Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Sex and Stuff...


Guest Amelia

Recommended Posts

Guest Amelia

So I don't even know if this is an appropriate thing to discuss, but I realized I won't be able to lose my virginity until I'm at least 18. You know, when I can access SRS. And that's the minimum! It kind of makes me afraid to start a relationship... I don't think I can talk about this in the teen section, so here I am in the adult section :P

I've never really thought of this because I was more worried about how I feel, but it's something to consider. Have you gals ever wondered how different things would be after SRS? I mean, what was going through your mind if you have already lost your virginity as your birth-gender? I feel too awkward to have sex as I am now. I mean, my family believes having sex before a sex change automatically invalidates you as transgender, but that can't be right... I mean how does that explain all the married transgals with kids? It's so confusing.

P.S.-

In other news, my mom has agreed to go to a PFLAG meeting called Health TRANSitions with me dressed as a girl! So excited!

Link to comment
Guest jennifer_m

i've had sex several times over the years as a man, and while it was pleasurable, it doesn't feel the same as manual stimulation to me.

that's not to say i wouldn't have it again before SRS though. but sex isn't just about yourself, it's about the connection the two of you have together. having said all that, if you're not comfortable with having sex yet, then don't do it until you are.

Link to comment
Guest Mayrah

I lost my virginity at 18 with a girl, i came out at 19, i fooled around with a male at 20, now im 21. Do i see any problems or does it invalidates me being transgender? nope! :P

If i get to be intimate with someone, that isnt going to stop me from going further because im still pre-op. Besides having the experience before the SRS, you will know the difference afterwards and you wont be asking yourself what i could have been when you are already post-op.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Wonderful about your mom and the meeting!

One of the things I frequently have to discuss with people IRL is that being trans isn't about your sexuality, but it can affect it. For instance I have been married and even had a child. Just didn't work for me though really. Never felt right. Lesbian sex feels even more wrong. T has proven to me beyond a doubt I am a straight man. Explains why I have been celibate for decades since my divorce. I didn't have the body to match my sexual identity and orientation.

For some of us it is like that. For others the body doesn't matter and they have satisfying relationships before and after transition and surgery.

I believe this is as highly variable and individual as being trans is. It's more complicated for us but in the end it's important to decide based on what is right for YOU. Because only you can know that and no one else's expectations are valid

Johnny

Link to comment
Guest Clair Dufour

Im not sure what kind of relationships you want to explore. First, most cis girls are not interested in fem males . Those that are are also exploring their sex and gender issues. Its good to explore so you understand more of what it is all about. Just be safe about it. Second, Crossdressing realy turns things around. A lot of gay guys and other CD's notice CD's and arn't shy about hitting on them especialy in places like SF.

If it has not happened, it will. That's when you find out how fem you realy are.

Link to comment
Guest Jo-88

First, most cis girls are not interested in fem males.

I have to disagree with that statement whole heartedly. Feminine males attract women just the same as any other male (maybe even more so), especially amongst the younger crowd.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

It's been my observation in life that when it comes to attraction there are no hard and fast rules. Except maybe you find what you expect to find most of the time. Or think you deserve deep down. Some people like fat people and some thin, some like macho rednecks and some gentlemen and some like jocks while others prefer fem. Some like same sex, some like opposite and some like everything and everybody. Shoot there are even people deeply in love with buildings.

You just can't say something will or won't happen because it can and has-but sometimes we are blind to what we don't want to see or can't accept for some reason

Johnny

Link to comment
Guest Madison_Always

I believe it is an entirely individual experience. Each of us have our own convictions and preferences. For me, I refuse to do anything with "it" with anyone. I just dont have any desire to have sex until I feel right with myself. I cannot predict the future so I wont say nothing will ever happen though =p. Another issue regarding sex that makes me sad is that, at least, until after srs we cant be intimate with someone without having to share our past. That is a luxury that I think many cis people take for granted.

Link to comment

In the past I had both a girlfriend and a boyfriend. Unfortunately nothing like that happened with them which is fine by me. When I was living as male I tried to be straight even though I knew I was attracted to men. It just didn't work out for me. While I loved my girlfriend deeply on an emotional level I was not attracted to her physically, though she was and attractive woman.

With my boyfriend, he insisted that he was straight, being gay was wrong and of course he was "christian" and yet willing to try and have a relationship with a woman like me. When he tried to get close to me though my regret at not being a complete anatomical female overwhelmed me because I knew that was what he wanted and... well I ruined the moment and it was lost forever. Shortly thereafter our relationship ended.

