Sex and Stuff...

[Guest Amelia]

So I don't even know if this is an appropriate thing to discuss, but I realized I won't be able to lose my virginity until I'm at least 18. You know, when I can access SRS. And that's the minimum! It kind of makes me afraid to start a relationship... I don't think I can talk about this in the teen section, so here I am in the adult section

I've never really thought of this because I was more worried about how I feel, but it's something to consider. Have you gals ever wondered how different things would be after SRS? I mean, what was going through your mind if you have already lost your virginity as your birth-gender? I feel too awkward to have sex as I am now. I mean, my family believes having sex before a sex change automatically invalidates you as transgender, but that can't be right... I mean how does that explain all the married transgals with kids? It's so confusing.

P.S.-

In other news, my mom has agreed to go to a PFLAG meeting called Health TRANSitions with me dressed as a girl! So excited!

[Guest jennifer_m]

i've had sex several times over the years as a man, and while it was pleasurable, it doesn't feel the same as manual stimulation to me.

that's not to say i wouldn't have it again before SRS though. but sex isn't just about yourself, it's about the connection the two of you have together. having said all that, if you're not comfortable with having sex yet, then don't do it until you are.

[Guest Mayrah]

I lost my virginity at 18 with a girl, i came out at 19, i fooled around with a male at 20, now im 21. Do i see any problems or does it invalidates me being transgender? nope!

If i get to be intimate with someone, that isnt going to stop me from going further because im still pre-op. Besides having the experience before the SRS, you will know the difference afterwards and you wont be asking yourself what i could have been when you are already post-op.

[JJ]

Wonderful about your mom and the meeting!

One of the things I frequently have to discuss with people IRL is that being trans isn't about your sexuality, but it can affect it. For instance I have been married and even had a child. Just didn't work for me though really. Never felt right. Lesbian sex feels even more wrong. T has proven to me beyond a doubt I am a straight man. Explains why I have been celibate for decades since my divorce. I didn't have the body to match my sexual identity and orientation.

For some of us it is like that. For others the body doesn't matter and they have satisfying relationships before and after transition and surgery.

I believe this is as highly variable and individual as being trans is. It's more complicated for us but in the end it's important to decide based on what is right for YOU. Because only you can know that and no one else's expectations are valid

Johnny

[Guest Clair Dufour]

Im not sure what kind of relationships you want to explore. First, most cis girls are not interested in fem males . Those that are are also exploring their sex and gender issues. Its good to explore so you understand more of what it is all about. Just be safe about it. Second, Crossdressing realy turns things around. A lot of gay guys and other CD's notice CD's and arn't shy about hitting on them especialy in places like SF.

If it has not happened, it will. That's when you find out how fem you realy are.

[Guest Jo-88]

First, most cis girls are not interested in fem males.

I have to disagree with that statement whole heartedly. Feminine males attract women just the same as any other male (maybe even more so), especially amongst the younger crowd.

[JJ]

It's been my observation in life that when it comes to attraction there are no hard and fast rules. Except maybe you find what you expect to find most of the time. Or think you deserve deep down. Some people like fat people and some thin, some like macho rednecks and some gentlemen and some like jocks while others prefer fem. Some like same sex, some like opposite and some like everything and everybody. Shoot there are even people deeply in love with buildings.

You just can't say something will or won't happen because it can and has-but sometimes we are blind to what we don't want to see or can't accept for some reason

Johnny

[Guest Madison_Always]

I believe it is an entirely individual experience. Each of us have our own convictions and preferences. For me, I refuse to do anything with "it" with anyone. I just dont have any desire to have sex until I feel right with myself. I cannot predict the future so I wont say nothing will ever happen though =p. Another issue regarding sex that makes me sad is that, at least, until after srs we cant be intimate with someone without having to share our past. That is a luxury that I think many cis people take for granted.

[Guest Risu]

In the past I had both a girlfriend and a boyfriend. Unfortunately nothing like that happened with them which is fine by me. When I was living as male I tried to be straight even though I knew I was attracted to men. It just didn't work out for me. While I loved my girlfriend deeply on an emotional level I was not attracted to her physically, though she was and attractive woman.

With my boyfriend, he insisted that he was straight, being gay was wrong and of course he was "christian" and yet willing to try and have a relationship with a woman like me. When he tried to get close to me though my regret at not being a complete anatomical female overwhelmed me because I knew that was what he wanted and... well I ruined the moment and it was lost forever. Shortly thereafter our relationship ended.

Now I have a guy in my life, not an official boyfriend yet, but someone I am very close to. He is willing to try and love me as I am. He has always been nothing less than patient and kind with me even on the most difficult of days and even though I have not had SRS... I don't think I'd want my first time to be with anyone else, even with my current physical anatomy.

I think there is definitely a physical virginity you lose, but also a spiritual and emotional one. I don't think it's wrong to say a Transperson can lose their virginity at least twice and I don't think it makes you less trans or less of a woman to enjoy the body you were born with if you can obtain that degree of physical comfort with yourself.

We've all heard of chasers an admirers. I don't think all people willing to be intimate with a pre-op transperson, trans man or trans woman are simply chasers or admirers. I think they just have open hearts and minds and if they're willing to love you as you are, and you're capable of sharing that with them I think that makes things more special in it's way. Not all of us are capable of being intimate pre-op... but when you're someone like me where surgery is years away, does that mean you should wait for surgery or should have to wait for surgery when you have someone who loves you now as you are? Not at all.

Don't give up your virginity until you are comfortable and ready. If you love someone and you want to share that connection with them then it doesn't matter whether you're pre or post op. Sexuality and gender identity are two totally different things. They may impact each other in some ways in regards to Trans people, possibly being able or unable to be intimate with their birth anatomy among other things, but I don't think sexuality or sexual experience has any determining factors in who you are as a male, female or androgyn.

Most people think this is about sex and that is a myth you're just going to have to try and dispell within your family.

~Jade.

[Guest Clair Dufour]

Jodie: I do agree with you that younger women are more open to fem guys. I said most are not. If its most are, there is going to be a shortage of us! What the percentages are I don't know. What I think is that in Jess's case, it may be a moot point. There is a big difference between being fem and being trans. Im fem and have been married 37 years and it works for us. Being trans is not a issue as old age comes with that as a bonus! For younger people, that, as we have seen here many times, totaly destroys most domestic relationships.

It would be interisting to know what such young women think about this. How many would say "After we have two kids you can have all the HRT you want darling and take care of them all"!

[Guest AlyTheGreatAngel]

I use to hate my body, and believed if I didn't have SRS I could never have sex. I accept myself, and I wouldn't feel uncomfortable to have sex now. As long as I don't have to use my genitalia that I have now. . If you use your imagination, without me having to get into detail. There's just so many options. . If I felt comfortable with a person I would now. I've only had 1 boyfriend, and I was to insecure at 15. . But now I'm sure things would be different.

[Guest Zoeyy]

I don't think it invalidates being transgendered at all. I personally want to experience sex both with my male body, and my post-op female body because I think it would be interesting to know what it's like for both sexes (as well as to figure some stuff out about myself). The way I see it is I want to be able to get intimate with others that I love, but I can't possibly imagine waiting however many years until I've fully transitioned to do so. I just need a little more time to feel comfortable

Also that's great to hear about your mother and the meeting

[Guest Sascha]

Hello Jessica, if someone asks and you do not want to do it, then just say NO. That's it. Some girls are happy that they waited, others not. It all depends what you want.