Should I REALLY tell him that I was born transsexual? =/

[VickySGV]

I am enough of a historian/anthropoligist to know that societies and cultures and full civilizations had sexual relations out in the public eye, (Including a marriage ritual of my ancestry), and many who had both polyandry and polygyny (some times the same culture had both at the same time), the real problems here seem to come when people other than the loving individuals become involved in their sex lives. It is also the folks who did not get to "kiss the bride/groom" who make the scene the ugliest. I will continue to watch out who is involved in my sex life, and if it looks like it is one more than absolutely essential to the event (hey, a "menage a trois" needs three people) it won't happen.

[Guest Sascha]

Wow. This is a subject near and dear to me. I'll be post op in two mths nd I'm hoping to be in the dating pool soon after.

I posted this in a forum that was not trans, but full of guys pumped n testosterone. Some interesting reading.

http://forum.slowtwi...ly;so=ASC;mh=25

My thoughts. If I'm having a fling, I won't tell them. If I'm hoping to have a relationship, I'll tell them before hand.

Hi Nova, I read all the pages on that forum. I really feel sad after reading all of it. It doesn't lift my spirits up.

[Guest kelise]

Personally, my opinion on this is that in the information age, stealth is an impossibility. If you enter into a LTR, and decide against telling, eventually it will come about, and not on your terms. Odds are, this will not be good. And of course there's always the risk of transphobic retaliation.

That said...this.

[Svenna]

All you 'straight' trans-gal can keep 'em men. Me? Hopefully therapy will eventually dispel some of the absolute hatred I have for 'male-ness'. The arrogance, the ***** penis-sure-ed-ness, the blind allegiance to ignorance, the willful hurtfulness, the, the, the...well, the stench of testosterone, period...UGH!!!!! Svenna[/font][/color]

I realize this is a hot-button topic, but please remember to keep the discussion within bounds. Everyone is entitled to their opinions. But...it is not proper to trash an entire category of people, OK? We have a great many FtM's on this site, and they are entitled to respect and courtesy, Comments like this are not appropriate and if there is more of the same, they will not be permitted. I would hate to have to lock this topic. Thank you.

Carolyn Marie

Okay...

I was overly broad, I understand..

I should have used more care in choosing my words...

Sorry!

Going on hiatus now...

Later, y'all...

S

Oh my!

This post is still here??

Okay, for the record:

MY rant was directed at the males posting in the linked thread only, not towards anybody and everybody of male gender identity..

Sooo, sorry to the fine FTMs and other male-identifying members, no slight was intended...I apologize for my indiscretion!

Having experienced MUCH trauma at the hands of cis-males while young, it is often difficult for me to cope with the long term consequences of THEIR actions, namely, the buried pain and anger that smolders just out of sight..

I have taken responsibility, regardless, and I start intensive trauma therapy in two weeks to help me move beyond what was done to me...

Sorry those thoughts were ever conceived, let alone written and posted, so sorry, nobody wants to hear stuff like that, including me...

Anyway, again, sorry to have come off sounding like a horse's donkey, yes I am...

Svenna

[Guest Ney'ite]

Personally, my opinion on this is that in the information age, stealth is an impossibility. If you enter into a LTR, and decide against telling, eventually it will come about, and not on your terms. Odds are, this will not be good.

...

While most of the clients who come and go where I work along with many of my friends have no clue about me and only see me as a woman, I am also not planning on any LTR with them, so it really is a moot point and none of their business. However that said, getting intimate with someone, I totally agree with Kelise. Not telling can have some serious repercussions and will definitely not be on your terms when, not if, it comes out.

[Guest Yossarian]

I really wish the OP would return and tell us if she did in fact tell him...

[Guest Lani]

How did everything go? Have you told him or NOT? What's new in your life? Are you alright? Do you love the boy??

Please give us all a UPDATE when you CAN!!

We are all here for you!!

XOXOXOXOXOXO

[JenniferB]

Personally, my opinion on this is that in the information age, stealth is an impossibility. If you enter into a LTR, and decide against telling, eventually it will come about, and not on your terms. Odds are, this will not be good. And of course there's always the risk of transphobic retaliation.

That said...this.

I just saw this. That is a very good video Kairi and it's changed my perspective about dating.

Jenny

[Guest Mala]

Hello, I just wanted to say I am an intersexed woman who reads these boards regarding issues relating to gender rights. I look and always have since my childhood looked female; I even had a surgery that ‘fixed’ variations in my genitalia when I was in my teens. No one can tell I am intersexed unless I choose to tell, nothing short of insane voices in their head could ever tell someone that I am anything but a perfectly normal woman in her 20s.

I have been regarded as attractive since my early teens, I am currently five years into a relationship with my husband and we await our first child together. In my late teens and early twenties, I often had difficulty shaking unwanted attention from men I did not feel the same. The one sure-fire way to make them leave and never look back was to inform them I was intersexed.

It worked consistently, even a few times when I did not intend for it to. So I am certain that no matter what the quality of the individual; informing them of your gender variance prematurely is the one sure-fire way to end it. With men that is, females are not as typically hardwired with stigma as boys are though I am sure there are many like that too.

I do believe in informing, by the by; eventually. Six months at the soonest though, when you know who they really are and that they will really see you as you see yourself. If you can never see this happening, then the person is an A hole you should be prepared to shove off from, leave him under that context and do not disclose then.

Ohwell, just my musings on the matter, it really is like what I read about the Selective drafting scare and prostate check scare tactics. Not applicable for younger girls who pass with ease just as my advice is not really applicable for those who had difficulty passing and do not really have this choice.

[Guest Little_cherry]

Hi guys!

Thanks for your honest answers and tips

I've had 4 boyfriends so far. one of them knew that I was transsexual, he broke up with me because of this reason. Since then I never told anyone anymore, and I made best experience so far. No one ever noticed it, I can say I'm very lucky because I'm quite petite, small, my voice is quite high and my whole appearance has always been feminine. The only thing which bothers me is my nose, which I will have a nose job in one month.

My last relationships always broke because of common reasons.. whether he lost interest, had different point of view of a relationship etc. So in my opinion you should first get to know someone well before you share all your secrets (..)

best, cherry

[Guest sarajayne]

Hi

I don't tell guys i date on a casual basis that I am transgendered however if I was really keen on a guy and getting serious I would let him know my background. This can break up the relationship but better this than he finds out later when you are committed and having regular sex as he may turn violent towards you. I have found that some guys even prefer me because I am transgendered (at least they say so) and knowing can lead to an even deeper and loving relationship. I am of the firm believe that I was born female only with some physical birth defects and try to get over the message that I am no different from any other woman.

Good luck

Sarah