Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

I'm so stupid


~Nova~

Recommended Posts

I decided to send a family text. I thought, one more try.

The text:

To my family:

I know that I have hurt and "embarrassed" some of you, for that, I am sorry.  I'm not going to explain myself or give excuses, I am writing to let you know that I am having my final surgery on July 31st.  

The surgery is long and complicated and if something happens I want you all to know I love and miss you all. 

Not one reply.

Link to comment
Guest LizMarie

You're not stupid. It's natural to want to be accepted and loved, especially by those we grew up around. Sometimes it's possible and sometimes it's not. You've gone above and beyond in trying to reach out to them and all of us reading these forums realize this.

It's ok. You're making it and ultimately you will be fine. The real loss here is theirs in not having such a wonderful woman back in their lives. *hugs*

Link to comment
Guest Shari

No, you're not stupid. I know that even after all that has passed, it still hurts. It's okay to feel that way. Who knows? One day they may realize that they miss you and if not, you can handle it. You're a much better person for trying.

Shari

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Bless you girl, I'm way behind you in transitioning but understand the cold shoulder and lack of acceptance. Which brings me to acceptance. For our our happiness we have always had to accept the difficult circumstances of our lives. We change as we can and if allowed we take our loved ones on our journey with us. I have been blessed with a son who although he doesn't seem happy about my changing has shown his love and some acceptance. My wife of 41 years is not as kind. I must accept the support I get and move on, hoping my loved ones will not be hurt by my actions. You are doing your best to care for your loved ones. Try to do that for yourself through acceptance. Love, Charlie

Link to comment
Guest ~Brenda~

I don't know your family, but maybe they haven't seen your email yet or maybe they don't know what to say. Can you call them?

Love.

Brenda

Link to comment

First just because you haven't gotten a reply yet or never gets a reply doesn't mean the TXT didn't have an impact of some form which could possibly be positive.

I would have advised something different, something they could have responded to in order to open dialog and later get that message accross. The message is one that given the situation where there has been no dialog I would have expected a low chance of a non-response. But as I said it could still be positive.

Lastly, remember you do not need their permission. I think sometimes we seek the acknowledgement and validation of our decision. This is human nature, but when it comes to such a major decisions as SRS these are decisions we must make on ourselves and own. Be careful of a subconcious need to get their approval. Remember, surgery is just for you, it will come and be past and in the end has no bearing on the relationship unless you choose to make it the focal point.

Link to comment

I'm not calling. I sent a text. I'm done. I have tried and tried. They have chosen to cut ties. I'm fine with it. Does it sting, very much, but I kow I did the right thing and I can live with it.

I am not looking for approval. I already made my choice to have the surgery. My family was very close to me before and I really would hate to die on the table knowing I did not give everything.

Such is life.

Surgery bound.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

You did the right thing Nova, not stupid. It's your life and your choice to reach out.

Best

C -

Link to comment
Guest BeccaC

Stupid you are not Autumn... There is nothing wrong with wanting that connection with family, especially ones that at one time were very close. Do not fault yourself, you have tried everything. You never know that text might have just lit that spark that might bring someone around, we can hope right?

Wishing you the best

Hugs

Becca

Link to comment
  • Admin

Not stupid, very human and right by my mechanism that stands in place of what my family called morality too. You do have a while and they may come back later in curiosity if nothing else. Good for you I am not sure I would have had your character to do that much.

Link to comment
Guest akrobat

You are very brave and I wish you all the best. It's your life and make your life the way you want it to be. Make yourself happy with your choices cause you are worth it. You are not stupid but they are such an ignorant human beings, heartless. I don't know what else to say. I wish you all the best and you have my support... Just shine!

A lot of hugssss :)

Link to comment

Thank you, all of you. Hitting send as you all know was very hard, but I did it. I'm not sure what I expected, if I even expected anything.

I think the thing that hurts me more than anything is thinking that my family is bigoted. I would have never thought that any of them would not be live and let live.

Thanks for all the kind words. I have a family, right here, with all of you.

Link to comment
Guest Talon

You are NOT stupid! You are so brave and so strong for doing your own thing!

If you know in your heart that you have done everything you could to make your family, then you have done your part. It is great that you are having the surgery because it is what YOU want and I am proud of you for that!

I also think it is perfectly natural to want love and acceptance from your family and also to expect. Because your family should be the first to support you and the fact that they aren't does NOT mean that you are stupid or wrong! I repeat, it does NOT mean that there's anything wrong with you!

I wish you all the luck in the world with your surgery and everything else!

Hugs,

Talon.

Link to comment
Guest Jenny C

Dear Nova, You followed your convictions, nothing about that is stupid.

But how long will it take them to react... ???? Let's see.

Love,

Jenny

Link to comment
Guest YourDaughterToo

Dearest Autumn,

I'm so sorry that your family will not be with you on July 31st. I will keep you in my thoughts. My daughter had surgery 3 years ago. To see her happy for the first time in her life has been a blessing. I know that we can't replace your family, but I'm sending you all my love, support and blessings.

