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Angelgrlsue

Son left

21 posts in this topic

Not depressed but sad and well not really sure of my emotions right now. My 17 year old son left me last week to stay with his mother the rest of his high school years, he is a junior. He was staying with me during the week so he could get to school easier and to have a better enviroment to live in. His mother has not been very well physically for a long time. I thought me and my son had a good connection and that things were going well here, He told me that he does not feel comfortable staying with me anymore. He did not go into detail, which would have helped.

I have decided to go away for a couple of days after I pay my bills and rent tomorrow. Not sure where I will go since I have little money but somewhere away from everyone. Thank you for listening.

Susan

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Awww - TERRIBLE, Susan. Maybe just get away to an inexpensive motel or something and vegetate a bit. SUX.

Young people can be so selfish!

Keep us posted please? I know I will worry - I think all of us will be wanting to make sure you know we love you and want you to get through this!

Lizzie

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Susan I am so sorry! Seventeen is a hard age. So driven often for everything to fall within the norm. I know how this must hurt.

It isn't forever-and being 17 when the grass always looks greener next door it may not even be that long when the reality of life with his mother sets in. There may also me an element of pressuring you to change something he doesn't want you to keep doing.

Take care of yourself and hang in there-I have a feeling your son is going to need you sooner than you think

Hugs

Johnny

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I can't add to what has been said, but I can give you long tight hug. I still have pretty big shoulders if you wanna shed a tear or two.

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Hi Susan,

It's often hard to understand teenagers, especially if/when they won't talk!

I am sorry. I hope you can get some rest and not worry. I also think he will be back sooner than not.

I hope you enjoy yourself in whatever you do! :D

Hugs,

Brad

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We are always here to listen, Susan. You have gone through so much and I know it is not the same as having someone there physically with you, but I am sure so many of us here would agree that our hearts and prayers (regardless of denomination) go out to you.

*hugs*

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Susan,

The dynamics of your life are difficult, but please do remember that we are all here for one another. Please feel free to talk.. OK?

As a parent and divorced, I know how hard this is for you.

Love

Brenda

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Hi Susan,

I have been thinking of you since you had posted about your situation.

I hope you have had a restful, rejuvenating weekend!

We are here for you!

Brad

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Take a break, everyone needs time apart, do your own thing, for a short bit few days, relax get him, force his BEHIND to hang out with you movies other stuff, whatever your into (example:golf go carts) Family comes first.

Remember those days of feeding, changing diapers, etc? Im sure those wernt easy either or The Two's.

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Hi everyone. Just an update on what is going on with my son. Well.....he is not doing very well in school that is for sure, Thursday he did not get to school until 9:00am, he starts at 7:30am. I later found out that he never went to school that day but decided to go to the beach instead for the entire day and then went over to his mothers. He is there for the remaining weekend. I do not know what else to do with him anymore. I did arrange counseling for him at school, whether he will go is another thing. I already will need to put him in summer school to make up classes he failed in. I have decided to just give this all up to my higher power.

Hugs,

Susan

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Susan, I'm not sure what you mean by that last statement, but as difficult as your son may be to deal with right now, this is when he needs you the most. Turning away from him and letting a "higher power" deal with him doesn't let you, or his mother, off the hook. You are his parent, and whatever it takes, you must keep trying to reach him and guide him. Parenting is more than just letting our kids do what they like best. Sometimes it involves forcing them to do what you know is in their best interest, even if they don't.

I know you can do this, Susan. You can, because you have to. Higher powers are there to guide you, not to do your work for you.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

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It is possible for them to get into their 30's, and its a relief when it happens. Spring fever was a problem, but somehow my three got through it. They can turn around and fool you in wonderful ways though given time. Your plan at the minute is probably the best one for the two of you. LG and LG!!

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Susan dear

From what your diskribing (and keep in mind im NOT a pro ) it sounds like youre son at the moment is a tad confused to say the least dear and also very lost at the moment as well HENCE he dont show up to school and go to the beach (were he can be alone and think) etc......

