A Newbie Needing Help

[Guest Kelly1469]

Hi, I'm a 28 year old married man, and i'm new to the forum!

I need your help as..... well, heres my story:

It started at about 14 year old, when i started exploring underwear and heels (my mothers - is a bit odd looking back!) - felt amazing and did this on and off for quite a few years, and gradually hide a collection of clothes & underwear in my room

Time went on and i bought a few of my own things too. When i was about 17 i got busted - my collection was found by Mum - suprisingly they were very understanding.

I had a really good year or so, bought loads of clothes, shoes, make up, nail varnish, etc - and would dress everynight in my room (and around the house when everyone was out - including wondering around the garden in the dark!). It felt so amazing, decided my ulter-ego would be called Kelly! It went further and further till i got to the stage when i was thinking about shaving my legs for the first time! (but didn't in the end - something perhaps i regret!)

As the same time, i was out clubbing alot, trying to pull women, and i met this amazing girl. She was perfect in everyway.

We got together, and i decided it best to move on, put Kelly away for good, binned all my collection, and get on with this perfect relationship.

The first few years i was ok, ocasionally buying the odd skirt and thong, dressing for a few days, then binning it all in guilt!

Then i had a good five/six years when the thoughts of dressing never crossed my mind. In this time we moved in together and got married which was amazing - and i am really happy with everything!

Until......recently in the last month or too i've had uncontrollable urges to start dressing again! - i just really want to be back in the clothes again feeling like a woman.

The problem is that i could never ever confess to her (or anyone) about my secret as she finds all that disturbing and a bit sick and i know it would probably ruin our perfect relationship which i really don't want to do!

I really don't know what to do now. Its got the stage where i go wondering around the shops after work, daring myself to go into a shop and buy something. The other problem/issue is that in my current job i have to go away for a week in a hotel once every week (so perfect opportunity for Kelly to come back out!) - but this ends in July when i've finished this particular job.

Please help! i really in two minds about what to do.

Thanks

Kelly x

[Guest Michelle_Belle]

I don't know your situation beyond what you've described here. I think that you should, perhaps, tell her. Maybe you could offer her some reading material on crossdressing or provide her with, I don't know, some type of data. I don't know anything in particular. Maybe another member could help with that. I don't know that this is the best idea but what else can you do? Why hide a part of you? Maybe talk with a counsler. Find your own acceptance that this is a part of who you are and she will too.

Best of luck

[Guest Dr.Metropolis]

Kelly,

If this is affecting you so much, it will affect your relationship in one way or the other. You need to tell her and be honest with her. You cannot make the excuse that you will know how she will react and it will ruin everything. You do not know how she will react - give her the chance to be understanding. I've learned recently in my life that you cannot sacrifice your feelings for others' because you're afraid of what they will think. That does not end up making anyone happy.

Still, this is just my opinion - do you what you think is right for you,

Dr M

[Guest Evan_J]

Yup, holding "important" secrets affects things whether you think they will or not. Just happens. So, better to actually broach the subject with her, gently at first of course, the truth is you don't know what she'll say. When I was married my wife had quite a few things she thought was "sick" but when it was broached slowly and she realized it actually applied to her marriage well then things changed.

[Guest Sally Stone]

Kelly,

Your situation seems dire I know, but I think that if you are sensitive and truthful with your wife you can break this news to her. My recommendation to you is to very thoughtfully explain your feelings to your wife. Let her know that hiding your feelings is tearing you up inside. Even if she doesn't initially accept what you are telling her, being honest is a great first start. I don't think you should expect acceptance right off the bat. Understand that learning your spouse is a crossdresser is a very difficult concept to deal with. I told my wife before we were married and it was the most difficult conversation I ever had. I was sincere and I tried to be sensitive when I told her. In the long run, it helped immensely. Her acceptance was long in coming but I tried to be patient. We have been married for 30 years now and while my wife doesn't embrace my crossdressing, we have learned to live with it.

I think you have a much better chance of working things out if you are honest with your wife. If she stumbles upon your secret herself, she may harbor resentment because you were not being honest. I think it is safe to say that your feelings are not going to go away so coming clean is really the only option.

You have my sincerest support.

Best wishes,

Sally

[Guest Amanda L Richards]

Hi Kelly,

I have read a book called "My Husband Betty" I don't know if anyone has heard of it, but it is written by the wife of a crossdresser and she is very honest about everything from her feelings to being very liberal about her whole experience.

I think you could read it and then it would give you a cleare picture of your position now and you can better decide with more confidence about the options you are facing now.

I hope that helped.

The book really helped me learn a thing or two.

[Petra Jane]

Do a search on your country's Amazon site, for those in the UK, I found Betty and by searching for this on Amazon UK, the search came up with 155 alternatives, not all relevant, but enough to give you a great choice.

[Guest mia 1]

Don't worry be happy. Walk into any shop and but=y whatever you want. The clerks are getting paid by the hour and they couldn't care less who buys what. Buy the clothes the makeup and enjoy by the mirror. Good luck, Love Mia1

[Guest JaneRoderick]

I would start by trying to think out what has nudged you into wanting to dress again. Why didn't you when you first got together and then when you married?

I have had similar experiences when I was married. Wanting to dress generally went with the phases when our sex life was moribund. I'm not sure that realising this solved the problem, but I'm sure its better to be clear than not.

I'm rooting for you whatever you do,

Hugs

Jane

[Sally]

In the end telling her and not telling her can have the same effect - she will either stay or leave. The future is not carved in stone - there is no way of knowing how she will react and there is no way of knowing for sure that she will stay with you forever even if she never finds out. I do know that keeping the 'secret' puts a strain on the relationship and a huge burdon on you.

Telling my wife ended up costing me my marriage (but she would probably have left over something else anyway - within the first month when something went wrong she threatened to leave) but I gained something even more precious - myself! I was a wreck and didn't even know it - I sleep better, I feel less stress (in spite of the fact that lawyers are now controling my life and I am having to borrow money to pay the bills) and I look forward to each new day. I told the truth, I was honest and a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders.

I hope that she will stay with you - if your relationship is really perfect, she should. But your relationship can not survive secrets.

Be gentle with her and be kind and give her time to absorb this information, a relationship takes work from both sides - put in your part and give her time to supply hers.

Sally

[Guest Kelly Ann]

Hi sister,

Test your water lest you burn your toe...S.O.'s/Wives/Husbands...even friends, can be more than a little unpredictible when you 'drop the Gap Band Bomb' on them. I'm thinking my past and know that today doesn't present these issues anymore... previously it was completely confusing at the time but has now become merely amusing in hindsight...I won't go into today LOL...it was hilarious...my dad is sooooo cool. Take care and stay happy, OO Kelly Ann