Changing My Name And Gender Marker

[Guest Karen K]

I have a question, but first a little background:

I decided to transition in May of 2010, and started HRT in Sept of that year. I lost my wife of 15 years (we're still friends) and, in an unrelated matter, I lost my job in Jan 2011.

So, I have been delaying RLT for the last year so that I could find employment but have been unsuccessful. I have been on HRT for almost 18 months now and only present part-time. As you may know this is very fustrating and tiring. Also it depresses me that I have put off what I need most. So, I have decided to legally change my name, and, hopefully, my gender marker on my drivers license.

Phyllis Frye is a well known transgender attorney in Houston. She provides her services to our community for the name change AND gender marker for the Texas DL. She charges a pretty penny for this, but she has cultivated a few Texas judges, who happen to be Republican/conservatives and "convinced" them to help us. Further she has been sucessful in achieving both name and gender marker changes on most, if not all, past clients.

I posted this same comment on another forum, and a transwoman, who's opinion I highly value, said I should put this on hold. There was no explanation; just: perhaps it would be best to put your name and gender marker change on hold.

So, when is it appropriate to legally change your name? And if you are able to change the gender marker on your DL, why not do this?

I am still unemployed, at this time, with no prospects in the immediate future. Ms Frye advised me, that after my name change, I should contact a head hunter. Tell them I am trans but that all my paperwork has been taken care of; and list all my qualifications (she was impressed with my credentials) and tell them to find me something. She thinks with my education, former military service and experience, I should have no trouble finding gainful employ as a woman. She also thinks I do not need FFS. You've seen my profile pic, what do you think?

Laura Jane

[Guest Ney'ite]

You mentioned you were part-time right now. Let's say you go through the process and have your name and gender legally changed. My concern would be this: For whatever reason, say you are in male mode driving to << insert pretty much any destination here >> but were stopped by the local/State police/Sheriff for << insert infraction here >>. At this point it will be demanded of you to produce your DL, registration, and proof of insurance (usually those three, they are here in Maine anyway).

There really is no need to go further as I am sure you can see how this at a minimum would probably cause you a lot of unnecessary stress (and I am not even including the stress that accompanies being stopped in the first place) and embarrassment on you.

Perhaps this would help you to pursue the goal of going full-time?

I have my paperwork changed, but I am also full-time and have been for a while now. All my credit cards I have signed "Require Photo I.D." - so it became a necessity for me to finally change my paperwork (September 12, 2011 was my official legal name change).

[Drea]

You mentioned you were part-time right now. Let's say you go through the process and have your name and gender legally changed. My concern would be this: For whatever reason, say you are in male mode driving to << insert pretty much any destination here >> but were stopped by the local/State police/Sheriff for << insert infraction here >>. At this point it will be demanded of you to produce your DL, registration, and proof of insurance (usually those three, they are here in Maine anyway).

After a legal name change, those other documents would be changed so it will match. The new DL will have a picture which proves it is you. I don't see any issue here.

The question comes down to why you are you delaying being full time? If being full time is something you are uncertain about wanting, yes it probably makes sense to take no action. If it is something you want, that you only been holding off for the job situation, and such with the name change you would go full time, then I see no reason not to.

One question, in your job search have you been bringing up the trans issue? Or have you just been trying to get a job as a guy without bringing up the trans stuff and not succeeding? If it is the latter, moving ahead with the change will probably add complications (such as prior job references) and make it difficult to avoid the trans issue. It can be made to work however and if being you gives you more confidence and lets you gloss over the trans issue making no big deal of it, it could actually help. Just understand the dynamic that comes into play so you aren't surprised when the complications arise.

Keep in mind that nothing prevents you from using a head hunter now. If you have gone that route already without success don't assume changing name and documentation will improve those chances unless part of the prior non-success was the trans issue.

Generally the appropriate time to change name would be when going full time, essentially the start of RLT. As far as changing the gender marker, if you can it is no big deal and it can help avoid complications. Unless you continue to live part time it shouldn't pose any problems.

[Guest Ney'ite]

After a legal name change, those other documents would be changed so it will match. The new DL will have a picture which proves it is you. I don't see any issue here.

...

My issue was not the documents per se. My issue was getting a name/gender change while still living part-time because it could potentially leave room for a situation, and anyone in law enforcement knows any situation can go South very quickly. My 11 years in L.E. I learned to be suspicious of EVERYONE outside of the L.E. community as a survival technique - to look at every scene and ask "What is wrong with this picture?". It is drilled into you that everyone lies to you. So if I were to stop someone who was part-time and in male mode that day, and they handed me all female documentation, that would send red flags and at a minimum needlessly out yourself, and who knows depending on the officer where it may go from there.

[Guest Donna Jean]

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Hmmmmmmmm...I changed everything over after going full time, so I agree with Drea on this point....

The question comes down to why you are you delaying being full time? If being full time is something you are uncertain about wanting, yes it probably makes sense to take no action. If it is something you want, that you only been holding off for the job situation, and such with the name change you would go full time, then I see no reason not to.

But, after also having been a police officer (in Miami) i totally understand what Bette is saying here......

.....and anyone in law enforcement knows any situation can go South very quickly.

