Jump to content

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

~Nova~

I'm so stupid

Recommended Posts

~Nova~

I decided to send a family text. I thought, one more try.

The text:

To my family:

I know that I have hurt and "embarrassed" some of you, for that, I am sorry.  I'm not going to explain myself or give excuses, I am writing to let you know that I am having my final surgery on July 31st.  

The surgery is long and complicated and if something happens I want you all to know I love and miss you all. 

Not one reply.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest LizMarie

You're not stupid. It's natural to want to be accepted and loved, especially by those we grew up around. Sometimes it's possible and sometimes it's not. You've gone above and beyond in trying to reach out to them and all of us reading these forums realize this.

It's ok. You're making it and ultimately you will be fine. The real loss here is theirs in not having such a wonderful woman back in their lives. *hugs*

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Shari

No, you're not stupid. I know that even after all that has passed, it still hurts. It's okay to feel that way. Who knows? One day they may realize that they miss you and if not, you can handle it. You're a much better person for trying.

Shari

Share this post


Link to post
Charlize

Bless you girl, I'm way behind you in transitioning but understand the cold shoulder and lack of acceptance. Which brings me to acceptance. For our our happiness we have always had to accept the difficult circumstances of our lives. We change as we can and if allowed we take our loved ones on our journey with us. I have been blessed with a son who although he doesn't seem happy about my changing has shown his love and some acceptance. My wife of 41 years is not as kind. I must accept the support I get and move on, hoping my loved ones will not be hurt by my actions. You are doing your best to care for your loved ones. Try to do that for yourself through acceptance. Love, Charlie

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Shy

Not stupid at all. Seems to me like a perfectly reasonable last communique to me.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest ~Brenda~

I don't know your family, but maybe they haven't seen your email yet or maybe they don't know what to say. Can you call them?

Love.

Brenda

Share this post


Link to post
Drea

First just because you haven't gotten a reply yet or never gets a reply doesn't mean the TXT didn't have an impact of some form which could possibly be positive.

I would have advised something different, something they could have responded to in order to open dialog and later get that message accross. The message is one that given the situation where there has been no dialog I would have expected a low chance of a non-response. But as I said it could still be positive.

Lastly, remember you do not need their permission. I think sometimes we seek the acknowledgement and validation of our decision. This is human nature, but when it comes to such a major decisions as SRS these are decisions we must make on ourselves and own. Be careful of a subconcious need to get their approval. Remember, surgery is just for you, it will come and be past and in the end has no bearing on the relationship unless you choose to make it the focal point.

Share this post


Link to post
~Nova~

I'm not calling. I sent a text. I'm done. I have tried and tried. They have chosen to cut ties. I'm fine with it. Does it sting, very much, but I kow I did the right thing and I can live with it.

I am not looking for approval. I already made my choice to have the surgery. My family was very close to me before and I really would hate to die on the table knowing I did not give everything.

Such is life.

Surgery bound.

Share this post


Link to post
CyndiRae

You did the right thing Nova, not stupid. It's your life and your choice to reach out.

Best

C -

Share this post


Link to post
Guest BeccaC

Stupid you are not Autumn... There is nothing wrong with wanting that connection with family, especially ones that at one time were very close. Do not fault yourself, you have tried everything. You never know that text might have just lit that spark that might bring someone around, we can hope right?

Wishing you the best

Hugs

Becca

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Eloise

Cyber hugs to ya...families can be asses.. you've done all you can....maybe...hopefully..one day they'll reach out to you. xxx

Share this post


Link to post
VickySGV

Not stupid, very human and right by my mechanism that stands in place of what my family called morality too. You do have a while and they may come back later in curiosity if nothing else. Good for you I am not sure I would have had your character to do that much.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest akrobat

You are very brave and I wish you all the best. It's your life and make your life the way you want it to be. Make yourself happy with your choices cause you are worth it. You are not stupid but they are such an ignorant human beings, heartless. I don't know what else to say. I wish you all the best and you have my support... Just shine!

A lot of hugssss :)

Share this post


Link to post
~Nova~

Thank you, all of you. Hitting send as you all know was very hard, but I did it. I'm not sure what I expected, if I even expected anything.

I think the thing that hurts me more than anything is thinking that my family is bigoted. I would have never thought that any of them would not be live and let live.

Thanks for all the kind words. I have a family, right here, with all of you.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Talon

You are NOT stupid! You are so brave and so strong for doing your own thing!

If you know in your heart that you have done everything you could to make your family, then you have done your part. It is great that you are having the surgery because it is what YOU want and I am proud of you for that!

