Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Sex and Stuff...


Guest Amelia

Recommended Posts

Guest Amelia

So I don't even know if this is an appropriate thing to discuss, but I realized I won't be able to lose my virginity until I'm at least 18. You know, when I can access SRS. And that's the minimum! It kind of makes me afraid to start a relationship... I don't think I can talk about this in the teen section, so here I am in the adult section :P

I've never really thought of this because I was more worried about how I feel, but it's something to consider. Have you gals ever wondered how different things would be after SRS? I mean, what was going through your mind if you have already lost your virginity as your birth-gender? I feel too awkward to have sex as I am now. I mean, my family believes having sex before a sex change automatically invalidates you as transgender, but that can't be right... I mean how does that explain all the married transgals with kids? It's so confusing.

P.S.-

In other news, my mom has agreed to go to a PFLAG meeting called Health TRANSitions with me dressed as a girl! So excited!

Link to comment
Guest jennifer_m

i've had sex several times over the years as a man, and while it was pleasurable, it doesn't feel the same as manual stimulation to me.

that's not to say i wouldn't have it again before SRS though. but sex isn't just about yourself, it's about the connection the two of you have together. having said all that, if you're not comfortable with having sex yet, then don't do it until you are.

Link to comment
Guest Mayrah

I lost my virginity at 18 with a girl, i came out at 19, i fooled around with a male at 20, now im 21. Do i see any problems or does it invalidates me being transgender? nope! :P

If i get to be intimate with someone, that isnt going to stop me from going further because im still pre-op. Besides having the experience before the SRS, you will know the difference afterwards and you wont be asking yourself what i could have been when you are already post-op.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Wonderful about your mom and the meeting!

One of the things I frequently have to discuss with people IRL is that being trans isn't about your sexuality, but it can affect it. For instance I have been married and even had a child. Just didn't work for me though really. Never felt right. Lesbian sex feels even more wrong. T has proven to me beyond a doubt I am a straight man. Explains why I have been celibate for decades since my divorce. I didn't have the body to match my sexual identity and orientation.

For some of us it is like that. For others the body doesn't matter and they have satisfying relationships before and after transition and surgery.

I believe this is as highly variable and individual as being trans is. It's more complicated for us but in the end it's important to decide based on what is right for YOU. Because only you can know that and no one else's expectations are valid

Johnny

Link to comment
Guest Clair Dufour

Im not sure what kind of relationships you want to explore. First, most cis girls are not interested in fem males . Those that are are also exploring their sex and gender issues. Its good to explore so you understand more of what it is all about. Just be safe about it. Second, Crossdressing realy turns things around. A lot of gay guys and other CD's notice CD's and arn't shy about hitting on them especialy in places like SF.

If it has not happened, it will. That's when you find out how fem you realy are.

Link to comment
Guest Jo-88

First, most cis girls are not interested in fem males.

I have to disagree with that statement whole heartedly. Feminine males attract women just the same as any other male (maybe even more so), especially amongst the younger crowd.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

It's been my observation in life that when it comes to attraction there are no hard and fast rules. Except maybe you find what you expect to find most of the time. Or think you deserve deep down. Some people like fat people and some thin, some like macho rednecks and some gentlemen and some like jocks while others prefer fem. Some like same sex, some like opposite and some like everything and everybody. Shoot there are even people deeply in love with buildings.

You just can't say something will or won't happen because it can and has-but sometimes we are blind to what we don't want to see or can't accept for some reason

Johnny

Link to comment
Guest Madison_Always

I believe it is an entirely individual experience. Each of us have our own convictions and preferences. For me, I refuse to do anything with "it" with anyone. I just dont have any desire to have sex until I feel right with myself. I cannot predict the future so I wont say nothing will ever happen though =p. Another issue regarding sex that makes me sad is that, at least, until after srs we cant be intimate with someone without having to share our past. That is a luxury that I think many cis people take for granted.

Link to comment

In the past I had both a girlfriend and a boyfriend. Unfortunately nothing like that happened with them which is fine by me. When I was living as male I tried to be straight even though I knew I was attracted to men. It just didn't work out for me. While I loved my girlfriend deeply on an emotional level I was not attracted to her physically, though she was and attractive woman.

With my boyfriend, he insisted that he was straight, being gay was wrong and of course he was "christian" and yet willing to try and have a relationship with a woman like me. When he tried to get close to me though my regret at not being a complete anatomical female overwhelmed me because I knew that was what he wanted and... well I ruined the moment and it was lost forever. Shortly thereafter our relationship ended.

