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angels wings

It is what it is

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I have been married for over 17 yrs i found out end of last year my partner is transgendered .

I have gone through alot of emotions like a rollercoaster but i had a light bulb light up today . See for months i kept reapeting the same sentence , it is what it is . What did this really mean why am i saying this why why why .

See at first i thought she had a choice and i had no choice . I was so WRONG . I have a choice she has no choice u see this condition gives u no choice but to oneday finally accept yourself and face your fears in order to survive. By stopping the process for what ever reason our partners are slowly dying inside . Yes we as spouses have a choice we can choose to stay and be in denial and i truely only see three outcomes in this choice and that is, 1 . have a partner who is depressed . 2 loose ur marriage 3. Loose the person u love .

Or

We can accept and educate ourselves and support eachother in learning how to deal with all the emotions and hopefully save our relationships . Now im not saying our feelings are not important i tell u thy truely are important and we as partners need to know that . What iam saying is we have a choice its hard yes , it hurts but we can gain strength from eachother we can support eachother . I belive we need to ask ourselves why are we with this person what drew us together? Focous on the inner person the person u fell in love with . See with me i fell in love with her soul . I will continue this journey with her because of my love and respect for her.

I guess we all go through the same ?????????! Why why why . Why didnt she tell me . You feel lied to and betrayed . Well my friends i know why now . Her love was so strong for me that she denied it for as long as she could because she didnt want to break my heart . The fear our partners go through in accepting themselves and then building up the strength to tell us, we will never know . As partners if we can understand and accept them for their true selves the journey becomes less painful thy become free to not hide but to embrace and enjoy who thy are.and as partners we too can enjoy and embrace .am i scared of what the future holds? Yes iam . But i have learned to enjoy today to enjoy her in her true self and try not to think too far ahead just taking small steps at a time . I was lead to write this in hope that other partners will share more and relize u are not alone we are here for you .thanx for reading (((( hugs))))

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You are sharing a true love story!!

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you are truly a wonderful spouse and she is lucky to have an understand woman. I too have been married for going on 13 years to an amazing and supportive woman. Thank you for sharing and I hope that your love for each other overcomes everything else. It sounds like it will.I know for me having her in my life has been a blessing. To have the love and support from her and my entire family has made it possible for me to begin to love myself again. I think that our love for each other grows stronger everyday.

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I love you honey.( Sniffle,wipes away tears )

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I will say that K_C - you are one REMARKABLE woman HANDS DOWN! I have been watching your posts and you seem to be the epitomé of unconditional love. I have much respect for you, K_C!

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What a wonderful, wise and insightful post! Your partner is very, very blessed to have you and Laura's is very lucky as well.

Thank you so much for sharing with others who are struggling through the feelings and pain that you have faced. I know that your words can and will make a real difference in lives.

With loving respect

Johnny

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Focus on the inner person, the person you fell in love with. That is beautiful. Thanks for your post. Your partner is lucky to have you in her life.

Krisina

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Thx for ur kind words my friends (((((( hugs)))))

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K_J... Omg... Wow.. That is so moving, your spouse is so lucky to have you. You are truly an amazing person.

I should not have read this while waiting for tires to be installed on our van..Do you know how hard it is to explain tears to a bunch of mechanics?? No really dude, something flew in my eyes... Honest!!

Hugs girlfriend

Becca

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Thx so much Becca. :)

Sorry i made u cry i too can relate i normally tell people it allergies . Always get away with it ;)

Hope you and your wife are doing well .

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K_J don't appologise, what you wrote was beautiful. It touched me in such a way tears were inevitable. Thank you again for sharing it.

We are both doing pretty good considering.. On top of my ER visit last weekend my mom in law passed yesterday. Guess life thought the trans issue wasn't complicated enough on its own. I'm back to being strong for her in her time of grief, just as she has been there for me recently.

You take care, and look forward to talking to you soon.

Love

Becca

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Im so sorry for your loss .(((((hugs)))) please give your wife a warm hug from me too .

Tell your wife we would love her here the more partners the better . I feel like an odd ball ;)

Wives post and then u dont read anymore from them . I want to changethings thats why i belive i was inspired to write this posts. Please let her know i would luv to meet her . She will get support and lots of knowledge here.

Sending you and ur wife big warm (((((hugs)))) filled with comfort and peace

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Well yesterday was hard we went to the therapist and he will be writting a letter for my partner to start treatment . My partner was so happy i was so sad . I find this so confusing how one can be soooo happy and the other so sad two differnt ends of the scale. Its hard because yes i do accept her but im loosing my husbund . It hit me yesterday we were at a cafe and she went to order the waitress comes up and asks would i like to order i quickly replyed no thx my husband is ordering now . Wow my husband hmmmmm . See its the little to big things that come up and rock my boat . Some days are gd like the weekend we had a pedicure session and i even painted her nails red , it was fun oh yeah and did the eyebrows hehehehe. Its like im living two worlds . Ohhhhhh so confusing:(

Yesterday scared me cause i know we are getting closer closer to transitionioning . As partners we can be supportive and accepting but that doesnt mean we dont hurt :(

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(((hugs)))

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K_J,

I'm glad to read your posts and know that I am not alone. Your words reflect much of what I am experiencing. It is tremendously difficult to do this - to watch your husband change from a caterpillar to a butterfly right before your eyes... I sometimes think it would be a little easier if it happened suddenly, like maybe if they just woke up one day and were female. But then, the grass is always greener somewhere else so maybe that wouldn't be easier at all. Still, it's incredibly sad to watch the process, knowing that your best friend is happier than ever before, and yet you are so very sad.

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I truely understand . It feels like where in two diffent worlds thy are so happy and we are so sad . It surely is hard the loss is painful the getting your head around the pronouns is hard. I belive for me the slower it goes the better as toooo many things are happinging i need to work through things and at the same time look after a family . Im so glad you are posting we can surely support each other . You know as humans we always find something or someone to blame for our hurts in this case there is no one to blame . It is what it is . Please feel free to message me any time im in the playground everyday . I have found so much support ,understanding and comfort amongst everyone.(((((hugs))))

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