Feeling like a woman: what does that actually mean?

[Guest Edu]

I bet if I asked here how many of you feel like a woman, most of you would say "yes" without a thought (this is the MTF section of the forums after all).

Now, what'd happen if I ask: what does it mean to feel like a woman?

Some weeks ago, in a therapy session, my therapy asked me if I feel like a woman, to which I gave the only answer I could rationally think was accurate: "That'd depend on what it means to feel like a woman".

Take a moment to think about it: most (probably all or almost all) of us have been raised as if we were boys; many haven't experienced yet how would it be to live like a woman. Even further, many of us haven't even been ever treated as women.

How can we claim to "feel like a woman" so boldly without any reliable point of reference?

I have finally come up with a better answer: I don't even care! I know I feel like me, whatever that is. Whether it matches the way women feel, or it matches how kittens feel, or how alien mutants feel; that's at most a coincidence. I am, for good or bad, me. And I have barely scratched the surface of all what that implies.

But I am curious nevertheless. So I wonder, when any of you claims to feel like a woman, what does that mean for you?

Hugs,

Ethain

[Guest Kukaku]

Good point, and I really never thought about it before. When you really think about it, how can you describe your feelings as a woman in a way that it also doesn't relate to feeling like a man? Other than physicality? And maybe that's my answer to your question. That it's more of feeling that something is missing or out of place with the body, and less to do with the personas. Like I could say I feel like a woman because I like girly things, or I don't like being aggressive. The same thing could be said about men, but don't view themselves as women . Not to say that it's wrong if other people feel that way. For me though it's more of a phantom limb feeling.

[Guest kelly_aus]

My therapist asked me a similar question.. He asked me, 'What is a woman?' I thought about my answer for a bit and then said to him, 'I could give you a long and complicated answer based on stereotypes.. But the real answer is that the question has no real answer. A woman is whoever and whatever she is..' Which seemed to be the answer he was looking for..

As far as feeling like a woman, I can acknowledge, in hindsight, that there have been a few occasions in my life where I have felt like a woman, mostly through the actions of others. These occasions usually made me feel very uncomfortable at the time..

[Guest Jenny C]

Great subject ! Always question myself about it.

First answer : calmness, openness, sensibility, caring, being empathetic, sharing, softness, tenderness, willingness, being desired, letting go, fusion...

But for sure, I thank these are not sexual attribute... And men can possess them... But it's not characteristic of the majority...

But I think it is also a question of what we identify to... Simple as that, an identity.

I think also, it is associated with a relief of pressure... A pressure that is putted on men in our society, to be tough and not to cry, etc.

It is probably associated with all that is soft, (satin, etc), a kind of right to be ourselves and self express in ways of being and verbally...

These were my first reaction.

Love,

Jenny

[Guest Ney'ite]

This is something I have pondered on and talked with others and have seen others ask.

If you stop and think about it, ask yourself, "How do I personally feel right now? Is this how a woman should feel? Is this how a man should feel?"

I am sure if you asked any woman the same question, they would give you something along the lines of "I don't know, I just do." Sure, we can put on clothes, makeup, jewelry, etc, and feel more feminine, but I don't think feeling feminine is the same thing as feeling like a woman. Growing breasts, skin softening, fat redistribution, hair diminishing, those things HRT can help us to BE like a woman physically. But do they make us feel like a woman? If one says yes, then what about someone who has yet to start on HRT, or has not had the effects yet? Can they feel like a woman pre-HRT?

A very interesting topic and I am sure to generate quite a bit of discussion. Thank you for posting, Ethain.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

For me, I cannot intellectualize it.

I just know, I just feel myself.

Love.

Brenda

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

All that girlie and femininity stuff is subjective and varies from person to person. Not every woman loves pink, hearts and flowers. Not every woman is caring or sensitive or empathetic, and not every woman is good with children or wants children.

In some aspects, yes I feel like a woman. In some aspects, no I don't feel like a woman.

I have body issues, self-esteem issues and self-worth issues, much like many women.

I don't know what it's like to not be called on at school, not pushed to excel academically because "you're just eventually going to get pregnant and become a stay at home mom anyway". I don't know what it's like to be side lined by menstrual cramps. I don't know what it's like to be passed up for a promotion by a lesser qualified person because he's a man. I do know what it feels like to not be offered a job because I wasn't thin enough, or attractive enough, or bubbly enough. And I do know what it feels like to be looked at as an object instead of as a person. I don't know, however, what that feels like while growing up and your body begins changing and certain things start growing and now all of a sudden boys are talking about you and girls are starting nasty rumors about you.

