Jump to content


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest EmilyK

My Story

Recommended Posts

Guest EmilyK

This is my story, such as it is.

I remember coming home one night. At least, what I considered home at the time. I was on the verge of homelessness, having lost my job, family and most of my friends. I climbed the stairs into the second story flat I was living in, where I slowly made my way down the small, dark hall, into the living room. The friend that I was staying with had been unable to pay the power bill for the last six months, so we suffered without power. I had picked up driving a taxi because I couldn’t find what I considered a “real job”, so I spent the small amount of money driving on food, and that’s just about all that it covered.

The friend that I was staying with was also a taxi driver, that’s how we met. Between the two of us, we didn’t make enough money to cover the rent, either, so we ended up getting evicted and lived out of his car for about 4 months. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Anyhow, on that night, I realized how much my life sucked, and how decisions that I made much earlier in my life ended up screwing me over.

Fast forward a couple of months, after the eviction, living in my friends car. We spent a lot of time together. My friend, of course, was a gay man. Up to this point in my life, I was a straight man, at least in actions. It turned out, he had spent plenty of time trying to “get into my pants”, as it were. I said no, but that got me to thinking. I realized I probably wasn’t as “straight” as I let on. Truth is, I’ve spent my life wondering about how my life would be different as a female. I’ve always got along better with women than men, and I spent plenty of time when I was younger dressing in my older sisters clothes. It was never a sexual thing for me, I just felt more comfortable in womens clothes, and I liked the variety better. All I had ever wanted in my life was a loving relationship with someone I could spend my life with, but so far that ended for me with a divorce. The more that I thought about it, the more that I realized that the problem was me. I didn’t want to be a man, I was a woman.

Back to my gay friend, we ended up not getting together, because I would have wanted to be with him as a woman, but he enjoyed very masculine men. I ended up being taken in with a loving family that was just as poor as me, but made space for me in their home. I lived with them for over a year before I was finally back on my feet enough to get an apartment.

Unfortunately, this family became really close, they are now my family, but they are also fundamentalist christian, so I don’t know how my transition would affect them. I am their adopted brother, and adopted uncle to their kids. That will probably cause me the most grief, I just don’t know.

There is so much more, but this is pretty long as it is.


Share this post

Link to post

Hello Emily,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. Thank you for sharing your story with us. :)


Share this post

Link to post
Guest Elizabeth K

Em - it is never easy being transgender, and it seems you have a lot going on already. I do hope you stay with us and let us work it out with you. We all here have issues with gender. There are many here like you appear to be - a transgender person wanting to be a woman. I am also one of those people and have in fact been able to fully transition up to getting my SRS which is in the works. It is horribly difficult to be like we are, especially when we are almost destitute. So stay with us please? Perhaps we can ease your journey a bit by listening to how you are progressing and by answering any questions you may have.


Share this post

Link to post
Guest miss kindheart

welcome to the playground Emily

<<< hug >>>

:wub: vanna

Share this post

Link to post
Guest EmilyK

Wow, rereading that makes it sound like I live a miserable life, but that's not true. It was a struggle, but I'm on my feet right now, living on my own and going to school, courtesy of the VA. My only current problem, other than not having a lot of friends, is lack of employment. It's hard to work with my school schedule, but maybe that is a blessing in disguise if I decide to transition now. I mean, I wouldn't have to worry about problems in the workplace, and I'll be going to school for at least the next year and a half or so. :)


Share this post

Link to post
Guest Mia J

Hello Em and welcome to Laura's. We are happy you are here.

I am glad that things are getting better for you and look forward to seeing you posts.


