Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

I'm so stupid


~Nova~

Recommended Posts

I decided to send a family text. I thought, one more try.

The text:

To my family:

I know that I have hurt and "embarrassed" some of you, for that, I am sorry.  I'm not going to explain myself or give excuses, I am writing to let you know that I am having my final surgery on July 31st.  

The surgery is long and complicated and if something happens I want you all to know I love and miss you all. 

Not one reply.

Link to comment
Guest LizMarie

You're not stupid. It's natural to want to be accepted and loved, especially by those we grew up around. Sometimes it's possible and sometimes it's not. You've gone above and beyond in trying to reach out to them and all of us reading these forums realize this.

It's ok. You're making it and ultimately you will be fine. The real loss here is theirs in not having such a wonderful woman back in their lives. *hugs*

Link to comment
Guest Shari

No, you're not stupid. I know that even after all that has passed, it still hurts. It's okay to feel that way. Who knows? One day they may realize that they miss you and if not, you can handle it. You're a much better person for trying.

Shari

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Bless you girl, I'm way behind you in transitioning but understand the cold shoulder and lack of acceptance. Which brings me to acceptance. For our our happiness we have always had to accept the difficult circumstances of our lives. We change as we can and if allowed we take our loved ones on our journey with us. I have been blessed with a son who although he doesn't seem happy about my changing has shown his love and some acceptance. My wife of 41 years is not as kind. I must accept the support I get and move on, hoping my loved ones will not be hurt by my actions. You are doing your best to care for your loved ones. Try to do that for yourself through acceptance. Love, Charlie

Link to comment
Guest ~Brenda~

I don't know your family, but maybe they haven't seen your email yet or maybe they don't know what to say. Can you call them?

Love.

Brenda

Link to comment

First just because you haven't gotten a reply yet or never gets a reply doesn't mean the TXT didn't have an impact of some form which could possibly be positive.

I would have advised something different, something they could have responded to in order to open dialog and later get that message accross. The message is one that given the situation where there has been no dialog I would have expected a low chance of a non-response. But as I said it could still be positive.

Lastly, remember you do not need their permission. I think sometimes we seek the acknowledgement and validation of our decision. This is human nature, but when it comes to such a major decisions as SRS these are decisions we must make on ourselves and own. Be careful of a subconcious need to get their approval. Remember, surgery is just for you, it will come and be past and in the end has no bearing on the relationship unless you choose to make it the focal point.

Link to comment

I'm not calling. I sent a text. I'm done. I have tried and tried. They have chosen to cut ties. I'm fine with it. Does it sting, very much, but I kow I did the right thing and I can live with it.

I am not looking for approval. I already made my choice to have the surgery. My family was very close to me before and I really would hate to die on the table knowing I did not give everything.

Such is life.

Surgery bound.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

You did the right thing Nova, not stupid. It's your life and your choice to reach out.

Best

C -

Link to comment
Guest BeccaC

Stupid you are not Autumn... There is nothing wrong with wanting that connection with family, especially ones that at one time were very close. Do not fault yourself, you have tried everything. You never know that text might have just lit that spark that might bring someone around, we can hope right?

Wishing you the best

Hugs

Becca

Link to comment
  • Admin

Not stupid, very human and right by my mechanism that stands in place of what my family called morality too. You do have a while and they may come back later in curiosity if nothing else. Good for you I am not sure I would have had your character to do that much.

Link to comment
Guest akrobat

You are very brave and I wish you all the best. It's your life and make your life the way you want it to be. Make yourself happy with your choices cause you are worth it. You are not stupid but they are such an ignorant human beings, heartless. I don't know what else to say. I wish you all the best and you have my support... Just shine!

A lot of hugssss :)

Link to comment

Thank you, all of you. Hitting send as you all know was very hard, but I did it. I'm not sure what I expected, if I even expected anything.

I think the thing that hurts me more than anything is thinking that my family is bigoted. I would have never thought that any of them would not be live and let live.

Thanks for all the kind words. I have a family, right here, with all of you.

Link to comment
Guest Talon

You are NOT stupid! You are so brave and so strong for doing your own thing!

If you know in your heart that you have done everything you could to make your family, then you have done your part. It is great that you are having the surgery because it is what YOU want and I am proud of you for that!

I also think it is perfectly natural to want love and acceptance from your family and also to expect. Because your family should be the first to support you and the fact that they aren't does NOT mean that you are stupid or wrong! I repeat, it does NOT mean that there's anything wrong with you!

I wish you all the luck in the world with your surgery and everything else!

Hugs,

Talon.

Link to comment
Guest Jenny C

Dear Nova, You followed your convictions, nothing about that is stupid.

But how long will it take them to react... ???? Let's see.