I also think it is perfectly natural to want love and acceptance from your family and also to expect. Because your family should be the first to support you and the fact that they aren't does NOT mean that you are stupid or wrong! I repeat, it does NOT mean that there's anything wrong with you!

I wish you all the luck in the world with your surgery and everything else!

Hugs,

Talon.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Jenny C

Dear Nova, You followed your convictions, nothing about that is stupid.

But how long will it take them to react... ???? Let's see.

Love,

Jenny

Share this post


Link to post
Guest YourDaughterToo

Dearest Autumn,

I'm so sorry that your family will not be with you on July 31st. I will keep you in my thoughts. My daughter had surgery 3 years ago. To see her happy for the first time in her life has been a blessing. I know that we can't replace your family, but I'm sending you all my love, support and blessings.

Rhonda

Share this post


Link to post
Guest SaleneAlexis

You are not stupid. You gave them one last chance to see your side of things and they choose not to listen, they will answer for it one way or another. Whether it be Karma biting them in the DONKEY or they answering to their God when they die, they will answer for it.

Look for Yourself now, and know that you do have people who are with you. All of us here are, and we will be by your side come what may.

Hugz

Stephanie

Share this post


Link to post
Guest rita63

Hey Autumn All you can do is try, someday your kids may remember this and realize you love them and come to find that love that is in you and will always be there no matter who you look like.

Will be thinking of you and your surgery.

hugs rita

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Risu

Autumn, It's not stupid to love your family and likewise give them the chance to love you.

Any fool can risk their life but only a hero can risk their heart.

Reaching out to your family only shows you love your family unconditionally and that is not stupid. It's a shame they are unable to return that love.

It's their loss and if that is how they choose to be you don't need them.

With love,

~Jade.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest KarenLyn

It's certainly not stupid to expect support from your family. They could still come around. You've put the ball in their court. Give them time. We've struggled with our issues for years and it may take the same for them.

My husband went through basically the same thing with his family because they couldn't accept me. It took time but almost all of them have come around.

Share this post


Link to post
Michelle 2010

My heart goes out to you Autumn. You are a beautiful soul who is hurting. I know it will heal with time.

Best wishes

Michelle

Share this post


Link to post
Guest ZoeG360

Any fool can risk their life but only a hero can risk their heart.

~Jade.

Jade: that is awesome.

Autumn:

It was right of you to tell them whether they know it or not. Whether they respond or not is irrelevant at this point. Now they know, enough.

Your energy needs to be redirected, I sense a lot of anger in your words and that is energy wasted and energy you will need., Its time for you to let it go and focus on getting as strong and ready as you can for your surgery. You have done everything humanly possible and everyone here that has responded affirms that.

Stupidity is not on the table for that is not you. You are loving and caring and kind; Jade's definition of a hero is spot on.

Let it go.

Let it go.

Love you girl!

Zoe

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Lacey Lynne

Stupid you are not Autumn... There is nothing wrong with wanting that connection with family, especially ones that at one time were very close. Do not fault yourself, you have tried everything. You never know that text might have just lit that spark that might bring someone around, we can hope right?

Wishing you the best

Hugs

Becca

Becca said it so well. Agreed! Give 'em some time, because you never really know.

Remember, you've got plenty of "family" HERE who care about you immensely, and you KNOW we do!

Happy 31 July 2012, Nova!!! Hey, you just literally saw Dee Jay and Lizzy who are doing the same thing! They are FAMILY to you, Nova! We are too! You ARE cared about, and you ARE loved! Okay, maybe not so much by "the biologicals" really, but, at the end of the day, love is the only truth ... it's point of origin notwithstanding.

Peace & Joy :friends: Lacey Lynne

Note:

Ya ain't STOOPID, girl! Jeesh! Wassup with that? :excl: You're smart. You're sensitive. You're cool. :thumbsup:

Share this post


Link to post
Guest ~Brenda~

Drearest Nova,

Coming out to one's family is one of the hardest things to do.....beleive me, I know. You are an adult and very far from asking or needing permission. It took me a lot of hard work to get my family to understand. I will tell you this... you should try again to get your family to accept you. I do hope that you and your family can reconcile. You don't have to be alone.

Your family just needs help.