What i think he is doing is SCREAMING out fore help hon (you have to undersand that being 15 -17 almost stepping in the adult world etc.... Is hard enough ,NOW ad to this he`s dad is sudenly transformed to his mom (NOT blaming you dear as this is YOURE life and NOONE else and i COMPELATLY understand and RESPEKT youre desition 100000 % ) and apparantly his mother have been or still is feeling bad physicly as well witch of course also ad to the burdon on his shoulders

Short version youre son NEEDS someone to talk too about everything gong on in his life dear HOWEVER what i also know (from my own life ) is that if you try to FORCE him he will only reinforce his protection wall and it will further put a strain on youre relationship with youre son (TRUST me on this ) SO i do understand youre dilemma here Susan BUT if we see aside from the School work that he DEFENETLY needs to be put in summer school like it or NOT (we dont have that over here but i know what it is ) And as fore the rest try to NICE and slow (DONT crowd him ) use youre feminin sharm to get him to (again NICE and EASY and GENTLY ) open up just a tad why he is feeling unsecure about living with you , what is it REALY that makes him feel this way ? And if there is ANYTHING (resonable of course ) that you can do to help him feel better about living with you again

And also Susan even if he choses to live with his mother fore NOW its NOT meaning that he whont love you or having anything to do with you anymore dear,He NEEDS TIME right now Susan to collect his thoughts and to try to get some angel of his own lif as he is soon to enter adult hood dear, Im shore that you can rememmber youre self when you were in sed age how you felt about life in general and how will my life be from now on ? were will i go ? (added to this time some possible thoughts in his mind ) what job do i whont ? Since the country and the job market is as messed up as it is why should i bother ? why is is my mom feling sick ? why did my dd suddenly deside to ...... ? etc......... Im shore his head spinns from al cinds of diferent qustions right now Susan and possibly they dont even have to do with living with you even dear he just needs to change eviroment fore a time (as its the usuel way of dealing with tough times move and run away in that age ) , SHORE he says the easy version of not feeling comfotoble living with you BUT that doesent mean thats the truth hon

Ether way handing over to the higher powers as you say is NOT the right way as youre STILL will ALWAYS be his parent Susan NOMETHER how hard it is. BUT you have to try to find SOME way to get him to open up what is RELY trubling him dear (and this can go fast or take some time dear ) BUT the key is NEVER give up trying (altough DONT push him or crowd him ether ) And i KNOW its a VERY tough balancing act indead Susan (even tho im NOT a parent but its the simular way of helping others opening up as well ) BUT its the way you have to do this dear . And i KNOW you can do it Susan :superman:

Sweet hugs and Kisses Sarah :wub:

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Thank you Sarah for your kind words and suggestions. You are correct, I do need to take things easy and slow with him and let him open up to me when he feels secure eneough to do so. I also agree that he needs to talk with someone about all that is going on in his life, that is why I arranged counseling for him on campus. They have an intern that is volunteering her time to counsel youth at the high school that need it. My other option might be to suggest he join this board for some support. I know there is a category here for family members. Thank you again Sarah for your support and suggestions.

Hugs,

Susan

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I can't add to what has been said, but I can give you long tight hug. I still have pretty big shoulders if you wanna shed a tear or two.

Susan:

What Autumn said above? Ditto that here, girl. We care about you: Try to dwell on the GOOD in your life, and it IS there. Focus on it. This will help you.

Peace :thumbsup: Lacey

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Thank you Sarah for your kind words and suggestions. You are correct, I do need to take things easy and slow with him and let him open up to me when he feels secure eneough to do so. I also agree that he needs to talk with someone about all that is going on in his life, that is why I arranged counseling for him on campus. They have an intern that is volunteering her time to counsel youth at the high school that need it. My other option might be to suggest he join this board for some support. I know there is a category here for family members. Thank you again Sarah for your support and suggestions.

