Mental Transition Complete

[JenniferB]

Okay, the mental transition may not be totally complete, but I've gotten to the point I can not be any other way. I can't even act male anymore even if I tried (like I want to).

In a couple of months I will be Jennifer at work. Not only am I ready, I believe everyone at work is too and has accepted me as a female. We shall soon see. Some co-workers, who in the past have had doubts, are now treating me as a woman.

I had to place a service call today. I had to tell the service rep who answered the call my male name, because that is what I'm using right now. She asked me again and I could sense the surprise in her voice when I repeated my male name. Afterwards I told her that's my name for the time being.

I'm seen as a woman now by everyone who I socialize with at work or home, and that is because I AM a woman. I've totally accepted myself as a woman and I can see that others are now totally accepting me as a woman too. Even without makeup, jewelry, and when I'm wearing androgynous clothing, I'm seen this way. There is no way I can fake being a male anymore. What is the most ironic thing is the one co-worker who I had the most trouble with, and the one I trusted least, is quickly becoming my best friend. This is crazy. She has totally accepted who I am, and goes out of her way to help me on my journey.

I am changing, not only gender wise, but in other ways as well. My deep depression and feeling of impending doom have vanished. I know meds have been of some help, but I believe being my true gender has helped more. I'm becoming more and more active. And even though I know I still have a ways to go, and things to work on, my doubts and negativity are disappearing. I honestly have to say I've never felt happier in my life. And if others can't accept who I am, TOUGH! I can tell you I won't lose sleep over what others think, life is too short for that.

I should mention one last thing. I am going to prepare for SRS. It will be a maraschino cherry on top. Actually it's more than that. It will make life easier. I will be a total female as far as society is concerned. I will have the right parts to use the women's locker room, and will be seen as a woman if I'm ever in the hospital. And the biggest thing is that it puts a dagger in my male past. It will by my Rite of Passage and a symbolism that says HE is officially dead.

Looking forward to the future,

Jennifer

P.S. In case anyone hasn't noticed, I've changed my gender selection from MTF to Female.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

To watch you evolve into more and more happiness and yourself lightens my heart.

All my Love

Brenda

[Guest Ney'ite]

I love this topic! It is often said that the majority of our transition is internal, and I believe that is so very true. It is wonderful to see you reaching the mental transition, a point where you no longer "feel" like your birth gender but just "feel" as your target gender. We become at peace with ourselves . . . no more warring going on within us of one gender vs the other gender. I have a friend outside of this forum who, even after nearly 2 years on HRT, often has complained that they still just feel male and wondered what it was supposed to feel like as female. This heart-warming point you are at now, THAT I truly believe is what it feels like.

[Guest Juniper Blue]

I am so happy for you Jennifer! WOW!

Love,

JB

[Guest ZoeG360]

Hi Jennifer

The transition journey has a lot of stops along the way, Mine is just beginning and it lifts my heart to hear how you are approaching the destination.

I have been thinking a lot lately about what its like t feel like a woman. It occurred to me that all I have is my males view of what a woman feels like. Full HRT starts that mental shift, or so I am told, and transition for some is about changing the percentage. At first the brain is 10% female, then 50, then 70 and so on.

From what you describe, as the male mind is squeezed out, the conflict stops and for us, feeling female seems to be not feeling the dissonance the male in our body causes. That's pretty hard to explain to someone who does not experience it.

Of course transition is bigger than just that, and you have done all the work, and done it right. I am so proud of you and hope to draw on your strength when my own fails me.

Zoe

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Jen

You are soaring now - high in the air! I am so happy for you!

Lizzy

[JenniferB]

Hi Jennifer

The transition journey has a lot of stops along the way, Mine is just beginning and it lifts my heart to hear how you are approaching the destination.

I have been thinking a lot lately about what its like t feel like a woman. It occurred to me that all I have is my males view of what a woman feels like. Full HRT starts that mental shift, or so I am told, and transition for some is about changing the percentage. At first the brain is 10% female, then 50, then 70 and so on.

From what you describe, as the male mind is squeezed out, the conflict stops and for us, feeling female seems to be not feeling the dissonance the male in our body causes. That's pretty hard to explain to someone who does not experience it.

Of course transition is bigger than just that, and you have done all the work, and done it right. I am so proud of you and hope to draw on your strength when my own fails me.

Zoe

The strange part is I tried and tried to act female with voice and mannerisms months before I even started to physically transition. Yet during the last couple of months (now 14 months on HRT) almost all of it has come naturally. My inflections in my voice changed without any effort. It's because I reflect the way I think now. It's actually very close to the way my aunt talked. I didn't try to talk this way, it's just me. My body movements are the same way. I did try to work on this somewhat over the last couple years, but it always seemed contrived. Actually it was so overdone it made me look gay or drag. Again I now move naturally as a woman without even thinking.

You get to a point where you are just being you. I am not totally over being conscious of presenting properly. But when I make the effort to go out as a woman it is rare I'm read as a male anymore. I'd say I'm close to the 70% female brain you mentioned. And I know it's only going to get better. My GP told me that it takes about three years to finish the physical transition after starting HRT. I can't believe I'm already closing in on being half way there.

Thanks for the support all of you. And Zoe I hope your journey brings you the same peace as it is bringing the rest of us who are transitioning.

With Love,

Jenny

[Guest rikkicd64]

Jenny,I am so very happy for you,you keep being an inspiration to all of us.

Rikki...

[Guest PhoebeJoan]

Im really happy for you Jennifer, I've been reading about your transition now for a while and im happy you are finally finding a place where you feel comfortable, it is a long road but changes can happen in unexpected ways.

I have had a similar thing with voice and mannerisms Jennifer. I have admittedly been lazy in this regard, but as I relax into myself, and express myself with others more, my voice and mannerisms have become feminine without much effort. I agree, just being me makes this work.

I came out to my specific section at work, and a few bosses, about 3 weeks ago. And while I still present male, I have noticed a few mental changes, and passing as male is becoming harder lol. Also, on chat rooms at work and online, I am usually gendered as female nowadays, despite not mentioning my gender and having a unisex nickname. Girls especially, since I still can carry a conversation on guy topics at times, guys are about 50/50 at correctly gendering me. I was chatting to a girl for six months, and she assumed I was a girl, which suprised me. I just assumed she thought I was a guy.

I just feel more accepted nowadays, and my confidence is growing by the week. Being referred to as 'her' or 'she' is also such a small, but amazing thing. I think i've underestimated the importance of pronouns. Each time im correctly gendered, my heart soars and I feel breathless.

I actually havent frequented this site as much lately, because like you, I think more female than MTF thoughts now, and I believe I pass easier when I'm just me without thinking of trans things all the time.

It's all coming together for you Jennifer

[Guest Gregg Jameson]

HI Jennifer,

I am very happy for you!

As I read, I feel your gentle spirit, your huge heart.

I am glad this is all so natural and so easy for you now!

It's interesting how people whom were first somewhat antagonistic towards us often become closer than the average person in our acquaintances/friendships. In your case, I would imagine this is due to your ability to your big heart and your ability to demonstrate love toward others. Just a guess on my part. Yet, I feel this is true in your life. I also see lots of soft pink sparkles flowing all around you in my mind's eye, indicative -- to me-- of the feminine energy I sense/feel from your post.

I am so happy for you!

Cause for celebration!

Hugs!

Brad