Having changed all my stuff (name change, credit cards, DL, etc...) I had no problem at all....

I do see the situations that could arise in some situations, though....

But, who knows? I haven't been stopped by a cop since 1995..........

Dee Jay

[Drea]

My issue was getting a name/gender change while still living part-time because it could potentially leave room for a situation, and anyone in law enforcement knows any situation can go South very quickly.

Being part time, the problem exists either way really because if the person is presenting female and presents all male documentation... Unless your suggesting someone part time would never be passable enough to be perceived as female instead of male....but in this case, there is always the start of being full time where one might not be passable.

It seems to me the situation is effectivly unavoidable so best bet is to just have carry papers during such a period.

[Guest Ney'ite]

...

Unless your suggesting someone part time would never be passable enough to be perceived as female instead of male....but in this case, there is always the start of being full time where one might not be passable.

...

No no, not even considering passing at all in the equation. Just simply someone with all female documentation, but still presenting as male. That was it.

But I think we both agree on the main point anyway: being full-time would probably be a good time to get all documentation corrected as it would probably pose the least chance of issues arising. Before then, yes, carrying papers during the part-time period, would be most prudent.

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Early on, I received a "Carry Letter" from my therapist telling anyone that needed to know what was going on with me and my presentation and my documentation.....

This was to (hopefully) ease any situations that arise over using the restroom or being picked up while "dressed..."

Dee Jay

[Guest KarenLyn]

I think you should listen to Ms Frye. You should be looking for work as a woman. I lost my job when I started my transition. I went full time immediately rather than have to deal with that again. I started my new job while still growing a lot of facial hair. I got that taken care of as soon as I'd collected a couple pay checks. From your avatar photo I'd say you have nothing to worry about.

[Guest Karen K]

It seems I was not clear in my original post. So let me clear things up for you. Yes, I am only living a part time existance and this wearing me down. I strongly desire to move into full time, it is time! I so want to do this, I have been in transition for a year and a half. How much longer should I deny myself what I know I need.

I have been applying for work in guy mode and no, I have not informed any of them of my pending transition. Corporate aviation is a very conservative profession; one word of being transgender, and I would be denied. I have not recieved any job offers. Two may have been due to my hair length. Though I had cut my locks off for the second one, word had gotten to this potential employer that I had had a ponytail and wore earrings. The last one turned me down for yet another reason, not transition related.

No, I have not used a head hunter before, I have been searching and applying all on my own. It was suggested by Phyllis Frye, my attorney, that I enlist a head hunter and be unfront about my transition, hence the need for my paperwork to correspond to my presentation and vice versa. Once I get my documentation and move into RLT, I will NOT be presenting as male.

I do not know why everyone is questioning my decission to go full time and include my name change at the same time. I have a carry letter, but that is no good if I apply for work as Laura Jane and then present male ID. I had hoped to find work under my male credentials and sometime later, come out and transition on the job. Such has not been the case. I have been unemployed for 14 months and I have no hope at all right now of finding something.

I am at a crossroads: if I continue applying as male, it may be sometime before I am able to transition; if I go into RLT, change my name and all requisite

documenttation, it maybe sometime till I find employment.

So, there you have it.

Laura Jane

[Drea]

I do not know why everyone is questioning my decission to go full time and include my name change at the same time

I would certainly say changing documentation when you go full time is the right thing, if my words inferred otherwise my apologies. I think much fo the discussions surrounded what if scenarios that didn't necessarily have any application to you.

[Guest Ney'ite]

I would certainly say changing documentation when you go full time is the right thing, if my words inferred otherwise my apologies. I think much fo the discussions surrounded what if scenarios that didn't necessarily have any application to you.

Agreed . . . my apologies for digressing and monopolizing, Karen.

[Guest Karen K]

Thank you KarenLyn, your encouragement means a lot to me.

Drea and Bette, I do not take offense at your senarios, I was looking for support and constructive commentary. No need to appologize, I forgive instantly. No worries.

I am going ahead with my name change, get my documents in order, and hire an head hunter. I'll let you all know how everything transpires. Wish me luck.

Laura Jane

[Guest Ney'ite]

You are a gracious woman - I wish you a most heartfelt best of luck! And do please keep us updated -

[Guest Donna Jean]

I am going ahead with my name change, get my documents in order, and hire an head hunter. I'll let you all know how everything transpires. Wish me luck.

Laura Jane

Best of luck, Dear Heart...keep the oily side down!

Dee Jay

[Guest Karen K]

Dee Jay,

It's nice to roll one on occassion.

Laura Jane

[Guest TracieV3]

How does it cost in money to get one's name changed?

[Guest CariadsCarrot]

I can't give you an answer coz it's different here in the UK to how it is there. You might get more luck with someone responding to answer your question though Tracie if you start a new thread to ask coz this is a slightly older thread being about a month old.

Gabe

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

My only concern with that now is once you have applied as a male and went to interviews, you can't really re-apply because they'll see you again and think "hey weren't you here once already?" So wherever you interviewed with as a guy, I'd cross those companies off the list. Is it possible to relocate to another area with corporate aviation (like, say, Denver?) and start new as a woman?

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

oo, or maybe not as far as Denver but perhaps Dallas?