Share this post

Link to post

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   1 Member, 0 Anonymous, 9 Guests (See full list)

    • JBfox
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Posts

    • VickySGV
      Sounds like you are doing very well.  Back when I started things out on the name change, I could not do the gender change until after GCS.  Several months after my GCS and all the changes for me made, they changed the laws -- for the better -- so I would not have had the long drawn out  program that I had to do.  Keep your head high and you will make it, and laugh about all of the hassle.  
    • Laura Beth
      Welcome Skye. As many have said it takes time to figure things out so taking your time will allow you to find the right fit for you.    Laura Beth
    • Laura Beth
      I have been wanting to legally change my name and gender marker for close to a year now. I am now divorced and living as a female as much as possible which has it complications. Today I went to see my regular doctor for a refill of my pain killers; I was dressed as Laura as I usually do since starting my transition. I have to go by my male name there because they won't use my preferred name like I do at my gender doctor's office. The doctor's nurse comes out and basically stands next to me and asks the front desk clerks if I had checked in for my appointment using my male name. She is told that I have so turns around and calls my name, to which I get up. She has a bit of a stunned look on her face and leads me to the examining room to wait for the doctor. I get my new prescription from the doctor and leave to pick it up at the pharmacy. When I get to the pharmacy the assistant pharmacist has some fun trying to find me in the system due to me going by Laura there and the name on the prescription was in my male name.    Before I have to see the doctor again which shouldn't be for about three or four months I will have to get the name change and gender marker taken care of.  I should also get it done before I see the psychiatrist this summer some time. I have started to receive mail in my preferred name which I was afraid was being sent back for some reason. As I posted else wheres my counselor has told me I am doing well at picking out appropriate outfits to wear that will help me fit in. The hormones have been a blessing in many ways, from slowing facial hair growth, allowing me to relax better mentally and changing my body physically.    Laura Beth
    • Melisa snep
      i had a 86 toyota 4x4, i so miss it. But needed a bigger truck to tow with
    • ChickenLittle
      Hi Kelly!   Thanks for your help on the chat side of things! I'm Kendall. I have five cats at home, plus a feral in the backyard that I feed every morning. I should probably just say I have six cats  
    • Jennifer W
      Thank you Cat I'm trying..
    • ChickenLittle
      Being safe online is definitely top priority but I think online dating can be done safely. I have a friend who is a cis woman who went on a few dates with a trans guy before he told her he was trans. Once he told her, she immediately called me to tell me about it and she was really sweet, if a little misinformed. She just kept saying, "but he's so HOT. He's definitely a man!" I had to roll my eyes and tell her that yes, trans men are men and can be just as conventionally attractive as cis men. Last I heard they were still dating and it was going great  
    • Gwen
      I love your stories, Charlize! I once had a friend who owned a red Nissan. His had big tires and looked more like a man-toy. I still miss my first Toyota (new), which got excellent mileage and didn't need a single repair in 135,000 miles. The second was geared for towing and guzzled gas. There's a huge auto show going on in Detroit over the next week and I hope to go and caress a few truck fenders   Gwen
    • MaryMary
      I can get why your friend is down. Dating for a cis man is hard (at least according to my own anecdotal experience). i dated with a male presentation for 1 month after separating from my ex wife but before coming out as a trans woman.   How many woman I actually dated? 0 To how many woman I talked online? 0   Dating is hard if you are not super pretty, lol
    • MaryMary
      I find that topic interesting.   Ok, I get that that's dangerous but more and more dating work with online dating sites. I personally make sure the other person know i'm transgender as soon as possible and I chat with this person for quite a bit before meeting in a neutral place with plenty of people. I'm not that active in dating because that's something that confuses me a lot but I had a couple of dates and it worked 1 or 2 times already.   I don't want to mislead people but at least here in Canada I don't have the impression that it's more dangerous for a trans woman then for a cis woman. My ex had a couple of dates too and I would say that she had stranger stories then me.   My feeling is that if you have an active life and you wait to find someone in real life you can wait a lot since there's so much people dating online.   to me the advantage of dating online is that I can put a transgender flag with "proud to be trans" written on it and write that I had the surgery in my description. I call that my "douchebag filter" In real life it can be more awkward and take too much time for the other person to know and ending up being more dangerous.   Dating only trans people, at least here in my local community, do not seem like a realistic option since we are too few. Finding the right person would be next to impossible...   well, that was my 2 cents on that. I,m actually surprised by the comments so far.
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. alexastlmo
      (34 years old)
    2. Laura Beth
      Laura Beth
      (51 years old)
    3. Trojan
      (39 years old)
  • Upcoming Events

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • TransPulse Partners