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Guest B This way dd

Just wondering if this qualifies as sexual abuse?

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Hi,

I am just wondering what other people think. Growing up, my dad went around the house naked. He would even go outside naked and work in the yard, do gardening etc. I think he was a bit narcissistic. He mostly did this when my mom wasn't home. In the early mornings before she woke up, he would be naked and walk around the house and yard. My friends knew about this because it wasn't too hard to see him in the backyard. It was really super embarrassing!!!

My question is this. Do you think this was a from of sexual abuse?

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If someone is naked in front of underage children and is not doing so for - say - nudist lifestyle convictions, but instead for narcissistic purposes, or a erotic thrill ? - yes. If the children are uncomfortable with this behavior, regardless? - yes

Do you recall those jokes with the 'flasher' in a trench coat? Would it be sexual abuse if this person 'flashed' underage children? - yes.

My brother in law, the ordained Baptist minister - went to jail for this very thing.

Lizzy

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Thanks Elizabeth. I think he did it just because he was in to being a nudist but i do think he was pretty in to himself. i definitely hated seeing him like that. It was super embarrassing

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There are legal definitions for such behavior and they vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction...

Sexual Abuse is a term generally reserved for actions that are of a definite sexual nature. Being naked, in and of itself, is neither sexual or abusive.

A court would likely have to prove some degree of abusive sexual INTENT to prosecute, but a child's mind does is not a court of law. It is the tender mind of an immature human, subject to many influences, both obvious and unseen...

Sexual abuse? I can't say, I don't know his intentions...

Poor choice? Perhaps, but I am reluctant to judge, again, without knowing his true intentions...

Being a Narcissist isn't a crime. Being a poor parent isn't either, until poor parenting choices put a child at risk..

Do you feel like you were ever AT RISK because of his behavior, or just 'uncomfortable' with his nudity and apparent lack of discretion?

"Sexual Abuse" is a very, very serious charge. I would be very reluctant to 'go there' without some knowledge of overt sexualization or touching or worse..

Just my take on it, of course, your feelings on the matter are, of course, what REALLY matters at this late date...

I hope you find the peace you seek!

Love, Svenna

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You probably should research the statutes in the state where it occurred. Svenna is correct, it will vary from state to state. There is also likely a statute of limitations on reporting it, even if it was a crime.

Carolyn Marie

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I suppose what you were trying to convey, is your uncertainty as to what was going on. Sveena and Caroline Marie give good advice. I did not pick up that you wanted to act on anything, but were getting opinions.

Well - in Louisiana you CAN go to jail for being a bad parent - child abuse. But you also can have children removed from your care for irresponsible behavior or child endangerment - which includes exposure.

But if the person just enjoyed being open and free from the restraint of clothing? To do so in public or where they could be seen, is a bit reckless. But perhaps a judge would have to make a decision on the effects on a child. Likely that this would be a case of a "warning' and a lecture on public nudity. There are places to go nude. There are places (and situations) where going nude might be a poor decision.

Are you irreparably harmed by this? Are you having to work it out through therapy? That is one thing.

But if you are just PO'd at your father's probably irresponsible behavior because it caused you a great deal of embarrassment - well, maybe something else?

I am not a therapist. So just opinions here - like you were asking for, I think.

And I loved to be nude in the house on occasion, when I was younger - but NOT AROUND MY CHILDREN!..

Lizzy.

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Thanks Lizzy, you have it right-I am just looking for opinions because he isn't alive anymore. My wife thinks it was child abuse...i just never thought of it that way. Her saying that made me think about it more. Thanks for your opinion.

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I think sexual abuse requires the person to be doing the behaviour for a sexual thrill but I would say ignoring your childs discomfort on something like this maybe would be more emotionally abusive than sexual abuse maybe. Did you make it clear to your father how his nudism around you made you feel?

Gabe

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yes, through telling my mother that he was embarrassing me.... she told him...

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Then he should have at least spoken to you about it and tried to find a solution that you didn't feel so embarrassed with. Maybe he honestly didn't understand how much it was effecting you despite what your mother said to him or maybe he was too selfish to care. Either way though it doesn't seem like what he did was actually sexual...just out of order in a slightly more nondescript way.

It's like...my parents (both of them) gave me no personal space or privacy all through my life. Even as a teenager or grown adult they would walk in on me changing, force me to change in front of them and walk around in their underwear in front of me and my mother would undress in front of me. I'm 33 and they still do it...they still walk into my house and into the room I share with my partner (so, y'know...we are in an adult relationship and should be able to know that we can get up to whatever we want in our own room in our own house with the door shut) at any time of the day or night that they please without warning and make other invasions of my privacy that are completely out of order. They also have brought up my 23 year old sister (who has learning difficulties and is unable to question the concept)in a way that she feels it's perfectly normal for her to walk around the house at times in her underwear or naked. Again this is out of order.

There is nothing sexual about what they do, they just have a complete lack of boundaries and don't see why they shouldn't behave like that. It's emotionally abusive but not sexually. If they did it because they wanted to get a sexual thrill out of what they see or show then it would be sexually abusive.

Does that make sense?

Gabe

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