Love,

Jenny

Link to comment
Guest YourDaughterToo

Dearest Autumn,

I'm so sorry that your family will not be with you on July 31st. I will keep you in my thoughts. My daughter had surgery 3 years ago. To see her happy for the first time in her life has been a blessing. I know that we can't replace your family, but I'm sending you all my love, support and blessings.

Rhonda

Link to comment
Guest SaleneAlexis

You are not stupid. You gave them one last chance to see your side of things and they choose not to listen, they will answer for it one way or another. Whether it be Karma biting them in the DONKEY or they answering to their God when they die, they will answer for it.

Look for Yourself now, and know that you do have people who are with you. All of us here are, and we will be by your side come what may.

Hugz

Stephanie

Link to comment
Guest rita63

Hey Autumn All you can do is try, someday your kids may remember this and realize you love them and come to find that love that is in you and will always be there no matter who you look like.

Will be thinking of you and your surgery.

hugs rita

Link to comment

Autumn, It's not stupid to love your family and likewise give them the chance to love you.

Any fool can risk their life but only a hero can risk their heart.

Reaching out to your family only shows you love your family unconditionally and that is not stupid. It's a shame they are unable to return that love.

It's their loss and if that is how they choose to be you don't need them.

With love,

~Jade.

Link to comment
Guest KarenLyn

It's certainly not stupid to expect support from your family. They could still come around. You've put the ball in their court. Give them time. We've struggled with our issues for years and it may take the same for them.

My husband went through basically the same thing with his family because they couldn't accept me. It took time but almost all of them have come around.

Link to comment

My heart goes out to you Autumn. You are a beautiful soul who is hurting. I know it will heal with time.

Best wishes

Michelle

Link to comment
Guest ZoeG360

Any fool can risk their life but only a hero can risk their heart.

~Jade.

Jade: that is awesome.

Autumn:

It was right of you to tell them whether they know it or not. Whether they respond or not is irrelevant at this point. Now they know, enough.

Your energy needs to be redirected, I sense a lot of anger in your words and that is energy wasted and energy you will need., Its time for you to let it go and focus on getting as strong and ready as you can for your surgery. You have done everything humanly possible and everyone here that has responded affirms that.

Stupidity is not on the table for that is not you. You are loving and caring and kind; Jade's definition of a hero is spot on.

Let it go.

Let it go.

Love you girl!

Zoe

Link to comment
Guest Lacey Lynne

Stupid you are not Autumn... There is nothing wrong with wanting that connection with family, especially ones that at one time were very close. Do not fault yourself, you have tried everything. You never know that text might have just lit that spark that might bring someone around, we can hope right?

Wishing you the best

Hugs

Becca

Becca said it so well. Agreed! Give 'em some time, because you never really know.

Remember, you've got plenty of "family" HERE who care about you immensely, and you KNOW we do!

Happy 31 July 2012, Nova!!! Hey, you just literally saw Dee Jay and Lizzy who are doing the same thing! They are FAMILY to you, Nova! We are too! You ARE cared about, and you ARE loved! Okay, maybe not so much by "the biologicals" really, but, at the end of the day, love is the only truth ... it's point of origin notwithstanding.

Peace & Joy :friends: Lacey Lynne

Note:

Ya ain't STOOPID, girl! Jeesh! Wassup with that? :excl: You're smart. You're sensitive. You're cool. :thumbsup:

Link to comment
Guest ~Brenda~

Drearest Nova,

Coming out to one's family is one of the hardest things to do.....beleive me, I know. You are an adult and very far from asking or needing permission. It took me a lot of hard work to get my family to understand. I will tell you this... you should try again to get your family to accept you. I do hope that you and your family can reconcile. You don't have to be alone.

Your family just needs help.

Brenda

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   0 Members, 0 Anonymous, 132 Guests (See full list)

    • There are no registered users currently online
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      768.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,020
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Tami
    Newest Member
    Tami
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bebhar
      Bebhar
      (41 years old)
    2. caelensmom
      caelensmom
      (40 years old)
    3. Jani
      Jani
      (70 years old)
    4. Jessicapitts
      Jessicapitts
      (37 years old)
    5. klb046
      klb046
      (30 years old)
  • Posts

