I need help with something?

[Guest idontknow]

ok so as some of you know, i haven't gotten the guts to transition, cut my hair, wear guy clothes, or come out yet. I'd really like to do all of that but I just don't think i'm ready yet. Anyways, this might sound kind of weird but to deal with coming out, I "pretend" to be a guy on online games and i've been doing that since I was a kid. I've made some really good friends that way, and as cheesy as it sounds, they're there for me when my real friends aren't. It's a group of people. We're all close, but there's a big problem. Every one of them have posted pictures of themselves and have told each other their names. I'm the only one out of the group who hasn't done that. They're starting to get suspicious. We've all been talking for at least 4-8 months. I feel depressed and anxious, knowing that I can't even take a picture of myself or even tell them my name. I feel so disgusted of myself. And to make it worse, I made an online friend about 5 years ago, before I even knew what an FTM was, and I told her that I was a girl. She didn't take it very well. We still talk but now she's telling all of the new friends that I made that i'm a girl. I know it sounds really weird, but acting like a guy on the internet has made me feel better about this whole thing. I don't know what to do.

[JJ]

It's not weird to play games as the male you really are. I can't play games as a female-I never could no matter how hard I tried. You are a guy. It's just that your anatomy is at odds with your brain and identity.

I'm not sure what the answer to your dilemma is except that if the girl is telling everyone you may not have a choice but to disclose that you are a transman instead of a more conventional type of man. But man you are. Maybe you can find a way to take a pic that looks somewhat male? Hair under a cap etc? A simple explanation is that you are a man but have a birth defect that caused them to believe you were a girl when you were born and you were forced to live that way till you can change to a male life. Kind of simplistic but true and without any of those T words that carry such misconceptions for people. If people ask me if I am trans I say yes but I never use the words myself unless someone is familiar with the real condition

I wish you all the best in this and hope that someone can perhaps make better suggestions for you.

Johnny

[Guest Clair Dufour]

The only online game I play is Second Life and there 40% crossplay at least from time to time. In some sims its expected and the audio chat is turned off. You don't tell people who you are, that ruins the game. but, if they tell you or you tell them for some reason its bad form to tell others. In your case it seems to have happened. But, because its a virtual game, you can make up a new story. Like, yes your a girl, an MTF, a boy that wants to be a girl and you have been afraid to come out even in the virtual world and you thought you could trust her. That will get Ms. Blabermouth!

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Just be yourself.

Brenda

[Guest leo]

Agrees with Brenda. When I first got online I was always male, even before I knew what trans was. Just do what ever is comfortable

[Guest Rowan19]

Brenda is right, but Clair Dufour's idea is actually a pretty good one in the excuse department!

[Guest idontknow]

Man, i dont really know what to do now.. They're begging me to post a picture.. i know what they all look like but they dont know what i look like.. I wish I could cut my hair right now and take a picture just to get it over with.. i'm tired of the guilt..

[Guest Ebany]

i've always been male online as well. i used to play one with my brother and i made him swear my real gender to secrecy. it was kinda nice hearing him refer to me as his brother.

i'd suggest getting a hoodie and taking your pic with that on to hide your hair. also even though the 'mascara to the upper-lip-hair' won't stand up in-person, you can't tell it's mascara in a pic as long as you make sure you don't have clumps and as far as your name, give them the name you want to be called.

also, you could always get a 'pixie' cut that is quite easy to style into a more 'male' look. then all you have to do is throw in some hair gel and apply a little make-up and nobody around you will know your secret but you'll also have the option of looking more male when you want to. When I cut my hair, i waited until i was alone and used a set of clippers to remove all of it. (was about 1/8 inch long)

Danny