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~Nova~

I'm so stupid

36 posts in this topic

I decided to send a family text. I thought, one more try.

The text:

To my family:

I know that I have hurt and "embarrassed" some of you, for that, I am sorry.  I'm not going to explain myself or give excuses, I am writing to let you know that I am having my final surgery on July 31st.  

The surgery is long and complicated and if something happens I want you all to know I love and miss you all. 

Not one reply.

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You're not stupid. It's natural to want to be accepted and loved, especially by those we grew up around. Sometimes it's possible and sometimes it's not. You've gone above and beyond in trying to reach out to them and all of us reading these forums realize this.

It's ok. You're making it and ultimately you will be fine. The real loss here is theirs in not having such a wonderful woman back in their lives. *hugs*

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No, you're not stupid. I know that even after all that has passed, it still hurts. It's okay to feel that way. Who knows? One day they may realize that they miss you and if not, you can handle it. You're a much better person for trying.

Shari

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Bless you girl, I'm way behind you in transitioning but understand the cold shoulder and lack of acceptance. Which brings me to acceptance. For our our happiness we have always had to accept the difficult circumstances of our lives. We change as we can and if allowed we take our loved ones on our journey with us. I have been blessed with a son who although he doesn't seem happy about my changing has shown his love and some acceptance. My wife of 41 years is not as kind. I must accept the support I get and move on, hoping my loved ones will not be hurt by my actions. You are doing your best to care for your loved ones. Try to do that for yourself through acceptance. Love, Charlie

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Not stupid at all. Seems to me like a perfectly reasonable last communique to me.

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I don't know your family, but maybe they haven't seen your email yet or maybe they don't know what to say. Can you call them?

Love.

Brenda

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First just because you haven't gotten a reply yet or never gets a reply doesn't mean the TXT didn't have an impact of some form which could possibly be positive.

I would have advised something different, something they could have responded to in order to open dialog and later get that message accross. The message is one that given the situation where there has been no dialog I would have expected a low chance of a non-response. But as I said it could still be positive.

Lastly, remember you do not need their permission. I think sometimes we seek the acknowledgement and validation of our decision. This is human nature, but when it comes to such a major decisions as SRS these are decisions we must make on ourselves and own. Be careful of a subconcious need to get their approval. Remember, surgery is just for you, it will come and be past and in the end has no bearing on the relationship unless you choose to make it the focal point.

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I'm not calling. I sent a text. I'm done. I have tried and tried. They have chosen to cut ties. I'm fine with it. Does it sting, very much, but I kow I did the right thing and I can live with it.

I am not looking for approval. I already made my choice to have the surgery. My family was very close to me before and I really would hate to die on the table knowing I did not give everything.

Such is life.

Surgery bound.

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You did the right thing Nova, not stupid. It's your life and your choice to reach out.

Best

C -

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Stupid you are not Autumn... There is nothing wrong with wanting that connection with family, especially ones that at one time were very close. Do not fault yourself, you have tried everything. You never know that text might have just lit that spark that might bring someone around, we can hope right?

Wishing you the best

Hugs

Becca

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Cyber hugs to ya...families can be asses.. you've done all you can....maybe...hopefully..one day they'll reach out to you. xxx

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Not stupid, very human and right by my mechanism that stands in place of what my family called morality too. You do have a while and they may come back later in curiosity if nothing else. Good for you I am not sure I would have had your character to do that much.

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You are very brave and I wish you all the best. It's your life and make your life the way you want it to be. Make yourself happy with your choices cause you are worth it. You are not stupid but they are such an ignorant human beings, heartless. I don't know what else to say. I wish you all the best and you have my support... Just shine!

A lot of hugssss :)

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Thank you, all of you. Hitting send as you all know was very hard, but I did it. I'm not sure what I expected, if I even expected anything.

I think the thing that hurts me more than anything is thinking that my family is bigoted. I would have never thought that any of them would not be live and let live.

Thanks for all the kind words. I have a family, right here, with all of you.

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You are NOT stupid! You are so brave and so strong for doing your own thing!