Hugs,

Susan

Youre EVER so welkome Susan dear ( HUG ) ,Thats corect dear and ALWAYS on HIS time frame and terms Susan :thumbsup:

As do i my dear and it sounds like a very noble person indeed who ofering her spare time to help others, Not a bad idea Susan BUT it has to be if HE whants it dear (at this moment in time i dought that he is willing tho BUT the option should be visable fore him as well yes dear. )

Thats why im here Susan to be able to help as best i can :friends: (and you know were i am if you EVER need to talk dear ;) )

Sweet hugs and kisses Sarah :wub:

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Susan, I have been around many people who have lost or feared losing their children and hope to bring them back into their lives. I once feared the same thing, though it did not come to pass. From what I have seen and believe... from what friends have shown me and shared is this....at some point, when children are Teens and older, the only thing we can do is to live a life of integrity and example.

For my friends, the loss usually occurred because of human failings, and at some point they turned their lives around. We have no control over our offspring at a certain age. We can hope to attract them back to us by being people of character and hope they recognize that fact. If they don't come back to us (which may take years, btw), at least we have lived lives full of integrity and character.... Many, many times they come to understand and respect us and are attracted back to what we have to offer.

Best wishes

Michelle

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Susan,

This is such a hard and painful time for all parents. Those who care and are involved with their children anyway. But in order to become independent and functioning adults they have to separate from us in a very real way. Establish their own identities. That hurts everyone involved yet they are driven to do it.

The good news is that they come back to us-in a wonderful new relationship. Still our child but also a friend. It is a long process-what the teen age years are all about really I think. Successfully making that break and transitioning from child to young adult. I have been trained and read as well that the closer or deeper the bond the greater this need to separate and the more painful and traumatic it can become.

It isn't about them loving us. They still do. It's all about mother nature and growing up.

My daughter drove me nearly mad in her teens and I became convinced I had been the worst parent ever and had lost her . Then when she was turning 20 she turned to me as we rode in the car one day and said it was about time she grew up and that she was sorry for how she had been and she loved me very muh. We both cried and have been best friends ever since. Not that we don't still have some spectacular rows on occasion

You can't judge your parenting from a teen or predict your future relationship.

But till it gets better you deserve all the hugs you can get

HUG!

Johnny

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Thank you everyone for your support and concern. It is most appreciated. My son is suppose to come home sometime today, we will see. I have some issues I need to focus on myself that have pretty much kept me home all week locked up in the apartment. An incident occured to me last Sunday that I thought I was able to handle emotionally until the effects hit me later this past week. I talked with my therapist about it yesterday and she gave me some tips. One of the biggest one's that I really need to use the most is to stand up for myself when these things occur.

Hugs,

Susan

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Hi Susan

As a beat up battered and bruised parent myself, my heart goes out to you. Children grow up and know more than they did a decade or more ago, but their maturity levels are falling behind. Most of us remember a much different age where we had responsibilities and hard work to take care of as kids growing up. Now days, kids spend enormous amounts of time playing video games and watching TV to escape life. I strongly suspect that all that escape results in kids maturing at a very slow pace and when they are 17 or 18 they don't know what to do. My son is 24 and I was more mature by age 16 than he is at 24. He 's grown up selfish and lazy. Wants to escape reality. Wants everything handed to him because he is entitled. Where are our children picking up this feeling of entitlement. My daughter is upset to learn that I am taking hormones and transistioning into a woman. What a drama that was last night. It's my life not hers. She's 27, I'm 57. I took care of her needs for her whole life and now I'm free to take care of my needs starting right now, today....... She has been equipped with everything she needs to succeed in life. I made that sacrifice, but children eventually have to grow up and realize that mommy and daddy have needs and a life to live and they are reaching the age for them to make their own life. They need to learn from their own mistakes and live with the consequences. Susan, you have a very beautiful life ahead of you and every right to be happy. Kids when they realize that all the stomping feet, temper tantrums no longer work on their parents and that they are responsible for their skipping school. It's funny how fast they come running back home. Hang in there girlfriend. We're right beside you and you are beside us and we are all experienceing God's sense of humor. Kathryn

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Thank you Kathryn. :-) Just yesterday I found out that he did not go to school again, it was the Day Of Silence so that might have played into it as well, my son is gay. All I can do is be the best parent I can to him and support him in all he does. Although he does know that I do not support him missing school. Me and his special ed counselor have an IEP meeting setup for next Friday to discuss his remaining one more year of high school and some options that might be available.

Hugs,

Susan

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