[Guest Jenny C]

I just talk to one of my cis girlfriend... Her answer... to have cramps... Second answer, I do not know 'cause I do not know how men are feeling... Her third : to be strong and soft... And then she said... all that is the same for both, 'cause we are both, yin and yang... She added : to be considered as an object...

Love,

Jenny

[Guest KimberlyF]

What does blue feel like?

No woman on this planet can tell you how her feelings differ from that of a man's or even from that of the woman sitting across from them on a train or at a dinner table.

And which woman are you talking about? The butch lesbian or the mousey wife? The one in the US or Afghanistan?

I've spent decades trying to 'get' this. It doesn't work. When I was little I remember all the kids in the neighborhood playing together. I was the youngest. I remember looking at the two oldest girls thinking someday I'll be like them too. The oldest boys scared me. One of thousands of incidents.

I feel like me.

[Guest KarenLyn]

I believe that for some of us there is an innate sense of self that defines us. I'm not a girly girl. I hardly ever wear make up and I'm most comfortable in jeans and flannel. None of that matters. I feel like a woman because I am a woman. It wouldn't matter if I'd never started hrt. All hrt and srs do is to align what we look like on the outside with what we feel on the inside. ymmv.

[Guest Shari]

How does it feel to be a woman? How does it feel to be me?

Shari

[Guest Ravyn]

What timing- last week my GT asked me what type of woman I thought I was. All I could answer was "I'm my type of woman." I don't know what it feels like to be a woman, I only know how I feel and I'm certain I don't feel like a man.

[Guest Jenny C]

I imagine, only those who had HRT can know the difference... ??????????????

Love,

Jenny

[Guest Sascha]

I cannot say I feel like a woman. I can say that I don't feel like a man. I can also say that my ideas, thoughts and inner-experience matches with girls. So by relating to other girls and boys I noticed that something was not quite right with me. My conclusion was therefore very simple: I am a woman. I simply must be.

[Guest Janice Lynn]

I believe that for some of us there is an innate sense of self that defines us. I'm not a girly girl. I hardly ever wear make up and I'm most comfortable in jeans and flannel. None of that matters. I feel like a woman because I am a woman. It wouldn't matter if I'd never started hrt. All hrt and srs do is to align what we look like on the outside with what we feel on the inside. ymmv.

Whoa .... another girl like me here in the Northwest, the home of jeans and flannel!

I was on hormones for over a year and in some respects there certainly is a difference beyond the

physical. There were emotional changes and in some respects it is fair to say that estrogen over

times rewires our brains to produce responses to situations in life that are commonly referred to

as "feminine." I'd even go so far as to suggest that once the brain is saturated with estrogen over

a certain period of time the changes become permanent. I believe that is true in my case, but

what we are discussing is incredibly subjective.

What does it mean to "feel like a woman?" It falls into the same category as asking "What does

love feel like?" or "What does an orgasm (male or female) feel like?" Good luck with describing

either.

"Feeling like a woman" is a self-validating thing. No one can prove it and no one can deny it.

Let us take the active threads on these forums, especially the MTF discussions. Try looking at

them in a nonprejudicial way. Read them for their words, emotions, and feelings. Hey, I am not

making fun of anyone, but does this thread exude estrogen or terrible T?

I truly am saying this out of love: I treasure LP because I have found women very much like

myself who simply want to be able to reveal ourselves as we really are and be who we really

are. There are hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands sites where we can swim in T.

But we are here.

And I am glad for that.

As ever, Jan

[Guest Erica Kaylee]

I think it's love, light, sensitivity, etc, together with a female body that is my divine makeup. But it's different for everybody, as life is infinitely diverse. I like what Brenda said.

[Guest Julie1957]

It's a great question - one that we discussed in therapy a lot. The question first assumes a gender binary - male or female - which isn't necessarily the case. I know that I don't feel male. I've lived as a male, i know how males think and act and I just don't identify as a male. That much is relatively easy to know.

I can't say that I feel female because I haven't lived as a female (much yet). But I'm more comfortable with women than men and being in their world rather than the male world.

So if I have to choose within the gender binary - I'm not male so i must be female.

That's the logic but the emotional answer is "I just know deep down inside that I'm female". It's that simple.

[Cyndee]

Great thread, here is my take.

I feel feminine, I love feminine things and doing things most women would enjoy. I enjoy the feelings that perhaps a woman may experience, feel very comfortable amongst women, enjoy living with them, and being like them, my mind is quite certainly female biased, and estrogen treatment has helped me quite a bit. I have spent a lifetime of intrigue over this question of "what it feels like to be a woman", however I personally can not claim I know what it "feels" like to be a woman, due to certain physical limitations. I think I can probably get a very close approximation, but never the complete experience, it's just not physically possible with current science and medicine at this time. Knowing this I will be happy simply to feel "like a woman" and do everything I can to be the best woman possible in this life, however I can never know what it feels like to actually "be" a natal woman, there lies the diffence with me.