    • Carolyn Marie
      You make some good points, AYS.  But there are usually already too many ballot propositions each election, so the proponents know it's best to wrap it all up into a nice package.  Plus, it's easier for the signature gatherers.  Otherwise they have to have a separate clipboard for each proposition.  Too much paperwork, dontcha know?   This kind of proposition is a loser in CA, so the only possible way the proponents can succeed is to give it the scariest title imaginable and try to put one over on the voters before they get wise.  Bottom line; an ice cube on a hot summer sidewalk has a better chance of success.   Carolyn Marie
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Reading that article, it seems like the attorney general gets to call it whatever unless its an outright lie.  Given the nature of politics in CA, it seems like one side has the bully pulpit for sure.  Labeling it "Restricts Rights" vs "Protects Kids" is very much a matter of perspective.  Unfortunately, that matters since many voters don't bother to read.  Perhaps a better (unbiased) way to handle it would be to simply give the ballot measure a number with no title, forcing folks to read it.    I think it would have been better to handle the various issues covered by the ballot measure separately, rather than all at once.  For example, issues relating to disclosure of medical and social information to parents.  That could be its own ballot measure, rather than lumped in with everything else.  Besides, shorter and more succinct measures are more likely to be read completely. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://calmatters.org/education/k-12-education/2024/04/trans-youth/     Yup, the existing title sound perfectly appropriate and accurate to me, too.   Carolyn Marie
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Seen my hrt specialist this morning and nothing but good news,estrogen levels looked good.Boyfriend was with me and I admit he has been learning well about my transition showing his support.Our relationship is going great and we both see each other much happier now.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      This reminded me of an individual who, due to child sexual abuse, lived as a woman for 15 years, detransitioned and noisily insists that all trans people have his story.  His name comes up fairly often because it fits the narrative.   I don't know that anyone actually has been railroaded.  People may say it, they may look back at what happened and decide that happened.  It's a he said / she said, but it feeds a narrative that is useful for those who are already convinced that trans people are abuse victims first and foremost.  That the detransition rate is so low tells me that railroading is not actually a problem, and I regret giving the impression that I thought it was.  That so few detransition is a success story.   What is pertitent at heart is that people hear and believe all the stories out there, and the story we have to tell is not heard, because TG folk are, after all, untrustworthy in their view and unworthy of an audience.  Somehow it needs to get out there as to what the real situation is. 
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      I'm not saying that Christianity is wrong but at the same time there were more than 30,000 changes to it. The Bible doesn't state anything against transgender. The only point that can be proven by them is that people are giving into their desire. 1 John 2:15-17 ESV "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever." I would love to challenge them by asking who watches a movie, reads books, and listens to music that isn't Christian based because then they would be guilty as well. 1 Corinthians 10:31 ESV "So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. Probably not a single hand would still stand that they don't participate in everything they do gives glory to God. "
    • VickySGV
      My neighboring state got lucky a couple years ago. 
    • VickySGV
      https://www.wpath.org/soc8   I had been looking for this to respond to a member and could not find it .  Pinning it for now.
    • VickySGV
      @Abigail GenevieveSomewhere in the Forums here, we have a link to the World Professional Association for Transgender Health's Standards Of Care, now at revision 8 but it is available in plenty of places.   https://www.wpath.org/soc8.    These are the canons for the allied medical fields that deal with Trans people and are the guidance for those professionals.  I personally know members of the Association and have toyed with the idea of becoming an associate member since I am not a medical professional but because I like to keep on top of what is going on medically.  There are a number of Trans people who think they are overly oppressive as far as the gatekeeping goes, but the medical / psychological profession members who follow these guidelines for there patients WILL NOT be forcing their patients into unneeded or harmful surgery or medications.  I read my first pitiful and heart-rending  "detransitioning" story 60 years ago when I snuck a tabloid newspaper behind a comic book down at the neighborhood convenience store when I was 16 years old and reading it off the rack which should have been adult only.  I am afraid that it was the first thing I ever read that told me about Trans and Transsexual people, it would be another 30 years before I actually figured out my own story.  The story I later found out, was NOT written by a Trans person, but a well known Porn scribbler who wrote many fantastic and gory stories about what he thought Trans people were.  We are not anything like his imagination, but he was a "press agent" for Trans people of the time.  We do have some well known and noisy, negative view Detransitioners who have been found to have gone to multiple psychologists and lied their way Transitioning, one of the most infamous actually hid Dissociative Identity Disorder, right therapist wrong Identity that was being counseled.  It is a messy story.  The public, like my first encounter, was NOT getting their information from the scientific journals of the time, they were getting it from Adult Entertainment and Tabloids   We need to be careful of where we get some of our ideas from. Evidence is good that the person at the heart of this thread gets most of his information from us from the slanted and non-scientific sources most people get theirs.   OOPs, I( may have sent this off track here, but but but.    
    • Ivy
    • Ashley0616
      Yet another failed attempt. Glad to know that we are more important than education or health care to them.
    • Mmindy
      I agree with you.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Well said, and I agree @VickySGV   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Ashley0616
      Well the VA tried setting me up with another appointment with laser even though they won't cover it? This just doesn't make sense. Back to the waiting game on electrolysis. I'm in a area that doesn't do much of that. There is one place that covers face only. There is another one that looks like they do it in their home. Other than that it's it for nearby. I don't think they are wanting to do it due to how expensive it's going to be. Typical VA stuff dragging their feet. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...