Now I have a guy in my life, not an official boyfriend yet, but someone I am very close to. He is willing to try and love me as I am. He has always been nothing less than patient and kind with me even on the most difficult of days and even though I have not had SRS... I don't think I'd want my first time to be with anyone else, even with my current physical anatomy.

I think there is definitely a physical virginity you lose, but also a spiritual and emotional one. I don't think it's wrong to say a Transperson can lose their virginity at least twice and I don't think it makes you less trans or less of a woman to enjoy the body you were born with if you can obtain that degree of physical comfort with yourself.

We've all heard of chasers an admirers. I don't think all people willing to be intimate with a pre-op transperson, trans man or trans woman are simply chasers or admirers. I think they just have open hearts and minds and if they're willing to love you as you are, and you're capable of sharing that with them I think that makes things more special in it's way. Not all of us are capable of being intimate pre-op... but when you're someone like me where surgery is years away, does that mean you should wait for surgery or should have to wait for surgery when you have someone who loves you now as you are? Not at all.

Don't give up your virginity until you are comfortable and ready. If you love someone and you want to share that connection with them then it doesn't matter whether you're pre or post op. Sexuality and gender identity are two totally different things. They may impact each other in some ways in regards to Trans people, possibly being able or unable to be intimate with their birth anatomy among other things, but I don't think sexuality or sexual experience has any determining factors in who you are as a male, female or androgyn.

Most people think this is about sex and that is a myth you're just going to have to try and dispell within your family.

~Jade.

Link to comment
Guest Clair Dufour

Jodie: I do agree with you that younger women are more open to fem guys. I said most are not. If its most are, there is going to be a shortage of us! What the percentages are I don't know. What I think is that in Jess's case, it may be a moot point. There is a big difference between being fem and being trans. Im fem and have been married 37 years and it works for us. Being trans is not a issue as old age comes with that as a bonus! For younger people, that, as we have seen here many times, totaly destroys most domestic relationships.

It would be interisting to know what such young women think about this. How many would say "After we have two kids you can have all the HRT you want darling and take care of them all"!

Link to comment
Guest AlyTheGreatAngel

I use to hate my body, and believed if I didn't have SRS I could never have sex. I accept myself, and I wouldn't feel uncomfortable to have sex now. As long as I don't have to use my genitalia that I have now. . If you use your imagination, without me having to get into detail. There's just so many options. . If I felt comfortable with a person I would now. I've only had 1 boyfriend, and I was to insecure at 15. . But now I'm sure things would be different.

Link to comment
Guest Zoeyy

I don't think it invalidates being transgendered at all. I personally want to experience sex both with my male body, and my post-op female body because I think it would be interesting to know what it's like for both sexes (as well as to figure some stuff out about myself). The way I see it is I want to be able to get intimate with others that I love, but I can't possibly imagine waiting however many years until I've fully transitioned to do so. I just need a little more time to feel comfortable

Also that's great to hear about your mother and the meeting :)

Link to comment
Guest Sascha

Hello Jessica, if someone asks and you do not want to do it, then just say NO. That's it. Some girls are happy that they waited, others not. It all depends what you want.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 133 Guests (See full list)

    • Betty K
    • SamC
    • Ivy
    • marysssia
    • VickySGV
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      768k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,014
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. l.demiurge
      l.demiurge
  • Posts

