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Guest Melancholy

Boy.Girl. Well....

8 posts in this topic

Not..actually sure why I posted this but I kind of needed to talk about it and it's the right section.

Why do people expect gender to be one or the other? It's like people at my school who don't believe I'm bisexual because they think " You're either one or the other." They know this how? Because of their secondary-school-class Worldy Wisdom? No. We know only what we have been told. And what we aren't told, we fill in the gaps for with one of two things;

1. Ignorance

2. Imagination

Or for my point of non-binaryness, ;

3. A Bit of Both.

But gender. Why?

How should it be any different the way you should be able to look based on genitals? How and this is logically, should they have anything to do with how people can look,act or dress? There is no logical reason for that to have anything to do with it. What is it with humans and making stupid rules for no reason? When I say humans I meant to add "us". Just to clear that up.

It's stupid. I don't feel like a gender, I feel like me, so why should I dress as one? I hate having to dress like a boy and wear my hair like a boy, and be expected to be super masculine. And at the same time, the super touchy-feelyness of stereotypical girls is unappealing. It would be nice to have certain parts but being completely either gender is not me. I'm both and neither. That's the way I see it. And I'm going to choose to express myself as such when I can.

Because I'm not happy. Not as either.

I am Both and Neither. Society saying you have to be a 1 or a 0 doesn't get to stop me.

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When we see someone, our mind makes a very quick judgement of who or what they are and whether or not they pose a threat. You can experience this for yourself, go walk down the street and just listen in on your mind as you encounter people on the street. If you are aware enough, you can here your mind working overtime to make these snap judgements. I suspect this has evolved over the eons of human development and has served to keep us safe.

When we see someone who isn't immediately discernible (like someone dressing with clothing of both genders), then the average person's mind kicks back and becomes confused. Some people even get angry. Other people may take it as an opportunity to open their mind and find out more about the subject of the encounter.

There is also a tendency in the population to "fit in" for fear of being culled out of the herd. That is, if I don't conform, then I will be pushed to the side, wither and die (when taken to the extreme).

Pull all of this together into a single mind and you generally find someone who is conforming to the gender stereotype (and a lot of other stereotypes) and who is quick to take offense at the site of someone different. Sometimes offense to the point of violence.

This backdrop is part of the, hmm, "fun" we have while living among such fine hobbits. Things are getting better, but it takes decades and people with the guts to walk forth and show the culture something else.


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Props. ^_^

THe arbitrary standards anddividing lines serve many purposes, mostly subjugation. Divided people are easily manipulated, and throughout most human history the masses have been governed by a ruling minority. This is one of many tools they have.

It's also likely a security for those who are "normal." Differences are harder to comprehend, leaving animosity and resentment. People en masse seem to prefer everyone else be just like they, and feel threatened by what they don't understand.

Foolish nonsense, but it exists.

And more importantly, it's not a permanent and unchangeable state.

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All those in our living generations have been taught the binary sexual standard. Penis or Vagina - which do you have? Dang - then you are a male or a female, a boy or a girl, a man or a woman! In everyone's mind? Well almost everyone's mind? That is all there is.


What if gender is NOT is between your legs. What if it is in your head? Then 'binary' can become something else.






Male bodied, female brained

Female bodied, male brained

And what if you are born 'sexually' ambiguous (1 in 20,000 births) - the binary does not apply.

So what can be done about this? Your generation should not accept 'binary' - you are better informed - teach what we humans really are.



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Great post Melancholy ... I do belive that there are more than 2 genders and that it may be somehting that science will one day confirm ... I beleive that regardless, we all should be free to live as we wish as whatever expression suits us.

Again ... Great post! :thumbsup:

Best to You,


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My personal experiences have never matched up with apparently commonly held beliefs. Any time people say "yeah, everyone's that way" or "you'll see when you get older" or when a film tries to portray a common experience like the lives of American teenagers, I'm annoyed because it usually contradicts what I see around me and almost always contradicts me specifically.

Anyone I've ever told the details of my gender situation has been extremely accepting and even encouraging. And general acquaintances who don't know the details, not even real friends, have told me I could pass as either male or female and how cool they think that is. No one's noticeably bothered by this but my mom who's main concern is, ironically, fear of discrimination towards me.

None of my friends, who all consider themselves straight and cis as far as I know, are self-conscious about gender in the slightest. For example, my straight male friends have no reservations about saying I make a hot guy. None of my male friends are particularly macho nor my female friends particularly feminine, and thus knowledge of my non-conforming gender identity isn't a revelation but just an interesting tid-bit that changes nothing.

Maybe it's because I'm so picky about where I go and who I spend time with. Maybe it's because I've always been extremely confident. Maybe it's because I don't actively pursue interaction that I've never known rejection. Maybe I just do things in such a way to not rub people the wrong way (while I don't make an effort to look "normal" I always try to avoid attracting attention). Maybe I'm just lucky.

It feels like everybody who has a different experience must be living in a different world.

I'm sorry, but there's no way to say these things without sounding like I'm bragging. However, when I see a discussion that contradicts my experience, I have to jump in and share perspective no matter how unrelatable it is.


Come to think of it, the only time I have ever noticed prejudice and discrimination in the world directly around me is from my brother and his friends. They're for the most part good people and I enjoy their company, but they can be high and mighty and generalizing sometimes about things I doubt they fully understand. Since I didn't pick my brother but he picked his friends, I'm inclined to think I've created this world of kind people myself and it's not just luck of who I end up interacting with.


This world's complex and we can't possibly put into words a "correct" definition of gender, much less of anything else. As usual, my concern is not "what labels do we fit under?" It's not even "Do labels actually mean anything?" The important question, that one that has a bearing on reality, is "what do we do about it?" How should we react to categorization and discrimination? Do we try to conform? Do we fight it? Do we try and open people's minds? I certainly don't want to just sit around and talk about how lame it is.

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Props Jo, and you're certainly walking the walk.

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Seconded. You're lucky to have such friends.

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