk to your husband?

You'll make it through. Just think about the good things and hang on.

You have been through a lot this year and it took a toll but in time it will heal. The bad times do pass eventually and you are very lucky to have your husband to be there for you

Hug!

Johnny

[Guest Gregg Jameson]

Hi Alexx,

I am sorry you are feeling so much stress at this time.

You must be very concerned about you mom's cervical cancer.

You'd lost your dad in September? That was not very long ago. You are likely still going through grief for having lost him.

I am very sorry he had committed suicide. Often, loved ones feel tremendous loss...and lots of guilt, thinking they could have prevented the suicide. Alex, I totally understand some of how you may feel about your dad's suicide, as my dad also committed suicide years ago now. That had haunted me for a very long time. I had wanted to somehow save him from his inner pain and could not. I could not stop him from his suicide. It left me deeply saddened. We have to understand that we could not stop anyone from suicide if that is what they have truly decided to do. Sad, but true. We cannot hold ourselves responsible for choices other make for themselves. If your dad could talk with you now, I am sure he'd ask you to not blame yourself for his choices.

It is not unusual for us to feel someone whom has passed might suddenly show up when we are in their homes, etc.

We have not gotten used to them being gone yet, so our minds even sometimes think we see them, or think we are about to see them. We also have many memories about them in their home environments, sitting in their favorite chair, having a certain place at the table, engaging in certain activities around the house, etc. I'll bet your dad is one of your guardian angels now.

It's additionally stressful to now wonder how your mother will do with cervical cancer.

I am sorry for so much stress in such a small time period in your life. Please be gentle with yourself.

In a recent post you had written, you had mentioned going to see your doctor soon. I think you have had that appointment now and I hope it was helpful to you?

I am glad you can, and do, reach out when feeling scared. I hope your husband is home with you?

What are some of the things you can do that make you feel comforted when you are scared?

Your AA meeting is not too many days away now. Are you looking forward to this gathering?

Do you have a sponsor at AA whom you may call? Do you have friends at AA whom you may call?

I am sorry you are experiencing paranoid delusions. This adds an extra challenge for you right now.

Let us know how you are doing?

Again, Alexx, I hope you will be gentle with yourself.

Comforting Hugs to you,

Brad

[Michelle 2010]

Alexx Check PM.

Michelle

[Guest Alexx21]

thank you all ... i seen my dr and my psych there keeping me on medication dose that am on now.

the AA meeting is tomorrow at 5.30 pm i really need to go to that one but my sister is having relisonship problems with her boyfriend/ex boy friend and am unsure if she is coming up on saterday or not , but i think she has the kids on saturday so i can make the meeting ok i think.

i have support of my husband he is brillant very supportive but i think i ask too much of him some times he supports me through my mental health m y mums cancer and my dads death ...he has time to himself and plays games but some times i think its too much for him he has his own mental health to think about as well

As for AA i dont really have anyones number that i can call at the moment apart from one person and she is having a hard time right now with her own mental health and recovery

Michelle i pm'd you back

Alexx

[Guest RavenandJacob]

You have a lot to put up with but remember how alcohol never really helps. It only numbs the problem before making it worse. I remember when my dad was trying to sober up. Every slip-up would send everyone back to the depression.

Please don't allow yourself to slip up. Do whatever you can to distract yourself. Find more hobbies, call someone, or get on the chatrooms here, even, to occupy your time until the cravings go away.

This might be cliche, but remember that you're never alone.