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Guest BeccaC

Things not going as good as I hoped..

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Guest BeccaC

Just wanted to let you all know that once things have sunk in for my wife that it's not going as good as good is it started. She believes that the more time I spend on here the more it affects me, not to her liking.. I haven't gotten her to say it directly but I feel she would rather me just bottle everything back up.. She is not a mean person, but this has been extremely hard for her to grasp.. Not sure if I'll be back, but I'm going to honor her wishes and try to stay away for a while.. I'm not sure what wil be best, but I know this for a fact.. Without my family my life would me meaningless, worse than bottling this up.

I sinserely wish everyone the best and with all my love I want to say bye for now.

Becca

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VickySGV

We'll be here when you can get back. The light will be on.

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Guest ~Brenda~

Do what you must. I will await your return. Perhaps your wife can join Laura's too as an SO. Hopefully she will understand that we are really all about support, not persuasion. She is as welcome here as you are.

Brenda

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Guest Donna Jean

.

Becca....

Honey, we have to understand that It's hard on those around us ...but, it's hard on us, too...

Huggs...

Dee Jay

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Carolyn Marie

Becca, I know the pressures you're experiencing, and saying its difficult is a huge understatement. Suffice it to say, I understand.

Do what you need to do, and know that you are always welcome, whatever happens.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

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Guest angels wings

Becca i actually said the same thing to my partner at one stage . It was like the more she got on the quicker i was loosing my husband .'give her time she will go through sooooooo many emotions sooooo many ?????????? Please encourage her to come on line herself and see what this group is all about. And also for her to see she is not alone with all these feelings us partners are travelling the same journey a very scarey one the more support she has the better . And same goes for you both parties need it. Not only will she get support but shem will learn so much not that it takes away the pain we feel but it does help in understanding our partners,. All the best from my heart for you and your wife remember we will still be here waiting for you both with open arms . Big hugs for you both ((((hugs)))

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Guest Shari

Becca,

Others have said that our spouses transition with us. I have a few regrets that I didn't take things a little slower and be more open with my spouse. Anyway, you both appear to be special people and I wish the best for you.

We are here when you need us, so do not worry about that. Take care of yourself and your family.

Hugs,

Shari

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JJ

Becca =Emotional rebound is as natural as breathing and a part of what we all go through I think. When things have been so much better than we feared ad we have been up we kind of seesaw down.

That old roller coaster ride. But hang on and I suspect you'll find you and your wife make it through this - probably stronger and closer than ever. The signs I have seen from your posts have been all very, very good.

As the others said, those who love us have to transition with us and sometimes the more they love us they harder that can be at times for them. In a very real sense they are losing a lot where we are shedding burdens instead. In time in the best case they come to treasure what they have gained and the happiness we can then bring into the relationship more than what they have lost. But it tales time to accept and adjust and even mourn. All we can do is accept what they are feeling and support them as we want them to accept and support us

Hugs

Johnny

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Guest ZoeG360

Becca:

Be careful about bottling it all up, find another avenue to express what is going on in your mind and heart if its not here. The reality is that being here does not change the way people feel, it gives them perspectives they may not otherwise have.

I spent many a decade bottling it all up for the sake of my family and in retrospect, it was probably a good choice for them. Now the kids are grown and gone it has freed me now to open the bottle (figuratively speaking) again.

Timing is everything but don't ignore your needs to the point where it makes it impossible to be who you are, Your family needs you but you can't take care of them unless you can take care of yourself.

We'll be here when you need us.

Zoe

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Guest MiraJ

Becca

You know its very important to have support. Locking it back up makes it harder and it might burst out later even more.

Well you got my number call em if you need someone to talk to. Best of luck to you.

Love

Mira

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Guest Mia J

Dearest Becca,

Only you know what you really need to do. Taking some time off may help your wife to see that it is not Laura's that is changing you but your own need to be who you really are.

Take some time off and come back when you can. Like others have said maybe you could get your wife to read some of the site at some point.

Mia

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Guest BeccaC

Well I'm still here, and I think she has seen my emotional roller coaster is not due to Laura's but that it's all just me right now. Hopefully her account will be useable by the time we get supper picked up and back to the boat..

