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Guest Lolsmiley1341

I am afraid.....very

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Guest Lolsmiley1341

Hello my amazing wise Helpers,

I need some help, my school consleur will contact my parents to consult them about my transition in a week. but the problem is they are not very open with that. they are well aware I wish to transition but they think I will tear the family apart, I understand what they mean but I don't. I will ruin the family by being me but how? I just wonder if anyone has an tips for me to convince them this is not a bad choice and that this won't ruin the family thank you all your help is beyond great


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Guest Clair Dufour

Unless you give the councilor permission to contact your parents they are not allowed to do so unless it involves suicide or plans to hurt others. I gave you a link to people who can help you and from what I can tell are associated with Denver Public Schools. If you do not want to talk to the trans group your councilor should before doing anything. No matter how well intentioned this person is, they need to leave this to councilors well trained in how to deal with this. You should be very thankful to have these people available to you. If you lived here on the western slope or in the many rural towns in Colorado you would have almost no resourses available to you!!

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If they mean it will drag the entire family into social scorn and shunning by the community around you, the answer is most likely not, unless the neighborhood has really weird folks in it who almost share the bathroom with your family. It will not be the type of thing where "the sins of the father shall be visited unto the 7th generation". (That is in one of the Old Testament books, I just don't offhand remember which one.)

Will life be uncomfortable around some family members for a while? The answer there is most likely yes depending on how resistant to change they really are. Change of any sort puts people into a well know pattern of behavior that takes time, but eventually resolves itself, although it occasionally takes a boot in the kiester to get it there. Best way to solve that though is NOT to just show up as Abi in the most outlandish drag outfit you can find. Map out a plan of changes, and include your parents in the plans. In agreement for allowing one step for you, you agree to a limit that will last either a certain time, or until certain other conditions occur. The first step is that you can talk openly and informatively with all your family members. Somewhere in the path you will get to where you simply appear as you, without fanfare and without upsetting anyone's dinner. I have my doiubts that it will pit one family member against the other indefinitely, but there will be some effect.

If you can get the book True Selves by Mildred Brown PhD and give it to your parents to read, it might help them to understand what is going on, and to a degree, the parts you and THEY play in you GD. Your therapist is your very best ally in this, keep using them.

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When people don't want to believe something it can be nearly impossible to convince them. Especially for a child to convince a parent.

Having an adult discuss it with them will be a plus. So talking to them with the counselor may be best rather than getting them defensive beforehand. They will have to listen in a way they may not listen to you. There is no reason for correcting a birth defect to ruin your family. If were it a more visible birth defect or one they understood was a birth defect then I am sure they would not deny you treatment.

You might ask them to read this site: http://aebrain.blogs...sexual-and.html

It is not a trans site but a news site and has links and brief recaps of the studies that have proven this is a birth problem and a physical condition that must be treated. Not doing so is much more likely to ruin your family in the long run.The AMA, the American Psychiatric Association and the National health Organization now all recognize that this is a physical condition

Perhaps you can persuade them to let you see a gender therapist-not from a start transition standpoint but from this something that needs treated no matter what and only someone trained in gender is competent to giagnose and treat this extremely complex condition.

Hope this helps some


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Guest Gregg Jameson

Hi Abi,

I hope you are finding info helpful. Great responses here!

I haven't much to add at this time, yet wanted to write a note of support to you.

Your wanting to pursue your transition won't tear the family apart.

Some people may decide to make this a very dramatic time; yet, that is their choice, not one you have imposed upon them.

They will take it all as far as they want to; yet, again, this is not anything you have imposed upon anyone. Everyone is responsible for his/her own reactions to life events.

Move forward, but always in your own timing. Don't go at the pace set by anyone else.

This is your journey; you get to set the timing and the pace.

Please let us know how you are doing.

With Belief in You,


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Guest Elizabeth K

Well - I want to add that 90% of what you worry about never comes true. That last 10% is never exactly like you think it will be.

This is what is going to be a head-on confrontation. Just be extremely mature and calm. DON"T LOSE CONTROL. Don't cry, don't make threats, don't run away angry. If you can pull that off you will take the high ground. You will then start the battle of convincing them you are TOTALLY needing to transition. If it hurts the family? (And I am not sure of that logic) then it just has to be that way. You have to be selfish sometimes and put yourself first, especially when it comes to your general mental health and how you will spend the rest of your life.

And what the heck is that councilor doing anyway? Is this confrontation REALLY necessary? Ask her why she thinks this is in your best interest and isn't it a breech of your trust? Or did you ASK that person to do this?


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Guest Lolsmiley1341

Hello Everyone,

Thank you very much for your support and replies, to clarify I asked the consleur to call. It's what'd be best because then they could process things.

Once again thank you,


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