Brenda

Share this post


Link to post

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   1 Member, 0 Anonymous, 9 Guests (See full list)

    • JBfox
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Posts

    • VickySGV
      Sounds like you are doing very well.  Back when I started things out on the name change, I could not do the gender change until after GCS.  Several months after my GCS and all the changes for me made, they changed the laws -- for the better -- so I would not have had the long drawn out  program that I had to do.  Keep your head high and you will make it, and laugh about all of the hassle.  
    • Laura Beth
      Welcome Skye. As many have said it takes time to figure things out so taking your time will allow you to find the right fit for you.    Laura Beth
    • Laura Beth
      I have been wanting to legally change my name and gender marker for close to a year now. I am now divorced and living as a female as much as possible which has it complications. Today I went to see my regular doctor for a refill of my pain killers; I was dressed as Laura as I usually do since starting my transition. I have to go by my male name there because they won't use my preferred name like I do at my gender doctor's office. The doctor's nurse comes out and basically stands next to me and asks the front desk clerks if I had checked in for my appointment using my male name. She is told that I have so turns around and calls my name, to which I get up. She has a bit of a stunned look on her face and leads me to the examining room to wait for the doctor. I get my new prescription from the doctor and leave to pick it up at the pharmacy. When I get to the pharmacy the assistant pharmacist has some fun trying to find me in the system due to me going by Laura there and the name on the prescription was in my male name.    Before I have to see the doctor again which shouldn't be for about three or four months I will have to get the name change and gender marker taken care of.  I should also get it done before I see the psychiatrist this summer some time. I have started to receive mail in my preferred name which I was afraid was being sent back for some reason. As I posted else wheres my counselor has told me I am doing well at picking out appropriate outfits to wear that will help me fit in. The hormones have been a blessing in many ways, from slowing facial hair growth, allowing me to relax better mentally and changing my body physically.    Laura Beth
    • Melisa snep
      i had a 86 toyota 4x4, i so miss it. But needed a bigger truck to tow with
    • ChickenLittle
      Hi Kelly!   Thanks for your help on the chat side of things! I'm Kendall. I have five cats at home, plus a feral in the backyard that I feed every morning. I should probably just say I have six cats  
    • Jennifer W
      Thank you Cat I'm trying..
    • ChickenLittle
      Being safe online is definitely top priority but I think online dating can be done safely. I have a friend who is a cis woman who went on a few dates with a trans guy before he told her he was trans. Once he told her, she immediately called me to tell me about it and she was really sweet, if a little misinformed. She just kept saying, "but he's so HOT. He's definitely a man!" I had to roll my eyes and tell her that yes, trans men are men and can be just as conventionally attractive as cis men. Last I heard they were still dating and it was going great  
    • Gwen
      I love your stories, Charlize! I once had a friend who owned a red Nissan. His had big tires and looked more like a man-toy. I still miss my first Toyota (new), which got excellent mileage and didn't need a single repair in 135,000 miles. The second was geared for towing and guzzled gas. There's a huge auto show going on in Detroit over the next week and I hope to go and caress a few truck fenders   Gwen
    • MaryMary
      I can get why your friend is down. Dating for a cis man is hard (at least according to my own anecdotal experience). i dated with a male presentation for 1 month after separating from my ex wife but before coming out as a trans woman.   How many woman I actually dated? 0 To how many woman I talked online? 0   Dating is hard if you are not super pretty, lol
    • MaryMary
      I find that topic interesting.   Ok, I get that that's dangerous but more and more dating work with online dating sites. I personally make sure the other person know i'm transgender as soon as possible and I chat with this person for quite a bit before meeting in a neutral place with plenty of people. I'm not that active in dating because that's something that confuses me a lot but I had a couple of dates and it worked 1 or 2 times already.   I don't want to mislead people but at least here in Canada I don't have the impression that it's more dangerous for a trans woman then for a cis woman. My ex had a couple of dates too and I would say that she had stranger stories then me.   My feeling is that if you have an active life and you wait to find someone in real life you can wait a lot since there's so much people dating online.   to me the advantage of dating online is that I can put a transgender flag with "proud to be trans" written on it and write that I had the surgery in my description. I call that my "douchebag filter" In real life it can be more awkward and take too much time for the other person to know and ending up being more dangerous.   Dating only trans people, at least here in my local community, do not seem like a realistic option since we are too few. Finding the right person would be next to impossible...   well, that was my 2 cents on that. I,m actually surprised by the comments so far.
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. alexastlmo
      alexastlmo
      (34 years old)
    2. Laura Beth
      Laura Beth
      (51 years old)
    3. Trojan
      Trojan
      (39 years old)
  • Upcoming Events

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      64,701
    • Total Posts
      585,801
  • TransPulse Partners

×