    • VickySGV
      You have given you and us a big clue right there.  I hope you have shared this observation with your Endocrinologist and are willing to take their advice about changing that behavior.    Non prescribed herbal or animal supplements can have a negative effect on your body's use of your available hormones.  Also, your genetics are going to be controlling what your body is going to do with your hormones, and again, that is for you to consult with your Endocrinologists.  On this site none of us are licensed medical personnel and we cannot give you advice on your health more than what your doctor can.  We have rules that we enforce against our members advising about "Folk Remedies" because we have had members who have gone that route and badly damaged their health and quality of life.  Only thing I can go anywhere on, is that maybe if you change your expectations of what should happen, you will at least not be in danger of harming yourself from anxiety.
    • Timi
      Hi @violet r!    Thank you so much for sharing. I'm so glad you found this place. I hope you find as much comfort and support here as I have.    -Timi    
    • marysssia
      Hi lovely people,   I'm a 25 yo MtF woman, and I've been suffering from low estrogen issues since October 2023. I completely lost my feminine libido, my breast completely stopped growing, my estrogen levels dropped by a lot (despite NOT decreasing my E dosage) and thus my dysphoria drastically increased. I think it is worth mentioning that, for my health issues, I had been taking ----- Lamotrigine for months & had been on ketogenic diet, and these things seem to be a culprit of my current issue. I weaned off Lamotrigine some time ago and gave up on keto diet, but it still doesn't seem to help. My estrogen is still low (44 ng/ml) and my libido hasn't come back yet. In general, I struggle with my dysphoria so much because of that and, to be honest, I don't know what to do. I've tried so many dietary supplements, yet I didn't get any effects from them. My endocrinologist didn't know how to help me. She only suggested to increase my daily estrogen dose (to 3x per day ------sublingual estrogen tablets and 3x per day ------ estrogen gel applied to armpits or thighs), which I did, without any effect.   Please, help me. Prior to keto diet & Lamotrigine treatment, I'd never had experience like that. I'm basically helpless and have no clue what to do. Having to deal with low estrogen is a horrible experience to me and it affects my life severely.   BTW, my T levels are always within female range.   Do you have any clue what exactly I should do?
    • April Marie
      I love wearing a jeans skirt!! That looks like airport carpet. Safe travels if you're flying!!
    • Maddee
      Flight faraway forthcoming Fabulous forum friends 😊😊🎸🦂
    • Maddee
    • KathyLauren
      One of our cats is polydactyl.  He has 7 toes on each front paw and 5 on each back paw, for 24 toes total.   Another one, an ex-feral who, at the time, was free to roam, climbed 50 feet up a tree without having any thought about how he was going to get down.  His pal climed down backwards, but he couldn't.  He ended up coming down by leaping from branch to branch.  Which nearly gave us heart attacks, because he only has one eye and therefore has no depth perception.   The other ex-feral (both are now indoor cats) obviously does not have those soft pads on his feet.  At night, when we are in bed, we can hear him stomping around the house.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      The two o'clock Onshoring meeting was going well.  Taylor was leading, inviting other people up to speak on their specialties. Aerial photogrammetry and surveying, including the exact boundary, were out for contract signature  Gibson had handled that - Manufacturing was supposed to, but somehow hadn't happened.  Legal issues from Legal. Accounting reported on current costs, including all upkeep, guard salaries, etc.  Manufacturing was supposed to give those numbers, but they hadn't.   The downside was the VP of Manufacturing.  He had arrived at the meeting red-faced, his tie askew, clutching a bottle. It smelled strongly of vodka. He had never done anything in his twenty years of being VP of Manufacturing, and he did not like being asked now.   "Mr. ----, do you have the inventory we asked for?" Taylor asked politely.  VP Gibson had asked him to have his people go through the plant and not only inventory but assess the operational status of every piece of equipment.  They needed to know what they had. "I'm not going to take any f---- orders from a g-d- tra---," he snarled. "God knows what kind of perverts it has dragged into our fair city and bangs every night." "That is completely out of line." That was Gibson.  Taylor controlled herself.  That was a shot at Bob, not just at Taylor.  She was glad Bob was not there to do something stupid.  Had Mrs. McCarthy been talking? What had she said?  Was she given to embellishment?  Taylor took a deep breath. "I'm not sorry.  You f--- can take this stupid onshoring --- and shove it up your -" "That is quite enough."  This was the head of HR. "You can take your sissy ways and sashay -" "You are fired." "You can't fire me." "Oh, yes I can," said the office manager.  The VP took another swig from his bottle. "Try it."  He looked uncertain. "I will have you removed.  Are you going to leave on your own?  I am calling the police to help you leave." And he dialed the number. He stomped out cursing. They heard him noisily go down the hall.  This was the front conference room.  He actually went through security and out the door, throwing his badge on the ground on his way.  The guard picked it up. They could see this through the glass wall. "Can you fire a VP?" "The Board told me that if anyone gives me problems they should be shown the door. Even a VP.  I can fire everyone here. I won't, of course. Those were problems." "Are you alright, Taylor?" She nodded.  "I've heard worse.  Shall we continue?" And they did.   The last item was that certain business people in China had been arrested, and the corporation that had been supporting them all these years had been dissolved.  They were on their own, and the Board was dead serious on straightening things out.  After this meeting, Taylor believed it.  She did not attend the meeting to discuss how to distribute the few duties the VP of Manufacturing had done.  That was ultimately up to the Board.    