Rhonda

Link to comment
Guest SaleneAlexis

You are not stupid. You gave them one last chance to see your side of things and they choose not to listen, they will answer for it one way or another. Whether it be Karma biting them in the DONKEY or they answering to their God when they die, they will answer for it.

Look for Yourself now, and know that you do have people who are with you. All of us here are, and we will be by your side come what may.

Hugz

Stephanie

Link to comment
Guest rita63

Hey Autumn All you can do is try, someday your kids may remember this and realize you love them and come to find that love that is in you and will always be there no matter who you look like.

Will be thinking of you and your surgery.

hugs rita

Link to comment

Autumn, It's not stupid to love your family and likewise give them the chance to love you.

Any fool can risk their life but only a hero can risk their heart.

Reaching out to your family only shows you love your family unconditionally and that is not stupid. It's a shame they are unable to return that love.

It's their loss and if that is how they choose to be you don't need them.

With love,

~Jade.

Link to comment
Guest KarenLyn

It's certainly not stupid to expect support from your family. They could still come around. You've put the ball in their court. Give them time. We've struggled with our issues for years and it may take the same for them.

My husband went through basically the same thing with his family because they couldn't accept me. It took time but almost all of them have come around.

Link to comment

My heart goes out to you Autumn. You are a beautiful soul who is hurting. I know it will heal with time.

Best wishes

Michelle

Link to comment
Guest ZoeG360

Any fool can risk their life but only a hero can risk their heart.

~Jade.

Jade: that is awesome.

Autumn:

It was right of you to tell them whether they know it or not. Whether they respond or not is irrelevant at this point. Now they know, enough.

Your energy needs to be redirected, I sense a lot of anger in your words and that is energy wasted and energy you will need., Its time for you to let it go and focus on getting as strong and ready as you can for your surgery. You have done everything humanly possible and everyone here that has responded affirms that.

Stupidity is not on the table for that is not you. You are loving and caring and kind; Jade's definition of a hero is spot on.

Let it go.

Let it go.

Love you girl!

Zoe

Link to comment
Guest Lacey Lynne

Stupid you are not Autumn... There is nothing wrong with wanting that connection with family, especially ones that at one time were very close. Do not fault yourself, you have tried everything. You never know that text might have just lit that spark that might bring someone around, we can hope right?

Wishing you the best

Hugs

Becca

Becca said it so well. Agreed! Give 'em some time, because you never really know.

Remember, you've got plenty of "family" HERE who care about you immensely, and you KNOW we do!

Happy 31 July 2012, Nova!!! Hey, you just literally saw Dee Jay and Lizzy who are doing the same thing! They are FAMILY to you, Nova! We are too! You ARE cared about, and you ARE loved! Okay, maybe not so much by "the biologicals" really, but, at the end of the day, love is the only truth ... it's point of origin notwithstanding.

Peace & Joy :friends: Lacey Lynne

Note:

Ya ain't STOOPID, girl! Jeesh! Wassup with that? :excl: You're smart. You're sensitive. You're cool. :thumbsup:

Link to comment
Guest ~Brenda~

Drearest Nova,

Coming out to one's family is one of the hardest things to do.....beleive me, I know. You are an adult and very far from asking or needing permission. It took me a lot of hard work to get my family to understand. I will tell you this... you should try again to get your family to accept you. I do hope that you and your family can reconcile. You don't have to be alone.

Your family just needs help.

Brenda

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   1 Member, 0 Anonymous, 144 Guests (See full list)

    • Heather Shay
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.9k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,014
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. l.demiurge
      l.demiurge
  • Posts