If you know in your heart that you have done everything you could to make your family, then you have done your part. It is great that you are having the surgery because it is what YOU want and I am proud of you for that!

I also think it is perfectly natural to want love and acceptance from your family and also to expect. Because your family should be the first to support you and the fact that they aren't does NOT mean that you are stupid or wrong! I repeat, it does NOT mean that there's anything wrong with you!

I wish you all the luck in the world with your surgery and everything else!

Hugs,

Talon.

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Dear Nova, You followed your convictions, nothing about that is stupid.

But how long will it take them to react... ???? Let's see.

Love,

Jenny

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Dearest Autumn,

I'm so sorry that your family will not be with you on July 31st. I will keep you in my thoughts. My daughter had surgery 3 years ago. To see her happy for the first time in her life has been a blessing. I know that we can't replace your family, but I'm sending you all my love, support and blessings.

Rhonda

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You are not stupid. You gave them one last chance to see your side of things and they choose not to listen, they will answer for it one way or another. Whether it be Karma biting them in the DONKEY or they answering to their God when they die, they will answer for it.

Look for Yourself now, and know that you do have people who are with you. All of us here are, and we will be by your side come what may.

Hugz

Stephanie

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Hey Autumn All you can do is try, someday your kids may remember this and realize you love them and come to find that love that is in you and will always be there no matter who you look like.

Will be thinking of you and your surgery.

hugs rita

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Autumn, It's not stupid to love your family and likewise give them the chance to love you.

Any fool can risk their life but only a hero can risk their heart.

Reaching out to your family only shows you love your family unconditionally and that is not stupid. It's a shame they are unable to return that love.

It's their loss and if that is how they choose to be you don't need them.

With love,

~Jade.

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It's certainly not stupid to expect support from your family. They could still come around. You've put the ball in their court. Give them time. We've struggled with our issues for years and it may take the same for them.

My husband went through basically the same thing with his family because they couldn't accept me. It took time but almost all of them have come around.

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My heart goes out to you Autumn. You are a beautiful soul who is hurting. I know it will heal with time.

Best wishes

Michelle

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Any fool can risk their life but only a hero can risk their heart.

~Jade.

Jade: that is awesome.

Autumn:

It was right of you to tell them whether they know it or not. Whether they respond or not is irrelevant at this point. Now they know, enough.

Your energy needs to be redirected, I sense a lot of anger in your words and that is energy wasted and energy you will need., Its time for you to let it go and focus on getting as strong and ready as you can for your surgery. You have done everything humanly possible and everyone here that has responded affirms that.

Stupidity is not on the table for that is not you. You are loving and caring and kind; Jade's definition of a hero is spot on.

Let it go.

Let it go.

Love you girl!

Zoe

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Stupid you are not Autumn... There is nothing wrong with wanting that connection with family, especially ones that at one time were very close. Do not fault yourself, you have tried everything. You never know that text might have just lit that spark that might bring someone around, we can hope right?

Wishing you the best

Hugs

Becca

Becca said it so well. Agreed! Give 'em some time, because you never really know.

Remember, you've got plenty of "family" HERE who care about you immensely, and you KNOW we do!

Happy 31 July 2012, Nova!!! Hey, you just literally saw Dee Jay and Lizzy who are doing the same thing! They are FAMILY to you, Nova! We are too! You ARE cared about, and you ARE loved! Okay, maybe not so much by "the biologicals" really, but, at the end of the day, love is the only truth ... it's point of origin notwithstanding.

Peace & Joy :friends: Lacey Lynne

Note:

Ya ain't STOOPID, girl! Jeesh! Wassup with that? :excl: You're smart. You're sensitive. You're cool. :thumbsup:

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Drearest Nova,

Coming out to one's family is one of the hardest things to do.....beleive me, I know. You are an adult and very far from asking or needing permission. It took me a lot of hard work to get my family to understand. I will tell you this... you should try again to get your family to accept you. I do hope that you and your family can reconcile. You don't have to be alone.

Your family just needs help.

Brenda

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