Now I have a guy in my life, not an official boyfriend yet, but someone I am very close to. He is willing to try and love me as I am. He has always been nothing less than patient and kind with me even on the most difficult of days and even though I have not had SRS... I don't think I'd want my first time to be with anyone else, even with my current physical anatomy.

I think there is definitely a physical virginity you lose, but also a spiritual and emotional one. I don't think it's wrong to say a Transperson can lose their virginity at least twice and I don't think it makes you less trans or less of a woman to enjoy the body you were born with if you can obtain that degree of physical comfort with yourself.

We've all heard of chasers an admirers. I don't think all people willing to be intimate with a pre-op transperson, trans man or trans woman are simply chasers or admirers. I think they just have open hearts and minds and if they're willing to love you as you are, and you're capable of sharing that with them I think that makes things more special in it's way. Not all of us are capable of being intimate pre-op... but when you're someone like me where surgery is years away, does that mean you should wait for surgery or should have to wait for surgery when you have someone who loves you now as you are? Not at all.

Don't give up your virginity until you are comfortable and ready. If you love someone and you want to share that connection with them then it doesn't matter whether you're pre or post op. Sexuality and gender identity are two totally different things. They may impact each other in some ways in regards to Trans people, possibly being able or unable to be intimate with their birth anatomy among other things, but I don't think sexuality or sexual experience has any determining factors in who you are as a male, female or androgyn.

Most people think this is about sex and that is a myth you're just going to have to try and dispell within your family.

~Jade.

Link to comment
Guest Clair Dufour

Jodie: I do agree with you that younger women are more open to fem guys. I said most are not. If its most are, there is going to be a shortage of us! What the percentages are I don't know. What I think is that in Jess's case, it may be a moot point. There is a big difference between being fem and being trans. Im fem and have been married 37 years and it works for us. Being trans is not a issue as old age comes with that as a bonus! For younger people, that, as we have seen here many times, totaly destroys most domestic relationships.

It would be interisting to know what such young women think about this. How many would say "After we have two kids you can have all the HRT you want darling and take care of them all"!

Link to comment
Guest AlyTheGreatAngel

I use to hate my body, and believed if I didn't have SRS I could never have sex. I accept myself, and I wouldn't feel uncomfortable to have sex now. As long as I don't have to use my genitalia that I have now. . If you use your imagination, without me having to get into detail. There's just so many options. . If I felt comfortable with a person I would now. I've only had 1 boyfriend, and I was to insecure at 15. . But now I'm sure things would be different.

Link to comment
Guest Zoeyy

I don't think it invalidates being transgendered at all. I personally want to experience sex both with my male body, and my post-op female body because I think it would be interesting to know what it's like for both sexes (as well as to figure some stuff out about myself). The way I see it is I want to be able to get intimate with others that I love, but I can't possibly imagine waiting however many years until I've fully transitioned to do so. I just need a little more time to feel comfortable

Also that's great to hear about your mother and the meeting :)

Link to comment
Guest Sascha

Hello Jessica, if someone asks and you do not want to do it, then just say NO. That's it. Some girls are happy that they waited, others not. It all depends what you want.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 90 Guests (See full list)