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Lunch was at Cabaret, still free.  The place was quiet: it was the sort of place you took a business client to impress them, and the few other people were in business suits.  Most of the legal profession was there.   She told him of the morning's frustrations, breaking her own rule about confidentiality.  She asked Karen how the branding was going, and Karen had snapped back that she had not started on it yet - they had all these proposals.  Taylor had explained that it was important, for the two o'clock meeting, and Karen told her to do it herself.  Karen pointed out that Taylor could not touch her - her uncle was on the Board and her brother was VP of Manufacturing.  Nor would the two computer guys go out to the plant - they were playing some kind of MMORPG and simply not available. If she wanted the pictures, she should go.  Mary prayed an Ave Maria, but both she and Brenda were racing to get the proposal out. The client wanted it Friday for review.   She didn't bring up what Mrs. McCarthy had told her.  She wasn't sure how to approach it.  She thought of telling her of a 'something more comfortable' she had bought in case he ever DID show up at her door. It was in the bottom drawer of her dresser, ready to go.  Instead she talked about moving to a place with a garage.  Several of the abandoned houses had one, and they had been maintained well with China cash.   Bob had finally realized that when he was introduced as Bob, Taylor's boyfriend, that was just how things were done here. Other people had introduced each other in terms of family relationships, which were strong.  Long before you found out anything else about someone, you knew how they were related.  Family kept people from leaving Millville.    "What is the real name of this town, anyway?"   She laughed.  "I am trying to find that out.  It's 'Welcome to Millvale' when you come into town from the north, and 'Welcome to Millville' on the south.  I have counted two other variants."   "What a town. Roosevelt is like that, with the families, but there is only one spelling."  
    • Ashley0616
      Nothing wrong with that. I'm glad that you found what makes you happy! Just curious what does your wife think? If it's too personal I understand.
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      – According to a recent survey, the most popular name for a dog is Max. Other popular names include Molly, Sam, Zach, and Maggie.
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      Either new environment/ not potty trained
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Bob was on his way home from the dojo and he "just happened" to driver by her place. It was 10:30.  Her light was still on.  He knew exactly where she was sitting.  He saw her in his mind.   A fierce wave of desire that took his breath away suddenly showed up. All he had to do was stop, get out of the car, walk to the door and knock.  She would answer, glad to see him.  She would know why he was there and what he wanted. She would invite him in, maybe get him something to drink, disappear for a moment and return in "something more comfortable."  She would lead him back. Oh, joy.   And never, ever speak to him again afterwards.  Or she would not let him in but be angry about it.  In no way, emotionally, physically, mentally or spiritually, was she ready for this, and he knew it, if he was honest with himself, and she knew he knew it.  She would look upon it as another assault and their relationship would be irretrievably broken.  He would have to leave town. It would devastate her. It would devastate him.    He fought himself.  He was frozen to his seat as his reason and his body fought. He was twenty four years old, a full-blooded male with normal desires; he had just worked out and he was ready.  All he had to do now was open the car door. No one would know. He held his hands, one in the other, to keep one from moving, against his reason and will, to open that door.  He did not want to be a slave of his desires.   He looked across the street.  Mrs. McCarthy, sister of his landlord, was peeking though her window.  She knew his car.  Everyone in town would know by noon the next day if he got out of the car.  Taylor did not need that, either, and she would know, if he came to the door now, what a selfish thing it would be: in his own eyes, in the eyes of Taylor, in the eyes of the town, and worst of all, in the eyes of God.   He sat there a moment longer.  He was, as he reflected, entering into her sufferings in a small way that she would be made whole, healthy and happy: what he wanted more than anything.  But this hurt.  Why had all this come on her?  He asked God again, but there was only silence. He drove home in that silence. He chided himself for even going on her street and for driving on it other nights.  He would stop that, he told himself.   ------------------------------------------   The next morning Taylor went out to her car to go to work.  Mrs. McCarthy met her before she got to it. "I thought you were going to get lucky last night, dearie," she said. Taylor was puzzled. "Why, what do you mean?" "That young fellow - you know, Bob - he's been driving around here, going up and down the street some nights, not stopping.  Well, last night he parked and sat in his car for a while.   I think he was staring at your window.  I think he was trying to get up the courage to knock on the door. I was rooting for him.   But then he drove away.  Faint heart never won fair lady, as they say. What a shame. You two are a lovely couple.  Well, have a good day!" "Thank you, Mrs. McCarthy."  Taylor knew Bob extremely well and knew what had been going through his mind.  She was more than grateful he had not gotten out of the car. Better for him, better for her, better for everybody.  Surgery "down there" sooner than later.  This was driving the poor boy crazy. It was driving her crazy, too.  But she had a lot to work through. Surgery "up here" she said, pointing to her head.  She woke up her therapist on the way to work.  They were still talking when she pulled into her designated parking spot.  That was a perk that had happened yesterday.  She took a deep breath and headed into work. It would be another wild day.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...