Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

I have no idea


Guest superglucose

Recommended Posts

Guest superglucose

I really have no idea who I am.

When I was a really young pup, around the age of... 5. Yeah, 5. I had a batman birthday cake. No, wait, i was 4. *thinks, definitely four. Right, so when I was four I got a bunch of Batman stuff for my birthday... you know, the batmobile (it had like the batplane in it and it was SO COOL!) but I also got a Catwoman toy... and she was my favorite. As my mom said at the time, "when James came up to me and said 'I like cat woman because she has these' {and pointed to her boobies} I knew I had my work cut out for me."

Turns out; though, she was unbelievably wrong.

The rest of my childhood looking back is a haze... wanting to be a girl, wanting to join the girlscouts, wanting to wear girl's clothing, wanting to wear makeup and be pretty. My favorite ranger was the pink ranger, and whenever I played my Power Rangers video game, I was always the pink ranger. Of course it didn't hurt that she had a bow as her weapon and flew a pterodactyl... flying and archery have always appealed to me. Hot pink was always my favorite.

Of course my mom managed to instill in me that being a man was "better." Not because men were better, of course, but because they were treated better by society. All that fighting and all that struggle... of course whenever we played "House" I wanted to be the mommy. I've always wanted to have kids... if you get my drift.

At the same time I'm handsome and I have working bits and pieces and would kind of like to keep them that way. I look really manly and sound really manly and can pull off really manly, and people look to me for manvice. That's... super cool, you know?

But on the other hand... I spent about 5 months on a chatroom letting people think I was a girl. It was... great. Liberating. Wonderful. I felt pretty and wanted and liked for just about the first time ever. Sure there were a few awkward moments where some jackass asked me if I got PMS (Wombaticus the moderator's response: "Of COURSE she gets PMs! We all get PMs! Hell, you have to use PMs to talk about spoilers! {person} has been banned for 2 hours.") (if you miss the joke, PMs are private messages) or I got hit on, but those were relatively easy to shrug off because the rest of the time it felt so... right.

I also know; however, that it'll never be me. I'll never have the bits and pieces that I want. This isn't, of course, to say that people aren't women if they aren't born with all the bits and pieces because that's an absurd statement to make... but it is to say that *I* wouldn't feel like a woman without the bits and pieces.

So I guess I'll just truck on, hitting weird dysphoric moment after weird dysphoric moment, hearing stories about trans people who got their hormone treatments before puberty and being mad jelly... while cultivating this awesome full beard.

Link to comment
  • Admin

Welcome to the Playground, you definitely have a background that fits you in to the group. I am not too sure about the beard thing, but it may not be a problem in the long run!! Some of the transmen will find it as a goal to attain. A lot of people come here with the attitude they cannot do what it takes to become their real selves, only to use the resources we have here, and find out that they honestly can do it with a bit of work and a lot of dreaming and did I say working too?

Please be sure to read the Terms and Conditions which you can get to by the link at the lowest right hand corner of any of the forums, or its called Rules and Guidelines at the top of the General Forums group. Only people who are 13 to 24 can initate posts in the Teens forum, but anyone can reply there. Feel free to start topics in any of the other Forums, ask questions of, or give your helpful opinion to anyone or any topic. We moderate all posts by the members here, and use the Terms and Conditions as the standard for approving the posts. We do have people as young as 13 on the Playground here, and so we need to keep things so their parents can look over their shoulders and not take them offline. IE language is PG or PG13. Again, welcome.

Link to comment
Guest Jo-88

I really... don't want... to be trans though. Really don't.

most of us don't... its just part of life. Btw until about 5 months ago (2 months on HRT at that point) I had been rocking a full beard for almost 6 years... if your gonna be a guy you might as well have an epic beard, thats my opinion anyway haha. Anyway, welcome!

Link to comment
  • Admin

Welcome to the Playground, hon. Nice to see another Californian here.

Like Jodie said, none of us want to be trans. It isn't a choice, it is who we are, just like we don't choose to be short, or tall, or have brown eyes or blue. We can repress it, we can try to run away from it, but we can never truly escape it. Then again, since it doesn't sound like you've ever seen a gender therapist, its entirely possible that you are not trans. One can't always tell just from thinking about it or playing on line games. Sounds like a g.t. is in your future if you ever want to know for sure.

As far as the "bits and pieces," well, you can have just about all the bits that a cisgen woman has, except for the ovaries and other parts necessary for procreation. That won't get you 100 percent of the way there, but it will get you 90-95 percent. That's close enough for most of us who want to go in that direction.

Keep asking questions, reading the posts, checking out the links, and learning all you can. We're here to help, and hey, we're not even from the government. :D

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment
Guest Mia J

Hello and welcome to Laura's. We are happy to have you here.

I'll echo Carolyn and Jodie. None of us want to be trans. Many of us, like you, have struggled all of our lives trying to exist in the body we were born in. There are many trans folks who can do that and make a good life for themselves. But there are also many who just reach a point that they need to explore and possibly transition or else.

Seeing a gender therapist is a great way to start to figure things out. The will work with you and help you decide just where you are and what you need to do.

Mia

Link to comment
Guest KarenLyn

Hi! And welcome to Laura's. You know, nothing you've said means you absolutely have to be trans. Unless there are some therapists lurking, there really isn't anyone who can make that call. I think as long as you're comfortable being where you are with feelings for both male and female, just relax and enjoy it. I'm sure it gives you a perspective most of us can't even imagine.