Cindy

[Guest Kira S]

That is an interesting question I just know that deep down I want to be a women more than anything. I want Brest and this thing out from between my legs... because I just feel so uncompterable with my male body. When I am dressed up as a girl and out as a girl I just feel normal so that to me is feeling like a women is when I just feel normal witch I never feel when stuck as a male.

[Svenna]

How does it 'feel to be a woman'?

It feels wonderful!

Thanks for askin'...

Love, Svenna

[Guest Janice Lynn]

How does it 'feel to be a woman'?

It feels wonderful!

Thanks for askin'...

Love, Svenna

Just don't forget that as a woman you have the right to change

your mind!

[Guest Donna Jean]

Feeling like a woman: what does that actually mean?

Feeling like me!

Dee Jay

[Sakura]

This is quiet possibly thee greatest question/ subject i have ever seen brought up on this site.

Though i have ansered this question to my self on many occasion, each time i learn something knew about what it means to be a woman, i thus learn more about what it is to feel like a woman. so then the way i precieve the question and the way i awnser it changes which each new experience i have.

I think that is what that question really boils down to "experience " .

girls spend thier entiere young lives being being prepared to be women. honed, shaped, conditioned, taugh . mostly by thier mothers or other female role models . books magazines tv. " Natural instinct , shaped by modern civilization " is what i like to call it.

Now look at transsexuals. most all typically raised to be Men ( i mean how many can really say they we're raise from early child hood to be a woman ? ) the average time most spend buried to thier eye Bal.s in that gender, is 30-40 years. with next to no experience in the actual enter workings of a female life experience. even i am not innocent of it . 20 years spent being raised to be a man. hell by my mother of all people.

Which now brings me to my awnser to this Question....

I do not know what it is like to feel Exactly like a woman does. i can't possibly . I under stand aspects of it but only from the enlightenment i have gained , threw the experince i have had while living as one. When i first began tranisition . i knew EXACTLY what it was like to be a woman. and that is exactly how i felt,so it must be right , right ? after 7 years of actually living as a woman i realize back then . I knew Exactly what it was like to have gender dyisphoria and not really much else. But as i said my veiw has changed on it in stages with each new experience . and with the help of the women in my life that were willing to mentor a 20 year old girl. the longer i live as a woman , the more i see and the more i connect with it. and so the more i genuinly feel like a woman........ or at least i think i do ?

Sakura

[Guest Robin Winter]

I bet if I asked here how many of you feel like a woman, most of you would say "yes" without a thought (this is the MTF section of the forums after all).

Now, what'd happen if I ask: what does it mean to feel like a woman?

Some weeks ago, in a therapy session, my therapy asked me if I feel like a woman, to which I gave the only answer I could rationally think was accurate: "That'd depend on what it means to feel like a woman".

Take a moment to think about it: most (probably all or almost all) of us have been raised as if we were boys; many haven't experienced yet how would it be to live like a woman. Even further, many of us haven't even been ever treated as women.

How can we claim to "feel like a woman" so boldly without any reliable point of reference?

I have finally come up with a better answer: I don't even care! I know I feel like me, whatever that is. Whether it matches the way women feel, or it matches how kittens feel, or how alien mutants feel; that's at most a coincidence. I am, for good or bad, me. And I have barely scratched the surface of all what that implies.

But I am curious nevertheless. So I wonder, when any of you claims to feel like a woman, what does that mean for you?

Hugs,

Ethain

I'm pretty sure for me it's the kittens, *purrs*

Ok, ok, serious response....seriously....*twitch*

Umm....I think the obvious and probably most accurate answer is that there is no one way to feel like a woman, or man for that matter. I expect everyone experiences life and living and all the gooey inside stuff on an individual basis. Sure there are things many or most women and men have in common with each other, but it's not the biological processes or physical characteristics that define how we feel, it's how we experience those processes mentally and emotionally that defines how we feel as a person. Those emotions may be in part directly effected by biology, but ultimately no two people are the same. Perhaps feeling like a woman is not something that can be described, but I don't think anyone can argue that it's a legitimate feeling and nobody should have to question it's validity in themselves and others, and vice versa for men, of course.

Let me pose a question. If we as trans women didn't *feel* like women, then why would it hurt so much that we're seen by others as being men?

Your question has me thinking, now, though. I wonder what it feels like to be a man? That is a question that I sincerely can not answer.