    • Heather Shay
      RIP Dickie Betts  
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Which  do you pefer to refresh yourself - Music, Movies, Reading, Gaming, Nature, Other?
    • Heather Shay
      HRT visit always NP brings joy.
    • Heather Shay
      Nostalgia is an emotion. It is the feeling of enjoying events from the past. People with nostalgia will often look at or use old things that they were familiar with years ago. This is because people feel more connected to those past times that they enjoyed, usually because it reminds them of how long it has been since they last connected to such past times. Examples where people may have the feeling of nostalgia includes watching old TV shows, using old technology that was very enjoyable, and playing with toys that you played with as a child. These memories are usually misleading, and can make someone wish that they could be young again, even if their childhood was mediocre. Human brains often leave out boring or bad memories, which can cause incorrect feelings about their childhood.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Welcome. Love your photo. Glad you are here and see you've already met 2 of the amazing people here. Hugs
    • Heather Shay
      CAT FACTS A cat's jaw cannot move sideways. The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat   A house cat’s genome is 95.6 percent tiger, and they share many behaviors with their jungle ancestors, says Layla Morgan Wilde, a cat behavior expert and the founder of Cat Wisdom 101. These behaviors include scent marking by scratching, prey play, prey stalking, pouncing, chinning, and urine marking. Cats are believed to be the only mammals who don’t taste sweetness. Cats are nearsighted, but their peripheral vision and night vision are much better than that of humans. Cats are supposed to have 18 toes (five toes on each front paw; four toes on each back paw). Cats can jump up to six times their length. Cats’ claws all curve downward, which means that they can’t climb down trees head-first. Instead, they have to back down the trunk. Cats’ collarbones don’t connect to their other bones, as these bones are buried in their shoulder muscles. Cats have 230 bones, while humans only have 206. Cats have an extra organ that allows them to taste scents on the air, which is why your cat stares at you with her mouth open from time to time. Cats have whiskers on the backs of their front legs, as well. Cats have nearly twice the amount of neurons in their cerebral cortex as dogs. Cats have the largest eyes relative to their head size of any mammal. Cats make very little noise when they walk around. The thick, soft pads on their paws allow them to sneak up on their prey — or you! Cats’ rough tongues can lick a bone clean of any shred of meat. Cats use their long tails to balance themselves when they’re jumping or walking along narrow ledges. Cats use their whiskers to “feel” the world around them in an effort to determine which small spaces they can fit into. A cat’s whiskers are generally about the same width as its body. (This is why you should never, EVER cut their whiskers.) Cats walk like camels and giraffes: They move both of their right feet first, then move both of their left feet. No other animals walk this way. Male cats are more likely to be left-pawed, while female cats are more likely to be right-pawed. Though cats can notice the fast movements of their prey, it often seems to them that slow-moving objects are actually stagnant. Some cats are ambidextrous, but 40 percent are either left- or right-pawed. Some cats can swim. There are cats who have more than 18 toes. These extra-digit felines are referred to as being “polydactyl.”
    • Willow
      Good morning,   I over slept yesterday was a couple minutes late clocking in.  But no breakfast or coffee.  Got caught up but it was go go go all morning.  I had to ask for a refresher on how I was to enter something but once I got a quick answer it came back to me.    @KymmieL sorry Ford didn’t work out.  We are always looking for good reliable people, I could get you a job here but the commute would be rough.  Today I have three audits to get done, plus other things during my shift on top of the regular things.  Since I am opening that puts me in the drivers seat.  The Asst Mgr comes in part way throuh my shift but she will have to handle customers while I do the work she would be doing if she opened. Tail wagging the dog.  Guess she’s getting punished for not following the Mgr’s requests.  They do tend to butt heads a lot.     Butting heads with people is a thing the Asst is known for.   @awkward-yet-sweet do you think just maybe this new graphics request was in the offing?  And why you were asked to go to work with your husband?  Obviously, he cares about you a lot and is trying to do things to help you.   speaking of meeting people @Adrianna Danielle we have a youngish customer who comes in frequently, I’d like to approach her but I’m just not certain yet.  She still dresses male but has long hair and early chest development.  My approach, if I ever decided I should would just be supportive but I really can’t be sure that is what is going on here or what and I would not want to make a big blunder if that’s not what he is doing.  A male with early teen boobs doesn’t want to be noticed.   well, I can’t be late again, I’ve got to leave now.  See you again later for afternoon tea and crumpets or scones. Mmm scones!   lol   Willow
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-health-and-wellness/scotland-pauses-prescriptions-puberty-blockers-transgender-minors-rcna148366     Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.huffpost.com/entry/a-second-trump-presidency-would-be-a-nightmare-scenario-for-transgender-people_n_661ff9a9e4b07db21fd5d59b     Carolyn Marie
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, HIPAA is basically useless for keeping government out of your medical stuff.  It doesn't seem to prevent employers from making workplace medical demands either.  About the only thing it seems to do is keep somebody's sister or spouse from having the tools necessary to help you when you're in trouble.  As usual, government made things worse and added unhelpful red tape.  I really doubt HIPAA will be any use in the area of trans rights either.    Honestly, I don't see anything good will come of this no matter how it goes.  If some state AG's win on this, it will cause issues for trans folks.  If the Feds win on this, it'll be a precedent to stomp on states' rights even more than has already been done.  And I'm not sure which way things go will make a difference when it comes to officials from one state trying to do nasty things to people who have left that state and gone elsewhere.    What a crap sandwich... and no matter which plate it gets served on, "We The People" get to eat it. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      At least you tried!  Something equivalent or better may come up, and the waiting could be worth it.  Just keep trying and you'll eventually get what you need and want.      For me, having somebody to love was the most important.  Everything else follows after that.  I waited a long time to find somebody...and she ended up leading me to more than I ever thought possible.    Actually, I'm feeling pretty good right now.  I have something work-like outside of my home responsibilities to do for the first time in about 18 months.  Nobody seems to mind the real me.  And this evening, my husband said something that just really made me feel special.  He was rubbing my back, shoulders, and chest while we talked, helping me relax.  He told me that he thought I was really cute in my girl form, but that he thinks my boy form might even be cuter.  And that he's proud of his "smart little Pocket Fox."    For me, the combination of those sweet words and the physical affection was exactly what I needed. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...