Karen

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 103 Guests (See full list)

    • Ivy
    • Petra Jane
    • Evelyn J
    • Hannah Renee
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,944
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Melissa_J
    Newest Member
    Melissa_J
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Ivy
      Pity that we can't just respect each other and get along.
    • Willow
      Good Friday Morning    I will be spending a good portion of my day at church today.  I don’t know how any of my family would have been with me.  They all passed before I figured myself out.  I often think my mother and sister may have figured it out before I did but maybe it was just my depression that they saw.  I don’t know and never will.  My grandfather Young unconditionally loved me but he passed when I was 9.   Same with my wife’s parents, both gone before.  We’ve never had the greatest relationship with my wife’s brother but we do see them occasionally.  They words and actions aren’t always in sink when it comes to me.   Sour kraut or boil cabbage were never big even with my parents so that was something we were never expected to eat.  Nor was anything with mustard.  My mother hated mustard and it turns my stomach. My wife tried to sneak it into things early in our marriage but I could always tell.  She stopped after a while.   well I wave to go get ready to go to church.  I have a committee meeting at 10 and then we have a Good Friday Service at noon.   Willow
    • Mmindy
      Good morning everyone,   @KymmieLI hope you're misreading your bosses communications. As you say keep plugging a long. Don't give them signs that you're slow quitting, just to collect unemployment.   I have a few things to do business wise, and will be driving to the St. Louis, MO area for two family gatherings.   Have a great day,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • KymmieL
      Good morning everyone, TGIFF   It seems like I am the one keeping or shop from being the best. According to the boss. I don't know if my days are numbered or not. But anymore I am waiting for the axe to fall. Time will tell.   I keep plugging a long.   Kymmie
    • KymmieL
      In the warmer weather, Mine is hitting the road on the bike. Just me, the bike, and the road. Other is it music or working on one of my many projects.   Kymmie
    • LC
      That is wonderful. Congratulations!
    • Heather Shay
      What is relaxation to you? Nature? Movie? Reading? Cuddling with a pet? Music?
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Having just a normal emotional day.
    • Heather Shay
      AMUSEMENT The feeling when you encounter something silly, ironic, witty, or absurd, which makes you laugh. You have the urge to be playful and share the joke with others. Similar words: Mirth Amusement is the emotional reaction to humor. This can be something that is intended to be humorous, like when someone tells a good joke or when a friend dresses up in a ridiculous costume. But it can also be something that you find funny that was not intended to be humorous, like when you read a sign with a spelling error that turns it into an ironic pun. For millennia, philosophers and scholars have been attempting to explain what exactly it is that makes something funny. This has led to several different theories. Nowadays, the most widely accepted one is the Incongruity Theory, which states that something is amusing if it violates our standards of how things are supposed to be. For example, Charlie Chaplin-style slapstick is funny because it violates our norms of competence and proper conduct, while Monty Python-style absurdity is funny because it violates reason and logic. However, not every standard or norm violation is necessarily funny. Violations can also evoke confusion, indignation, or shock. An important condition for amusement is that there is a certain psychological distance to the violation. One of the ways to achieve this is captured by the statement ‘comedy is tragedy plus time’. A dreadful mistake today may become a funny story a year from now. But it can also be distant in other ways, for instance, because it happened to someone you do not know, or because it happens in fiction instead of in real life. Amusement also needs a safe and relaxed environment: people who are relaxed and among friends are much more likely to feel amused by something. A violation and sufficient psychological distance are the basic ingredients for amusement, but what any one person find funny will depend on their taste and sense of humor. There are dozens of ‘humor genres’, such as observational comedy, deadpan, toilet humor, and black comedy. Amusement is contagious: in groups, people are more prone to be amused and express their amusement more overtly. People are more likely to share amusement when they are with friends or like-minded people. For these reasons, amusement is often considered a social emotion. It encourages people to engage in social interactions and it promotes social bonding. Many people consider amusement to be good for the body and the soul. By the end of the 20th century, humor and laughter were considered important for mental and physical health, even by psychoneuroimmunology researchers who suggested that emotions influenced immunity. This precipitated the ‘humor and health movement’ among health care providers who believed that humor and laughter help speed recovery, including in patients suffering from cancer1). However, the evidence for health benefits of humor and laughter is less conclusive than commonly believed2. Amusement is a frequent target of regulation: we down-regulate it by shifting our attention to avoid inappropriate laughter, or up-regulate it by focusing on a humorous aspect of a negative situation. Interestingly, amusement that is purposefully up-regulated has been found to have the same beneficial physical and psychological effects as the naturally experienced emotion. Amusement has a few clear expressions that emerge depending on the intensity of the emotion. When people are mildly amused, they tend to smile or chuckle. When amusement intensifies, people laugh out loud and tilt or bob their head. The most extreme bouts of amusement may be accompanied by uncontrollable laughter, tears, and rolling on the floor. Most cultures welcome and endorse amusement. Many people even consider a ‘good sense of humor’ as one of the most desirable characteristics in a partner. At the same time, most cultures have (implicit) rules about what is the right time and place for amusement. For example, displays of amusement may be deemed inappropriate in situations that demand seriousness or solemness, such as at work or during religious rituals.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone!!! Two cups of coffee in the books and I am just feeling so wonderful this morning. Not sure why, but I'm happy and smiling.   Enjoy this beautiful day!!!
    • Heather Shay
      A U.S. dollar bill can be folded approximately 4,000 times in the same place before it will tear. -You cannot snore and dream at the same time. -The average person walks the equivalent of three times around the world in a lifetime. -A hippo’s wide open mouth is big enough to fit a 4-foot-tall child in. -Chewing gum while you cut an onion will help keep you from crying.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...