I have had a bad couple of days, but still hanging in there.. Of course that's the best any of us can do on any given day.. While now its kind of sad, but almost funny how bad I still am fighting this.. Upon seeing the hurt and confusion I have been causing her I had an EXTREMLY bad night a few days ago.. And I went from almost being able to put my hair in a masculineish ponytail( thanks T for the male pattern baldness....) to a skint head.. In my act of defiance I shaved my head ( used to shave it all the time so I wouldn't have to see the baldness progressing).. After two days of the stress making me violently sick, things are looking up once again.. Still suffering my unwanted weight loss but it's starting to slow down at least..

I want to thank you all, and to say I love y'all for being there..

On a side note the shaved head makes the wig fit better lol

Love

Becca

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Guest Ney'ite

...

I want to thank you all, and to say I love y'all for being there..

...

Becca my dear friend . . . it is ok . . . we ALL have our rough spots and bumps in the road (I have had PLENTY!). But somehow, with the help of each other, we manage to survive and move on. I have very much enjoyed your wonderful experiences you have shared with us so far. Please remember those, they really did happen, and those smiles were real in the pictures you shared.

Trust in the fact that I am sure everyone here at Laura's who has been sharing in your joys as well as your trials . . . we are not going anywhere and will be here for you no matter what happens out there. In a way, this is your virtual home . . . really all of ours in one way or another, which makes us all family. :)

6.gif

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Guest Gregg Jameson

Hi Becca,

Sorry life is a bit stressful. Totally understand your desire to preserve your family life!

I hope your wife will join us here and see what goes on. I think she will find this site uplifting, supportive, healthy.

My very best to you and to your family!

Hopeful for healing for all.

Brad

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Guest Becca'sWife

Hello everyone. I am Becca's better half. LoL. I have been following some of the post. Becca finally got me squared away so I can sign in now. As you know we have 3 daughters. One that has just come into puberty and 2 that will be following soon. I have never gone thru the emotions Becca's going thru now. And yes it hurts to see Becca go thru this. All I can do is cry, laugh, hold and let Becca know I am here. I may not have words of wisdom but I can listen. Yes there are some issues I am having to deal with too. Hopefully it will all work out. I just wanted you all to know I was not being stubborn on getting on here, I just don't know how to work things as well as Becca. :)

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Guest Mia J

Welcome to Laura's Beccas wife and thank you for coming here. I hope you can find some understanding and support here. Please be sure to check out the Significant Other forum to see how other SOs are dealing with this. I also want to thank you for trying to understand what is going on with Becca and offering support as you can.

This can be something very hard to go through but it can be done. My spouse and I are still together and still very much in love. It takes work and it takes change but it can be done.

Mia

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Guest Mia J

Becca,

Thank you for hanging in there and getting through this last bout. It happens to all of us and all we can do is hang in there and try to work out how we can make it better. We all go through this roller coaster and I am glad you are here.

Mia

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Guest Ney'ite

...

All I can do is cry, laugh, hold and let Becca know I am here. I may not have words of wisdom but I can listen. Yes there are some issues I am having to deal with too. Hopefully it will all work out.

...

It is so nice to get to meet you, Becca's Wife. :) I said it in another post of your partner's, and I will repeat it here: "...and please pass along to your partner that she is a fantastic woman and definitely a keeper!" As for having the right words to say? As you said in the part I quoted, sometimes the best support we can show is to just listen. Knowing someone is listening to us can help so much. You are a remarkable woman and I truly wish you both the best as you traverse this roller coaster journey!

So please make yourself at home and enjoy your stay. You are amongst family and friends now. :)

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Guest ZoeG360

Becca:

I too have struggled with how much I have hurt my wife with this and I am glad to say she is coming around. My GT told me just yesterday that it may seem like I hurt her, but its not like I asked for this, not like I decided to have an affair or something. I was born with this and have lived a lie trying to fight it all my life.

While my wife's reaction is perfectly understandable, now, knowing what I know, continuing to live the lie will hurt her worse. We ask an awful lot from our spouses because not only were they not born with this affliction, they have never had to even consider it while we can't stop thinking about it (OK, count the negatives in that sentence! :>))

I think its amazing that your wife has come here to learn and listen, that is a great expression of support in a tough situation. Not knowing what to do is a very genuine response and making mistakes is part of it for everyone.

Good luck to both of you, be strong, be kind and go slow.