    • Hannah Renee
    • KathyLauren
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,944
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Melissa_J
    Newest Member
    Melissa_J
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Willow
      Good Friday Morning    I will be spending a good portion of my day at church today.  I don’t know how any of my family would have been with me.  They all passed before I figured myself out.  I often think my mother and sister may have figured it out before I did but maybe it was just my depression that they saw.  I don’t know and never will.  My grandfather Young unconditionally loved me but he passed when I was 9.   Same with my wife’s parents, both gone before.  We’ve never had the greatest relationship with my wife’s brother but we do see them occasionally.  They words and actions aren’t always in sink when it comes to me.   Sour kraut or boil cabbage were never big even with my parents so that was something we were never expected to eat.  Nor was anything with mustard.  My mother hated mustard and it turns my stomach. My wife tried to sneak it into things early in our marriage but I could always tell.  She stopped after a while.   well I wave to go get ready to go to church.  I have a committee meeting at 10 and then we have a Good Friday Service at noon.   Willow
    • Mmindy
      Good morning everyone,   @KymmieLI hope you're misreading your bosses communications. As you say keep plugging a long. Don't give them signs that you're slow quitting, just to collect unemployment.   I have a few things to do business wise, and will be driving to the St. Louis, MO area for two family gatherings.   Have a great day,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • KymmieL
      Good morning everyone, TGIFF   It seems like I am the one keeping or shop from being the best. According to the boss. I don't know if my days are numbered or not. But anymore I am waiting for the axe to fall. Time will tell.   I keep plugging a long.   Kymmie
    • KymmieL
      In the warmer weather, Mine is hitting the road on the bike. Just me, the bike, and the road. Other is it music or working on one of my many projects.   Kymmie
    • LC
      That is wonderful. Congratulations!
    • Heather Shay
      What is relaxation to you? Nature? Movie? Reading? Cuddling with a pet? Music?
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Having just a normal emotional day.
    • Heather Shay
      AMUSEMENT The feeling when you encounter something silly, ironic, witty, or absurd, which makes you laugh. You have the urge to be playful and share the joke with others. Similar words: Mirth Amusement is the emotional reaction to humor. This can be something that is intended to be humorous, like when someone tells a good joke or when a friend dresses up in a ridiculous costume. But it can also be something that you find funny that was not intended to be humorous, like when you read a sign with a spelling error that turns it into an ironic pun. For millennia, philosophers and scholars have been attempting to explain what exactly it is that makes something funny. This has led to several different theories. Nowadays, the most widely accepted one is the Incongruity Theory, which states that something is amusing if it violates our standards of how things are supposed to be. For example, Charlie Chaplin-style slapstick is funny because it violates our norms of competence and proper conduct, while Monty Python-style absurdity is funny because it violates reason and logic. However, not every standard or norm violation is necessarily funny. Violations can also evoke confusion, indignation, or shock. An important condition for amusement is that there is a certain psychological distance to the violation. One of the ways to achieve this is captured by the statement ‘comedy is tragedy plus time’. A dreadful mistake today may become a funny story a year from now. But it can also be distant in other ways, for instance, because it happened to someone you do not know, or because it happens in fiction instead of in real life. Amusement also needs a safe and relaxed environment: people who are relaxed and among friends are much more likely to feel amused by something. A violation and sufficient psychological distance are the basic ingredients for amusement, but what any one person find funny will depend on their taste and sense of humor. There are dozens of ‘humor genres’, such as observational comedy, deadpan, toilet humor, and black comedy. Amusement is contagious: in groups, people are more prone to be amused and express their amusement more overtly. People are more likely to share amusement when they are with friends or like-minded people. For these reasons, amusement is often considered a social emotion. It encourages people to engage in social interactions and it promotes social bonding. Many people consider amusement to be good for the body and the soul. By the end of the 20th century, humor and laughter were considered important for mental and physical health, even by psychoneuroimmunology researchers who suggested that emotions influenced immunity. This precipitated the ‘humor and health movement’ among health care providers who believed that humor and laughter help speed recovery, including in patients suffering from cancer1). However, the evidence for health benefits of humor and laughter is less conclusive than commonly believed2. Amusement is a frequent target of regulation: we down-regulate it by shifting our attention to avoid inappropriate laughter, or up-regulate it by focusing on a humorous aspect of a negative situation. Interestingly, amusement that is purposefully up-regulated has been found to have the same beneficial physical and psychological effects as the naturally experienced emotion. Amusement has a few clear expressions that emerge depending on the intensity of the emotion. When people are mildly amused, they tend to smile or chuckle. When amusement intensifies, people laugh out loud and tilt or bob their head. The most extreme bouts of amusement may be accompanied by uncontrollable laughter, tears, and rolling on the floor. Most cultures welcome and endorse amusement. Many people even consider a ‘good sense of humor’ as one of the most desirable characteristics in a partner. At the same time, most cultures have (implicit) rules about what is the right time and place for amusement. For example, displays of amusement may be deemed inappropriate in situations that demand seriousness or solemness, such as at work or during religious rituals.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone!!! Two cups of coffee in the books and I am just feeling so wonderful this morning. Not sure why, but I'm happy and smiling.   Enjoy this beautiful day!!!
    • Heather Shay
      A U.S. dollar bill can be folded approximately 4,000 times in the same place before it will tear. -You cannot snore and dream at the same time. -The average person walks the equivalent of three times around the world in a lifetime. -A hippo’s wide open mouth is big enough to fit a 4-foot-tall child in. -Chewing gum while you cut an onion will help keep you from crying.
    • Susan R
      Love it! This is great news. We need more of this to combat the excessive hate-filled rhetoric and misinformation. 👍
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...