Zoe

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Guest rita63

Becca, I don't know if you saw Krisina's poem "Pause for a Moment" in the poetry section. It is about the changes we go through and the care we owe to the others in our life. I found some comfort and understanding in it, I hope you will too.

hugs rita

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Guest Becca'sWife

Thank you Bette. There are times I have no idea what to say or do. As you know, Becca shaved his/her head. Becca asked me to do it and I had refused and told him/her to wait a day and see what the feelings were then. I came out of the boat to a weed wacked head. I had to shave it then because there was nothing else i could do. I just wanted to cry but it will grow back. At least the wig fits better now. LOL

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Michelle 2010

Hi Becca's Wife. Perhaps we will meet at the May support group which includes Loved Ones. I hope so. Tis is indeed a strange twist to life's expectations, isn't it? Hopefully my wife will be in attendance also. I wish both of you all the happiness and acceptance you can find in your journey. Patience and staying in the Present will help in the beginning, IMHO.

Best wishes

Michelle

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Guest Becca'sWife

If I was told correctly it is May 5th. If that is the case I will probably not be able to make it. I will be back in Mississippi till end of school year. Although I would love to attend, I have to take care of the kids and money is tight.

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Guest Janice Lynn

Beccas's Wife,

I am here because of my wife. After several "false starts" over too many years to

count, I reached the end of my rope and literally fell apart. My wife held my hand

and, while I wasn't aware, discovered LP and suggested that I come here to find

others like myself ... those miscast by their physical gender. She had come to realize

that I truly was transgendered and that we needed to alter the course of our

marriage ... a long one at more than 40 years ... or the consequences would be

tragic for us both because we were and are and will always be deeply in love with

one another.

I can tell you that I played the role of husband and father well. I have always been

a good provider, always faithful, and by anyone's standards a good father. All this

being said, something was always somewhat off kilter, not quite right. I knew what it

was but could never call it out for what it was. What it was was that I was simply a

woman at the very core, really very much like my wife herself.

I didn't ask for this. All I can tell you is that I have always known something was

terribly, terribly wrong. I tried, God knows I tried, for literally decades, to pass every

test. I was a wizard at "True/False" tests, multiple choice tests, and even essay

tests.

On the surface it all looked great. No one knew, not even my wife ... the most

important person in my life ... that the more I succeeded as a male; husband,

father, teammate or whatever .... the more I was driven to distraction by the fact

that in my heart I had been and was at the core posing and posturing. I was no

more male than you are.

My wife and I have come a long, long way since then, but that is not the point.

The point is that, having followed Becca's posts, you have been no less remarkable

than my wife in making a courageous effort to understand and accept the truth

about your situation. I know you never bargained for this, but here it is. And your

effort to absorb everything has been extraordinary and your love for Becca is

obvious to us all. My wife and I never bargained for this. Neither have you and

Becca. All that we can do now is find ways to make it work and try to overcome what

are now enormous obstacles. We all know this will not be easy.

My wife is an incredible human being, full of patience and compassion. She has

done all those things you have done and I know "all of those things" pushed her to

places she never thought she would be. It has been hard for her. She didn't

bargain for this. And though I pray to God that she will always be there for me, I

cannot ask that she make such a promise. I can only ask that she understand that

Janice Lynn is even more than the guy she married, but someone infinitely more

ready and capable of loving her because she is now free to be herself. She has

seen this and embraced me in more ways than I can describe here. I hope and pray

this will be enough.

I dare to say we are both better, happier, and more alive than we have ever been.

So are you two.

I can offer no advice other than that you never let one rough day, one incomprehensible

display of emotion, one seemingly nonsensical moment, or anything else be the

proverbial straw that break's the marriage's back. Becca is just like me ... trying at

a rather awkward age to figure out who she is and how she will truly find her place in

life, hoping like crazy that she can carry with her the people and things she loves.

You and your children are people she desperately longs to bring with her into the

future.

I'm prone to rambling on, Becca's Wife. Forgive me. I am simply trying to let you

know that you are not at all alone and that those of us who are like Becca hold

wives and lovers like you in awe. You never bargained for this, but here you are

trying so hard to hold on to the person you have loved for a long while even though

Someone or Something has taken the game board, shaken it and knocked over

the pieces.

My wife and I believe the Real Game is to put the pieces back on the board. I

truly believe that, from everything I have read ... especially about you ... that you

can do this incredible thing.

My love and all to you both,

Janice Lynn

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Guest MiraJ

OMG Becca i just read through the posts and i started to cry happy tears to see things on the upward trend for you. Just take each day for itself. :)

Beccas Wife, im very proud of you that you are willing to deal with becca and supporting her like you do. You know that means everything to her.

Sooooo happy for the both of you.

Huggs

Mira

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